I climbed the tree and sat in my usual spot. I don't know why I'd gone there because Sadie was everywhere. I could see the carvings we'd made in the tree together over the years, and there was even a small piece of blue wool stuck to a twig, from the time she'd ripped her cardigan.
I thought back to the day when I'd found out my parents were getting divorced, how she'd skipped school to come looking for me, and how we'd sat together for hours. We hadn't said a word, but somehow I was comforted. I traced my fingers over one of the carvings:
C & S
Best friends 4 eva
I remembered that day too. We were just 12, and we'd thought about slicing our palms to seal our friendship "in blood," but both chickened out and decided just to spit and shake on it instead. In fact, if I thought back over the past ten years of my life, there was barely a memory that didn't involve Sadie. She had always been there for me. So why am I so mad at her now?
I tried to wrap my head around it all. The sequence of events. She'd known who kissed me from the start; from the day we'd sat here and chewed all that gum together. She'd listened to me for hours as I spoke about trying to find her, and there she was, in front of me the whole time. Why didn't she just tell me?
I thought of the party I'd organized with all the girls – She'd let me do it. And then the emails. She must have been emailing me while I was right there. Literally, behind my back. And how the hell had McKenzie gotten involved? I still didn't get that part.
There were so many parts to this things, and some were worse than others. There was Sadie kissing me at the party and not telling me– I could forgive that, I could see why she wouldn't tell me. And then there was her setting up an email account and messaging me through it, catfishing me– I could almost forgive that too, almost. But what I didn't think I could forgive was her lying about her parents getting divorced. She'd used that lie to manipulate my feelings, even if she'd been trying to make me feel better.
The divorce was so raw and painful and the idea that my best friend would make up an elaborate lie about 'her divorce' just felt patronizing. Like she was mocking me and making light of it. Lying. That's the part that really got to me. I kicked a small branch off the tree. And then another one, it felt good to snap off the little branches. There was something quite soothing about being destructive right then. But when there were no more little branches to snap, I grabbed my head between my hands—God, This is so fucked up. I couldn't think straight. It had been the craziest, most eventful and volatile three weeks of my entire life. My thoughts were racing and spiralling now. Thank god my phone beeped and snapped me out of it. I reached into my pocket. It was Brett.
Brett: Don't tell me ur fucking up all my hard work!
I guess he heard about the fight.
Connor: Did you know it was her?
Brett: Does it really matter if it was her?
Fuck. He knew too and also hadn't told me. Was everyone I knew a liar?
Connor: YES it matters! She lied to me. She put me through hell.
Brett: AND U DON'T THINK YOU'VE PUT HER THROUGH HELL?!
I was ready to send another angry response, but as I stared at Brett's message, his words hit home. I had put her through hell...for so many years. My phone beeped again:
Brett: Should she have made up an email address and pretended to be someone she was not, someone who's parents were divorced? NO!
Brett: But can you see why she did it? YES! All she's ever wanted for so long is to be close to you, and in some fucked up way, she found it. It was stupid of her, it was messed up, but she did it because she is so in love with you.
Connor: But she lied...
Brett: FFS! Get over yourself Connor Matthews! Climb off that high moral horse you're on right now. Go home. Have a shower, U probably stink, and sleep on it. Things will be clearer in the morning. P.S. I'm gonna start charging u for relationship advice.
At the mere suggestion of my smell, I lifted my arm and sniffed. I did stink. And I was thirsty. With all the post-game drama, I'd forgotten to hydrate, my calves were in agony, and I had a stitch in my side. I hadn't noticed any of it until that moment. The only part of my body I'd been thinking about for the last hour was my heart. And it was in a lot more pain than my calves.
I jumped out of the tree and started walking home. I wondered whether I should message Sadie. Maybe I should just take Brett's advice though? I probably couldn't think straight on a dehydrated brain anyway, and I was acutely aware of my exhaustion. After all those matches and all that emotion, walking home felt almost impossible.
But I didn't really want to go home, either. I wanted to go to Sadie, throw myself on her bed and fall asleep. Those were the best naps, just knowing she was there, busy on her computer, planning her trips or just sitting nearby reading a book. Maybe I wasn't so mad at her after all? In fact, the more I walked, the less pissed off I felt.
"Don't talk to me."
The words I'd said to her rang in my ears.
"You've put her through hell!" Now Brett's words rang in my ears too, and I thought of all the times Sadie must have been pissed at me. It must have hurt for her to hear me talk so much about finding some other girl. God, what a fucking mess.
Even though my body could barely take it, I picked up speed and headed straight for her house, totally disregarding Brett's advice. I didn't know what I was going to say to her, but I had to see her. I wanted to tell her I was sorry and...that I loved her.
It was agony climbing the trellis and I almost lost my footing, twice. Still, I squirmed my way in through the window but instead of Sadie, I came face-to-face with Mr. Glover.
"Hey, um... I was just..." I stuttered, feeling very intimidated as Sadie's father stood up and looked at me.
"I know what you're doing. You do this almost every day. Do you really think we don't know you're playing video games here at 11:00 at night?"
"Uh...." I wanted to throw myself out of the window and run for my life. If I didn't, I was sure I was going to be dragged out.
"Sit down Connor."
"What?".
He gestured for me to sit at Sadie's desk, so I did. Awkward AF.
"Where's Sadie?" I asked, feeling nervous at his sudden formality.
"She's unavailable right now. And probably will be for a while."
"What?...Why?...Is she..?"
He cut me off, "She's fine. Sort–of."
"Good," I replied.
"We've never really had a chance to talk to each other, have we? I mean man to man."
I swallowed. Now it was really awkward.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, tentatively. I was starting to perspire again.
"I have a request. A simple one. I've never asked you for anything before, have I?"
He sounded so calm and business-like, it was eerie. No wonder he was a good businessman, he had the most intimidating presence and he was not the kind of guy you could say no to.
"Sure."
He paused and looked at his watch. "Okay, right now it's Friday 2:30 pm."
He looked up at me as if I was meant to know where this was going. I didn't.
"I want you to have no contact with my daughter until this time next week."
"What?" I shot out of my seat. "But that's... that's..."
"Seven days, exactly. And when I say "no contact," I mean none. No phone, or email, or message or anything."
"But won't I see her at school?"
"No, you won't Connor. It seems that Sadie has been suspended for a week."
"What? How?"
"I'm sure someone will fill you in on all the details." He stood up and walked towards me, I wanted to take a step back, but he extended his hand for me to shake.
"Do we have a deal?"
I stared at his hand, not sure what to do. "Can I ask why first?"
"Because my daughter deserves a break, she needs some space to work some things out and quite frankly, so do you. You can resume your friendship next week Friday, no problem."
It all sounded so strange—What break does Sadie need? A break from me?
Reluctantly, I extended my hand and we shook, but as I tried to pull away he tightened his grip.
"I take handshakes very seriously, Connor. Do not disappoint me."
I gulped and nodded. "Uh...sure," I managed to whisper.
"You're a good boy Connor, blind, very blind, but a good boy. And I've always liked you, and I was really sorry to hear about your parents."
I shrugged. "It's life I guess."
"Life," he echoed. "It doesn't always go the way you planned, right?" And then he patted me on the shoulder before turning and walking out of the room.
WTF was that? I was stunned. This was just another weird event to add to the pile of weird events that week. I took a last look at Sadie's room, climbed out her window and down the trellis and then walked towards my house. I was still trying to wrap my head around what had just happened.
I hope Sadie's okay?