"Gosh, I can't believe it's already our last day in Seoul," Junhee sighed, "I'm gonna miss this place."
"Sure, you kept complaining about the noisy traffic outside," Soobin teased, nudging the pouting girl beside her.
It was the evening after our competition. Coach Lee gathered the whole team at the Han river for a congratulatory picnic, but after a whole day of touring the streets, most of us were rather lazy to leave our rooms again. Although the mention of a treat from him got us running out the doors immediately.
Sadly, the only treat we got was a canned soda for each of us.
"It was one time," Junhee fought back, sipping her soda as we watched the energetic members playing frisbee on the huge grass patch surrounding us. Where they got that? I have no idea.
"Oh, right, your school is in Seoul, right? So that means you'll be moving back here? Yoojin?" The sound of my name caused me to turn to Soobin, because up till then I thought she was still talking to Junhee.
"I don't have a choice, do I?," I answered dreadfully, although to be honest, I don't actually want to. "It's been bothering me lately."
"Isn't the answer obvious?" Another voice perked up as the three of us turned our heads to the source. "You can't possibly travel back and forth every day," Youn added, and unfortunately, that was a fact.
But I didn't wanna admit it yet, because some part of me thinks it's still possible.
"You just don't want me around, don't you?" I wrinkled my nose with fake mockery as she rolled her eyes. "Sure, if that's what you want to think," she replied wryly, "Just don't make the wrong decision or you'll have to blame yourself."
I bit my lip at the hard truth. If I could, I didn't want to make that decision, but it was all up to me to figure this out. The answer was obvious to strangers, but they don't know the complications that lie between the lines.
I hate to admit it, but I've grown attached to this club and its members even though I joined it on a whim, and I don't want to leave someone again. In this case, it would be a whole group of them. But it was the debt to Coach Yoon that made it harder than it already was, I can't possibly betray someone who helped me even after I left.
I needed someone to talk to about this.
Buzz. And that exact person is finally here.
"I'll be right back," I said in a haste and got up, jogging towards the nearest bus stop to meet my saviour.
"You're lucky my class ended early, or you'll have to wait another hour," Hyojin said, ruffling his wet hair as droplets smelling like chlorine flew out. I guessed he really did rush here after his internship. "What's the emergency?"
"Well..." I glanced around, the area starting to get packed with people. "Let's go somewhere quieter."
I led him to a small gazebo near the familiar bicycle shop, waiting for him to settle down before I started the consultation. "I should move back after the summer break, right?"
My brother blinked a few times before laughing, "Of course! Were you planning to stay there then?" He continued laughing harder at my ridiculous question, before calming down when he noticed I was serious. "You attend school here, the answer is pretty obvious."
"Yeah, but-" I paused to gather the words in my mouth, continuing with another breath, "I like the club I am in now, and I don't want to leave them."
"You've grown that attached to them already? That's incredible," he joked, but I wasn't in the mood to play around.
"I'm serious," I forced out and his face finally hardened, "I definitely know I have to move back, but what am I supposed to do with the club? I've already become a member there, I can't withdraw that easily."
"It seemed easy before," he mumbled, but it was loud enough for me to throw a glare at him as he apologised instantly. A frown formed on his face as he thought carefully, and I hope he's actually thinking about something useful or my last ray of hope would shatter into pieces.
"Won't they have another branch in Seoul too? You could just transfer to that," He raised, and that question actually seeped into me before I could throw it out.
"Actually, that is a great-" I stopped, another thought flicking it back out of my head. "No, I can't. I owe a lot to Coach Yoon, I can't quit my old club."
"Then request Mooyung to let you have online lessons." He tried again, only for me to shut him down immediately.
"Even if they do, I have hands-on assignments and projects that can't be done on a screen. You should know that."
"Then pull out and go to a university in Jeju."
"You must be kidding."
"Gosh, you're so troublesome." He let out a deep sigh, staring at me with his tired eyes. "Did you call me here just to ask me about this?"
I sucked in my lips, feeling regretful that it was exactly the case. "No, I just needed someone to rant to. I just don't want it to look like I'm running away again."
