After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here's what I have decided. There is no such thing as a grown up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think that life and circumstance have forced us to truly, once and for all become an adult, a parent brings you down. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids. Running around the playground desperately trying to fit in.
I decided to temporarily move into Meredith's place after the bomb incident. I've been having terrible nightmares ever since and I can't be alone at night. Plus, I don't plan on staying with her forever.
As for George and I, we never made anything official between the two of us. All we did was kiss and then went back to acting like we were best friends. It's very confusing right now for the both of us. But today is my first day back to work so I'm not worried about any of those things at the moment.
Meredith takes us all to work and we have a patient as soon as we get there, Chuck Eaton. Burke is with us because Bailey is taking care of her baby at home.
"Chuck Eaton. 54. Has stage 3B non small cell lung cancer with possible invasion of the pleura. And a history of COPD. He's had extensive chemo-radiotherapy with minimal regression of the tumor. He's been admitted for radical and block re-section," I report.
"I was a smoker. The oncologist, he explained that I have a 25% chance of surviving the surgery," Chuck tells us.
"Well unfortunately that's about right Sir. If you should elect not to proceed we can make you more comfortable," Burke tells him.
"With all due respect there's no way you can make a man dying a slow death comfortable. I'll roll the dice," Chuck slightly laughs. All of the interns leave the room.
Bailey is standing in the hallway holding her baby when we all run up to her. "Good morning Dr. Bailey. Hi big boy!" Izzie says in a baby voice. Bailey looks annoyed by all of us.
"Are the OR's up and running?" she asks.
"Yeah, fully functional. Except there's some smoke damage to the corridor," Cristina tells her.
"How about you? Are you fully functional?" Bailey asks me.
"I'm fine," I nod. "How's your husband?"
"I take him home tomorrow," Bailey tells us. Her baby makes a cute noise and Bailey talks back to him in a baby voice. "Yes we are. Yeah. Yeah."
"Oh, you're cute. I know you are," Izzie chimes in with her baby voice.
"Okay this is not a tea party. Go work. Save some lives," Bailey says to us in her normal voice. "Now!"
All of the interns go into Jake Burton's room now. He has very bony structures on his face. "Jake Burton. 15. Has advanced craniodiaphyseal disease. Was admitted last night after complaining of headaches," Cristina reports.
"He's not normally a complainer," his mother says.
"He's been having some nausea as well," his father tells us.
"Okay may I?" Derek asks them. We all move to the side so Derek can stand next to the side of Jake's bed. "Jake, can I get you to sit up for me please?" Jake sits up on the bed for him. "Right, okay. I want you to look right here for me," he says while holding up his index finger.
"You know you could pretend I'm a lion if you want. It helps," Jake says. Derek chuckles at this.
I leave the room and go to a computer at a nurses' station to type a document up. "Invasive non-cell. With a history of COPD. That guy's pretty much a goner, huh?" I hear a man ask me while tapping on my shoulder. I look up and it's a really hot, like a ridiculously hot man, who's wearing a leather jacket.
"Sensitivity. I like that in a stranger. Are you new around here?" I ask him. Okay, he's so hot. I'm trying so hard not to blush, let alone pass out just from looking at him.
"Just visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town," the hot man says to me.
"You'll get used to it," I tell him while shrugging. I walk away from the computer and he follows me.
"Makes me wanna stay in bed all day," the man tells me.
"We just met already and you're talking about your bed. Not very subtle of you," I tell him. He smirks.
"Subtle has never really been my strong suit. So, do you ever go out with co-workers?" he asks me.
"I try and make it a rule not to do that," I tell him.
"Then I am so glad I don't work here," he smiles at me.
"Wow. Are you seriously hitting on me? In a hospital?" I ask him.
"Would that be wrong of me?" he asks.
"Rachel," I tell him my name.
Then Derek comes out of nowhere and punches the man right in the face. He falls to the ground. Derek shakes his hand in pain.
"Derek what the hell was that for?!" I ask him, confused at why he just punched the guy I was talking to.
