It was evening.
The kitchen area was already vacant and dim at this hour, the atmosphere so deathly quiet that one could literally hear the drops of liquid dripping from the partially twisted faucet. Isanna sighed as she twisted it around, fully turning it off. As she straightened herself in front of the counter, she slowly rolled her left shoulder and flexed her fingers, feeling the muscles contract at the movement. A few days had already passed since their 57th expedition, and the veterans had been busy preparing for their next operation.
Stretching her arm, Isanna heaved a silent breath as she felt the kinks in her arm after days of the limb being inactive flow out; the day for Eren and Erwin to pass through Stohess was around the corner, so she needed to regain sufficient strength for it.
Speaking of Erwin, flashes of what happened in his office the day before yesterday flooded into her memories. She blushed, then quickly slapped herself across the face.
Amidst the silence of the kitchen room, the slap left behind an echo.
She told herself to get a grip, before she looked at her palm and alternated tightening and relaxing it.
"Sergeant.. how is your arm?"
Isanna glanced over her shoulder and saw Mikasa standing at the door frame, subtly fidgeting with her fingers.
"Oh hey, Mikasa," she greeted. "I can move it a little better now, thanks for asking."
She noted the way a glint of regret passed by through her expression. "I'm.. really sorry. Because of me, you and Captain Levi were injured."
A faint smile formed on Isanna as she waved her hand. "It's fine. I've had my fair share of injuries in this organization. Besides, I heal pretty fast. What's important is that we're both alive." She shook her head. "Anyway, what're you doing here?"
"I was just passing by, Sergeant," she curtly replied.
She really wasn't the talkative type, Isanna noted. She walked over and crossed the distance between them, gently patting her by the head. "Don't let that one mistake drag you down, soldier. Use it as a lesson for next time; don't let it happen again."
Mikasa nodded, steeling her expression in determination. "I will. I won't.. disappoint you next time, Isanna-san."
She called her by name. Isanna was elated. She ruffled Mikasa's hair. "I know you won't—you never have."
After she bid her farewell, Mikasa turned and watched her walk down the hallway, farther from the kitchens. Mikasa touched the spot where Isanna had patted her, a sensation of warmth spreading across her chest, and wistful expression on her face.
She recognized this feeling. It was the same one she'd felt back with her mom during the simplest times of her life, and it was also the same feeling she'd felt when Eren's mom took her in her new home and welcomed her as family.
A mother's affection.
•
Two days later...
"Jean."
The said teenager flinched and turned around at the call of his name and saw his Sergeant Major; he was heading to his room to retire for the day.
"Sergeant Major," he acknowledged with a brief bow before saluting at her. "Is there.. something I can help you with?"
Isanna was wearing a grim expression as she motioned for him to lower his salute, something Jean didn't fail to notice, but didn't think too much about it. After all, they had just finished their recent expedition the previous day which ended as a failure, and Eren was going to be sent to the capital in two days time; everybody knew that once he was handed over to the authorities, he would most likely be disposed of after 'dissecting' his body.
"Yes," she confirmed with a grave nod. "But we're pressed for time, so I'll explain it to you on the way to Eren."
Jean blinked with confusion as she rounded her heel and stalked away without another word. He recovered from his thoughts and followed after her steps as the both of them walked down the dim hallway, heading out of the barracks and stepping into the cold courtyard.
"Don't speak to anyone about this," Isanna started without slowing down her pace nor glancing back at him, "but we pinpointed a suspect for the female titan's identity."
Jean almost choked at his own saliva. "Y—you did? Who is it?" His heartbeat picked up its pace and he could hear the drumming beating against his chest as nervousness mixed with excitement began filling him up; their previous attempt to capture their enemy had ended up for nought and all the lives they had lost were in vain, so he thought that with this, maybe they could make up for all the losses.
"We suspect it's one of your friends from the southern 104th Training Corps," he heard her say. "She's in the Military Police stationed in Stohess as we speak."
Jean's eyes widened as saucers while his brows shot up in surprise. "F—from.. the 104th? How did—"
"Armin will explain to you," Isanna interrupted him, and it was then did Jean realize that they were nearing a carriage that was waiting for them outside their headquarters.
Armin? he thought, mind only becoming even more befuddled. How is Armin connected to any of this? And most importantly.. what do I have to do with this?
Hold on.. there was only one person who joined the Military Police—
Isanna opened the carriage and stepped inside first with Jean following suit, whose whirling confusion only deepened when he saw Armin and Mikasa sitting at one side of the carriage while his Commander was at the other. After greeting Erwin, he seated himself next to Mikasa, the trio squeezing together while Isanna took the empty spot beside Erwin.
"Jean Kirschtein, it's a pleasure to meet you," Erwin said and extended a hand for the said teenager to shake, which he quickly accepted. "I believe Isanna has already filled you in on why you're here with us."
"Only a gist of it," Isanna said before Jean could speak up, reclining against her seat with crossed arms and legs. "Armin's explanation would be more detailed."