Silence filled the gazebo as I gazed at the orange sky, wishing how I could just become a cloud and float around all day with no worries. Hyojin's restless movements knocked me out of my thoughts, prompting me to speak again.
"Feel free to leave, the talk is done." I didn't expect my voice to sound so hostile, but it did make my brother hop to his feet. Guess I'll be alone for the rest of the day.
To my surprise, he stood right in front of me, the blockage causing me to look up at him in confusion.
"As much as I want to go home and sleep, I must at least give you some advice," He sighed while crossing his arms, his shadow covering me in darkness.
"In all honesty, I want you to come back home. Your school, your club, your family, they're all here. You can't just let a month of vacation overwrite all that. Your new friends in Jeju probably know you're gonna move back and have already prepared for it, now it's just you." He ended with a stern voice, his expression hard to read from the shadow. I knew what he meant, but I secretly hoped there was another meaning to it.
"But that's just my opinion," he continued before I could open my mouth, "There's only so much advice I can give; the rest is up to you. I can't be deciding the future for you."
His words left a tingling sensation in my heart as I smirked at his sudden wisdom. "That's probably the sweetest and wisest thing you ever said, but you're right." He looked smug with that compliment, but tried to keep it subtle as I stood up to face him.
"Glad to hear that. So what's your decision?" He asked, causing me to take back what I said about him instantly.
"Give me time, won't you?" I snarled. He sniggered and ruffled my head so hard half my hair fell in front of my face. "Then I hope you choose well," he assured, proceeding to pick up his duffle bag. "Now if you let me, I wanna knock off."
I bid him goodbye, watching his figure disappear behind the bushes. Even though our talk was short, it did clear a lot of my doubts. His straightforward opinion was somehow convincing as it stated all the obvious facts, my mind beginning to lean towards his stance. But I still needed more time to consider it.
I brisk walked back to our picnic area, afraid that my new friends would wonder where I was, until a silhouette in front of me halted me in my tracks.
Before I make any decisions, I definitely needed to sort this out.
I picked up my pace as the figure grew bigger, before slowing down when I was right behind him. "Yah," I called, surprised by how loud my voice was when others around him turned around too. "We need to talk."
I spun around and headed to the same gazebo, hopefully making it clear to him to follow me.
"What is it?" Donghyuck's monotonous voice led me to heave a relieved sigh as I turned around, meeting his curious eyes. Yesterday's incident replayed vividly in my mind as I embraced the guilt that came with it. I need to tell him.
"I... I overheard your conversation yesterday," I confessed, garnering a confused look on his face. "The one with your dad."
"What?" His reaction was less exploding than I expected. In fact, it almost looked like he was ashamed. "You mean you were eavesdropping again?"
"I really didn't mean to," I quickly defended, "I know no excuse will pull me out of this, so I'm really sorry. But this is also what I wanted to talk about." He looked away from me with exasperation while I tried to meet his gaze again. "Are you okay?"
There was a long silence, with him refusing to reply as he continued staring off into the distance. I wanted to prompt again, but we both knew how that went down the previous time. Nonetheless, I rooted myself to the ground to prepare for what I was about to say.
"I saw it with my own two eyes," I started, clutching my fingers tight, "Even though he's your father, he had no right to treat you that way. I'm not gonna ignore it no matter what."
Finally, my outburst triggered a snigger from him as he looked at me ridiculously. "Yeah? Then what are you gonna do about it?"
"Well-" I stopped myself, because that's how far my plan went. Gosh, I didn't even think I'd get this far. I gathered as many ideas as I had, before spitting out the best one. "You can talk to me about it, that'll make you feel better."
"You think talking will work?" He scoffed, "Forget it. I've been putting up with this for two decades, I don't need any assistance now."
He tried to leave, but I stepped in front of him to stop him from doing so. "Is that why you've been tossing mean remarks at me? To take your frustration out on me?"
I may have said that out of annoyance, but it felt like Pandora's box had just been opened as Donghyuck narrowed his eyes at me.
"That is different," he emphasised, "I said those things to push you, and I've clearly stated it already. My dad has been criticising me ever since I joined Taekwondo, he's never been impressed by whatever I do. Do these two scenarios look the same to you?"
