Original request by MyLovLyWorLd
Part 2 request by @mafe_ocamon
warning: mentions of sexual assault + descriptions of injury
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There was a loud noise. Namjoon jumped. The nights alone at the hospital scared him. He didn't know any of the hospital staff that well. He couldn't see their faces clearly, just like he hadn't been able to see the faces of the people who did... that to him. He couldn't think about the word clearly. It felt shameful. Like he had to hide it from the rest of the world. People close to him knew though. The members knew, his family members knew, some of his friends did too. Most of them were nothing but nice to him. But Namjoon felt the need to be embarrassed.
His head still hurt from the concussion he had gotten two weeks earlier. The bruises and the cuts had mostly healed. His broken nose had more or less gotten better. The nose brace had been taken off a few days earlier. It sometimes hurt, but it wasn't too bad. The biggest issue was his stab injury to his side. He had gotten surgery to repair the internal injuries it had caused. He had been given a blood transfusion too. It was okay. Everything was healing. The stitches still hadn't been removed, but there hadn't been any infections. Everything was fine. He could walk around slowly. It was a bit of a struggle.
The kidnappers were in police custody. They weren't going to hurt Namjoon ever again.
The members were so careful around him. None of them cracked a joke around him. It was always serious business with him. They carefully avoided the topic of the kidnapping. They always told meaningless stories about meaningless things. Namjoon appreciated their efforts.
A therapist had been booked for him. Namjoon wasn't supposed to know that, but he had heard the others talking about it one day. It was embarrassing.
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Yoongi put his arm around Namjoon's waist. Namjoon jumped. Yoongi mumbled a small "sorry" and pulled his arm away.
Walking around hurt Namjoon a lot for whatever reason. He couldn't straighten out his back properly because otherwise his side would start to hurt. He had to hunch over and walk differently, but that hurt his back, so there wasn't really any reprieve from the pain. He had been forced to walk up and down the hallway, with Yoongi's help. Namjoon had managed to do it, but now he was thankful that he was done.
"How are you feeling today Joon?" Yoongi asked when Namjoon was safely back into his bed.
"Good."
"You're going to be released soon! Aren't you excited?"
Namjoon nodded. "I'm excited," he mumbled.
"You're going to stay with your parents, right?"
"Yeah."
Yoongi nodded as well. He was always so calm and gentle. Namjoon admired that about him. Always so understanding.
"I'm scared," Namjoon said quietly. "What if other people find out?"
"We're going to do our best to hide what happened," Yoongi said. "I'm willing to pay reporters myself to make them stay quiet. But in the end... if they do find out, remember that you did nothing wrong Namjoon."
"Mmhm."
Namjoon fell silent. He worried that he was being too boring towards Yoongi, but he genuinely couldn't think of anything to say. His mind was blank. A steady, throbbing pain at his side kept him alert. Yoongi didn't seem to be fazed.
"I was just thinking..."
"What?"
"Do you ever want the news to come out? Or do you want to keep it private?"
"I don't know." Namjoon shook his head. The familiar twinge of embarrassment crawled at his neck. "I don't know right now."
"Oh." Yoongi looked serious for a moment, before he broke into a grin. "That's fine. Whatever you're comfortable with."
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Living with his parents proved to be even more uncomfortable. They showered him with love and affection, trying to show him how much they cared and how special he is. Heck, even his sister dropped by once in a while to have dinner with them.
It was okay. Namjoon tried to relish the extra attention. But the constant fussing reminded him of his experiences and he felt like such a fucking failure at times that he wanted to leave. He didn't know where to go, but he wanted to run away.
Anyway. He did manage to calm himself down from those thoughts. Everything was okay. He would try and forget about anything that had happened.
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"Do you remember anything about what happened? How does it make you feel?"
Namjoon winced. He cast his gaze down at his lap. The therapist sat opposite, notepad on his lap. Namjoon was sure that his face was turning red.
"Do you?"
"A little."
"What things do you remember?"
Gosh. He remembered everything. But he didn't want to be told to repeat anything.
"I remember... being taken," Namjoon mumbled. "Like... away, and then... yeah."
"How does it make you feel?"
"Bad."
"What do you mean by that?"
Namjoon inhaled sharply. "It makes me feel bad."
"Yeah, but like..." the therapist chose his words carefully. "... when thinking about those events, what do you feel?"
"I... I don't know..."
"At the time, when those events were going on, can you explain what you felt?"
"I..." Namjoon's mind went blank. "I felt scared."
"What scared you?"
"The people."
"What did they do?"
Shit. I can't explain this...
"They..."
"It's hard to talk about it, I know. If you feel uncomfortable, we don't have to talk about it now. Do you want to talk...?"
"No, please, no."
"Okay."
The therapist scribbled something down on his notepad before snapping it shut.
He smiled as he looked at Namjoon. "See? That wasn't that bad, was it?"
"... no-"
"I-"
Namjoon fell silent. He was exhausted. He didn't feel like offering his opinion to anybody.
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He could barely look Jungkook in the eye. He didn't know why. Jungkook wasn't mean or anything. But Namjoon was so embarrassed. Something made him feel ashamed all the time.
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There was a visible scar on his side now. A deep line running from his last rib to his hip. Namjoon cringed at the sight.
