Izuku Midoriya doesn't believe in second thoughts. Well, it's natural to have second thoughts. It's human nature. To rephrase, Izuku Midoriya doesn't have second thoughts about the life he is currently living.
He never once doubted or regretted the day he swallowed All Might's hair.
He didn't regret saving Bakugou from that slime monster, even if it egged on Bakugou's vendetta for him.
He didn't regret coming to U.A, for he met so many allies and friends there. He met Ochaco.
Ochaco .
He could remember the day like yesterday, walking into U.A, tripping, and suddenly he's not on the floor? He's frozen in midair when a girl comes into the frame. The rest was history, stuttering when she was near, having each other's backs, the small glances.
He can admit now something was always between them now. The little glances and smiles they shared. Casually, the small things grew to be larger, to where they are now.
She was always there.
She's even there, right in front of him, calling his name.
"Deku?" She whispered. Her voice was faint but still there despite the weather around them.
He flinched.
His mind drifted back to reality. Ochaco was in front of him, in the rain. Her hair was in an updo by some hair tie he bought her. She dressed in her rain gear. She held an umbrella that covered both of them from the downpour. Even in the mundane gloomy rain, she glowed. Izuku found it beautiful.
"Y-yeah?" He stammered. It's been weeks into this relationship. Why was he still stammering? This pit of nervousness that didn't seem to let up always came around when Ochaco was there.
"You alright? You kinda spaced out for a second," She tilted her head to the side to study the boy.
"Yeah, yeah," He nodded. "Let's get inside. It's pouring out here." Ochaco nodded, and they ran back to the dorms.
They were coming back from a date. A small one, just to a cafe beside the school. For some reason, Ochaco seemed to love it. She'd always go on about the memories she had there. It held a lot of sentimental value to her. Then she would blush and mutter something about making new ones with Midoriya. The pair would travel back to the dorms, she would kiss him goodnight, and that was that.
Their cafe dates followed a similar structure. Izuku didn't mind. He was happy enough to bask in Ochaco's presence and truly call her his. It felt like a dream almost that he had someone who loved and cared for him so strongly besides his mother. Someone who believed in him, someone who strived to be like him, it's not something he could accept.
But then Ochaco would come twirling in front of him, finding pleasure in something random and gushing about it to him, and his worries would float away.
He walked her up to her room, or as far as she would let him go. She didn't want to cause controversy or rumors or anything like that. Izuku understood though he knew his classmates wouldn't take it the wrong way.
Once at her door, she turned around to face her boyfriend. Her lips brushed his cheek briefly before pulling away. He smiled and bid her goodnight.
He made his way downstairs to grab a snack when he saw a familiar girl. A bonnet on her head, the scent of bubblegum, the sound of light giggling, it had to be Mina.
She was at the fridge, probably fishing around for a snack as well. She saw the freckled teen when she finished grabbing what she wanted. She waved, smiled that million-dollar smile, and bid him goodnight.
Izuku stood there dumbfounded and unable to move. For the strangest reason, his eyes started to water.
Midoriya lay in his bed that night, wondering if he had any regrets. About an hour ago, he would have said no. There was nothing sorrowful tugging on his heartstrings, nothing painful to think back on. He had a loving girlfriend, a quirk, and friends he could trust with his life.
Still, he concluded he had one regret. It was something that made him twist around in bed every so often, something that made Izuku get into a funk. He regretted leaving Mina.
Not trying to salvage the friendship he had, rushing into a relationship, allowing them to drift apart, he hated all of it. Studying wasn't the same, as walking to school, running in the hallways, awkward calls. It's all gone, and Midoriya's not sure how to get it back.
---
He wasn't too sure how to take the news at first. One of his best friends was pouring their undying love for him on the spot, and he felt nothing. He hated it, he hated seeing Mina cry, hated making her feel this way, hated knowing he unknowingly caused her pain for the past few weeks.
It was anger, anger at the way things turned out, and also a bitter resentment when he accepted that was the way things were going to be. Izuku didn't know that would be the last hug they would share. If he knew, he would do anything to change it.
He texted her Merry Christmas. He debated whether he should. He didn't exactly understand the concept of giving space when he thought about it. How much was too much for her? How much of him triggered her feelings for her? How long would this take? When would things go back to normal? She sent a Merry Christmas back, so he assumed things were good.
Break finished quickly. Before Izuku knew it, it was moving in a day. He stopped to talk with Ochaco when he saw Mina. There was a way about the way she carried herself that felt reassuring. She seemed more at ease, more relaxed. Things seemed to be going well for her. He smiled, and Mina smiled back.
Something about her grin triggered something within him. A calm panic, an epiphany, a realization. An unwarranted one, to be specific. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, so Izuku did the best thing.
He asked Ochaco out. He didn't mean to, at least not yet.
He liked Ochaco. More than he wanted to admit, he didn't mean to take things so quickly.
However, it eased the tightness in his chest, so he made peace with it. Ochaco gasped at the sudden confession and ended up running away. She texted him later to meet him at the cafe. It was a date.
He spent the first hour talking to himself in his room about how he would go about the date. Then he realized he didn't have much time left, so he hopped in the shower, washed his hair, and began to style it.
Miraculously, Mina showed up at his door. The tightness in his chest made itself present again. She was there to deliver the hoodie back. He'd almost forgotten about it, truthfully.
It might have been better for Mina to leave. He didn't want to accept it, though. He begged her to stay, he didn't expect it to work, but she did. She gave him tips on his hair, even giving up and helping him herself.
They laughed and joked a bit, and things were easy. The uneasy feeling in Izuku's chest was gone, replaced by a warm fuzzy one.
At the cafe, they both came clean. Ochaco admitted her feeling for Izuku first, and then Izuku. The night filled up with laughs, giggles, blushes, and more. He walked her to her dorm, bid her goodnight, and crashed in his. Perhaps, that's where the routine came originated.
