"Are you sure you're okay y/n?" Hitoka asks after rescuing you from Tsukki's interrogation.
You look at her concerned face not wanting to worry her you tried to give her a small smile and reassure her but ultimately failed. "Honestly I don't know anymore. I'm so tired... physically and emotionally. I knew pushing him away was going to be hard but..."
Hitoka could see you struggling with your tears and pulls you off to the side, giving you privacy from peering eyes, in case the fragile wall holding you together broke. She hugged you tight. "Maybe it's a good thing though. Maybe that means you're friend, Merisa, was right and he just needed to see what missing you was going to feel like."
"I know that's what the hope is but I don't think I can let myself hope like that. I want to, believe me, but what if you guys are all wrong and I let myself hope only to get crushed once again. Like the saying, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst." You choke back your emotions once again mentally trying to repair the frigid walls around your heart.
Hitoka gives you another big hug and walks with you to your next class. You mindlessly take notes, only half paying attention. Your mind is elsewhere the rest of the day continuing on much the same.
***
It was getting harder and harder to keep up appearances and act like nothing was wrong. It felt like a no win situation, you could see what Merisa was saying about the relationship between you and Tsukki. The odd thing between you two was almost like a why try to fix something that wasn't broken situation but if you looked closely at the seams it was held together by duct tape. Sure it wasn't broken but there definitely was no solid foundation, one false move and it's falling apart beneath you.
Why would Tsukki want to label things as a relationship, if he was content with what he had going on. He said he didn't do relationships but you were essentially giving him what a relationship would be. If there was any chance at getting to the bottom of things, this was your best bet. If he did have feelings for you then he will be forced to see what it's like for you not to be around filling that roll anymore and if he didn't... well then it's for the best that you put an end to the physical relationship with him. If you didn't then your feelings would only continue to grow and when he decided he was done with you, it would inevitably lead to you feeling used and discarded.
You don't hate him for his feelings in regards to relationships. It's not like he didn't communicate that to you in the beginning. Truthfully, you're feeling confused and maybe a little upset with yourself. You find yourself wondering if he behaves the same with other girls he has flings with. From what Kiyoko and Hitoka have told you, it would lead you to believe that you're different from them. Which then leads to thoughts of, what makes you different if he doesn't want a relationship with you, are you just a prolonged fuck? A toy for him to have fun with until it's lived out it's use then thrown away. The idea puts a sour taste in your mouth.
It's in the dead of night when you're trying to fall asleep that these thoughts plague you the most. The first night back was one of the hardest. As you had settled into bed, your head meeting the pillow, you caught a hint of his cologne that lingered on your sheets. Giving in to temptation for the night, you dug out the shirt he gave you to wear with his name on the back, slipping it on to sleep in. You had hugged the pillow tight hoping to find some semblance of comfort. The comfort was fleeting though, dreams waking you. Pleasant dreams that were of what you wanted most with him only to wake up feeling cold and alone in your bed. It was almost as if your mind was mocking you. Waving what you wanted in your face just to yank it away. The last few nights have been more difficult and have started to wear on you. Having him corner you the way he did, him being so close to you, reminded you of everything he makes you feel, emotionally and physically. Even as he stood there glaring at you demanding answers and for you to talk to him; all you wanted was to wrap your arms around him and have him hold you but no...
***
"Come on y/n. Come out with us. We need to get you out of the house and your mind off Tsukishima." Hitoka says trying to be cheerful and raise your spirits.
"Yeah let's go out and have some drinks. Maybe do some dancing. Just us girls. The boys can stay home. You need to have some fun." Kiyoko says encouragingly.
"I don't know, I'm just gonna be a Debbie Downer, I don't want to rain on your fun." You moped.
"Nonsense! This isn't for us, it's for you. Staying cooped up all day everyday isn't healthy.
Reluctantly you agree, hoping that maybe they're right and getting out of the house will help your mood.
***
After arriving at the club the girls order a few drinks for you and a round of shots. You eventually feel a little more relaxed and have managed to smile here and there, but despite all this you still feel hollow inside.
"Hey y/n let's go dance some." Kiyoko says tugging on your arm.