Always permanent reminders.
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Little by little, the doom and gloom lifted. Namjoon's scars faded slightly. He started being able to raise his arms above his head without having to be careful about his side.
The police were starting to be more involved.
Namjoon was brought along to retrace his steps that day.
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"So you were heading that way...?"
"Yeah."
Namjoon walked the few steps past the department store that lay between their dorms and the studios.
"The car came down this street, I think."
"You think?"
Namjoon glanced at the police officer. She scared him for whatever reason. Asking him all these questions that were bringing back things he would rather forget.
"No, it did. I'm sure."
"Okay, good."
Namjoon awkwardly stood off to the side as they wrote a bunch of things down and talked amongst themselves. Hoseok had offered to come with him but Namjoon had said no. Hoseok was just going to get sad and scared. Namjoon didn't want to see that.
"Do you remember what happened after you were taken in?"
"Uhh..."
"Or, rather, how did they get you into the car?"
"I started running," Namjoon said. It felt strange looking at the same place where everything had occured. When this had happened, it had been the middle of the night. Everything had been pitch dark and unknown. Now, everything seemed to have calmed down. The street didn't look menacing or threatening like it did then. It looked like a normal, regular street, not where Namjoon had been kidnapped from.
"I started running... but obviously, the car was faster than me and they caught up to me. I... don't know, they just forced me in. I was tired. I couldn't do things right."
"Okay."
Namjoon shut his mouth awkwardly. He was an expert of being awkward nowadays. All the confidence that he had acquired over the years had crumbled away, leaving him a shelf of his former self. It sucked that people expected that he still be like his old self.
"Did they do anything to you in the car?"
"Um... they took my phone away." Namjoon wracked his mind, trying to salvage anything from the memories of that day. He thought he had forgotten most things, but surprisingly, many things came to mind. "They called one of the members and they said I couldn't talk. Something like that. I remember hearing Hoseok's voice. He said something really stupid. I normally would've laughed, but I was so scared that I couldn't-"
"Did they try to hurt you?"
"... Why... no, no, I'm pretty sure that they didn't try to do anything like that at that stage. Everything that happened, happened once they took me to that house place."
"Oh, okay."
More scribbling and typing followed. After a while, the police officer looked up at him and smiled.
"You're done for today. I'm going to need you to come for one more day, and then you're completely done. Okay?"
Namjoon nodded. He tried to calm himself down. She wasn't scary at all. He made himself get on alert mode for no absolute reason.
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The second day was all about what had happened in the house. Namjoon was asked if he wanted to go over to the actual house, which he said no. Walking by the street was hard enough. So they sat at the police station and talked about things.
Namjoon omitted most of the graphic details that he remembered. It was hard. He did want the people to be caught, but at the same time, he didn't want to relieve his experience through his memories. Finding a balance of both was hard.
The police officer smiled the same smile at him when he was done. Namjoon went home that day, feeling a lot lighter. His side was still bothering him, but at least he had gotten over something. Namjoon was most scared of breaking down in front of someone. That hadn't happened.
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His parents looked so happy to see him. Namjoon tried to return some of the kindness that they gave him. He hugged his mom - something he hadn't done in weeks. Hugs made him feel weird now, but he did it for her. Namjoon hugged his sister. That was not a normal task for him.
He had to go talk with the therapist again tomorrow. It was weird, but he wasn't dreading it like he usually did.
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"Was it hard? Having to talk about the things that happened, I mean?"
"Yeah," Namjoon said.
"How did you deal with the stress that you were feeling?"
"I... I don't really know," Namjoon said. He shrugged. "I told myself to calm down several times. You know, like everything's going to be okay, that kind of stuff."
"And it worked very well, right?"
Namjoon nodded, a small smile coming to his face. "Yeah, it did."
The therapist smiled as well. "That's so good to hear! I'm so proud of you!"
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In the end, Namjoon decided to keep what happened to himself. Not sharing it with the public felt a lot safer. Besides, he wasn't obligated to say everything that happened in his life. But more than anything, it made him feel better that he had a small amount of privacy left for himself.
The kidnappers were caught nearly two months later. A long complicated trial was going to follow, but Namjoon would deal with that when it came time for that.
For now, he tried to focus on himself. His parents were hesitant to let him go, but he assured them that he was going to be safe. He didn't know why they believed him, but they did. Namjoon went back to Seoul, back to the dorms where the others were.
The members were protective like they had never been. Some days, Namjoon wasn't allowed to go outside by himself. Going out at night alone was forbidden. It did feel a bit restrictive, but truthfully, Namjoon was scared too. He would rather stay all night at the studio than walk home by himself.
But really, it was a relief to have some sort of routine back in his life. He hated the feeling of weakness the most.
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"I want to teach you all something," Jungkook announced.
"What?" Taehyung asked.
"I want to teach you how to master the art of not giving a fuck."
"Ooh, this sounds interesting," Jin said. "Then I'll learn how to not listen to anything you tell me."
Namjoon laughed. The others joined in, even Jungkook. For that moment, Namjoon dropped his heavy bags full of guilt and shame.
Life was going to improve. In time, the negative feelings would fade away and the positive ones would come out on top.
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it's nearly 2022 yikes
requests closed~
2123 words