His interactions with Mina decreased. He didn't pretend like things were the same. He couldn't. That warm fuzzy feeling was dieing out and replaced with a heavy feeling on his chest whenever he saw the horned girl.
---
"Are you sure you're alright, Midoriya?" Tsuyu yawned. Tsuyu, Ochaco, and Iida were eating with Midoriya. Nothing was unusual except Izuku's sudden shift in mood.
"I'm not sure what you mean," He huffed, taking a bite of his sandwich. Tsuyu looked around and motioned to Iida, who cleared his throat.
"Recently, Midoriya," Iida started. "We noticed that you don't seem yourself lately." Tsuyu nodded.
"You keep staring off into space, and the bags under your eyes seem to show up more often. Are you getting enough sleep?"
"Yes," He yawned. He wasn't. He found an old notebook, one Kacchan hadn't touched, and started scribbling. Mostly about ways to live this heavy feeling off of his chest.
"Whatever it is, you can tell us! We're here to help you, Midoriya!" Ochaco shook her fists in encouragement, and Deku couldn't help but grin.
Looking around, Izuku smiled to himself, realizing he had great friends. Everyone in 1-A always tried to look out for one another, but his friends had his back the most. A feeling of gratefulness swelled inside of him. He wished it stayed.
What replaced a calming thankfulness was guilt. It sunk low in Izuku's stomach and tormented him from the inside. Was it so bad to be hyper-fixated on Mina? For a girl, he didn't care about too much a few months ago? The idea and memories of her swerved his mind taunting him about his loss.
He had to get her back.
"I'm fine," He managed. "Just stressed about practical exams, that's all," He lied. A small part of him was worried about practical exams. Noone knew what to expect. Last time, when they had practical exams, they under-prepared. The class had chosen to believe the rumor that they were fighting robots when it turned out to be the complete opposite. They took a silent oath to take exams more seriously. The other part of him was thinking of ways to talk to Mina. Something, a spark, anything .
He decided on the first option. It was easier.
---
His efforts had not been in vain. Izuku and Mina were now on a greeting basis.
After about a week of planning, Izuku managed to catch in by herself. He gave a small wave. She smiled back.
He'd call out her name in the hallway, and she'd wave. On a good day, she'd say, "Hey, Midoriya!". Not Izuku. It would be weird to call him by his first name after barely interacting with him for weeks. Still, Izuku grasped at the straws he had.
He allowed himself to shift his focus off Mina for a bit, now that they are speaking to each other. He was glad. He needed to focus on exams and fall back into his regular self. He didn't want his friends worrying over him.
---
Falling back into the line of things was more difficult than he thought. His patience and social battery had decreased. He had stuff he wanted to say to his friends. He didn't want to seem distant all of a sudden. However, every time he tried to speak, the words in his throat were stuck. Izuku didn't mind. He liked this comfortable silence. So much, that he hung out with his friends less.
Midoriya loved his friends. He would do anything for each one of them. Lately, when he did hang with his usual squad, it felt like static. It was like the world was too loud, and he wanted to get silent. At first, it was small, forgetting to text the group chat back, falling into complete ghosting in a way. He saw the messages. He saw people asking, "Where did Midori go?".He didn't bother to say, "Right here," He could care less.
He figured he should fall out of this phase soon, take it easy, and stop ignoring everyone but Ochaco. The one for all user couldn't bring himself to do that. It had become an comfortable loneliness.
---
"Izuku," Ochaco nudged his arm. His eyes fluttered awake to look at the rosy-cheeked brunette on top of him. The longer front pieces of her hair framed her head perfectly. They brushed against his face and tickled his cheeks.
"Ochaco," He hummed. She leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek, and he dodged.
She frowned and pushed herself off him. She had snuck Izuku into her dorm for English tutoring. Usually, she would go to a group study session with her friends. Lately, they have found themselves less productive. Iida agreed that it would be good to take a break from group study sessions. There were no complaints. She went to Izuku. She wanted to hang out more with her boyfriend since it's radio static on his end of the relationship. There was hope in her heart that she could fix him, change him.
"That's the fifth time this week you fell asleep while you're supposed to be tutoring me," She huffed. "Even when we go somewhere else, you always manage to find a way to fall asleep."
"Are you getting enough rest?" Her hands ran through his hair as she spoke. "This isn't like you, Izuku. I know exams are difficult and all, but you gotta pull through!"
He faked a smile. He wanted to give a genuine one. The frown on Ochaco's face did not let up. She hopped off her bed and started collecting her books. It was Izuku's time to frown.
"Where are you going?" He propped himself up on his elbows. "Look, I'm sorry for doing whatever I did. I've just felt exhausted lately. I'm not sure why. I know it doesn't excuse my actions and-" Ochaco set her books down and walked over to her boyfriend.
Her hands gently cupped his face as she leaned in and kissed his lips. Taken by surprise, he scrambled to kiss the girl back. When she leaned away, she still frowned.
"It's not the same," She mumbled. "The sparks aren't there," She hummed. Instinctively, Midoriya reached for her hand. Reluctantly, she pulled away.
"Are you sure you're alright, Izuku?" She paused. "I can feel it. You're not telling me something. I thought I should just give you space until you wanted to talk, but it's affecting our relationship."
"Whatever's happening, whatever you're thinking of, just know I'm always here, and I want to help and I love-"
"It's nothing," He spat. "Just let it go." His words were colder than usual. Everything in the room seemed to annoy him, and for once, Izuku wished the world would shut up.
He turned on his bed to rest again. He was determined to fulfill his wish with a long-needed rest. Maybe Ochaco muttered something, probably something important. Izuku didn't hear, though. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.