THREE; porkers
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'THIS IS ALL BAILEY'S FAULT.' mallory huffed, hurrying down the stairs. london tipton had fled the ship because she couldn't stand the fact she had to share a room. and to mal, it was completely bailey's doing.
'no, it's not.' hailey said, shaking her head. 'london's just being stubborn, i'm sure she'll come back soon.'
'it's all my fault london left.' bailey whined.
'100%.'
hailey glared at mallory, crossing her arms. 'ignore her.' she told the other girl.
'london hated a lot of things on this boat besides you.' zack told the girl, assuringly. 'that. . . came out wrong.'
'but she mostly hated you.' mal muttered, taking a seat.
'alright, don't listen to mal, she's just pissy because she misses london.' zack told bailey, wrapping an arm around a very bitter mal.
'here, bailey, this'll cheer you up.' cody walked up to the group, with a smoothie in his hand. 'i ordered it just for you. it's a seaweed smoothie with a broccoli boost.'
'yum.' mallory sarcastically replied, crossing her arms.
'we want her to cheer up, not throw up.' zack replied.
'i'm going to my room, to wallow in my sadness until my best friend comes back.' mallory dramatically groaned.
'you still have me.' zack offered, patting the girl's back.
'as nice as that is, i don't want you.' the brunette replied, hopping up and heading for her cabin.
'ouch.'
as mallory began to walk away, the ship quickly turned around. everyone grabbed on to something, but unfortunately for mallory, she didn't have anything, and she crashed into moseby.
cody tripped over, and spilled bailey's smoothie, all over mal. 'oh, you've got to be kidding me!'
-
'OKAY, THE WHOLE CLASS IS here besides zack martin.' tutweiler announced, reading off her attendance sheet.
'get used to it.' cody chuckled, before zack ran in.
'here!' he announced. 'i overslept!'
'but we were just in biology?' cody asked his brother. he should've known the answer to that, honestly.
'exactly.' zack winked. the boy noticed mal's bored and unimpressed face and wrapped an arm around her.
'anyway,' ms. tutweiller continued. 'this unscheduled stop to look for london on this tropical island presents us with a unique educational opportunity.'
'we're gonna learn how to surf!'
'yeah, cowabunga! hang eleven!' woody said, acting like a surfer.
'it's hang ten. . .' cody corrected.
'not when you've got eleven toes!' he grinned.
'you've got six toes on one foot?' zack asked in disgust.
'nope! eight and three!' he said pointing to his feet. he seemed rather proud of this.
'that's so vile.' mallory scoffed, stepping back. cody, hailey, and bailey— well, the whole class, really— moved further away from woody as well.
'okay. . .' tutweiller nodded, kind of disgusted as well. 'i meant an opportunity to study the history of the island. now parrot island was colonized by—' she started, before being cut off by bailey.
'—the british. at the tail end of the age of exploration.'
'at the tail end of the age of exploration,' mallory mimicked in zack's ear.
'well to be more precise—'
'1762, wednesday, around lunch.' cody smiled cockily.
'oh my god, i'm gonna cut my ears off.' mallory groaned, rolling her eyes into the back of her head.
'ms garder!' tutweiler said in shock.
'why can't we have a day off? london leaving is very traumatic for some of us, i hope you know.' mal informed her.
tutweiler ignored her, plastering on another smile. 'lets take a look at this beautiful lush paradise.'
everyone walked over to find a run down dump. 'i've got more green inbetween my seventh and eighth toe!' woody exclaimed.
the whole class moved back a few steps again.
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AFTER THE CLASS GOT OFF the ship, ms. tutweiler started talking once again, telling everyone, 'now, the reason why this island is such a popular tourist destination—' it was completely vacant. "or was— is because of the rare parrot species 'perespolis insoles—'
'which wasn't indigenous to these islands,' cody interrupted.
