Harry P.O.V
Three Weeks Earlier
I can't exactly explain the way I am feeling right now. I'm going through the worst heartbreak I could ever imagine, but yet I'm feeling the most content I've ever felt. I don't understand it.
I've never once before felt contentment in my life before, I always had this strange guard up inside of me that refused to let anyone in. I knew I was safe. You don't give people the power to destroy you, it's an idiotic move to make. But with everything that was happening with Kasey, it's like something just evaporated inside me. That wall just no longer existed.
But I was not prepared for its fall, and it's like all emotion that I had once run from, overwhelmed me in an instant and I felt, pain. I felt pain like I've never felt before. Losing Kasey, that pained me than I was prepared for.
But with the matching amount of pain I felt, I was experiencing an emotion that was even more overwhelming. An emotion I wasn't aware of, I didn't know about the weight until it came hitting me like a freight train.
That feeling of free falling and enjoying the fall, the feeling of vulnerability and openness, that feeling of total and utter gut wrenching devotion to one person.
Love.
I was totally and completely in love with Louis Tomlinson. I had been from the moment I laid eyes on him. The moment I felt his hand in mine. The moment I saw his smile and heard his laugh. Louis Tomlinson completely engulfed every part of me without my knowing and I can't believe I had this armour and defence up, I wish I had allowed myself to feel this sooner.
Two years of love for Louis Tomlinson has hit me in one day. One moment. And it was the moment his arms wrapped around me as I was unraveling. The moment he held me together whilst I was falling apart.
I knew right then and there how much I needed this man. How much I wanted this man.
I didn't know what I was saying until the words spilled from my lips.
We were now here, together, under one roof. As an almost family. Today I brought Willow around to the Tomlinson household to meet Hollie and Pip. I've known these girls for a long time, and thought of them as my own sisters from time to time, so I was excited to introduce them to my daughter. My little girl.
The longer we were here, the more normal it feels. The more I feel like this could work. This could be life. I definitely would never get tired of hearing Willow's laughter from Hollie's tickling or her squeals as Pip chases her through the house. Or the smile that's on all three of their faces as they laugh together at the cartoon on the television.
This is the sight of a family that both Louis and I never had. We have the opportunity to give it to these girls. Exactly what they deserve. What we deserve.
I've been able to steal a few sneaky kisses with Louis as we hide behind walls or wait til their heads are turned. It's been a while since I felt like this with Louis. Maybe I've never actually felt like this with Louis, submissive to him. I quite liked it.
No wonder he has let me dominate him for so long.
It had been planned that we would stay the night. The first night all together. Possibly the first night of the rest of our lives.
Dinner plans were coming to a head and Louis needed to duck out to the store to gather a few extra supplies. I had opted for the babysitting duty and was happy to watch over the three kids whilst we was out.
The girls were all in the twins room playing with the dolls and I was clearing off the dining table so we could all sit together.
There were a few papers lying around, I just gathered them together and brought them over to the shelf by the buffet. Looks to be a whole bunch of bills and paperwork.
"Shit" I gasp as I let a bunch slip from my hands as they scatter on the floor.
"What does shit mean daddy?" Her little voice catches me off guard.
"Oh Willow honey, sorry daddy said a naughty word he didn't mean it. Are you okay?" I quickly gather the dropped items.
"I really like Hollie and Pip" she admits with a warming smile on her face.
"I'm glad honey. Now run along, go and play"
I gather the rest of the papers and place them onto the shelf, a certain title catching my eye of an opened letter.
I take the envelope into my hands and read the contents.
Mr Tomlinson,
It's with our pleasure to announce your acceptance into Cardiff University on a full scholarship to celebrate your outstanding achievements in your football career.
The word pounded through me.
A mixture of pride and sadness forces itself through me that I can't control it. Feeling emotion is poison. I can't believe I would ever feel this is a good idea.
Louis got in.
He got full scholarship.
For football.
I'm so incredibly proud of him. I always knew he had it in him and his game is outstanding. I always loved playing along side of him. Cardiff approached me after our grand final and offered me a full ride too, saying they were looking at two players. I had a feeling it would be Louis. Of course it would be. How could they not.
I had to decline my offer because of Willow.
But then it hit me. I declined my offer because of Willow. Louis hadn't mentioned this letter to me. The Louis I know would be jumping up and down like an absolute maniac over this offer.
Was Louis declining this offer?
Because of me?
Because of Willow?
I couldn't allow him to do that. I wouldn't.
"Willow, honey time to pack up, we have to go" I call out which is welcomed with groans coming from all of them.
I tuck the letter back in amongst the things I had gathered off the floor and wipe a heartbroken tear from my eye.
I couldn't be the reason Louis loses everything he loves. He deserves so much out of life and I cannot be the reason he doesn't fulfil everything he deserves. I couldn't live with that. I won't.
If I love him, I need to set him free to do this.
I can't hold him back.
The moment Louis walks through the door, I feel the final shatter of my heart. I don't want to walk away from him. I can't even bring myself to say it. I can't even bring myself to look at him.
I feel like I've finally got him. Really got him. And now I have to let him go.
"I got everything, believe me, you haven't even tried spaghetti Bolognese until you've tried -" he pauses once he sees Willow and I standing at the entrance, Willow housing tears in her eyes as she holds tightly onto Hollie and Pip.
"What's going on?" He asks, directing his question to me. An awful amount of heartbreak in his eyes.
I can't bring myself to say anything. I can't tell him I'm going. I can't lie to him. I can't do anything. I just take Willows hand and push myself past him, hopping into my car without saying a word and backing out of the driveway.
I can see Louis standing in the archway on his front door, complete shock of his way. We make eye contact with each other for only a minute, the moon shining down between the two of us making only our eyes visible.
I can't do this.
But I have to.
For him.