I make my way to sofie's car after leaving the hospital.
"I have strict orders that you come with me" one of the bodyguards says reminding me that I have to go with them.
I nod at her then hug sofie and bide my goodbye before getting in the black SUV.
The expensive leather seat makes contact with my back give it some rest.
I lean my head on the tinted window and let my thoughts roam freely in my head.
I feel miserable.
I feel like I'm being taunted by fate, I Have no control over my actions, my decisions, my life, not even my body.
I know others have it worse but just when I thought my life could not get any worse this happened.
I've always wanted a daughter or a son and wanted to have a family with someone that I loved.
Leave the loved aside.
I wanted to be a better parent and give my kids the best they could have.
I don't know if I'll be able to give that to this baby.
I'm scared of not being to break the cycle, I'm scared that one day this child will look at me and see no happiness in my eyes.
What if I can't protect her/his childhood?
What if ace uses the baby to make me listen or worse, use it for his work.
I know abortion is an option and I know it isn't wrong in my case considering that the father is a cruel criminal but I just don't have the heart to do it.
after seeing my baby on the screen this new caring side kicked in.
I never understood this in book and movies but now I do.
It's like rescuing a puppy, you don't always plan to have it but the moment you see it you fall in love with it.
You have the option to give it away or keep it, both are not wrong but giving it away is harder.
Seeing that little bean like shape and knowing it's a pure soul growing inside me makes me want to protect it at all costs.
And I will.
But I have to tell ace first to know what to do next.
I am not ready to tell him yet but if I do... he will either want it and I will be stuck with him forever, or not want to do anything with it and maybe force me to get an abortion.
If he does want me to keep it one the following options is why.
A- he actually wants the baby.
B- he wants to use it against me.
C- he wants it to keep his bloodline going.
D- he doesn't care.
If he doesn't want it then he might...
A- force me to get an abortion.
B- kick me out to the streets which is what I'm honestly hoping for.
c- kills me.
whatever he will pick will taunt my baby's childhood.
a tear rolls down my cheek as my heart aches for my unborn child and myself.
I feel like the weight of the entire world is on my shoulders at this very moment.
My face grows hot and my head throbs from my attempt to cry silently.
tear after tear until my throat tightens, it makes me want to scream.
I take a deep breath to calm down but it doesn't help, if anything it makes me cry harder.
ꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬ
we arrive at the mansion after 40 minutes in the car.
one of the bodyguards takes me to ace's room, she stands still at the door watching me as I get in.
I close the door behind me with a soft this from my eagerness to let my guard down and cry.
I feel so powerless.
I can't decide anything until I tell him but no part of me is ready yet.
I sit on the huge bed with my head on the soft silk pillows.
It throbs again from all the pressure I think, I close my eyes with a sigh and think of everything again because I can't stop.
I'm pregnant, ace is the father and he could either want it or not.
Hot tears slide down my temple and to my hair then to the pillow forming a wet spot on it.
My shoulders shake and my sobs increase as I wrap my head around everything all over again.
this is so much to take.
just 2 months ago I was happy and had a life with little troubles.
the room sprayer sprays the rose air freshener like usual joining my sobs to break the silence of the room.
I inhale the scent to maybe feel better because doing, seeing, smelling, hearing, or wearing what I like makes me happy.
It may be related to the trauma caused by my mom of not giving me any choices but I like it about myself.
It makes being happy easy.
Instead of making me feel better, the scent makes my stomach churn and twist.
Nausea hits me like a brick and my hands shake as I try not to throw up.
I need a lemonade.
Anything sour helps with it.
I stand up still gulping in an attempt to not throw up
I change into my pjs and peek from the door, I spot the bodyguard still standing there.
"can you tell erika to get me a lemonade please?" I ask her politely. she doesn't answer, she just nods and types something on her phone.
I get back to the room and lay on the bed still gulping to prevent myself from throwing up.
i sigh in relief when I hear a movement in the hallway but it soon turns into fear because those are ace's footsteps. his can't be mistaken for anyone else's.
my heart pumps the blood to my body at an enormous rate, I breathe heavily and watch as he walks in with a frown on his face.
