(Not edited)
I take a seat at the table. I ignore the stares coming from Hayden and Chase.
I don't know why they're staring at me but I do know I wish they weren't.
"Taylor how have you been dear?" Mrs Jackson ask from across the table.
"Fine. School has kept me busy."
She's about to say something else but Austin steps up to the microphone.
"Hi everyone. I'm going to make this short. I've played at Syracuse for 3 years now and I've loved every moment of it. But my mind is consumed with all the what if's. What if my senior year I get injured. Well then I wouldn't be drafted. So here I am announcing to all the basketball stars I grew up watching. I'm applying for the Draft this year." Immediately people start clapping except for Mr. Jackson, and Hayden.
I find it quite rude that they aren't clapping. Mr. Jackson notices Chase clapping and starts whispering something in his ear.
Chase's face immediately changes. His expression is not happy it's mad.
I watch as Chase gets up from the table and walks towards the exit.
"I think I'm going to make my great escape now. I wouldn't want people looking at my mom and then back at me and thinking we are related. Plus I don't want to talk to my father." I tell Mrs. Carson. She nods and I get up from the table.
I walk towards the exit but before I exit the doors I turn around and I see my family sitting at a table. Kylie is sitting where I should be sitting and I was sitting where she should be.
My family looks happy. They look whole without me. Kylie fits in perfectly. I no longer have my brother because he is wrapped around her finger. I no longer have my dad because he's a sports man. If I'm not in sports we have nothing to talk about. He hasn't told me he's loved me since I was fourteen.
My mom, I barely have her. If I was at Kentucky she'd be there everyday eating lunch with me and telling me all about the town gossip.
Seth, I have Seth. Seth has always been there for me. He found me in the bathtub with my wrist bleeding out. He was scarred for life because he saw me barely alive. He's the only one who's know why I wanted to die. He took care of me everyday after I got home from the hospital and rehab. He was the only one a hundred percent there for me.
As I exit the door I have no clue how I'm going to get home. I see a café across the street and walk in.
I immediately spot Chase sitting in the back with his back to me.
"Want some company?" I ask and he looks up from his hot chocolate.
"Sure have a seat." I do as he says.
"You know it's not cold enough outside for hot chocolate, right?"
"I know."
"Well what's with the short answers? Who pissed you off?"
"Sorry it's just my dad. It's like I'm only the best in his eyes. He won't focus on anything else." He says as he looks out the window.
He looks at me with a puzzling look before he speaks. "Wanna get out of here. I have no desire to go back in there."
"I left for a reason. I'm not going back in there. Where are we going?"
"Follow me." He says as he slides out of the booth at holds his hand out for me to take.
I take his hand as we walk out of the café. His hand and mine fit. Like they were made to be held by each other's hand.
I like this feeling. It's not like any of the other feelings I've felt with other boyfriends. This feeling is different.
"Is it a long walk because if it is can I take my heels off?"
"It's not a long walk. Plus I would never let a lady walk barefoot. If your feet start to kill you let me know, I can give you a piggyback ride."
We take a turn down an alley.
"You know this is how most people get killed in horror movies. Are you the modern day Ted Bundy. He was an attractive guy and fooled people with his looks." I say as we walk through some woods.
"You caught me. You're my first victim. I think my victims are going to be girls with beautiful green eyes and blonde hair. Though I'm not sure it's going to be easy to find girls with green eyes as beautiful as yours."
Well he's quite the charmer. But I'm going to have to kill the vibe. I can't get involved with Chase of all people.
"Teagan has green eyes and blonde hair too. She can be your next victim."
"You really just killed the mood. Also me and Teagan were never an item."
"Killing the mood is what I do best."
Sure he's hot. He's got a nice personality, he's an athlete, and his eyes are to die for it. It's just I can't bring others into my problems. They are called "my problems" for a reason.
If I bring him into my problems he'll never want to talk to me again. Especially whenever he finds out I don't trust men. I can't. Not after what happened.
Once I unleash my demons he won't be here for me. My demons are just way too much to handle for anyone. Hell my own father couldn't even handle them. When I finally told my parents. My father said I was acting out. My mom well she cried. A lot.