'it was introduced to this habitat by explorers on their way back from the new world,' bailey added.
mallory put her hand up, opening and closing it like a mouth to mock bailey, but hailey made her lower her hand when bailey noticed.
'cody, bailey, you are teaching my class.' the woman said. 'again,'
'sorry, ma'am,' cody muttered bashfully.
'my point is that this parrot is best known for its beautiful plumage and unique mating call.' she sped through. she pointed at cody and bailey, telling them, 'ha, beat ya,'
'she left out eat's guava seeds.' bailey muttered to cody, who laughed with her. tutweiler looked at them with a mean stare, and bailey nervously apologized, walking away from the side of tutweiler cody was on.
'now that we're ashore, we operate on the buddy system. so, choose your partner,'
zack and cody ran to bailey, grabbing her by the arms and fighting over her like a piece of meat.
mal turned to hailey, rolling her eyes over the boys and hailey poked her ribs, 'you're jealous.'
'am not!' mallory cried.
'hey guys,' woody said, coming over to the two girls. 'wanna be my partner?'
'sure, we can be a group of three.' mal shrugged, grabbing where hailey poked her. she looked at the boys, then told her group, 'i'll be back.'
mal joined in on the twins' conversation right when zack mentioned cody's girlfriend. 'you have a girlfriend!'
cody looked up at the sky, thinking. 'does barbara ring any bells?' mal asked.
'i know her name!' cody assured the girl. 'look, before we left i told her it might be hard for me to resist the advances of beautiful exotic women from around the world.'
'kansas is just so exotic, isn't it?' mallory teased.
'what'd she say?' zack asked in disgust of what his brother said.
'she laughed. but! i took it as a go for it!' cody informed the other two.
zack rolled his eyes, dragging cody away while mallory joined back with hailey and woody. mr. moseby walked through the group and woody said, 'hey mr. moseby! wanna be my buddy? we're searching for the perespolis insoles.'
'mr. moseby's busy.' ms. tutweiller told woody.
'yes, i only have three hours to find the londonous pain-n-the-buttickus! so we can all keep our jobicus.' moseby said, before hissing once more, then walked away.
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MALLORY DECIDED THAT HER AND her friends should just have a big group instead of being in partners. unfortunately this meant mallory had to deal with the boys flirting with bailey.
'wow. you are just an incredible artist.' zack told bailey as she scribbled on her clipboard.
'i was just trying to get my pen to work,' bailey chuckled.
'that was smooth,' mal muttered.
zack pulled cody aside and hailey turned to mal, 'you're jealous.'
'will you stop that,' the brunette groaned, rolling her eyes.
'if you keep rolling your eyes they'll get stuck.' hailey informed her, matter of fact-ly.
'whatever. you'd be jealous too if your best friends were kicking you to the curb over a girl.' mal told her.
hailey opened her mouth to keep arguing but bailey gasped, announcing, 'look!' mal turned to see a pig in between some plants. 'where did that piggy come from?'
'that's what the doctor said when he saw my extra toes,' woody said, making mal laugh.
'are you stuck? i have something for you. you like nuts?' bailey questioned, tying a rope around the pig's neck and feeding him her pocket nuts.
'if i didn't know zack, i'd think that pocket nuts are weird.' mal started, before shaking her head and saying, 'nevermind, it still is.'
bailey ignored her remark, saying, 'he is so sweet. he reminds me of—'
'breakfast?' zack questioned.
'football?' cody asked.
bailey didn't find it funny, and instead she told them, 'y'all hush up. he reminds me of my pet pig from back on the farm. sir snortalot and i were the best of friends but one day i woke up and he wasn't there anymore. i got really worried but mama told me he moved to the big city!'
everyone besided bailey shared a look. 'maybe one day you can meet him again!' hailey said, smiling.
'thanks hailey!' bailey grinned, looking down at her pig once again. 'i'm gonna call you porkers, do you like that name?'
'lets name him bacon.' mallory muttered loudly.
