21: INSANE
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J E N N I E
"Unnie, you drunk too much.." Rosé tried to steal the glass of soju in my hand but I downed it before she could even.
She left the concert to follow me when I walked out of that concert and here we are now, drinking soju. I must say that my coping from what happened to me and Kai is drinking alcohol. I'm not alcoholic though, it's just that drinking alcoholic drinks made me somewhat forget about the pain I've inflicted to myself.
"I'm sorry I pleaded you to come with me in their concert." Rosé said sadly that made me chuckle.
"It was me who asked you if I could come." That's the truth.
With Jisoo Unnie, Chaeyoung and Lisa, I tried so hard to fake my emotions infront of them. I always act like I already move on and that breaking up with Kai doesn't affect me that much. Recently, when Chaeyoung announced that she got an extra ticket for an exo comeback concert, I secretly asked her if I could get that.
I was the one who wanted to see Kim Jongin. Because I missed him so much.
"You know, it's so obvious that you still has feelings for Kai." Chaeyoung said, "I don't know why you're not doing anything about it though."
"Because I can't do anything about it" I sighed.
I was about to say another word when I suddenly felt nauseous because of too much soju. I excused myself to Rosé and quickly run towards the public toilet.
As soon as I enter the cubicle, I quickly vomit. Ugh!
"I don't want to drink again.." I don't know why I waste my saliva to say that but I always end up drinking again.
I clean the corner of my mouth using sanitary wipes and chew on some cool menthol candy. I am so dizzy, even though I like to drink alcohol than before nothing changed about the fact that I am still low when it comes to alcohol tolerance.
I am still not sobering up any minute that I forgot my way back to our table and found myself at the back exit of the restaurant.
"Stupid self." I muttered but then I am really sleepy so I mindlessly decided to went to a car parked near where I am standing.
I open the back door and slumped myself on the backseat. "To the blackpink dorm please.." I said to the driver.
"What the.. Jennie?"
Huh? Am I hearing things now? Probably a side-effect of being drunk. I tried to open my eyes to see a blurry glimpse of someone who has the exact same built of Kim Jongin.
"You're drunk." He stated the fact.
That's strange. The driver even sounds like Kai that I can't help but chuckle lightly.
"And you.. look like someone I know." I said.
I sat up and lean towards him to hold his cheeks. Beautiful brown orbs, sharp features, and.. soft lips. Sinfully handsome. "You look like a sexy beast."
I stared at the Kim-Jongin-Driver-Look-a-like for a few more seconds waiting for him to talk and move away from me but all he did is stared back at me with the same intensity. I saw him gulped before putting my hand away from his face.
"Why are you drunk?" He asked as he started the engine of his car.
I rest my back on the backseat, trying to fight my urge to sleep.
"Because.. I miss someone who looks like you." I whispered while my eyes are close.
I put my arm above my eyes to cover the tears that are about to fall. Why can't I fight my emotions whenever I am drunk?
I am so dramatic this days..
I wanted to go back to the way I used to be before I met him. I wanted to be the strong, independent person that I built since my mom left me.
"Do you miss him?" The driver asked. "That guy who look like me?"
I nodded.
I can feel the driver trying to steal glances at me from time to time but I ignored it. Maybe this is his first time seeing a drunk dramatic brokenhearted passenger. I just want someone who can listen to me so I can finally let out my bottled up emotions for the past three years.
"He's an idol you know." I said. "So you must feel lucky that you reminded me of him."
I heard him slightly chuckle but I can't sense any humor in what I have said.
"What's his name then?"
"Kim Jongin. He is the main dancer of EXO."
Silence.
I was waiting for his reaction after I said that but I didn't heard any so I looked at him, my vision slightly getting clearer.
I continued to talk, "I missed him. I even attended his concert awhile ago.. pathetic me."
Silence again. I guess Mr. Driver is a quiet listener so I talked once again.
"I don't know if I could call myself his ex because we only dated for public attention but as our play date continues.. I.. we.. fell." I said giggling, "I mean, who wouldn't fall for a sexy beast like him? He always annoys the hell out of me, he's happy-go-lucky, and he's effortlessly sweet.."
I reminisced all of my moments with Kim Jongin. "He is the first person I've ever dated. The first guy I let to be closed to me. The first guy I kissed. The first guy I ever liked.. and the first guy I broke."
"If you like him then why did you choose to left him hanging?" The driver asked.
I stopped talking when I finally realized what's happening. Alcohol slightly running out from my system. I stared at the front mirror seeing Jongin's jaw clenching, his eyes reflected coldness.
"Kai.." I muttered his name.
Kim Jongin parked the car on the basement of a unfamiliar building. He looked up to me, I can't read any emotion on his eyes. I gulped, did I just say those things to him?
Did I just drunkenly confess?
"If you like me that much.." he said in a hoarse voice while staring straight through my eyes.. "then why did you chose to let me go?"
My throat run dry. Of all the car I could've pick, why did I choose his? I'm suddenly feeling a deja vu from the first time we met.
I quickly open the door of his car. Not really wanting to answer his question. My only option is to run away from him right now. I can't face him.
I walked faster when he open his door too. But Kai's legs are far longer than mine. He blocked my way and I glared at him, he glared back.
"Get out of my way please." I said through gritted teeth.
"You're not running away after what I've heard, Jen." He said with full of determination. "You like me."
"No." I denied.
My Father would definitely blackmailed me again if ever he found out about me meeting with Kai like this.
I took a step backward when he took a step towards me. We did that until my back is already against the wall. I looked up at him, still glaring, hoping that he will back away.
"You said you missed me." He said using his sexy low voice. "You said you fell. You said it was not just a play date full of pretentions between us."
I think I'm going insane. I'm getting drunk by his sweet manly scent.
"I.. I.." I tried to find words to deny him.
"I--" but before I could even utter another word his mouth crashed to mine.
I was stunned.
At first his lips just went on top of mine. My eyes widening as I felt his soft lips. Then I felt him move, he kissed me deeply, roughly. My heart run wild as I am being pushed back on the wall with both his arms cornering my sides.
Kai was kissing me like a master punishing his slave. I pushed him when I felt how my lips went sore because of his torrid kisses.
I slapped his cheeks hard that my hand is now printed on his left cheek.
"Fvck you!" I shouted while breathing heavily.
I saw him clenching his jaw, still staring at my lips. He licked his lower lip making me looked at his too.
"I'm sorry.." he whispered as he held my cheeks.
I quickly calmed down at his touch.
How dare he make me feel like this?
He caressed my cheeks and looked at my face as if memorizing every inch of me. I saw him smile lightly and bend his head to kiss my lips lightly.
He is kissing me again. This time he is kissing me as if my lip is a fragile glass. His light feather kisses is making me go insane.
To the point that even if I know the consequences of being this close to him, I still found myself giving in to his kisses.
Only Kim Jongin can make me feel this insane.
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