I put my hands on my thighs to keep them from shaking and let out a sigh to breathe as normal as possible.
I sit instead of my previous laying position as he sits next to me, he seems bothered. did he somehow find out?
"why were you crying in the car?" he asks in a soft tone.
my eyes mentally roll to the back of my skull, a few curse words directed to myself and some thinking of an excuse later I answer
" I just got emotional after seeing sofie's baby".
I can't deny crying, for all I know he could have a camera installed in there.
" is that all?".
too shaken up, I nod in response.
he sighs still looking at me like I'm lying which I am but I force myself to look back despite the urge to crawl under the covers and cry my eyes out for everything.
the feeling of his large arms around me make me somehow relieved and not.
relieved because he bought my lie and not because I don't like his touch. his chest is against my head due to our height difference even when we're sitting.
musk and mint invade my sense but unlike the rose scent it doesn't make me more nauseas, if anything it kind of eased it.
"I missed you" he breaks the silence.
wanting to change the topic, I ask a question I already know the answer to.
"how did I get here yesterday?".
I know it's him.
he looks down at me and answers "I carried you here and told erika to change you out of that dress.".
I try to hide my shock at the unexpected answer because I expected him to be th eone who changed my clothes.
he smiles at my silence and stands up "I will be in my office come if you need anything".
why would I want anything from him? nevertheless I nod wanting him to leave.
as soon as he does erika walks in with a glass of lemonade. I thank her for it as she places it on the nightstand.
I take a sip and grab my phone for any sort of distraction, I'll go crazy if I think about this more.
instead of giving me a distraction, it only reminds me of how miserable my life is as I watch posts by my co-workers.
deciding to give my thoughts a chance because I will think about it whether I want to or not , I look at my stomach and let them roam my head freely.
there is a human growing inside me, a little baby that will grow and have a life of her/his own.
will I be a good mother?
what if I'm just like my mother but dont know it yet?
no I'm not.
what will happen when he finds out?
now I know how sofie felt except that Mr. black wasn't forcing her to be with him, didn't threaten her and her friends, didn't shoot her friend, and didn't lock her up for 5 weeks.
ꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬ(someone said these remind them of boobies, I can't unsee it now-author.)
I walk through the streets feeling free and happy after ages, I feel like I can finally breathe and be myself.
I wonder around some more wanting to see every corner, every detail, basically everything.
I gasp when a golden cage drops on top of me and cages me in.
I try to get out but im stuck, I scream, yell, and cry for help but one even looks at me.
they all continue walking as if I don't exist.
a laugh stops me from screaming some more.
his laugh.
"you got pregnant huh?" he taunts me.
my heart swells in pain as fear for me and my baby fills the rest of me.
I dont say a word because I'm too scared I might provoke him.
he takes long strides towards me and slams his hands on the cage making me visibly flinch.
" I WILL KILL IT" he laughs.
"no no please don't do anything, I beg you" I beg with tears in my eyes and heart in my hands.
he snaps his fingers and suddenly the cage disappears, just like that.
"ciao" he says cheerfully pointing a gun at my stomach.
he laughs like he's about to do something he will enjoy for the rest of his life.
"no" I scream.
I wake up panting with tears in my eyes, sweat covers the skin of my forehead from the heat of my fear.
I involuntarily wrap my arms around my stomach trying so hard not to think about how scary it was to be on the other end of a gun while pregnant.
I look at the clock on the wall to count how many hours I slept.
5.
I rub my face with one hand leaving the other on my stomach still too affected by the nightmare.
I need a shower, it's the only way to clear my head because apparently I can't sleep.
I walk to the closet and get some clothes with a heavy chest, I feel like something bad could happen at any moment.
he could barge in and tell me he knows, kill me on spot or drag a doctor her to force an abortion on me.
I get in the bathroom ready to let my guard down.
ꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬ
I get out of the shower feeling slightly better than before but my heart still races whenever I think about the nightmare.
it could become my reality, he could kill me if he doesn't want the baby.
it's all I thought about during the shower and it's messing with my head, I have to protect my baby at all costs.
the cup of lemonade is no longer on the nightstand which means erika cleaned up, instead there is a glass of water with a lid on top.
I take the glass in my hand and take a sip, as the little water goes down my throat the only thing I could think about is that this water is going to my baby too.
"are you okay dear?" erika's old voice asks startling me.
I nod in response and notice the tray of food in her hands.
" here eat you dinner and call me if you want anything" she says like she usually does everyday while giving me my meals.
I nod again and watch as she puts the tray on the bed for me, I thank her before she leaves like earlier and start eating.
I eat for 2 reasons.
for my baby and because I dont want ace to ask why I didnt or be near me. specially these days.
I force myself to finish eating and go back to sleep not wanting to throw up.
it's the only way to fight the nausea right now.
ꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬ
~a week later~
I just finished taking a shower, It's been a week since that day meaning I have to go to the hospital today.
sofie and I texted each other everyday but never mentioned my pregnancy incase ace is monitoring my phone.
lexi kept asking me about the whole bridesmaid thing and my excuse was 'I will let you know when my boss gives us the details about when this business trip ends.'.
I hate lying but it's the only way I could keep her without telling her.
I plan on asking him soon.
I know the chances of him saying yes are very slim but I don't want to miss my friend's wedding and it'd be rude not to go.
I'm currently wearing my short dress for the appointment.
I told him I wanted to go again, he agreed but like last time he said he will take me there and the bodyguards will wait for me.
I chose a black mini dress to make it easier for the doctor and me.
I get out of the room and follow the bodyguard to the ground floor where ace is waiting for me.
I still dont know my way around because I never found it in me to get a tour or settle in this house.
I watch as his smile drops and he clenches his jaw the moment he sees me.
why is he mad?
instead of saying anything to me he lets out a long sigh and walks in front of me to the car while I follow silently.
he opens the door and waits for me to get in, once I do he closes the door and walks to the driver's seat.
I hear a pop from my phone, thinking it's sofie I check but it's lexi. this is getting more awkward every time, I really have to ask him, it's now or never.
he places his hand on mine and asks "what wrong? you seem nervous.".
I look up at him and say " I want to ask you something.".
he rubs the back of my hand with his large thumb and nods for me to continue.
" m-my friend is getting married next week and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids".
" what friend?" he asks still rubbing my hand.
I shift in my seat and answer "you don't know her because she was out of new york with her fiance.".
instead of a no or a yes he turns on the car and drives away from the driveway of his mansion.
silence is usually no.
a lump grows thicker at the back of my throat and I try so hard not to cry right here.
what's so wrong with going to a wedding? I hate this.
I blink some tear away still trying my best not to cry, it's like I was born for others to control my life.
" okay, but I will have to be there" he suddenly says out of the blue.
huh?
"okay?" he asks.
"yes" I answer despite not wanting him there. but it's better than nothing.
N: Hey, I am sorry for not giving you an answer earlier but yes I will be there.
L: it's okay
L: ayyyyy sofie is one too, so we will go dress shopping tomorrow .
I frown at the text and close my eyes to ease my nervousness, the last time I felt like this about going out was when I was a teenager and had to convince my mom to let me go out.
"she said that we should go dress shopping tomorrow ." I blurt out.
he doesnt look at me when he asks "where?".
I shrug my shoulders as an I don't know because I dont.
"uhmmm okay" he hums.
I expected some sort of an argument but this? I unlock my phone again and type okay then click send.
this is weird, he went from locking me in a room to this?
what got into him?
Hopefully this change makes him realize what he is doing and let me go.
I really hope he does.
I know it's selfish of me and not fair for my baby to grow up without a dad but it's better than growing up with a person as unstable as ace.
I will do anything in my power to raise my child on my own. I don't want my child to live under threat or not have a normal childhood.
ꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬꙬ
we arrived at the hospital after the long drive, we didn't talk after that which I liked.
Sofie Waves at me as I step forward to go but like last time he pulls me into him.