'mmm, bacon,' woody said, making bailey frown.
'stop!' she cried, covering porkers' hairy ears. 'porkers isn't food! porkers is a pet.'
ms. tutweiller joined back with the group, telling them, 'the boat leaves in an hour and moseby still isn't back with london yet. i'm going to go find them.'
tutweiller rushed off and bailey said, 'since it's partially my fault london left, i'll go look too!'
mallory scoffed at partially, as the boys ran to bailey, zack telling her,
'me too!'
and cody saying, 'so will i!'
'great, then we'll use the buddy system.' bailey said excitedly. 'you two go that way and me and woody will go this way.'
bailey and woody went off behind them, as zack and cody's big smiles fell.
'burn!' mallory laughed, pointing at the twins.
'will you shut up!' cody yelled.
'sorry, but at least i don't abandon my best friend when i have a crush.' mal spat back.
'ladies, ladies!' zack interjected. 'calm down.
'oh, don't get me started on you!' mallory argued. and then started a full on fight with zack.
'ugh, can you two be civilized?' cody groaned.
the two arguing snapped to zack, yelling, 'no!'
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MAL AND ZACK SAT IN rocking chairs, eating cotton candy when cody joined back with them, panting. 'oh hey. any sign of moseby or london?'
'no.' he told his brother. 'i checked the docks, hiked up the mountain.' he looked to the two, eating cotton candy, growing angered. 'and ran the whole perimeter of the island.'
'well, they're not in the candy store.' zack told his brother.
'definitely not!' mallory told him, a mouthful of cotton candy. 'we checked thoroughly!'
'if i had the energy, i would smack you so hard.' cody growled.
a pig emerged through some plants, loudly oinking. 'quiet, pig, we're looking for london and mr. moseby over here,'
mallory ate more cotton candy as cody started, 'wait a minute! he was with bailey!' cody pulled him by his rope leash, telling the two, 'he's trying to tell us something!'
'nah, he just wants our cotton candy.' zack told his brother. 'get your own, pig!'
the pig continued to oink, and cody dropped to the ground, asking, 'what's that?' the pig oinked some more. 'london, moseby, bailey, and woody are locked in jail and we need to rescue them?'
'woah?! you speak pig?!' zack questioned in shock.
'no, but i can read english.' cody told him, ripping a note off the back of porkers. 'there's a note taped to him.'
then, the boat's horn sounded, and the three panicked. 'the boat leaves in thirty minutes, we better hurry!'
'come on pig, take us to bailey!' cody said, shaking his leash. but, porkers wouldn't budge, he only squealed loudly. cody sighed, yanking the cotton candy from zack's hand and feeding it to porkers.
'hey!' zack whined. he looked over at mal's cotton candy, reaching over to grab some but she stuffed it all in her mouth before he could get to it.
'ha!' the girl laughed with her mouth full of dissolving cotton candy.
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'THAT'S THE CELL,' MAL ANNOUNCED, pointing to the high up barred window.
'lift me up,' zack told his brother.
'why don't you lift me up?' cody questioned.
'because i was born first!' zack cried.
'oh, what does that have to do with anything?'
moseby poked his head out the bars, telling the boys, 'just lift up mallory!'
'oh! that's a good idea!' zack replied.
cody leaned down and mal climbed onto his shoulders. cody stood back up and mallory grabbed onto the bars to keep them balanced. she heard bailey inside, talking about how kettle corn didn't have phones or something as cody stood up.
'mr. moseby, how'd you get up there?' zack asked the short man.
'i'm standing on woody.' the man answered.
'you could've taken your shoes off!' woody cried from in the cell. mallory tried not to laugh and mess up her and cody's balance.
'how'd you guys all end up in jail?' mallory questioned moseby, arching her brow.
'it's a long story--'
'ugh! can we save the chit-chat for later!' cody groaned from underneath mal.
