Alex's POV
Sunday June 6, 2021 – Sonoma Raceway
I was standing further away from him than I wanted, but there was just something about his appearance on pit road – totally drained, just wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. It seemed to carry over to his post-race media detail from what I gathered, completely skipping the bullpen and just having that look at a glance at the video from the media room.
My heart couldn't help but care and want to reach out, with my arms wanting to wrap around him and hold, just help him in whatever way I could – the same caring that I had grown used to over those months and now seemingly disappeared. I thought the truth coming out, followed by our confessions would've done something different.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask him as we finally cross paths following the event – him leaving victory lane having congratulated Kyle, me heading that way. It was so weird to telling Kyle these words as I expected to be doing it all year to Chase after last year's road course domination.
"Yeah," he answers without a pause. Perhaps I was overthinking this, but I couldn't help but allow my hand to touch his arm and get his attention.
"Are you sure, man? You just look completely tired, not wanting any part of this, upset." Again, when it came to Chase, I couldn't help but be a little over worrying sometimes and honest.
"I'm fine, just tired from a long hot day of battling, ready to head home and relax. The sooner I get everything done, the sooner I can get out of here.." I felt what he was saying as to be honest, hot weather and a winding road never made for an easy day in the office. I could probably use a cold shower, and a cold beer after the adventure I took to get here. But I was used to seeing that on Chase; this just seemed different.
"Any particular reason you want to get out of here quickly?" I know I shouldn't ask, but damn, something was going on.
"Like I said, I'm tired and the sooner I get home, the sooner I can relax." Truth be told, his response didn't surprise me. I mean, this was Chase for you. He flew in for the race, did what he needed to do, and headed home. Meanwhile, a bunch of us – like myself – would come out here early, hang out and have some fun, before racing and heading home. I almost invited him out with us but didn't want to overstep. "Alex, why the sudden questions?"
"I'm just worried about you. I haven't seen you much over the past couple of weeks and I hate that, to be honest. I'd gotten used to our conversations. I thought things were going to grow after our confession. Did something change last week?" It probably did because after all, I made a couple stupid comments along the way – or I could be right and this was his way of hiding the Ryan fact from me. Either way, I know I said too much again here but damn it, I can't help it. Is that a crime?
"Nothing changed, Alex. I still feel the same way about you as I did before. I still feel the same way about Ryan and what happened. I guess I'm just afraid to move forward with you because I don't want to be hurt agai-"
"I told you that I would never hur-"
"I know what you said, and damn it, I believe you entirely. I fully believe every ounce of what you told me. But I don't know, I just can't dive right in. I guess I need time to catch my breath and be ready so that way I do this right with you. I don't want to dive in and hurt you, or do the wrong thing." I understood his words – been there, knew the feelings, and fully got what he meant. However, it didn't make the distance and waiting any easier.
"When the time is right, will you let me know that exact second?" The chuckle and smile that followed on his face was all that I needed to hear.
"Alex, I kissed you. That should say something. You don't have to worry – I'm not going anywhere, I promise." The kiss was certainly something that I'd never forget, as a simple reminder brought a smile back to face – and my heart ached at the same time wishing for more of the same.
"I'll hold you to that..."