"That was Mark," Derek tells me. I have no idea who that is so I just walk away and let the two of them figure their issues out.
After I walk away, I tell the rest of the interns that a hot guy named Mark is here. When we found him, he was suturing his own face. Meredith was standing with him, watching in awe. "Why is he suturing his own face?" George asks, sounding annoyed. He must've seen me talking to Mark earlier.
"To turn me on," Cristina mumbles. I laugh, Mark is really hot. Have I said that already?
"Because he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast," Alex tells us. I drop my mouth in shock, it all makes complete sense now.
"That's the guy Addison was sleeping with while she was with Derek?" I ask in surprise.
"You can't really blame her for that, can you?" Izzie asks us.
"Nope. Not really," Cristina and I say at the same time.
"McSexy wants an x-ray to check for any fractures and I think it's a pretty bad idea if I take him over," Meredith says as she walks up to us.
"I'm on it," Alex says, already walking away.
"McSexy?" I ask, unsure if I like that nickname for Mark or not.
"No," Meredith shakes her head, agreeing with me.
"McYummy," Izzie suggests. We all shake our heads.
"McSteamy," Meredith says. Izzie and I nod in approval.
"Oh there it is," Cristina says while giving Meredith a high five. All of us laugh at this except for George.
"Uh, just ah choking back some McVomit," he groans before walking away from us. Izzie follows him.
I go to Mr. Eaton's room and he's setting up a video camera on his table. "Do you need a hand with that Sir?" I ask him.
"If you could set up the tripod for me that would be very helpful dear," he tells me. I walk over to his camera.
"Are you... what are you doing with this?" I ask while fixing the camera setup.
"I'm dying dear. 1 in 4. I've never done well with odds like that. Some people are lucky. I just never have been. The camera is for posterity. Saying goodbye," he tells me.
"Do you want me to hold the camera for you?" Mr. Eaton nods so I take the camera from his hands. He sits up and wipes the tears from his eyes before removing his oxygen tube. I give him a thumbs up so he knows I started recording.
"This, this ah this is a message for Susie Zelman. My college sweetheart and the former love of my life. Susie, I really did love you with my whole heart. And I never would have stopped loving you if you hadn't been a vilest whore to have ever walked the planet Earth. You deserve that drunken imbecile that you slept with and then married. And then at the reunion I met your ugly children, I, I knew that you had done me a real favor! I am so deeply happy that I never have to see your stupid, ugly face again. Love, Chuck," he addresses to the camera, staring straight at it. I look at him in total shock as I stop recording the message. "Could you please put in a fresh tape for me, dear?" he asks me. I just nod and let him film another message.
He's made about twelve messages by now and it's all him saying negative things about people he knows. I shut the video camera mid recording his new message. "I'm a doctor. Not a videographer and I do need to prep you for surgery," I tell him.
"But you offered to help me," he argues.
"When I thought you were saying nice, pleasant goodbyes to people."
"I am saying goodbye. None of these people, not one of them knows how I really feel. My whole life, I've kept it all inside of me. I, I don't want to carry these confessions with me to my grave," he confesses.
"You seem like such a nice man Mr. Eaton. Wouldn't you just rather them remember you that way?" I suggest.
"No," he shakes his head. "Can you please rewind the tape dear?" he asks me. I sigh and just do as he says so I don't have a tape dedicated to me.
All of Bailey's interns meet up at lunch and talk about George and Izzie's patient.
"I think you're totally making it up," Alex argues.
"He's not though. I saw it happen. I saw it happen four times," Izzie says to Alex. Cristina laughs at her.
"What happened?" Meredith asks.
"Woman with spontaneous orgasms," George tells us. "You're just jealous because you didn't get to see it yourself," he says to Alex.
"Totally am," Alex says. He gives Izzie a look but she just shakes her head at him.
"Spontaneous orgasms? Really?" I ask George and Izzie.
"You look really nice today," George quietly says to me. "You smell really nice too," he says. I smile at him and hold his hand underneath the table.
