Blowing a solid bubble is no easy feat. You want a plethora of bubbles to chase after? I can do that in my sleep. You want one big, perfectly round bubble to chase into the trees? Nope. No matter what I tried, I couldn't seem to give Mia the exact bubble she wanted. She wasn't upset, actually she found it quite comical that I couldn't manage to form a decent bubble. I don't know where she got the idea that bubble blowing was some inherent skill that all moms have, but I sure as heck was not blessed with this particular ability.
When Tommy first stepped outside, I felt a sense of ease. I like being around him, and having him join us outside, choosing to leave the party with his friends, had my heart doing a little dance. A dance that it probably shouldn't be doing, but it did. When Mia called me out, casually taking to Tommy's warm presence the way I have, I couldn't help but sit back and watch as he blew her mind.
He never once backed down when Mia asked him to join. He dove right in with a genuine sense of joy. He didn't do it out of obligation. He actually seemed to be having a good time. Even his horse like version of Stella showed that he was invested. Something I appreciated. Mia was taken away from a lot when I brought her here. Having someone else on her side means a lot to me, to her.
If only we could have stayed on that patio though. It was the closest thing to the beach we had tonight. Our own little world where we were free to be ourselves. Merging with the rest of the party ripped us from the comfort of our bubble.
When we first stepped into the dining room, the brown haired one immediately clung to Tommy's arm just like she did in the living room. I haven't quite gathered her name yet, seeing as I bolted from the room earlier. I promised Mia I would join her on the patio and I really wasn't up for the touchy feely theatrics on display. The very ones that I get to watch again. I don't miss the small tense in Tommy's shoulders though.
Mia runs around my side, pulling my eyes from the girl clinging to Tommy's arm. Mia jumps into a chair right in the middle. "Mommy, you can sit right here," she beams.
"You got it," I smile, coming up beside her.
"And Tommy," she turns back. "You can sit right here," she points to the chair on the other side. My eyes quickly shift back to his, wondering what he's going to do as everything in me tenses. I was not expecting that.
Before I even have a chance to analyze the situation, he shrugs the girl from his arm and slides in next to Mia.
"Wow," Trevor says from beside the table now, his hand on his heart. "Mia, I thought that was my seat."
"Sorry, Uncle Trey. Tommy just blew the most biggest bubble I ever saw! And he has a dog. A really really cute one."
Tommy's eyes flash to mine and I can't help but think about our first interaction on the beach. The one where I called him out for using his dog to get girls. He smiles slightly and I laugh, shaking my head.
When I look back up, Trevor's eyes shoot to Lacy's. Her head quickly shakes. "We're not getting a dog."
"Oh come on," Trevor says now, almost begging. I see the hesitation on her face as he reaches for her hand, pulling her closer to him. She continues to shake her head in protest, but I have a feeling they're not too far away from a fur baby.
"Dogs are a shit ton of work," the blonde one blurts out and my eyes immediately shoot to hers.
"Language, Brit," Tommy exhales, clearly a bit frustrated. He actually has that same tone I have when I've already told a student a hundred times to raise their hand.
"Oops," she laughs, though she doesn't seem to be that sorry.
The rest of dinner goes somewhat the same. Trevor and the nurses talk a little about work before Lacy thankfully cuts them off. Mia spends most of her time asking Tommy questions about Stella. She wants to know how often he walks her, when he feeds her, what kind of toys she likes. With each answer, I see her wheels turning. She's forming her argument to ask me for one later. I also take notice in the fact that Tommy never once appears to be annoyed with her questioning. Even if she is starting to talk in circles at this point. His authentic interest doesn't go unnoticed as it's a stark change from what I've grown accustomed to over the years.
After we manage to make it through dinner and dessert with only one more F-bomb and two "oh shits" from Brit, I attempt to leave. We're about ten minutes to tantrum city if I don't get Mia home. The problem is that Lacy and my brother have insisted that this is his celebration. One that I need to be at. My parents assure me they have Mia, and even Mia convinces me that it's okay to stay. That's not what ultimately convinces me though. It's those damn blues watching me that finally have me caving.
I begin to walk Mia to the door when she turns back to the group. "Thank you for playing with me, Tommy. Can I play with Stella next time?"
His eyes flicker to mine, holding them there for a moment, like he's asking permission. I run my hand down Mia's hair, leaning down a bit closer to her. "I'm sure we can work something out," I say quietly.
I look back at Tommy as he catches my words and smiles. "Yes," he says now. "I am sure Stella would love to play with you sometime."
Mia jumps next to me with a small yes. Both Tommy and I laugh at her excitement before I walk her out to the car.
When I come back inside, everyone seems to have moved to the living room. They are mostly standing around when I enter the room. Lacy comes in from the kitchen with her hands full of another round of drinks. She hands me a sparkling water, knowing I don't drink. I've seen the dark sides of alcohol and prefer not to partake. Tommy shakes his away as well, mentioning he has to drive home soon.