'yeah, i'm with cody on that!' woody yelled from inside.
'are you saying i weigh a lot?' mal questioned, looking down at him with a gasp.
'look, you have to break us out of here. did you bring the proper tools?' moseby asked, interrupting her.
'no, the prison breakout store was closed!' cody yelled at him.
'improvise people!' london yelled from inside. 'i haven't changed my outfit in four hours!'
'london!' mallory yelled, pressing her face against the bars to see her. 'i missed you so much!'
'i missed you too!' london yelled, stepping onto woody as well to see her friend better, ignoring .
as mallory heard woody tell london and mr. moseby to get down, she realized the bars were somewhat moving when she held them. 'hey, these bars are kinda loose,' she told everyone. 'i could probably loosen them if i had something like a--'
'crowbar?'
'exactly!' the girl said, grabbing onto the crowbar that appeared in her sight, not thinking much of it.
then, while she was trying to loosen the bars, the boys looked over at the man with a police hat on, and zack told her, 'mal, i think you might wanna put that down.'
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THE TRIO WERE IN JAIL. after the man had given them the crowbar, he dragged them into the cell.
'what part of rescurering don't you understand?' london questioned the three.
'all of it! it's either 'rescuer' or 'rescuing!' moseby snapped.
'well you're not good at either-er!' london told him, making him desperately sigh.
mal slid down against the wall, landing on the dirty, dusty floor as cody told the two, 'whenever i pictured us in prison, we were always on the other side saying 'take the plea!''
the ship's ten minute horn blew loudly, making mal groan in fear. 'we're gonna die in this cell!'
'no we're not,' moseby assured her, before making an unsure face. 'simms!' he called. 'simms!'
the man walked in, dressed in a yellow and black exercise outfit. 'i'm trying to teach a pilates class!' he informed everyone he turned to the open door, yelling, 'work from your core gertrude! feel the burn!' then, he wiggled his butt in the cells direction, making everyone disgusted.
'simms, if you let us out of here now, i will make sure that tipton industries makes full reparations for scaring off the parrots and cutting down the trees.' moseby bargained.
'that's what your father did?' bailey questioned london. 'that's terrible. i know how bad i'd feel if someone came to kettle corn, took all the corn and left us with just the kettle. no wonder you put us in jail.'
'not helping.' moseby told her.
'shut it, corn girl!' mal chimed from the floor.
'now if you'll excuse me, i have to finish platies, perform a root canal, and conduct the orchestra for our little theatre production of where, oh where have our parrot's gone!' the man spat before leaving.
'well, that's it, we're all going to die in here!' moseby cried, making mal and bailey both whine.
'i'll comfort you!' cod said, standing up.
'i'll comfort her first!' zack said, dashing over to her. but mallory had beaten them both, and they were both hugging one another tightly. 'you don't even like her!'
'i'm willing to set aside our differences if we're gonna die!' mal whined, before her and bailey walked over to the bench and sat down.
cody looked to zack and whispered, 'we've gotta work this bailey thing out in a mature and rational way.'
'i couldn't agree more.' zack said sincerely. 'spitting contest!'
moseby stammered to get their attention as the boys gathered spit in their mouth, making demon-esque noises. 'you're really going to decide who ends up with bailey by a spitting contest?'
'you know what, he's right.' zack admitted. he pointed at moseby, commanding, 'pick a number between one and ten.'
'i am not going to participate in your objectification of women!' moseby stammered.
'seven!' zack answered confidently.
'how did you know?!' moseby asked, before saying, 'okay nevermind! bailey's not looking for a relationship, anyway. still hasn't got over her ex-boyfriend, moose!'
'how do you know this?' cody asked.
'you really get to know someone when you're in the slammer!' moseby answered. 'she was telling me about how they shared their first cob of corn together, their first hay ride,' he fanned his face now as he cried, 'they were so good together!'
when moseby walked away, zack told his brother, 'she's all your dude.'
