“Oh Hana. Why?” Ilham asked as she sat down next to her sister on her bed, and Hana sighed.
“I’ve been having these doubts for a while now, and the closer we get the more it freaks me out.”
“What does?”
“Well you already know about my fear of the paparazzi.”
“Of course. And I already said that you have a good reason to be scared, but you can’t let it rule your life.”
“That’s not the only thing. He will be giving up on his dreams. I can’t let him do that.”
Ilham frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“He was offered a job with the New York Knicks.’’
“So?”
“He isn’t going to accept the offer because he doesn’t want to leave me.”
“Why is that a problem?”
“I don’t want him to give it up!”
“It sounds like you don’t want to be with him.”
Hana looked at her in astonishment.
“What? That’s not true!”
Ilham shrugged.
“It seems to me that you are fishing for excuses not to be with him.”
“Ilham! Of course I want to be with him! I just don’t want him to give up his dream!”
“But he said he doesn’t mind it!”
“But I know Houssam. I know him, and I know he will regret this. No matter his feelings for me, no matter how devoted he feels towards me, he is going to feel remorse giving this up. I can’t let him do this.”
“It think you need to have a talk with him.” Ilham said quietly, and Hana sighed, fiddling with the pearl bracelet Houssam had given her. It had been two days since her not a birthday celebration, and Houssam had been texting and calling her nonstop pleading with her. His last text had broken her heart.
I need you. Don’t leave me.
“He’s been trying, I just don’t have everything straight in my head. It’s all scrambled up.”
“Honestly habibti, the way I see it, is that you are just scared. I am beginning to think this whole you don’t want him to give up the Knicks is a cover.”
“What are you implying Ilham?”
“I’m not implying anything. I’m straight up saying that if he is okay with staying, and you really want to be with him, you shouldn’t question it. I fear you are just frightened of the paparazzi.”
***
“What do you mean you think you broke up!?” Amir demanded, and Houssam shrugged.
“She told me that she wasn’t going to let me give up on my dream, and that we needed to take some time to think this over. Sounds like a break up to me!”
“Okay first of all, you didn’t even officially propose so you can’t call it a break up.”
“Oh yeah? What about when you broke up with Yusra? You weren’t officially engaged!”
Amir’s eyes darkened.
“Look I know you’re upset, and I’m trying to be understanding, but no need to bring up the past!”
“Sorry. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so conflicted.”
“Why are you conflicted?”
“Because I don’t want to leave her. But at the same time this is something I have been aspiring towards for a really long time!”
“I don’t understand what the problem is.”
“What do you mean?”
“Why can’t you get married and both move to New York?”
Houssam sighed.
“Out of the eighty two games in a season, we have forty one of them away games. I would be leaving her alone in a strange place for half of a season while I go on the road. I couldn’t ask her to uproot her life like that and then leave her alone! That’s why when I decided I wanted to marry her, my only option was to stay in California. That way she would at least know people here when I have to go.”
“She can’t go on the road with you?”
Houssam shook his head.
“Families don’t usually come, it’s too much of a hassle as we usually stay two teammates to a hotel room. Plus I can’t ask her to travel with me. That would be so hard on her.
“But you don’t want to stay in California do you?”
“For her I do.”
“Houssam. Answer me. If Hana wasn’t part of the picture, would you move to New York?”
There was silence for a few seconds before Houssam nodded.
“I would.”
Amir leaned back in his seat, and regarded his brother for a few seconds.
“And this is something you really, really want?”
“It really is. I’ve wanted it for a long time. But I don’t want to leave her, and I can’t ask her to just leave her life in California for me!"
“Have you asked her to come with you yet? Maybe her hesitation is due to you not even asking in the first place.”
“I want her to ask me to stay.” Houssam said quietly. “If she asked me to stay I would in a heartbeat. But all she has done so far is push me away.”
“She just wants you to follow your dreams. You’ve already come this far, it would be horrible for you to just end where you are without even pushing yourself further.”
“What do I do Amir? I don’t want to leave her, but at the same time, it’s Michael Jordan you know?!”
“It seems you have already made your decision bro. Don’t forget you just broke up with Kalthoum.”
“What are you implying? Are you saying Hana is a rebound?”
Amir shrugged.
“You said it. I didn’t.”
“That’s not fair Amir.”
“Look, I love both of you. But it honestly felt too fast. Too forced. Like you just made yourself like her because you found out she liked you.”
Houssam’s mouth dropped.
“What!?”
Amir nodded.
“Yusra feels like it too. It seems like you went one day being totally infatuated with Kalthoum, to Hana all of a sudden being your ‘dearest heart’.”
Houssam blushed slightly.
“You guys think I invented these feelings for her?!”
“If you truly had feelings for her would you even be considering going to New York?”