When we make our way to the couches, I plop down on the smaller one. I am pleasantly surprised when Tommy sits down beside me. I figured he'd end up somewhere with the brunette, who I have come to find out is Madi, on his lap. She's found a way to stay attached to him for most of the night. Not that I've been keeping tabs or anything.
"So, Amber, right?" Brit asks as she sits across from us.
I slowly look up from my drink, not expecting any attention to be directed at me. "Yes."
"Trevor mentioned you just moved back home. Where from?" Brit asks. I glance around the room, my hands already beginning to feel clammy from the concentrated stares.
"New York," I say quietly, trying to calm the sudden increase of my heart. I don't like talking about myself, nor do I enjoy the fact that everyone's eyes quickly shoot to Tommy's at my response before settling back on me.
"New York?" Madi asks now before glancing at Tommy again. "Where in New York?"
I can already feel the deeper rise and fall of my chest and the small tremble of my hands. I quickly squeeze them together, trying to steady the discomfort.
"Oakwood," I say softly, though I wish I had more strength behind it.
"Tommy," she begins, causing me to jump slightly, knowing where this is going. "Isn't that where you're from?"
Before he answers, I feel his leg gently press against mine. The sudden feel of his presence, of his touch, begins to calm the rapid pace of my heart. The fact that he felt my panic, that he offered me the slightest touch without making a scene, calms me. I know if we were on the beach, if we were in our serene bubble right now, that he would be lacing his fingers in mine. I picture that moment, picture the two of us along the water, his ocean eyes looking into mine, calming me without a single word.
"Yeah," he answers, his voice pulling me back into the moment.
"And you guys never met?" Brit jumps back in, her eyes hopping from his to mine.
There it is. The question I know that can so easily be answered with a lie, but I'm so tired of lying to everyone. We did meet in New York. We met in a situation that I'm not proud of. In a situation I let go on for far too long. There's a sense of shame in knowing that Tommy was there all of those years ago, and I only just recently walked away.
"No," Tommy answers before I have a chance to formulate a response.
"Not even once?" Brits continues to pry, my shoulders growing rigid with every question.
"Really, Brit? Do you know everyone in this town?" Lacy jumps in now. I never told Lacy about my run in with Tommy, but I know she sensed my discomfort in the question. Lacy's been through some shit in her life too. Something her and I have connected with. Different demons, same internal torment.
"No," she looks at Lacy before rolling her eyes back to Tommy. "It was just a question."
Tommy's leg is still pressed up against mine, and I can't help but increase the pressure between us, letting him know I'm thankful for his touch, however subtle it may be right now. At my small gesture, he leans forward, resting his elbow on his knee while gently placing it beside my thigh.
This small movement isn't noticed by most. But I do catch one pair of eyes glancing down to our attached limbs and landing on me. Madi. She doesn't seem upset, but she is taking notice. I hold her gaze for a brief moment, longer than I normally feel comfortable doing. I don't know why I feel this sudden urge to return her stare, but something in me feels like I need to hold my ground.
"So what brought you out here, Amber?" Brit's voice slices through the air again, breaking the staring contest I appeared to be having.
"Family," I reply shortly, hoping she'll get bored of me and move on.
"Oh yeah? It's so crazy how everyone is connected," she laughs under her breath. "Tommy becomes friends with Trevor, whose sister just so happens to be from the same town Tommy grew up in. Not to mention Madi working alongside Trevor at the same time she started hooking up regularly with you, Tommy."
Wow.
Have you ever had the wind knocked out of you? That sudden feeling like you've been sucker punched in the gut and lost all ability to find the air necessary to breathe? Yeah, that's exactly what just happened, yet I don't have a freaking clue why my body is having this reaction.
Tommy clears his throat beside me, and I can feel an uncomfortable shift in his seat. I knew Madi seemed a bit friendly, but I honestly couldn't place if it was just her personality or something more. Clearly, her touchy feely vibe was not solely her personality. It also explains the stare down I just received from her.
Shit. Does she think him and I are something? I quickly pull my leg from his, straightening in my seat to distance myself.
"Past tense," Madi quickly says, watching my movements. "We're not hooking up."
Her friend laughs, "Yeah, I've heard that one a million times. Weren't you the one to tell me I should prepare to go home without you tonight?"
I know my chest shouldn't be constricting right now. I know I shouldn't be bothered in the slightest by what is unfolding in front of me, but I can't seem to ignore the pit that's growing in my stomach. I wish Tommy would say something. I don't even know what I want him to say. He doesn't owe me any explanation, so why do I so desperately want one?
"That's not what I said," Madi jumps in now, but it's too late.
I see Lacy sitting forward now, she's preparing to say something, but I shake her off.
"You know," I force myself to speak up before anyone else has something to add. "Mia has a tough time sleeping when I'm not there. I really should get going." I stand from my seat.
