Hyunjin loves silence, most especially when it comes from other people and Felix.
Tag(s): weapon imageries, gun pointing, emotional manipulation
hi, i know i said on the previous note that i will be changing the plotline, but after reading the chapters i did so far, i realized that the imageries of the concept i was avoiding wasn't really graphically described so i will only be changing words here and there, and continue on writing this fic.
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Felix couldn't help but toss around the soft mattress he's been offered to by a man named Changbin, who apparently, pointed a gun straight to his friends' faces. The room he's currently in wasn't any suspicious. In fact, it was just too blank for his liking. Like some places—the corners maybe, underneath his bed, inside the small cabinets, the bathroom, and even the windows, were bugged and someone is watching him closely.
He knew better than to trust anyone than his mates at this point. He knew that a person would come in his room, without thinking of knocking, not even once, and smile at him with so much intent hidden behind those glinting teeth.
He knew better, yet he couldn't help but feel relieved by who it was just because it was Hwang Hyunjin that entered the room.
"Hi, baby!" Hyunjin's voice was once again tempting, as if it was taunting him to reclaim his knives and point them straight to Hyunjin's neck, "Oh come on, don't be so scared of me."
"I am not scared of you," He cocked his head and retreated his foot, his hand fumbling over his belt, pulling a blade placed inside his pocket, "Not even the slightest."
He was telling the truth. He wasn't even scared of how crazy Hyunjin acted with him and with his friends, he wasn't even scared of what Hyunjin would do to him despite being scathed by a combat knife just because it was fun. He wasn't scared, he will never be.
There is just something in Hyunjin that he wanted to understand. Maybe it was for himself, or maybe it was for his friends, to finally let his friends, most especially Seungmin, breathe easier and trust him, and maybe trust Hwang Hyunjin. There is just something in Hyunjin that he wanted to see, a speck of humanity—fondness, admiration, grief, disgust, pride, and gluttony.
He will never judge Hyunjin for what he is. He cannot. He will never judge Hyunjin for he is not even that clean, not the slightest—
Not when Hyunjin simply sat down on the sofa on the farthest corner of the room, smirking his way and brushing his wet hair up and down to his nape.
"You can always defend yourself from me, but I won't hurt you. I did tell you that quite a lot of times already." He watched Hyunjin shrug his shoulders and lay his back against the pillow.
There is something in Hyunjin; he really can't put a name on it, but there is something in the way Hyunjin brings himself, and it came to his realization, that maybe, aside from helping the rest of the members of Minho's team, he was also there to understand what and who is Hyunjin.
"Why are we here?" It took him quite a while to realize that his question was kind of stupid, but Hyunjin didn't say anything about it and smiled at him.
A smile without the unnecessary grin, a smile that drew a line on his lips, showing few of his dimples across his cheeks, a smile that made him feel the tingling on his chest, shooting blood straight to his head, and ears, heating, and flushing both his ears in the process.
"You came here, as far as I can remember."
He didn't say anything anymore. He stood up and placed himself right on the center of the opened window, the air gushing through the strands of his hair.
"You really don't trust me?" Hyunjin nonchalantly spoke. Felix watched Hyunjin's eyes dart from the ground and straight up to him, as if he was engulfing him with the emotion that pooled on his orbs.
People already knew how Hyunjin acts: ruthless, crazy, and extraordinary. People already knew how Hyunjin will act. Yet people don't know how and why he acts like that. Felix didn't want to indulge himself in that thought anymore, he didn't need to.
But the more he looks straight at Hyunjin's eyes, the more he finds himself wanting to know more than what was laid out right in front of him.
It was as if Hyunjin was raw when seen right bat on his eyes. It was as if Hyunjin was just like everyone else—scared, proud, and entitled. It was as if Hyunjin, the one that Seungmin and Chan always told him to be aware of, wasn't someone he needs to be looking out for, but was him.
"You let me bleed." Felix answered with a quirk, his eyebrow raising for a short while, "I don't think I can trust anyone who dared to cut me."
Hyunjin closed his eyes at that answer, cherishing the deep lulling voice that sought shelter to his ears, lingering in his mind. He felt a sort of satisfaction in his chest, shooting straight right into his cheeks, tumbling havoc in him causing him to stand up and smile so wide it hurt his cheeks.
He opened his eyes at the scoff he heard from Felix seconds later.
Felix was looking at him with wide eyes, carefully collating the surprise and awe on the edges of those stares, keeping them right inside him to feed off into that satisfaction, just by simply smiling and acting like a psychopath.
"Then why didn't you push me away?"
The silence Felix replied to his question was what gave Felix away.
Hyunjin always thinks about how silence can mean so many things; can mean so many words that their mouths and tongues couldn't bear to tell. He always thinks about how silence can be the loudest scream so far; like how silence is a whole plead, yet the silence was being romanticized. He always thinks about how silence is the answer to every question.
Like maybe Felix went silent because he didn't know how Hyunjin realized that he didn't even bother to push him away when he sliced through the scarred flesh of the former, or like maybe Felix went silent because he knew that Hyunjin was right and that his silence was simply agreeing to the insinuated meaning of his question.
Hyunjin always adored silence.
It makes him feel things. It makes him hear things. It makes him awake, boils him, eagers him to be more, to do more, and most especially, it makes him want Felix even more than he does by now.