"here, this is your card you can go to a coffee shop afterwards or shopping but stay with the bodyguard" he hands me a black card with my name craved on it.
My eyes widen.
"Take care and call me if you need anything." He adds.
did he hit his head or something?
He places a kiss on my forehead then whispers " I love you so much".
Not knowing what to say I nod and leave as soon as his hand leaves my waist.
I walk to sofie as fast I can because I know she's as confused as I am. She hugs me once I'm close enough and asks" what was that about?".
" I honestly don't know, he gave me this card and said that we could go shopping or something, he is not forcing himself on me as much as he used to and he said I can go dress shopping with you and lexi" I say in disbelief.
"bare minimum but better than nothing" she says opening the door for me.
I know it's bare minimum but it's weird coming from him. After being trapped in there for 5 weeks it set my mind to the fact that's he can't be nice.
"hello ladies, how are you today?" the doctor asks with a smile on her face.
We greet her back and sit on the chairs in front of her like last time.
" go lay on the bed please, I already have the informations needed from last time." the doctor says pointing at the bed from last time.
I walk to it and fold my dress up to my stomach, I then cover myself with the white sheets.
I watch as she puts Gloves on her hands and Take the wire like thing. She slowly and carefully puts it in me like last time.
A few moments later the bean like shape appears on the screen.
My little bean.
This time shock isn't affecting me and I'm not as confused as last time. I know there is a life inside me and I love it with everything in me already.
I admire the little soul that is yet to grow with nothing but love.
I never understood how mothers loved their kids while pregnant I always thought it happened after giving birth but now I do.
The doctor sighs and removes the wire from me. She tosses the gloves to the trash bin then sanatizes her hands.
I fix my dress and sit next to sofie waiting for her to give me the ultrasound pictures.
"everything looks good so far, you have a very healthy fetus but I will give you some pregnancy vitamins because your anemia might affect the baby's health" she says making the bit of happiness I just felt turn into fear.
I put my hand on my stomach involuntarily and ask " what do you mean?".
"don't worry it's nothing big, just take the vitamins from the pharmacist and everything will be fine , the ones you are taking are not enough." She smiles easing my nervousness and fear a little.
I nod taking the paper from her, forcing my thoughts aside, I ask "can I have photos of the ultrasound please?".
" of course dear, wait a minute" .
She types something on her computer, seconds later the printer prints the ultrasounds. I stand up to get them then thank her, sofie does as well and we both leave the office.
I put the pictures in my purse and walk to the lobby like last time to pay. Only this time I'm too embarrassed to let sofie pay because I have his card.
I will just use my salary amount, I did work that entire month. The month before he forced me to move in with him.
I smile at the receptionist and tell her my name after she asks. I hand her the card and watch as she types something before handing me it back.
Sofie glares at me as a way of showing her dissatisfaction.
"I don't like this in you, we are best friends and I don't want you to use his money" she says annoyance clear in her voice.
"it's technically my salary for last month, so I am using my money not his. I know the company pays the employees salaries but he prevented me from taking mine." I sigh trying to ease the situation.
I look at her little bump wondering what I'll do if I get mine before I'm ready to tell ace. I have 2 months before the symptoms get worse.
She's 9 weeks today.
Wait.
She gave me her last appointment and this one.
Did she skip two weeks for me?
what about Mr. Black?
Doesn't he want to see the baby?
"you missed your 8th and 9th week check up.".
"im getting double appointments, one that's supposed to be you seeing the baby is for you and the other is for austin to see the baby as well, don't worry about him missing anything."
It doesn't help with the guilt eating me inside.
I'm making sofie do this for my own selfish reasons, Because I'm too scared to face what will eventually happen even if I don't like it.
We get in the pharmacy that is luckily in the hospital saving me from having to deal with the bodyguards.
I get the vitamins and some tampons because I don't want him to wonder why my period is late.
I will pretend I got it and make it an excuse to sleep as much as I want to.
I dropped mio angelo at the hospital where sofie is having her check up and I'm currently in the company.
I got her a card connected to my bank account.
It has 250,000$.