"Here," Trevor says, reaching into his pocket. "Take my car. I'll have Lacy drive me over in the morning to pick it up."
I forgot I came here with my parents who are now gone. I'm about to thank him for the quick escape when Tommy finally manages to speak up. "I'm actually going to head out too." He is now standing beside me. "I'll take you home."
"What? You're really leaving?" Brit whines.
"Yeah, I gotta work tomorrow."
I quickly flash my eyes to his. Tomorrow is Sunday. The very day we spend on the beach together every single week. I happen to know for a fact that he's not working. Maybe it's overtime? The thought of not having our moment tomorrow to come back from this evening rattles something in me.
"You ready?" he asks, turning back to me now.
I should say no. I should begin to put distance between us, making sure I don't begin to get attached or blur any lines. I should take my brother's keys and walk out of here alone. I should do a lot of things. Instead, I slowly nod my head before following Tommy to his car.
I've been alone with Tommy a lot. We've had lunch together multiple times after our walks. It's always been comfortable. Even all of those years ago when he stepped into my home to investigate a domestic violence call, something about his presence was calming. He's always had a way to understand what I need, to see what's truly going on in my head. This car ride doesn't carry any of that calm at the moment.
I know this change in our vibe is my fault. I know I shouldn't be making this situation into something it's not. I don't even know why I have this aching feeling after everything that just happened. It's not right to be feeling this way.
"Mia is quite the artist," he says to fill the silence.
My eyes lift up to look over at him. There's already a smile on my face, immediately bringing me joy. "I think so," I say back, thinking about their drawings on the patio. About the way he so easily jumped in and began a picture of his own.
"She's a little singer too," he adds, smiling over at me. "Does she get that from you?"
I laugh at his question, thankful that he's changing the subject from what just happened back there. "No," I shake my head. "That would be a talent I do not possess."
He glances at me before looking back at the road. "Somehow, I find that hard to believe."
"Listen, the only place you can see me singing is in the shower." As soon as the sentence leaves my mouth, I realize what I've said. His cocky ass smile stretches across his lips, but I am quick to jump in. "Easy there Iceman, that wasn't an invitation." I ignore the brief flash of a thought as I watch his laugh take over.
"Is that where you thought I was going with that comment or where you wanted me to go with it?" he asks, clearly jumping on the Maverick wave now.
I slowly shake my head, "That was me using my powers of perception. How did I do, Officer Sallow?"
He pulls the car into the driveway, slowly bringing it to a stop. "Appears I'm not the only one with those powers," he smirks.
The small tint spreading across my cheeks has me looking down to my lap. I'm happy for the way this ride has come to an end. With my awkward need to spontaneously bail on the dinner, I wasn't sure if he and I could find our usual playfulness.
"Thanks for the ride," I say, reaching for the door to escape the sudden heat washing over me. I notice that he turns the car off before opening his door as well. I slowly step out, shutting the door behind me and taking a step forward. The cool night air brushing against me.
He is soon by my side, walking with me to the door. We don't say too much, not until I hit the first step and he calls after me.
"Amber," he says, pulling me back to face him. I lift my eyes to his, waiting for him to speak. He takes a small breath. "Madi and I...we haven't been a thing in a while."
I ignore the wave of relief that washes over me. "It's okay, Tommy. You don't need to explain anything. You're allowed to have relationships with other women," I quickly catch what I just said and jump to correct myself. "I mean, women...in general...like the general population of women," I let out an awkward laugh, trying my best to ignore the insinuation I just made.
I didn't mean to say other women. He's allowed to date, period. All I wanted to do was lighten the mood. The very mood I unintentionally created in the first place by leaving the dinner abruptly. And now I just casually dropped a comment making it sound like I'm part of the equation. Real smooth, Amber.
He doesn't laugh like he usually does though, making me suddenly more nervous about my verbal slip up. Instead, he holds my gaze.
"I know that technically you're right," he whispers. "But in case you haven't noticed, I'm not interested in the general population of women, Amber." He takes a small step back, leaving the cold air in his place.
"Goodnight," he smiles. "I'll see you tomorrow." He turns away from me now, making his way down the path.
It's not until he reaches the door of his car that I realize I still haven't responded. Hell, I still haven't even moved. I quickly shift my eyes to his, remembering the comment he made when we left Trevor's place. "I thought you were working," I finally manage to shout back.
He tilts his head before laughing slightly. "Now why would I go signing up for an extra shift on a Sunday of all days?" He gives me that cocky ass wink before sliding into his car.
I shake my head with a laugh as he pulls out of the driveway. I don't know exactly what he was trying to say, but I do know the flutter I felt when he said it. It's one that I have been ignoring a lot when it comes to Tommy Sallow. One that I don't quite understand the meaning of yet. But even if I did, I don't know if I'm ready to face what it might mean.