"Any chance they're contagious?" Cristina asks. Izzie shakes her head again.
"I mean spontaneous orgasms would be able to solve so many problems," I say.
"It would. It really would," George laughs.
"You know it's like you see someone throw up, makes you want to throw up too. Kind of like that?" Cristina describes.
"You know what? I'm not hungry anymore. Do you hear me? I'm not hungry. Neither is the beast," Izzie says, glancing at Alex before leaving the table.
"The beast? Is that some sly reference to your penis? Let me tell you, it's far from a beast," I say to Alex.
"Get your mind out of the gutter you whore," he laughs. I blow a kiss to him and he pretends to catch it before he walks away from us.
"It's not Alex's penis. It's, you know when you haven't had sex in a long time and you forget how good it is, so you want it even less?" George says to Meredith, Cristina, and I. The three of us give him a weird look.
"Yeah that doesn't happen to me," the three of us say at the same time
"Yeah me either," George says, blushing. I get paged so I squeeze his hand under the table one more time before leaving.
I go to Mr. Eaton's OR to assist with Burke. "It's crossed the intra-thoracic fascia?" I ask.
"I'm afraid so. I'm going to have to go into the chest wall," he announces.
"He made seventeen hate tapes," I tell Burke.
"I'm sorry?"
"Video-tapes of himself. Telling people how much he hated them. Spewing every hurt feeling he ever had."
"And he mailed them?"
"No, he wanted me to but I really don't think it's a good idea. He was scared. He was in shock. He wasn't thinking clearly in that moment."
"That's not for you to decide Dr. Lopez. He asked you for something. You told him you would do it. If you don't, that doesn't make you noble. It makes you a liar," he tells me. I just glare at him, feeling guilty.
After Mr. Eaton's surgery, Burke and I go back to his room to make sure he's okay. "Mr. Eaton, can you hear me?" Burke asks. Mr. Eaton groans in response. "Okay good. Don't try to sit up. You're going to be in pain for quite some time. But I'm pleased to report that we were able to remove the entire tumor."
"I'm alive?" Mr. Eaton asks, smiling at the good news.
"Would you like me to throw these away?" I ask him while holding up a bag of envelopes that have the tapes inside of them.
"No. I'd still like you to mail them for me," he hesitates. "I've said my peace, I had to. Sometimes a man has to say his peace."
As I'm looking through a phone book, I see George talking to Meredith. I hate to admit it, but it's hard for me when they talk sometimes. I know he would always pick her over me. I'm not usually the jealous type, and George and I aren't even together, but I just can't help but wonder what they're talking about. She walks away from him and he looks pretty upset. I don't walk over to him though, I don't want him to think I was watching them.
I end up going to Joe's to have a few drinks by myself. "This seat taken?" I hear as Mark sits down next to me.
"I guess not," I shrug.
"Double scotch. Single malt," Mark orders.
"What are you doing here?" I ask him, trying to break the silence.
"I'm hoping Addison shows up for me," he admits.
"You're still in love with her?" I ask him. I had no idea he was. He doesn't say anything in response. "She won't show up you know," I tell Mark.
"No?" Mark asks with a look of disappointment on his face.
"I don't think he's the kind of guy you leave if you can help it," I tell Mark.
"What if you're wrong Rachel?" Mark sighs. "What if just this once... the red bottomed whore is wrong?" he asks, making reference to the Louboutin heels I wore to work today today. I laugh at this. I finish my drink and I leave him alone at the bar so I could go home, and when I get there, I hear someone in the bedroom with Meredith. Huh, Addison must not have been with Derek then. Where could she be?
I've heard it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope. Against all logic. Against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope.
A/N!! Hello everyone, new chapter finally! I haven't updated in so long but it really has been such a busy weekend, so I am very sorry. I hope you like this chapter and the introduction of Mark. Also Happy Pride Month! Joe Biden officially declared the month of June as Pride Month, yay! I love each and every one of you in the LGBTQ+ community all my best wishes and love. Love who you love, always! (2702)