'really?' cody asked excitedly. he grew skeptical soon though, asking, 'why?'
'she's got way too much baggage. and i like a babe with just a carry-on.' zack answered.
'unlike you, i'm willing to do the work.'
'porkers!' bailey exclaimed. 'we're saved!'
'why?' moseby questioned. 'does he have a law degree?'
'i am hungry. . .' mal muttered, biting her lip.
bailey didn't hear mal, and instead answered moseby, 'no, he can get the keys!' she then started commanding the pig around, 'okay, go to his desk, open the drawer, get the keys, and bring them here to me!'
'and bring me a decaf non-fat latte with extra foam,' london called.
'i want one too!' mal added, jokingly.
moseby sighed, 'bailey, you can't possibly believe that this animal understands you.'
porkers walked behind the desk and bailey told him, 'the keys are in the drawer on the left.' he opened a drawer and squealed. 'not that drawer the one on the left!' he squealed again. 'not your left, my left!'
'what about our lattes?' london cried. the sound of a coffee maker started and mal's eyes widened. this pig was a genius.
'forget the latte! get the keys!'
the keys were hurled at bailey, who caught them. 'nice throw!'
she unlocked it as everyone yelled. then, once they were free, the five minute horn sounded.
'okay! we have five minutes. if we run we can just make it!' cody told everyone. mallory was the first one out the door, because she figured it was everyone for themselves.
she continued running, until she realized everybody stopped and weren't following her anymore. she found them all at a postcard stand. 'what are we doing?'
'look at this postcard,' bailey told her, flashing it at her. it was green and beautiful with a bunch of flowers and parrots.
'pretty, now let's go.' mallory told her, flashing a smile and grabbing her arm.
london took the postcard from her, saying, 'wow, this place did used to be really beautiful,'
'yes, and we can all be sad about it on the boat!' moseby told her.
london continued anyways, 'and now that it's not beautiful, daddy doesn't care anymore. kinda like his first four wives.'
'you know london, if you paid to re-plant the island, the parrots would come back,' cody started.
'and the islanders would be so grateful, they might put your picture on their coins!' bailey told her. she knew it would convince london, because it combined two things she liked, money and herself.
'do you really think so?' london gasped. 'then i can flip myself to decide what shoes to wear!'
then, they heard a whistle, and turned to see simms. 'halt! you're surrounded!'
'by just you?' woody questioned.
'how about i help you replant the trees by writing a check for ten million dollars?'
'that would work.' simms muttered.
pulling out a checkbook and a pen, london quickly signed a check and handed it to him. 'and feel free to use some of it to buy yourself some new pants,'
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WHEN THE TEENS GOT BACK on the ship, mal spotted hailey sipping a smoothie in a lounge chair. 'hey, what's up?'
'where have you been?' cody questioned, walking up to her.
'i got thirsty,' hailey answered, motioning to her smoothie. 'oh, mal, i got you one too.'
'strawberry?' mallory asked, skeptically.
'strawberry coconut.'
'i think i'm in love with you.' the girl squealed, grabbing the glass and taking a seat with her roommate.
'so, what happened after i left?' hailey questioned, mixing her thick smoothie around with a straw.
'we went to jail,' zack said nonchalantly.
'she was asking me.' mal rolled her eyes. 'scram.'
the twins did as she told and once they were far enough away, zack said, 'you remember when we were talking about bailey in the cell?'
'yeah,' his brother responded, before blurting, 'you can't take that back!'
'i'm not taking anything back,' zack assured him. 'you remember when i said i want a girl with no baggage?'
'yes and--'
'hush!' then, zack leaned in, telling his brother, 'i was thinking, mal has no baggage.'
'mal's like our sister!'
'mal's like your sister.' zack corrected.
'whatever, it's not like that would ever happen.' cody shrugged, walking away.
AUTHOR SPEAKS
this is 3750 words gn