She made a point to avoid eye contact with him, although she could feel his not-so subtle staring from the corner of her eye.
The carriage had already began rolling down the pavement, clopping horse hooves hitting the ground as they made their bumpy ride towards the castle where Levi and Eren were waiting.
Erwin nodded and motioned for Armin to explain everything they had discussed about the previous nights, as he handed a file of papers over to Jean who reluctantly accepted it.
"Annie?" Jean didn't want to believe it at first, but the more Armin talked, the more believable it became. His shock was only replaced with indignation when the Armin revealed how Annie had used Marco's equipment to pass the inspection back then.
Armin's jaw tensed as he nodded. "I don't want to believe it either.. but all the evidences lead up to her."
As Isanna listened to their conversation, she soon found herself staring down at the paper in her hand. It included the details of the operation to capture the female titan.
She flipped through the page and skimmed the mapped diagram of the eastern outer district of Wall Sina, Stohess district.
"Um, Commander Erwin," Armin said, once he was done explaining things to Jean. "Are you sure we should go with my plan? Even though you already prepared back-up plans.. there are still high risks, and we would have to face the authorities after."
"I've already reviewed your strategy, Armin. And it's the best we have as of the moment," he said. "As for the authorities, I'll take responsibility."
In the following minutes, only small conversations accompanied the group as they headed towards the castle ruins where Levi and Eren had been staying. Jean was evidently disgusted and annoyed at the fact that he was going to disguise as Eren, but begrudgingly complied for the sake of capturing Annie.
Isanna peeked through the side window and could finally make out the dark outline of the moss-dressed castle up ahead. With the shadowy veil hovering above it and the knowledge that only Levi and Eren were occupying it after the unfortunate demise of squad Levi, the castle looked gloomier.
She tightly frowned.
Isanna knew they were not in some rainbow fairytale story where the heroes manage to achieve their goals and everybody gets to live happily ever after—this was the real world, and the real world had its gray areas. There were bound to be sacrifices and deaths in the process, and she was sure the Survey Corps, particularly Erwin, was going to answer to the authorities after they pull this operation without permission. She was also aware that, being his assistant, she would have to accompany him to those council pigs.
She clenched her fist on her lap as she imagined the casualties, particularly the innocent civilians who were all going to be caught up in this operation. Another risk. Another gamble. Another sacrifice.
But she already made up her mind, and that was to support Erwin's decision. The blood on those citizens were on their hands, whether they liked it or not.
The meeting went by smoothly, save for the fact that Eren was skeptical and absolutely apprehensive at the thought of Annie Leonhart being the female titan, but after much persuasion, he eventually relented.
Two days later, the plan for the Stohess operation was to be set in motion.
•
The night before Erwin and Eren was to be escorted to the royal capital, Erwin had summoned Mike to his office
"You need me for something?" He asked just as he entered the office. He closed the door behind him and walked over in long strides.
"Yes, I have a task for you." Erwin stacked the papers in front of him and set it at the side of the table.
Mike waited for him to continue. Both men hadn't really brought up the conversation they had the other day, and Mike decided that was for the best. They had more pressing matters to tend to.
"I want you to supervise the new recruits while the rest are to participate in the Stohess operation," Erwin began, "I already had someone prepare a secluded cottage in the southern regions of Wall Rose. Tomorrow, you and your squad are to take the 104th recruits and keep a close eye on them in the case of enemy accomplices. Any questions?"
Mike was more than willing for the responsibility. "None." Then a thought passed him. "Out of curiosity, is Isanna participating in the capture?"
"She will not be actively participating, but she and Levi will be with me," Erwin answered, and Mike noticed the brief pause he made.
"What is it?"
Erwin had already given his task delegations careful consideration. Initially, he'd planned to send Isanna to supervise the new recruits because of her injury, because Mike's strength was certainly going to be helpful in their Stohess operation. But he realized that should things go south and a titan battle were to occur, her injury could potentially hold her back.
And so, Erwin decided Mike was best suited for this supervision.
"It's nothing," he said.
Mike arched a silent brow, but didn't prod about the subject further. "These 'enemy accomplices' you're referring to.. you mean the armored and colossal titan, right?"
"Yes. But we must always be open to possibilities of other existing titan shifters."
"Always one step ahead of everything, aren't you?"
"I am only doing what is expected of me."
Leave it to Erwin Smith to turn what was supposed to be a heartfelt compliment into a business undertone. Mike should've known better than to expect a friendly, casual conversation from him. As a brief silence dropped between them, Mike was mentally brought back to a few years prior, when things weren't as hectic as they were now and he along with his other comrades still had the opportunity to share a laugh.
"Our conversation the other day," Mike started, "sorry about that. I wasn't thinking things through."
It took a few moments before he heard a reply, as if Erwin was carefully wording it.
"You're fine." Pause. Mike noted the brief shift in his expression that he would have missed had he blinked.