“Don’t you dare tell me how I feel! I care about her deeply! I love her!” Houssam exclaimed jumping from his seat angrily, and Amir sighed, putting a hand to his face.
“I am not denying that you care for her. But the point of love that you are suggesting? I just don’t think you are there yet. I thought I was in love with your sister for a long time before I married her. But eight years later, and I am still just understanding what true love is.”
“What do you mean?” Houssam asked quietly.
“Every day when I wake up to see her sleeping next to me. When I hold our child in my arms, when I feel our other one kicking. When she kisses me before I go to work, and is there when I come home. The way she smiles when she is happy, how she makes my heart jump when she touches me. That’s love. And I am still learning about it. So don’t say you are in love yet. It’s too soon.”
“I think you’re wrong!” Houssam snapped, and Amir shrugged.
“Fine. But stop jumping down my throat because you are confused.”
Houssam sat back down in his seat, nervously jiggling his leg up and down.
“What do I do Amir?”
“Honestly? I think Hana is right. You need to take some time to think about this. My advice would be go to New York. It would test your true feelings for her. If, you end up realizing that you do love her, then you ask her to come to you.”
“So you want me to just leave her? How can I go just like that!?”
“She told you too.” Amir said gently. “Hana isn’t the type to play games. If she told you to go, there is no hidden meaning behind her words. She honestly meant to go. Now it’s just up to you if you think you should.”
Houssam nodded absently, slouching in his seat, and staring outside the window.
“I think the two of you need to talk.” Amir suggested gently, and Houssam nodded.
“Yeah.” He pulled out his phone.
Hana,
We need to talk. Let me know when works for you.
A few minutes later, she replied.
I agree. Wednesday before class works.
He frowned. Was she really going to try to teach a class with broken ribs and a broken leg?
You sure you’re okay to teach? Maybe you should wait a while?
Sheikh Saad is going to open one of the downstairs classrooms and Ilham is going to drop me off so I can use the wheelchair. I’ll be fine. Thanks :)
Alright. Take it easy please. I’ll be there before class Wednesday InshaAllah.
InshaAllah.
As he stared at the last word on his phone, he felt his stomach sink, and his heart began to ache painfully before he picked up his phone again, and dialed Harold’s number.
***
Hana and Houssam sat across from each other in the downstairs classroom. Dawud and Layla were there as well as they had class in an hour, but it didn’t make things any less awkward.
“How are you feeling?” he asked after another awkward five minutes went by.
“I’m okay Alhamdulillah.”
“Alhamdulillah. I’m glad to see you’re wearing the bracelet.” He said pointing at her arm, and she smiled.
“I love it MashaAllah. It’s beautiful, thank you.”
He smiled.
“I’m glad you like it.”
Another silence fell over them before she sighed.
“Okay Houssam. We need to talk about this.”
“I don’t want to.” He mumbled, and she smiled.
“But we have to.”
“Fine.”
“Okay.’
“Okay.”
“Fine.”
“Good.”
“Houssam.” Hana said warningly, and Houssam smiled.
“Okay, sorry. I just don’t know where to begin.”
“I will start. I had a long talk with Ilham.”
“As did I with Amir.”
Hana nodded in approval.
“That’s good. Did he help you?”
Houssam hesitated before nodding.
“I think so. Did Ilham help you?”
“Yes. She made me realize that I am scared.”
“Oh Hana. Scared?” he asked gently and she nodded.
“I’m scared of being in the limelight. I’m scared of holding you back from your full potential. I’m scared of what it would mean if you gave up everything for me.”
“What did you decide in the end?”
“That I have to be scared because I can’t stop you. As much as I want to be with you, as much as it pains me to let you go, I have to.”
“I see.” He said quietly. “Is that all?”
“Yeah,” she said with a small sniffle, and he handed her a tissue from the box on her desk. “What did you decide with Amir?”
He leaned forward, his face pained.
“I don’t want to be away from you either. Just the thought of not being able to see your face every day kills me.”
“But?” she prompted dabbing at her eyes again, and he nodded.
“But this is something I have to do. It’s not fair to hold this over your head forever. It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to uproot your life for me.”
“You never asked.” She said with a whisper, and he looked into her face.
“Did you want me to?”
She shook her head, dabbing at her eyes.
“No.”
He nodded, his jaw clenching.
“I accepted the offer. I move next week.”
She nodded, giving a half sob half laugh.
“I knew that was what you were going to say. I should have been prepared for it.”
“Hey. Hey it’s okay. Don’t cry.” He whispered, his own eyes tingling and she waved a hand over her face.
“I’ll be okay. It's just hard to accept.” she said quietly and he sat back, his face showing how much he was hurting.
“What does this mean for us?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“I’m the one leaving. It’s not fair for me to ask you to wait for me.”