Seth though he was there for me. Even though I'm the older sister. I'm supposed to take care of him. Instead he took care of me.
Austin was away at college so he doesn't know what happened. I won't ever tell Austin. It will ruin his image of me. He'll think I'm weak.
If Austin thinks I'm weak so will Chase. Austin and Chase are alike they just don't see it. If they were stuck in a room together they'd become best friends.
"We're here." He says bring me out of my thoughts.
I look at the view in front of me. We're at a lake. The dark clouds make the lake look beautiful this late at night.
"I come here to think." He explains
"So you come here to lay out all of your life's problems and figure out a solution."
"I've never thought of it like that, but yeah I do."
"You know I think our brains are the worst thing to ever be invented." I confess.
"Why's that?" He questions as we take a seat on the grass.
"Because are brain makes up think. Thinking is dangerous. It poisons the brain. You can think about great things but most of the time, we're thinking about how to be a better person, if we need to lose weight, we judge others, we make crazy decisions, that we will regret. Crazy decision that ruins life. Sometime all I ever want to do is to turn my brain off and there is only one way to do that."
"What way is that?"
"Don't play stupid. You know the way to turn your brain off. Everyone does or at least they should."
Chase was about to say something but instead rain starts to come down from the sky.
"We should get inside somewhere."
"We shouldn't." I state. "You know Luke Bryan once said 'Rain is a Good Thing' I believe him. It is. But not just because crops grow but because it makes me feel like I'm not crying alone sometimes. It makes me feel at peace knowing the sky is crying with me. You know? Like when the rain hits your window. It's calming. I think rain is the most beautiful thing life has to offer. Because life can only offer so much before it becomes a burden." I tell him honestly.
"You know I wish I saw life through your eyes. Because here I am thinking rain is just rain. It's just something that happens every now and then. But you changed my mind. So thank you."
"Glad I could be of service." I say as he grabs my hands and pulls me up from sitting. We start walking but before we make it three steps I stop.
"You know it's been a dream since I was a child to slow dance in the rain."
"Oh really?" He ask as he turns around and we get into position.
"Actually a goal. You know it was on my bucket list."
"What else was on this bucket list?" He ask as he spins me.
"Well I wanted to be in the Fast and the Furious. I really wanted to marry Paul Walker."
"I wanted to marry Jennifer Aniston. That woman does not age."
"When I watched the first episode of Dawson's Creek I wanted Joey to be with Dawson. Then my perspective changed. So much."
"You know I'm the only guy on the basketball team that has watched Dawson's Creek." He tells me.
"That's why the basketball team sucks. Y'all gotta do some team bonding."
"We don't suck. We're actually good."
My phone starts ringing.
I don't stop dancing.
"You want to answer that?"
"I don't give a damn about my phone right now. I'm fulfilling my twelve year old selfs Buck List Dream."
At that moment at wet strand of hair gets stuck to my face. I didn't realize the rain came with wind.
Chase goes to move the strand of hair out of my face but instead pauses.
In a split second his lips were on mine. I don't what rush came over him. It was like the rain stopped when he kissed me. I could no longer feel it hit my skin. It was as if the world stopped and we were the only things moving. The kiss wasn't sloppy, possessive, or heated. It was sweet and innocent as if we both wanted to savor this moment.
Here I was kissing Chase Jackson. The all star of UNC. I was kissing him in the pouring rain. In the middle of nowhere. My stomach was a mess. Literally the butterflies were nauseating but meant a lot. If I don't get butterflies when someone kisses me, I'm kissing the wrong person.
When he lips are off mine. They feel bare and puffy. We don't say anything as we get in an Uber together.
I didn't know what to say. He left me speechless. He has no excuse. He could've spoke but didn't. Once we arrive at campus I don't know what I expect. We exited the car and walked our separate ways.
Did I expect him to say something? Yes. I wanted him to say something but he didn't. I don't know why I'm disappointed. The kiss was amazing. The silence wasn't.
When I walk in my dorm. The girls are on the couch. "How was it?" Loren ask
I don't say anything. I just walk to my room. I don't trust myself to say something. I would spill my guts and I can't do that.
______
6/1/21
11:10pm