Erwin continued. "I do admit.. I've been.. overly straitlaced these days."
Days was an understatement. Erwin had been staid for years. Businesslike. Critical. Humorless. You could crack the joke of the century and he'd still be staring at you like a blank slate.
(Or maybe he was only stiff as a rock around public and showcased a softer side to selected persons, Mike wasn't entirely sure.)
That was why Mike was worried for him. His mental state, to be more exact. Nothing good would ever come out of the kind of lifestyle Erwin was living in, and Mike knew that there was only one person in the world who had the capability to drag him out of this sinkhole he'd willingly plunged into for the sake of humanity.
"Erwin," he said. But when Erwin looked at him and silently signaled for him to continue, Mike realized he didn't know what to say. What could he say? Tell Erwin to let loose every once in a while? The Stohess operation was tomorrow, and he doubted their Commander would ever find the chance to unwind, much less be willing to.
So instead, he said, "You probably already get this a lot, but.. don't forget that we're here. Levi, Hanji.. me and Isanna. You don't have to carry everything by yourself."
Mike watched and waited as his words rooted inside his old friend.
"First Isanna, now you. Are you taking turns giving me therapy sessions?"
"Well, you look like you need it."
He parted his lips to say something, but decided against it. Erwin averted his gaze and mulled over it. Then, to Mike's surprise (and delight), the faintest hint of a smile tugged on his lips.
".. If so, then thank you. I'll keep your words in mind."
Mike couldn't help but lightly smile along. Although he doubted his words would take immediate effect on him, it was a step forward at least. After Erwin's dismissal, he gave a curt nod and exited the office, off to deliver a message to the recruits to ready themselves to depart for tomorrow.
The silence in the office was ironically loud.
Erwin reclined in his seat and craned at the low-ceiling, staring blankly at particularly nothing.
He had an inkling why Mike would offer him such advice, and although he was grateful, he didn't know if it was worth giving him any, especially knowing himself.
The past few days had given him plenty of time to plan for their Stohess operation. As well as ample time to gather his thoughts about everything revolving his life—including non-military duties.
"Meow."
Erwin glanced and saw Mhile leaping onto his desk. He turned to his connect quarters and noted the open door, and he realized Mhile had come from his own room, although he didn't know how. The cat had a tendency to show up randomly at times.
Erwin observed him pad to the center of his desk. Mhile stared at him with blank green slits and sat down right atop a thin pile of papers.
"Mhile."
"Meow."
Erwin raised his hand and gently petted him by the head, eliciting a low purr.
"What would you do when your heart is at odds with your mind?" The sudden question left his lips before he could stop himself. He sighed at himself because really? Talking to a cat? Was he down in stress that bad?
Mhile continued to stare at him, a blatant gaze of "Why would you ask a cat that?", and Erwin didn't know why he was expecting an answer from him.
Against what he believed was his rational will, his thoughts flitted back to the night the other day. That night, when it felt like another soul had taken control over his body and he ended up doing things that were quite unlike him. That night, when they had been alone in the office and suddenly found themselves sitting on a couch together, knees touching, that night when he almost ki—
The Stohess operation, he interrupted his own thoughts, as if talking to an entirely different person. Focus on the operation.
This was no time to fantasize about the what if's. He was not a teenager anymore. He was a commander with a heavy responsibility, and he'd be damned if he let himself get distracted.
And yet, this was an entirely different battle he had yet to face. It was a battle not of titans, where he could just rally his soldiers with a dramatic speech and yell "Offer up your hearts!" (which somehow always seemed to solve a lot of his problems on the battlefield), nor of military strength where he could just whip out his gambling luck (which was strangely always spot on) and the tide would turn to his favor.
No. It was not a battle like that.
Instead, it was one of conflicting emotions; rational mind dueling against the hurricanes of inner desires. And that was the greatest foe ever known to man: himself.
"That's enough contemplation," he said, and he tried to ignore the shame of talking to himself. What would his soldiers think when they see him like this? Their most respected commander, talking to himself, so unhinged and.. bothered, by emotions?
Emotions. Erwin had long discarded that since long ago, but he was certain he was definitely feeling something. And whatever that something was (he'd already known what it was, in truth), he didn't want to entertain it any longer than necessary (How many times had he told himself that?).
"Meow."
He stared at the cat on his desk, and remembered he wasn't alone in his office.
Since both Isanna and Mike had already pointed out his.. unhealthy work habits, he wondered if he was doing a poor job of maintaining his image of the 'perfect commander'.
Nonetheless, it was assuring to know that colleagues were there to support him in this war for humanity's freedom.
Life as a soldier was not easy. Life in the Survey Corps was harder. Living in a world where death was always just a step away was even beyond challenging.
But somehow, in some twisted unfolding of events of what this cruel world referred to as fate, those very same things were what brought them together.
And he knew that, even though they were not connected by blood, there was something much stronger than that bonding them all together.