"Alright, let's do this, Sallow."
Lacy pops the trunk, revealing the haul we just picked up from Alcott's Catering. A couple trays of lemon-garlic chicken, a healthy sized order of those delicious potatoes they always serve at weddings, some kind of creamy green bean concoction, and a big ass bag of dinner rolls.
Oh, and some macaroni and cheese because no celebration dinner is complete without it. And that's what we're doing tonight, celebrating Trevor and his staff for having their clinical trial accepted.
Everything looks amazing and smells even better but I still can't believe we didn't even try to prepare any part of this meal ourselves.
"We're a couple of frauds," I express bitterly, reaching for one of the boxes. "We shouldn't have ordered out. I'm sure we could have pulled something together and given everyone a real, home-cooked meal."
Lacy's hand flies up to stop me. "Before you go any further down that rabbit hole of guilt, let me point a few things out," she says, popping her index finger up in front of my face as she begins the tally. "Number one, I'm not a cook and neither are you. I'm learning but I can't test my mediocre skills on a large group and disappoint them..." She trails off and her eyes widen just a touch as she mutters under her breath, "Or risk giving everyone food poisoning... these are my potential future in-laws, after all."
Shaking off her little bout of worry, she sends another finger up to mark the next reason that will justify our laziness. "Number two, supporting local business is really important, Tommy. I mean, isn't this catering place run by your partner's family?"
"Yeah," I shrug, feeling like that fact is slightly irrelevant but also remembering that Jimmy went out of his way to relay a heartfelt thank you from his parents so our support didn't go unnoticed and that does feel nice. "Still though, if we weren't going to cook, we should have just taken everyone out."
"Hosting a dinner party is way more personal and meaningful."
"When you actually cook, it is."
Lacy laughs. "I'm not arguing about this. If anything, we've opened up more time to socialize tonight and that should excite you, especially since Amber will be here."
When she says Amber's name, her voice drops into the teasing imitation of a fifth grade schoolgirl, chiding me about my crush. And as much as I want to hate it, I can't help smiling, enjoying the now familiar flutter in my chest at the thought of seeing her. The gorgeous woman who's been on my mind even more non-stop than usual since the day she let me pull the delicate pieces of her back together on the sand. If I thought she already invaded my mind, it had nothing on what happened after she let me hold her.
Something changed that day. I don't just think about her in the usual ways anymore. It's not only the anticipation of Sundays on the beach, walking in her presence and enjoying our time together. I'm starting to wonder what kinds of things she gets into on all the other days of the week, how her work days go, what she eats for lunch.
For too long, all of her big stuff seemed to loom over us, the complicated things I already knew because of that call to Fairview Street, her quiet timidity that resulted. But now that I'm getting to know the real her, I can't stop thinking about the small things. So often, it's the small things that matter most and I'm ready to figure out what that means when it comes to Amber.
Inside the house, Lacy and I get to work on warming up the food and setting the table. We're just about done when the doorbell rings and I hear Trevor greeting his parents, followed by the chirp of a very excited little girl saying hello to her uncle. Everything fades away when all I hear next is the soft, pretty voice of the woman who haunts my every fucking thought and I officially can't focus.
"Go say hi to our guests, Tommy. I got it from here," Lacy says to me with a shake of her head. "Tell Amber there's chalk and bubbles on the patio for Mia."
"Alright," I mutter, anxiously rubbing my hands against my jeans at the thought of Amber's daughter. I haven't interacted with her too much since the night I met her at the barbeque and it's not that I'm nervous around kids, it's just that this is her kid.
When I make my way to the living room, Ed and Amelia are already walking in the direction of the kitchen, each holding some kind of dessert in their hands. We exchange a quick hello in passing as I search the room for Amber, my eyes attaching to hers like they're magnetically charged to seek her out.
She's standing there, looking like a damn supermodel in a sundress that clings to her body in all the right places and a face full of irresistible self-assurance that looks better on her every time I see her.
