Chapter 9 : Therapy
Thursday afternoon arrived quicker than I'd hoped.
Before I knew it I was sitting in the lobby of the psychiatry office waiting for my name to be called.
After about 20 minutes of me being there the door leading further into the back of the office opened.
He stood there at the doorway and I couldn't help but to stare for a moment before answering him when he called my name out.
"Faith?"
His voice was stern but smooth.
He stood there in a tailored blue and white, button up, plaid long sleeve shirt with blue slacks and matching plaid loafers.
He was Caucasian but had tan skin, sky blue eyes, a 5 o'clock shadow and very muscular arms.
I wasn't trying to sexualize him but god damn he was fine.
Why did I have to pick an attractive therapist?
Hopefully he's rude or something so I can fire him.
I should've looked at his photos before making the appointment.
My thoughts began to overflow.
I snapped out of it, stood up and walked towards him.
I'd never been into white guys anyway and my attention was on Omar.
This won't be a problem at all.
He held the door open for me as we began to make our way down the hallway.
We passed several other offices with closed doors, finally we made it to his at the end of the hallway.
The sign on his door read
Lucas Mayfield, MD
I felt nervous about being in an office with someone that looked how he did.
I was nervous about therapy in general so him looking like a dream guy from a romance movie didn't help.
I sat down on a couch facing his chair.
He had a tan leather couch, two brown matching leather recliners on opposite sides, a wooden marble coffee table and small palm trees in the corners.
A small running water fountain sat near the window with the soft sound of water rippling.
"Let's jump right in shall we?," he asked, "I'm Dr.Mayfield, I've been a professional counselor for over 12 years. I've helped many different kinds of patients over my lifespan but I specialize mostly in trauma and abuse recovery."
He continued, "When you did your online appointment scheduling and gave small details about your reason for seeking counseling I definitely realized that I could be of great help to you. I'd love to help you achieve whatever mental goals you have set for yourself and provide you with the best experience possible.
" I'd also like to remind you that everything said in this room will be fully confidential."
He was extremely professional and I could tell he would provide me with all the right kind of help that I needed.
I felt a little more relaxed now.
He asked me to jump right in telling him about myself and my specific reason for seeking counseling.
"It's nice to meet you Dr.Mayfield," I replied.
"I'm here because about 6 months ago, I left a 6 year abusive relationship with someone who emotionally, physically and most importantly mentally harmed me. After this relationship ended I began to slowly attempt to rebuild myself, but I'm struggling."
Saying this out loud felt good. I felt no judgment, I felt free.
"I like to be very open and direct with my patients, especially when getting deep into traumatic past experiences, so if you're okay with it I'd like to address those we speak of in this room by their name," he suggested.
I nodded in agreement, "His name is Jackson. I always called him Jax."
"How did you meet Jax?," he asked while writing notes into his journal.
"I was accompanying a friend, um — I meant my friend Ashley to a party," I responded.
"What kind of party was this?," he asked while looking up at me.
"It was a pool party. Drinking, smoking, we were teens," I explained.
He took his glasses off his face, closed his journal and sat up with his hands folded.
"Was this party a usual gathering for you, or did you feel displaced?," he asked directly.
"Well um—somewhat displaced, yes displaced," I stuttered.
"There's never any good excuse to justify someone choosing to become abusive or overpowering, but you meeting Jax in an environment in which you were somewhat already uncomfortable gave him some leverage. He possibly took advantage of the situation," he responded.
"May I ask your ages at the time?"
I gulped and began processing what he was saying to me.
"I was 19, he was 24," I replied, keeping my head down.
"Though you were legally old enough to date someone that age, it wasn't exactly the most beneficial situation for you," he explained.
He had a point, in most cases men that have bigger age gaps over women tended to be naturally possessive.
I continued talking with him about my history with Jax and that's when he asked the hardest question ever.
"How was your relationship with your father growing up?"
I sat there in silence fighting back the painful tears that had began to store in my eyes.
He must've sensed this reaction because he told me we could get further into it at our next session, which we scheduled for next Monday.
I thanked him for all of his help and ensured him that I would be more than happy to continue the conversation at our next session.
As I left the building I unlocked my car, got in and softly began to cry.
I had felt very accomplished knowing I had actually shown up to therapy and spoken to someone about how I was feeling, but having to think of the first man who ever broke my heart had hurt me all over again.
More than I could've imagined.
I turned my key in the ignition and started to head home. I needed a blunt and some sleep.
A/N : I hope I did a good job at describing this therapy session, I had to dig a little deeper & think of what an actual therapist would ask & suggest. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned. 🖤🦋
- Revised by author on 3/17/23 🫶🏾