Sorry
i always apologize when i cry
tears start falling and suddenly it's like i'm asking for forgiveness
forgiveness for what? i don't know
i have no reason to apologize
i mean it's just salt water right?
my body's way of expressing intense emotion physically
why does it feel wrong though?
i've known the answer to that for ages
i don't like feeling vulnerable
crying makes me feel weak
insecure
helpless
i don't like feeling that
who does anyway?
but crying is needed
i know that
it doesn't change my feelings
i can't control it
my need to apologize
to say sorry
for letting myself be vulnerable
for letting my body express what's in my mind
for letting my feelings get the best of me
it's as if i expect
for the tears to stop
for concerned looks to fade away
for the pain, the emotions
to lessen
i can't stand it
just one little word
makes me feel like shit
vulnerability isn't weakness
it's strength
or so i'm told anyway
i can't seem to get that in my head
i mean i know it consciously
subconsciously?
that's a different story
i just want to stop apologizing
i don't want anymore sorries
they don't make me feel better
they don't take away my feeling weak
they're pointless
but i can't
they still escape
no matter how hard i try
just the one little word
and for that
i'm sorry