And yet, despite that confidence, I don't miss her hands as they glide down her body, smoothing out her dress before one moves up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. It's fucking cute and I'm relieved to see that I'm not the only one out of sorts here.
"Hey," I practically croak.
She smiles. "Hi."
Okay, can I hug her for real now? Have we made it to that point yet?
Before I let myself overthink it too much, I take the last necessary step toward her that would fully indicate I'd like to hug her and she steps right into my arms, her hand grazing my spine for a split second before we part again.
It was, by most human standards, a casual hug. Not awkward but lacking the intimacy of the one we shared on the beach. However, nothing with this woman actually feels casual and I have to force myself to refocus again and stop thinking about the smell of her shampoo as my eyes drift down to the other visitor in the room.
"Hey, kiddo," I say to Mia.
Eyes that just about match her mother's blink up at me with a smile and a little wave to go along with it. "Hey, Tommy."
My gaze floats back up to Amber. "Lacy said to tell you there's chalk and bubbles on the patio."
"Yay!" Mia jumps up excitedly, looking up at Amber with pleading eyes. "Can I go out back?"
"Sure. I'll be out in a little bit," she says with a smile. When Mia takes off, Amber calls out to her and adds, "Don't use all the chalk before I get there, missy!"
I look around the room and notice that Trevor has made himself scarce, probably off with his parents if I had to guess. I never even saw him leave but I'm grateful to have a few minutes with Amber alone. Just when I'm about to ask her how her week has been, a question I'd normally have to wait a couple more days to get the answer to, the doorbell rings and cuts me off. Of course.
Amber and I look at each other like we're deciding if one of us should get the door or wait for Trevor since this is his house. When it occurs to me that I'm technically hosting this dinner party with Lacy, I figure it's safe for me to get the door.
Dread fills my chest as I reach for the handle, realizing that the only person missing from this celebration dinner party is Madison. Shit.
How did I not consider the possible implications of tonight's guest list until this moment? How the hell did it not occur to me until just now that I would be sharing a table with both Amber and the person I was casually fucking until somewhat recently. I mean, in some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago since Madi and I have hooked up, forever since I promised her this celebration dinner when she was all stressed out about the paperwork. But in other ways, it feels so... recent.
I swing the door open, going for my most friendly smile. But it falls right off my face when I notice she brought her obnoxious friend. Can't even remember her name. I know she's a nurse and likely has every reason to be here if she helped with the clinical trial thing. But I can't remember a damn thing about this chick except her big yapping mouth and inability to keep her bad language in check at the family restaurant we were at the one time we all went out together.
"Tommy!" They both shout my name simultaneously, piling through the door as Amber just stands there and watches with wide eyes.
This is a nightmare.
"My favorite guy," Madi coos, her arms dropping around my neck in her usual touchy-feely hug. Her contact didn't used to make my skin crawl but now, all I can think about is putting distance between us. Only problem is, as I step back, her friend steps right toward me, claiming her turn and holding onto me far longer than I'm comfortable with.
Where the fuck is Trevor? These are his co-workers. He should be out here taking his fair share of their overzealous perfume-infused greetings.
No. Stop it, Tommy. This is Trevor's night. You can take one for the team.
I do my job as host and exchange the smallest of small talk with Madi and what's-her-name. The damn touchiness is killing me as Madi slings her arm over my shoulder and hangs on me like we're the best of friends or something, not the recently separated fuck buddies we were.
When the girls have calmed down their hysterics and begin migrating toward the kitchen, my eyes travel back over to Amber but she's no longer standing where she was. I look all around the living room, desperate for the familiar comfort her presence seems to wrap around me whenever I'm near her, and my heart drops in my chest when I see she's not in the house anymore.
She's outside with Mia. And I can't even blame her after the very enthusiastic display of affection she just witnessed from not one woman but two. If only she knew how unwelcome it was. I want to explain myself. Explain them. I want to tell her I'm not that guy.
I'm not, am I?
Maybe I am. I did have casual sex with Madi for months.