I think it's enough for shopping but if it's not then she can have more.
last week was pretty good, we didn't argue and I am having control over my anger and possessiveness.
However I've noticed a change in her. Bad and good.
For some reason she's glowing but she's eating less and looks tired despite this weird glow to her face.
she seems like she's in deep thoughts all the time and she even had a nightmare 2 nights ago.
2 notifications pop on my phone from the bank.
She's still at the hospital she couldn't possibly be at the coffee because I just called her bodyguards.
300$ was taken from you balance, the remaining balance is 249,700$.....
dear costumer:
we hope our service was helpful and hope you have a healthy pregnancy.
Did Austin not give sofie money for the check up?
I'm sure he did.
I read the rest of the message only to find mio Angelo's name on it.
I blink at my phone.
Not wanting to let whatever I'm feeling get the best of me I dial the hospital's number. It rings 3 times before a female answers.
"I want to know details about the patient Nessa Richard" I cut her off.
" I am sorry sir, I can't help you because the details are private." She answers.
" I don't care, the patient is my girlfriend! you either tell me now or lose your job" I say as calmly as I could but my anger is rising.
"I don't know who you are sir, but I can't give you the details just because you are the patient's boyfriend" she sighs into the phone.
"Listen carefully, you either send me the details or I will fucking lose my shit and burn down the entire hospital with you in it.".
'You can't threaten me like this." She gasps.
"Sue me then, tell them ace knight informed you of what he was going to do if you make it out alive.".
I hear another gasp.
" I-i a-am sor-rry sir-r, I will email you a-all t-the detail-ls" she stutters.
I hang up feeling pissed as ever.
I open my email that is connected to the card and read what she sent.
Patient's name: Nessa Richard
the amount of visits: 2
2 visits?
How?
first: a week ago
That's when she was with Sofie.
second: today
the service provided: a uterus ultrasound
A uterus ultrasound?
the state: 5 weeks pregnant
What?!
5 weeks pregnant?
issues: none
the name of the mother: Nessa richard
The name of the father: not given
My blood boils.
The medicines prescribed : pregnancy vitamins
She is pregnant! she has been for 5 fucking weeks and I know of it now?
she went to the first ultrasound on her own when I was supposed to be with her. I was supposed to be there with her from the very first moment.
Why is she hiding it?
Does she not want it?
Is she planning to have an abortion behind my back?
Over my dead body!
She's fucking hiding it, Hiding the fact that she's carrying our baby.
I take a deep breath to calm down, I have to think about this deeply.
Guilt twists my insides as I realize something, She's pregnant and I can't blame her if she doesn't want it because it's my fucking fault.
I ignored all the signs of her not wanting to have sex with me and took her yes and was never careful.
Having her blinded me and took out the possibility of her getting pregnant out of my head.
What have I done?
Does she want it?
She could've gotten an abortion last week but she didn't...She went back this week and didn't.
Does this mean she wants it?
But why is she hiding it if she does?
Maybe she needs time.
The thought calms the chaos in my head and I choose to believe that I till I get an answer. I will wait for her, I will give her all the time she needs.
That's the least I could do after my fuck up.
A selfish part of me can't help but be happy. I'm going to be a father and she's the mother, this could be our chance together.
My heart clenches when I remember the last time I forced myself on her.
She was in pain, Erika informed me of blood being on the sheets. I thought I was too rough on her but she was because she was fucking pregnant....
I hurt her.
It fucked with my head that I hurt her alone but now..after knowing she was pregnant I want to fucking kill myself.
What if that hurt the baby?
This is why she didn't like the steak that night, This is why she's eating less and sleeping a lot.
Suddenly everything slowly starts to make sense.
I've put her through so much, More than any other person could take and I hate myself for it.
I hate myself for hurting her.
I promise to be a better person for her and our baby.
Our baby....
My daughter or son.
𒊹︎AN
Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone! I hope you're having a good day.
𖦹Question of the day𖦹
What do you plan studying in uni?
Friendly reminder---> I'm always free and here to listen if you're going through something and need to vent.
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝~4589