"I'm not really in the dancing mood guys. Look I appreciate you trying to cheer me up but..." you try to reason with them but upon Hitoka's sad expression you shove aside your feelings and agree. "Alright I'll try..."
Hitoka hugs you tightly as they drag you out onto the dance floor. You feel a little fuzzy headed from the alcohol but still coordinated and in control. Just enough of a buzz to feel relaxed and loose as you dance, rocking back and forth to the music.
Suddenly an intoxicated someone on the dance floor looses their balance spilling more than half their beer down the back of Kiyoko, drawing a yelp of surprise from her.
"Hey watch it!" Hitoka scolds the girl who spilled her drink.
"Oh my god that's cold!" Kiyoko groans. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom to try and clean up."
"You should go with her Hitoka, it's all over her back and she shouldn't go by herself. I'll be fine here. I'm probably just gonna go back to the table and wait for you guys." You push Hitoka to go with her.
"Are you sure?" Hitoka asks hesitantly. This whole thing was to help you cheer up. She didn't want to leave you alone.
"Yes, I'm positive. I'll be fine for the few minutes you're gone." You give them both a smile to encourage them to go.
"Okay we'll be right back though." Hitoka says following after Kiyoko to help her clean up.
You decide to beginning cutting through the crowd of people to head back to the table when someone tugs you to a stop.
"What's a pretty girl like you, doing here all alone? You wanna dance honey."
You turn around to see a young man with bleach blond hair with a brown undercut and a cocky smile.
"I'd rather not, I'm just heading back to my table to wait for my friends." You say politely removing his hand from your wrist, but before you can fully turn to walk away he moves around you to stand in your path of walking.
"Come on honey, just one dance. Please..." the stranger asks again.
You look towards the ceiling in annoyance at first but then sigh and say okay thinking it's an opportunity to show the girls you tried but are really just ready to go home.
"Alright fine, only one dance but if my friends show up before it's over then I'm heading out. Deal?"
"Fair enough, now come on honey."
***
"Hey hey hey, this place is pretty busy tonight, Kuroo." Bokuto says getting into the music as they make their way to a table off to the side of the dance floor.
"Yeah I think they are having a half off drink special or something tonight which works great for us. Pick your poison Tsukki-poo. You need to relax so you can talk to your girl tomorrow and fix things. Drinks are on me." Kuroo wraps his arm around Tsukki's shoulder pulling him in to his side.
"Awfully generous of you." Tsukki sighs ordering a Kaluha and milk. Kuroo adds a round of sake to the order as well as a beer. While Bokuto orders hot wings and a beer as well.
After quite a few drinks Tsukki's pretty heavily buzzed per Kuroo's plan. He wanted Tsukki to chill the heck out for one night and then go home and crash, hangover be damned. That way when he went to talk to you tomorrow he won't be quite so emotionally wound up.
"You really think she'll talk to me Kuroo?" Tsukki says quietly. "If I tell her the truth about everything, do you think she'll understand?"
Kuroo nudges him with his elbow slightly giving him a reassuring smile. "Definitely bud. She wouldn't have stuck around your salty ass for as long as she has if she didn't care about you."
"Exactly, what Kuroo said Tsukki. Have a little more faith in yourself and just be honest with her. I for sure think she likes you just as much as you like her." Bokuto adds.
Tsukki sits pensive for a little while longer before downing the rest of his drink. "Be right back I'm gonna hit the bathroom real quick."
"Oh no! He's breaking the seal." Bokuto teases
Tsukki turns on unsteady feet giving Bokuto the middle finger. Still feeling a little wobbly from all the drinks Kuroo had given him so far; he begins cutting through the dance floor to short cut his way to the restrooms.
That's when it happens, with ice in his veins he stands cold in one spot. He can't fully see your expression but he's positive it's you. Behind you dancing close with his hands on your hips is Terushima. The more he watches the angrier he gets.
'Why the fuck is she with him...'
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Sorry for the shorter chapter but it's gonna be a double update. I'll be dropping another chapter later today.
Tsukki is definitely PISSED! 🤬🤬🤬 what a case of bad timing 🦖🦖🦖