That pull in my chest is telling me to go outside and join Amber on the patio. But the synapses in my brain are telling me to give her a moment, to take one for myself as well. What would I even say to her? It's not as though she and I are together. I feel like shit for making her watch that though and it clearly made her uncomfortable if she took off. That says something, I'm sure it does. Still though, I listen to my brain, taking a seat on the couch and waiting it out.
In a matter of seconds, Madi and her friend are coming back into the living room, drinks in hand and giggling like they've never had such a good time stopping by a fucking kitchen before. Trevor's on their heels but I can tell by the look on his face that he's not planning on joining us in the living room.
His eyebrows shoot up inquisitively as if to say "You got this?" and all I want to tell him is no, I absolutely do not have this. But what can I say right in front of them?
They're chatting away with one another about all kinds of stupid hospital gossip but I'm barely in the room. I can vaguely hear Madison's friend dropping the F-bomb every few seconds and all I can do is hope she'll cut that out around Mia while we eat. When my phone buzzes with a text, I'm grateful to have something for my hands to do as I pull it out of my pocket and check it.
Trevor: Why did you invite Brit?
Oh yeah. Brit. That's her name.
Tommy: I didn't.
Trevor: Gonna be a long night.
Tommy: No shit.
My eyes drift to the patio where I can see Amber and Mia through the sliding glass door. Amber's sitting on the ground, her back straight and her legs stretched out in front of her, one crossed over the other. The braid in her hair is messy like she's been busy wrangling a wild Mia all day. Small strands of hair have fallen, creating a frame around her face and, to be honest, it just adds to her radiance. Motherhood looks so good on her.
She's ditched her shoes and there's a bubble wand in her hand. Despite the fact that she basically fled from discomfort just moments ago, she's back in her element with Mia. She looks so relaxed and happy and I feel like I'm in a trance, watching her lips form a circle as she blows bubbles. In my peripheral vision, I can make out a jumping Mia, arms flailing as she pops the bubbles around her. But I can't take my eyes off of Amber.
She's so fucking pretty and I just I want to join her outside.
"Earth to Tommy!" Brit yells and I can hear snapping fingers trying to get my attention. "Are you even fucking listening to us?"
My head shoots over in their direction. "No. I'm not," I mutter halfheartedly, completely distracted. Yeah, I'm definitely going outside to be with Amber.
"At least he's honest," Madi laughs.
"Too fucking honest. I'm not used to being ignored," Brit laments with a fake pout in her voice.
I turn to meet her eyes. "Watch your mouth. There's a four year old here, for crying out loud," I snap before heading toward the patio.
._._._.
Amber and Mia both look up at the sound of the sliding door opening and closing.
I pause before going any further. "Mind if I join you guys?"
Amber's lips curve into a smile as she nods. "Of course we don't mind. You might even be able to help us."
"Oh yeah? With what?"
"Mommy can't blow bubbles," Mia informs me with a little giggle.
"Mia!" Amber's face is priceless as her mouth drops open in shock. "I can blow bubbles."
"Not big ones." Mia shrugs.
"Well," I clear my throat, taking a seat on the ground next to Amber. "I happen to be an expert bubble blower," I tell them. Not even lying, to be honest.
"Why does that not surprise me?" Amber mumbles under her breath.
"Let the pro handle this." I extend my hand and she surrenders the bubble wand to me, an amused twinkle in her eyes as I prepare to impress.
Okay, here's the thing about bragging on your skills in front of a pretty girl or two and this is an age old conundrum, you see... you have to actually come through or you're nothing but an uninspiring loser destined for loneliness. That may be acceptable on the playground when you're eight and the only thing really at risk is your reputation for the rest of the third grade. But at my age, you can't afford that kind of risk. This task will require the utmost focus.
I dip the wand into the bubble solution, being sure to keep my hand as steady as possible so Amber can't see the nervous shake. And then, with a deep breath and ever so slowly, I begin to blow the biggest fucking bubble I've ever blown. Like, bigger than a basketball, man.
