➣ R Y D E
Katatapos lang ni Lider magbigay ng speech kanina at anytime soon maaari nang magsimula ang racing. We were here to assist the kids, look after them as they race.
Ang go kart race na 'to ay gaganapin rin sa isang raceway. Open area yet controlled and safe for the kids.
Youth Go Kart Racing League invited us because their special events includes authentic racer briefing and track support by professionally qualified track personnel. They usually invite racers like us since we have lots of experiences about speed, control, braking, turning, passing and basically the on-track etiquette. We could also introduce them to advance techniques that they might need in the future.
"Safety first." I told the seven year old kid that was assigned to me as I help him wear his helmet. It was color blue, it matches his new pair of shoes. Nakafull gear na rin siya. Handang-handa na sa race.
Napangiti ako ng maliit.
He reminds me of my younger self.
Umupo ako sa tabi niya matapos siyang umalis muna sa pagkakaupo sa go kart. Ang sabi niya kanina gusto niyang masubukan bago ang mismong racing.
"Never press both pedals at the same time, okay?" I pointed at the pedals I'm talking about.
The kid nodded. Inosente niyang hinihintay ang susunod kong gagawin.
"Sinong kasama mo dito?" Tanong ko sa kaniya.
"Mommy po."
Sa sagot na 'yon, natahimik ako. Mommy. Naalala ko na naman.
Matapos ang nangyari kagabi sa pagitan namin ni Steer, madaling araw na nang bumalik ako sa hotel, halos paumaga na rin at katulad ng inaasahan, hinintay ako ni Sky. He told me he waited for hours and it worried him because I wasn't picking up his calls. I turned off my phone that night because I knew he's going to call, and I'm mad. I don't want to pour my anger on him.
Definitely not on Sky. Never.
Ang sabi ko sa kaniya, noong gabing 'yon, parang ayaw ko na ulit bumalik kasi pakiramdam ko wala na akong babalikan. I lost my purpose last night because it reminded me of the worst thing that happened in my life.
And that was my mom.
Go cry to your mom now, Sammy.
Steer, I don't have a mom anymore. Gustuhin ko mang umiyak sa kaniya, wala na akong magagawa.
"Do you think it's nice to mock someone for not having a mommy?!" Mataray na tanong ni Erie doon sa batang umaaway sa akin kanina lang. Tatlo sila at 'di hamak na mas matangkad at malaki ang pangangatawan kaysa sa akin. Si kuya Vair naman ay pinulot ang helmet na ibinato nila sa lupa saka iyon pinagpagan. Hinayaan niyang si Erie ang makipagsagutan.
"I'm asking the three of you! Bakit hindi kayo makasagot?" Nakahawak na si Erie sa bewang niya. As much as I want to stop her, I wouldn't even dare. Sobrang nakakatakot siya magalit.
"See? Magaling lang kayo sa una pero once someone confronted you na, wala na kayong masabi! Doon na nga kayo! Mga amoy araw!" Umirap ito saka humarap sa akin.
"You kasi, Sam. You're mahina!" Dinuro ako ni Erie kaya nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat. "Next time, run over their shoes with your wheels na para magmukha pa silang dirty lalo!"
Bumungisngis si kuya Vair sa narinig.
"Kuya, nothing's funny! Inaaway nila si Sammy ko!" Erie pouted.
Lumapad ang ngiti ko at tinuro siya. "Hey, that's what my mama used to call me. Sammy." I smiled at her. "You're my mom now!"
"I am younger than you, Sameth." She crossed her arms as she towered over me since I'm still sitting in the staircase. Napapikit ang isa kong mata dahil sa sinag ng araw. Kumikislap ang suot niyang headband kaya naman pinagharang ko sa araw ang isa kong kamay.
Right.
Erie is a year younger, but she's the one who stands for me during times like this.
"Stand up na diyan. We're going home. Mom cooked Carbonara for us." Inagaw niya ang helmet ko mula kay kuya Vair. Ginamit ko iyon sa Go Kart racing kanina. Nandito lang sila Erie para manood.
Kaso napaaway pa nga. Bakit ba kasi ang hina ko? Nakakayamot naman. Gusto ko rin namang maranasan na ako yung magtatanggol sa kaniya.
Agad akong napatayo at nagpagpag ng sarili sa napagtanto. "Weh?! Nagluto ang mama mo ng—"
She immediately cuts me off. "It's our mama, Sam. Call her your mama."
Hindi ko namalayang nakangiti na pala ako sa hangin. Isang mapait na ngiti.
I don't have a mother. I don't know how it feels like to be taken care of your own mother. I don't have a father either. They died when I was three years old. Sindicato took their lives. Napakaaga kong naging mag-isa.
Not until the mafia came. They took care of me. Don Amore treated me like I'm his own child, but soon enough he handed me to the Vosslen's.
Then there... I met Erie. During the darkest days of my childhood, I met Erie. And Sky.
Long story short. The only woman that I have in my life is Erie. And now I feel like I'm starting to lose her too.
I'm scared. I wanted to hold her forever. I wanted her to be with me forever. I don't want to lose her. She's the only one I have.
Erie used to say to us, "When things gets rough, I have you guys and you guys have me too".
Things are getting rough now, Erie.
I need you. But what happened to us?
I miss us, Erie... but pursuing you and this feelings starts to hurt.
Parang napapagod na ako sa lahat. Kahit anong gusto ko, nawalan na ako ng lakas ilaban.
"Kuya Ryde! Can I go to my mommy muna po?" The kid asked politely, tugging my shirt.