"Well, don't you think he might be pushing you with those words too?" I questioned strictly, hoping to knock some sense into him which it looked like it did for a while. But it wasn't long until he shook it out of his head, a scowl forming on his face.
"Is telling me how I will never live up to his standards pushing me? That's basically verbal abuse, don't you dare compare us like this," he retorted, his eyes widening in agitation and his jaw ticking. There were a million things I wanted to scream back at him, but I held myself back knowing that this might just into another useless argument. I heaved in a resigned sigh.
"Look," I lowered my tone gradually, "I don't want to argue over this sort of triviality, can't we talk calmly for once?"
It finally looked like I struck a chord in his mind as his gaze softened, rolling his eyes as he looked elsewhere again. I took this opportunity to spill everything I planned to say.
"At least hear me out then," I kept my tone as I started, "Firstly, you were the one who told me not to take others opinions to heart, to take them as a source of motivation, so what gives you the right to do the exact opposite? Fine, even if your dad was plainly criticising you, will you really let his words sink in? I know I can't tell you to just ignore it because I wouldn't either, but I know how strong you are, at least from when we met."
I paused to breathe, allowing him to rebut any of my words, but he just remained silent. Good, I still have half my speech left.
I sucked in whatever pride I had left in me to continue, "I'll admit, you're definitely above the rest but not with your skills alone, it's with your determination too. How can one look so focused every time? Heck, you even went out of your way to coach me when you were struggling too and believe me, I would've fallen deeper into the gorge without your help. With a better coaching technique and attitude, you'll definitely be a top coach next time. I mean it, I really admire you."
Another silence floated over us after my speech, leaving me with a lingering feeling in my body. Why does this revelation take much more weight off me than the talk with Hyojin just now? Unfortunately, that same feeling wasn't rubbing off on Donghyuck, seeing how his expression didn't change at all. Did he even hear a word I say?
"You're really bad at comforting, you know?" His sudden voice startled me as I furrowed my eyes at his weird question.
"What?"
He finally looked at me, his eyes filled with familiar mockery as he said, "Usually, others would say just ignore him or I know how you feel, brushing away my feelings like a speck of dust. But you, on the other hand, dug deep into it and left holes everywhere, like a parasite." I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Here am I trying to help and you return it with an insult? You really have no gratitude whatsoever," I snarled, folding my arms as it was my turn to gaze into the distance. "Nevertheless, I stand by what I said." Of course, a person like him won't take genuine praise as it is; I was urged to take back whatever I said.
"Geez, you never wait for me to finish," he complained, "I'm saying you are the only one who actually made me feel lighter, so thank you for that."
The last part came out in a jumble of words that made it barely audible, but if I heard it correctly, he actually thanked me. But when else would I hear this again?
"What was that? I didn't hear you clearly," I asked nonchalantly, raising my eyebrows as I leaned my ear towards him. "Could you say it again?"
"Don't pull this shit on me," he snapped as he shifted away from me, but I wasn't done pestering him yet. "Gosh, I really didn't hear it, is it that hard to say it again?" I clicked my tongue, nudging his arm as he darted another glare at me. Geez, he really can't let his ego down for once.
Before I could give up, he grabbed the collar of my hoodie and pulled it towards him, causing me to stop right in front of his face. "I said thank you, happy?" He growled, his breath sending a chill down my spine as I froze on the spot, before he pushed me away a second later.
"Fine, don't need to get so worked up," I complained, rubbing my ear profusely to get rid of the disturbing feeling. What is this?
"Now, if you have nothing else to say, I'm going back," Donghyuck stated, but I stopped him before he could walk past me.
"Remember what I said, you're better than his words." I gave one last bit of advice, although I don't think he took it seriously as he smirked back.
"Sure." And then he left. Well, that went better than I expected, now to get back to the rest before they start thinking I got run over by a bicycle.
Zoom~ An object sped past me right then as I leapt back, my heart doing a full somersault. Gosh, I didn't mean literally.
I tried to calm myself down, but my heart wouldn't stop palpitating hard against my chest even with deep breathing. Something else was keeping my heart rate up.