When I catch Mia's wide eyes and huge smile from the corner of my eye, a smile tilts my own mouth, almost like a reflex and I nearly blow the whole thing. Blow it in a bad way, as far as bubbles are concerned.
Except I don't.
I manage to make it just a teeny bit bigger before seamlessly releasing it in one piece, not a pop in sight. And then, for the fun part, I watch in satisfied glee as Mia follows the giant bubble, taking careful steps behind it, all around the patio and into the yard as it floats off into the atmosphere and pops a few feet above her head.
"I can't believe you just pulled that off," Amber basically whines.
"I can't either," I burst out on a breathy laugh and when she laughs with me, my stomach spins like a glorious hula hoop of happiness.
Meanwhile, in the yard. "That... was... awesome!" Mia runs back onto the patio with us. "Can you do it again?"
"Sure... I mean, I can try anyway. I don't know if it will be as good as the last one though." That's the other part about impressing girls. You have to keep the standards realistic, in case they ask for more.
Lucky for me, I'm really good at bubbles so I don't have to worry about that too much.
Mia stays amazingly patient for a few more of my basketball sized creations but eventually opts to finish her chalk art, singing a song as she goes along without a care in the world. She articulates her words exceedingly well for being just shy of five years old and I'm fascinated by how detail oriented she is with the chalk drawing she's making. It's a fun observation when I think of how many blob-like pictures I've received from Sadie's middle child, my niece named June, who's about her age.
Not knocking my little June-bug. To her credit, she's got skateboarding skills that are off the chart for how tiny she is. Just goes to show how different kids are and that they're all equally cool in their own way.
Keeping her eyes planted firmly on her drawing, Mia slides the box of chalk in my direction. I take that as her quiet invitation to join her, pulling out a couple pieces and trying my best to make a drawing of Stella but it looks more like a deranged horse. I'm officially worse at art than my blob-drawing niece. Mia doesn't seem to notice or care, though, as she gives my masterpiece the occasional glance and then goes back to her own without judgment.
Amber sighs beside me. "You know, it's not that I didn't believe you when you said you were an uncle. But I honestly didn't expect this. Bubble blowing skills and chalk art?"
I sit up, revealing my heinous drawing to her with a smirk. "Impressed?"
She actually giggle snorts. "Is that supposed to be Stella?"
I somehow keep a straight face. "Yes. Can't you tell?"
Amber presses her lips together and nods, stifling another laugh.
"Who's Stella?" Mia asks, still focusing on her drawing.
"Stella is my dog," I answer her.
She looks over at me now. "What does she look like?"
"She's uh... well, she's got shiny golden fur and she's really fluffy. Here," I reach for my phone and pull up a photo of Stella, showing it to Mia. "That's her."
"She is so cute!" Mia beams at the screen, tapping Amber's leg. "Mommy, look at how cute she is!"
I can't help smiling. If she only knew how well her mom knew Stella, how well they get along. Heck, most days when we walk, I feel like a third wheel when our path merges with Amber because Stella basically ditches me for her. Seeing how excited Mia is at just a photo kind of makes me feel guilty that I've shared the dog so many times with her mom and not her. Might have to set up a meet and greet at some point.
Makes me wonder if Mia will ever join us on the beach. Is that something Amber would be okay with? Would I be okay with that? When I think about how much I enjoy Amber's company, it makes sense to me that her daughter would at some point join us but I don't even know if this is moving in that direction at all. Mia on the beach would change a lot of things.
Of course, this is only reminding me of how badly I'd rather be on the beach right now. Enjoying some more time with Amber, instead of dreading the dinner we're about to endure with Madi and Brit in attendance. So, it's safe to say, when Lacy comes outside and tells us everything is ready, my stomach completes another plummet into the depths.
I feel like I'm walking into a potentially huge disaster and all I can do is hope they'll use discretion. I hope Brit can keep her big mouth shut and Madi won't hang all over me like she's used to doing, whether we're hooking up or not. I don't want Amber getting the wrong impression. I just... fuck.
I really hope this night goes well.
._._._.