"Sure." Tipid kong sagot saka pinilit ngumiti.
"Thank you po!" Then he ran happily to where his mom was located at. Hahayaan ko muna yung bata. May kalhating oras pa naman bago magsimula ang racing.
"Ayos ka pa?" Nilapitan ako ni Kast at nakalukot ang mukha niya dahil sa init.
Tumango na lang ako, wala na akong gana makipag-usap.
Mukhang nahalata naman niya naman iyon kaya hindi na niya dinugtungan ang usapan. Pero maya-maya lang ay napalingon siyang muli sa akin.
"Sandali, Ryde." He held my arm. Nakatingin siya sa kung saan at kusa na lang sumunod ang mga mata ko sa gawi na iyon. "Parang pamilyar ang mag-ama na 'yon."
Sa hindi kalayuan, naroon ang tinutukoy niya. Sinusuotan ng isang lalakeng may edad na ng helmet ang anak niyang babae. Kinakausap niya rin ito, sa tingin ko ay pinaaalalahanan.
Unti-unti ako nakaramdam ng pangungulila. Usually, I don't mind seeing a happy family or a parent with their child. Kaya ko. Kaya ko naman makakita ng gano'n. Wala lang sa akin kasi tanggap ko na. But due to recent happenings in my fucking life, I became vulnerable to the point that I feel like anyone could just drag me down in an instant.
"Ryde, remember?" Kast snapped me out of my thoughts. "Yung sa bangko? Yung hindi tinuluyan ni Steer dahil may anak raw? I think that's him."
Naningkit ang mga mata ko at sinubukang kilalanin ang taong iyon.
Bahagya akong nabigla dahil mukhang tama nga si Kast.
"Do you think he could recognize us?" He asked me again.
Hindi ako sumagot, nananatili akong nakamasid at saktong lumingon siya sa gawi namin. For moment, I thought I'm just seeing things, but it's true. I caught a glimpse of his laugh fading when our eyes met.
He recognized me.
"Kast, stay away." Agad kong sabi.
"Ano?"
Dahil napakabagal umintindi ni Kast, ako na ang dumistansya. Naglakad ako palayo. I don't think he could recognize Kast though. He was wearing a mask that time, him and Spear.
"Gago, bakit mo ako iniwan doon? Tinatanong kita." Sinubukan pa akong habulin ni Kast.
"Kast, fuck! He could recognize me so stay away!" I snapped at him, glaring.
"So? Ayaw mo no'n? Bonding tayo sa kulungan kung magsusumbong siya." Minura ko na lang sa isip ko ang kabobohan ni Kast. Parang masaya pa siya. Palibhasa masamang damo.
My eyes rolled, turning my back to him. Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Lider. Siya ang kailangan kong kausapin. Kaso hindi ko naman makita. Ang tanging napakikiramdaman ko lang sa paligid ay ang matandang iyon na mukhang sinusundan pa ako.
Tang ina talaga 'tong si Steer kahit kailan. Pasakit sa buhay ko. Kung tinuluyan niya lang sana ang isang 'to noon pa, kung hindi lang siya naduwag, wala na sana akong panibagong problema.
Wala ng dinulot na maganda tapos siya pa ang magiging representative sa Stade Royale? Hindi ko matanggap.
I felt a slight relief when I spotted Lider, he just finished talking to one of the staffs so I immediately rushed towards his direction. Agad niya akong pinansin at inangatan ng dalawang kilay dahil mukhang napansin niya ang pagmamadali ko.
"I have to tell you something." I told him.
He checked his wrist watch first before signaling me to go one. "You have a few minutes."
Pinaliwanag ko agad sa kaniya ang nangyari at tumatango-tango lang siya habang nakikinig. Maya-maya lang ay nilibot na niya ang tingin sa paligid. "He followed you all the way here, Riordan." His jaw tightened.
"I know. What am I going to do? Should I..." I paused. "Kill?"
Lider's eyes met mine once again. For the first time in a while, he looks hesitant. Tumagilid ang ulo ko. Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Bakit parang pinag-iisipan niya pa? This is our last option. Minsan nang napakawalan ang taong iyon dahil kay Steer. Uulitin na naman ba namin ngayon?
"We can't do that." He finally spoke and I don't like where this is going.
"But why?" I asked. "What are we even considering here if ever? His child? And what about the cover of our organization? That is just one life we're about to take away. We are hundreds of people in the mafia. So what's more important here?"
"Ryde, walang binaba na utos sa atin ang Don. You know it's prohibited to kill without his order."
"Even at times like this?" Tanong ko pa. Delikado na. May nakakakilala na sa amin.
Muli ay napaisip siya. Alam kong kahit papaano ay nakukuha niya ang gusto kong iparating. Hindi naman mahirap intindihin. Alam kong iisa lang rin naman ang gusto naming mangyari, ang protektahan ang lahat ng tinatago namin sa mga normal na taong katulad nila.
Huminga ako ng malalim at humugot ng hininga bago magtanong ulit. "Should I? Because I think I can do that now."
_
A/N: reminder that i don't glamorize killings and please don't do that too. ryde thinks like that because that's what they are. mafias. criminals. he may be gwapo pero hindi siya jowable sa totoong buhay if ever, kriminal pa rin po siya. okay pi yun langsss
btw yung chapter wherein nandon yung mag-ama na nakita ni kast, nasa chapter 11 lang huhu sorry for sure nakalimutan niyo na since ang tagal ng interval ng uds