After Gulf shared how he woke up with a stranger, he cries once more.
“Will you guys disown me now?” Gulf queries after he calms down a little. “Just know mom that I will completely understand.”
Hera bursts out in tears as she wraps his youngest in her arms.
Suddenly, Gulf feels protected. But above all, he doesn’t want to burden his family with his stupidity. He has been lucky that his family, especially his mom who has been nothing but loving to him, completely accepts him.
He is aware how some of his likes are being discriminated by their own families but with his, they never failed to show him that they accepted him.
And now, what does he give them in return? They have a reputation in the society and for sure this will never go unseen.
The mother and son stay in each other’s embrace for a while, before Hera pulls him away to wipe his tears.
“Let’s fill your stomach first son. You can’t go starving from now on. You have to eat. Then let’s talk later,” she gulps. “Your f-father…”
“M-Mom…”
Gulf is afraid how his father will react about it. He has always been a little distant of his father, not because his old man treats him badly, but there is just a wall and he can’t pinpoint what it is. Nevertheless, he is afraid because right now, the disappointment is seeping through his bones.
“I’ll always be here, son.” Hera assures his son. “I am with you.”
Gulf is tired of crying but his tears seem to be unstoppable.
⨳⨳⨳
There is an utter silence as three people waited for what is about to come, three completely different thoughts waiting to explode.
The air is tensed, like a telltale of doom.
The three decide to talk in the study, to avoid unnecessary ears after dinner.
“What is this all about?” Xander, the head of the family inquires, aware of the heavy atmosphere, which only means something serious is about to unfold. And he just knew it is not something he would at least celebrate for.
“X-Xander …” Hera clears her throat and gulps.
The beautiful aged woman is clearly breaking into cold sweats. “It’s about our…s-son.”
Gulf, who is the root of such atmosphere, can’t help but break into cold sweats as well. He feels how wobbly his knees are even if he is sitting across his parents. His hands are clammy. He is not even aware how tight he has been clasping his hands, his knuckles have turned white. He can feel how his eyes sting and he can’t help but be frustrated. He feels like crying again. He has been crying and although he had cried quite several times, he can’t recall himself as a crybaby.
He has to man up. Amidst everything, he is a man after all. He can’t let his mother suffer along with him when it is something he alone caused.
And so, with quivering eyes, he heaves a deep breath and utters the words he never thought he would say in his lifetime in a shaky voice and a lump in his throat.
“I’m p-pregnant, Dad.”
Gulf has been picturing what his father’s reaction will be like. But none of it is a question of clarification, at least.
“You are pregnant…?” the old man queries unsure if he is hearing the right thing.
“Yes, D-Dad,” Gulf confirms. “A-And…I don’t know the m-man who…” he trails off, lost for words.
Gulf’s slightly broken voice and red eyes staring back to his father says how true the words are.
Xander gapes at his son, like he is seeing him for the first time. His wife reaches his hand and squeezes it so tight to console his racing thoughts.
Gulf decides that it is now or never. He has to gain some backbone. He won’t let his mother narrate how stupid her son is. If he has to face his father, let it be now. Once he comes out on that room, everything must be over, truth must be revealed and he will accept whatever it is that his father will do to him. He can’t possibly drag his family down with him.
So, he decides to narrate how everything has come to his present situation.
Xander turns to his wife.
“So you’re saying…” the old man’s voice quivers. “That my son is pregnant?” he inquires in a quiet voice.
Hera simply nods with tears on her eyes.
Gulf is about cry hearing his father’s voice but he bites his tongue and holds it in. He can already feel how the corner of his eyes water. He is feeling a lot of things, all at once.
Gulf fixes his eyes on his father and as the old man turns to give his attention to him, none of it showed what he has been expecting to see in his father’s eyes.
He has expected disappointment, a great deal of it. He expects violence, although his father is not a violent man; or at least a look of disgust. He expects him to slap him or yell at him but none of it happened.
However, what Gulf sees in his father’s eyes is…brokenness.
He has seen a broken man in the eyes of his father and a paramount fear which brings him to his knees and finally, let the dam of tears burst from his eyes.
“I…I’m s-sorry, Dad,” Gulf mutters over and over.
There are a lot of things that he wants to say but nothing comes out from his mouth aside from a repetitive sorry. He knew how disappointed his father is.
However, what he did not expect is to see his father’s pained expression. It feels like his father is feeling his misery instead of him. He is not close with his father, but his father never failed to be a father to him, not even once. And if his father is in pain with him, it only means how he mattered to his own father. His father loves him.
But he messed up.
Hera comes to his son’s side to soothe him but Gulf continues to wail. He feels thousands of knives stabbing on his chest seeing his father’s face.
“Go to your room,” Xander commands his son in a weary voice.
“D-Dad…”
Gulf is not expecting this. And he doesn’t know which is more painful. Being yelled at or being treated like this by his father who seems lost. He cries harder.
Upon minutes of comfort and assurance from his mother, Gulf finally decides to leave his parents. With eyes still filled with tears, he walks to his room and the sight of his bed automatically makes him feel more tired than ever. He lay in fetal position and cries himself to sleep.
⨳⨳⨳
Meanwhile, Hera and Xander are left in a room with nothing but silence. It wasn’t tensed like before but it was somber. They are both lost in their own thoughts but thinking the same thing. How will they save their son?
“I will hunt that bastard down,” the head of the family grits his teeth.
“Then what, Xander?” Hera inquires. “You are not planning to m-marry my son off, are you…?”
“Whoever that bastard is,” Xander states. “He better pray he is not married or god forbid, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“Xander!” the wife exclaims. “My son is not marrying someone he doesn’t know! He is not even interested in men!”
“Then what are you implying, Hera? Do you want to get rid of that innocent life in his womb?”
Here widens her eyes as she gasps. “But marriage…!”
“Will you let our son suffer from this godforsaken society?” Xander points out. “We both know what will happen if this will blow up.”
The old man massages his temples. He can feel the pounding in his head. Everything is just too much to take in.
Again, there is silence.
“What will Gulf feel about this?” Hera utters more like asking herself. Her son has been through a lot, hiding his secret being an intersex, isolating himself, feeling different.
How much more, this…?
“I will take care of it,” Xander says. “I just hope his pregnancy will never be as complicated as yours.”
Hera once more gasps as realization dawns her, silently praying his son’s pregnancy will not be the same as hers.
***
To be continued...