"So answer me, princess," He slowly walked to where Felix was, his smile never left his face, just endearing the fuck out of Felix, "Am I the crazy one? Or are you?"
He didn't stop walking even when Felix opened his mouth and raised his hand in an attempt to stop him. He didn't stop walking even when Felix trembled under his gaze as he paved his way to where Felix tried to get away from. He didn't stop walking—why would he stop walking?
He loves seeing Felix shake, it's fun!
He loves seeing Felix look at him bashfully, it's the utmost entertainment he's been looking for.
"What the hell do you want from me, Hyunjin?"
He abruptly stopped, a ruler away from Felix. His smile was already worn off, a straight line formed on his lips, teeth gritting and knuckles forming white from excessive fisting. The slit on his eyes grew thin, his vision slightly blurred out and Felix remained in the middle, looking so scared of how close he was.
He always adored silence; he was sure about it.
But Felix's silence almost meant nothing but fear.
"What did I do to you for you to fear me, Felix?"
Jisung pushed the door of Felix's assigned room. He just felt something strange. Strange like how he couldn't close his eyes as his mind always drifts off to Felix like he was in danger. Strange like how he knows that Felix was asking for help, even if he was in the farthest room of the hall.
He isn't the best friend for no reason after all.
But what he didn't feel before going in then was the possibility of Hyunjin's face being held by Felix's one hand while hearing a giggle out of Hyunjin when he saw Jisung on the door frame with his hand covering his mouth.
He pulled a gun out of his waistband.
"Don't fucking move, Hyunjin." He hated how curses feel so wrong in his tongue.
He pointed the gun right at Hyunjin's head. At any minute, he can pull the pin and trigger, and blow up Hyunjin's head with his skilled aim.
He frantically looked at Felix, urging him to move away. But before he could ever say something to Felix, Hyunjin already placed his hand on Felix's shirt, clutching the fabric before pulling Felix, making Felix stumble his way to him, Felix letting go of his face in the process of doing so. Felix's neck easily met Hyunjin's face.
And Jisung panicked so hard that he dashed right behind Hyunjin, waiting for Felix to give him the signal, like they always did.
"Do people always love you like this?" Hyunjin whispered against Felix's neck, causing Felix to shrill and stare at Jisung right in front of him.
Hyunjin's breath tingled his skin. The deep, slow breaths, exhaled straight to his neck, fanning the senses of his flesh, made him bite his lower lip, shift his weight to his right and wrap his hands on Hyunjin's ribs.
"Jisung can shoot your head any minute."
Jisung's eyebrows furrowed at that statement, demanding an explanation from Felix for the way he informed Hyunjin about the gun. Jisung knew that Hyunjin was mumbling something, he knew that much because Felix closes his eyes ever so often.
He can see the dilation of Felix's pupils, the cold sweat that runs down to his forehead, and even the fidgeting of his toes inside the combat boots he forgot the remove. He is analytical, and Felix is his best friend. They knew more than what the others know about either of them.
So naturally, he knows it when Felix was starting to have a clouded mind.
"Then kill me," Hyunjin said loud enough for Jisung to hear him, "Would that make you feel good, Han?"
Jisung was frozen in his stance. His arm slowly lowered while his eyes remained still on the bubbling head of the long-haired brunette. He couldn't even look at his best friend—the one who knows him like the back of his hand. He didn't want to try, not when the guilt was etched on his face while Hyunjin, who pushed himself away from Felix, faced him with anger burning in his eyes.
He couldn't speak.
He couldn't move his tongue.
It was as if he was surrendering himself to Hyunjin with the silence that he could've mustered.
His mind got bombarded again of the reason why he was the one tasked to move around and steal from different bases. His mind reminds him of how he wouldn't want to dirty his hands; of how he wouldn't want blood running down his weapons; of how he wouldn't want his bullets to be buried deep in somebody else's cavity, let alone a new ally who is Hyunjin.
He's only so much, and a scared one at that.
And Hyunjin saw right through him.
"Shut up." He whispered.
But Hyunjin adored silence, he loves it when people swallow their own words and dwell on them until they can no longer function in the daylight. He loves it when he wrecks people, when he messes with their emotions; he loves it, most especially if he can see himself in other people.
A hand snaked on his palm, catching his fingers in between a set of bony ones. He didn't have to ask who it was—of course, it'd be Felix. He wanted it to be Felix.
So before he could ever pull the gun from Jisung's hand and point it straight to his chest, Felix already pulled his hand so tight to him, warning him for what he was about to do.
"Don't touch Jisung."
It was an order, not a request, and Hyunjin willingly followed like a pet wagging his tail at his owner.
He and Felix watched Jisung stare at his feet.
All of them went silent.
Holy fuck, he loved that silence.
The silence that came from him, from Felix, and from Jisung. The silence that he gave only to comply with Felix's demand, the silence Felix gave to give comfort to Jisung, and the silence that Jisung was trying so hard to give because he felt so defeated.
He loved those silences because they're the loudest cries he has heard from somebody else—
Felix spoke, "Ji, it's okay," and Jisung replied, "Lix, I should have been there with you and not Chan-hyung."
The loudest aside from his.
Felix gripped his hand so tight, he could've said something.
But he remained silent.
And smiled.
"Hyunjin's not a bad guy, Ji."