And I am low and unwell
This is love
This is hell
This sweet plague that follows me
Flesh And Bone ~ Keaton Henson
Tyler
Everyday was spent travelling towards the border. Life was meant to be better in the neighbouring country, where people lived without fear of discriminatory prosecution. Mom kept having to reassure me, saying we’d have a new start. But who said I wanted a new start? I was fine before. Maybe I could’ve kept up the disguise for a little longer, to be with Troye a little longer.
I had to banish those thoughts. It was too late to change things.
I felt like was living half a life. Food and water were sparse. When we lucky enough to find a petrol station, all of the food was lined in grease, and the water tasted worse than sea water. We took it in turns to drive. The scenery was dull, nothing but empty fields on either sides. The roads were straight, the bends few and far between. Whenever I wasn't driving I was thinking about painful memories. When I wasn't doing that I'd be sleeping. The seats weren't meant for sleeping in. They were uncomfortable. Most the time I would sleep for twenty minutes before the car rolled over a small bump and I woke up. It was rough but it had to do. I had to hope things were surely going to be better in the long run.
A few days into our travels, mom arranged for us to take a break. In the middle of nowhere, we pulled up in front a building named The Nerd’s Fighter. Disguised as a pub, it was in fact a safe house for elementals. Inside there were bizarre posters saying things like "French the Llama" and "Squid of Anger". Only one person was at the bar, with three pints surrounding them. Unsurprisingly they'd passed out, snoring so loudly the glasses shook slightly. The front room was lit mainly by lanterns, looking outdated to the outside world. I guessed it made it look less suspicious that way, without bright lights.
It was run by a man simply known as John, who was willing to hide us for a day or so. When we arrived, my first thought was that he looked and acted an awful lot like my chemistry teacher Mr Green - just that his hair was a little more crazy than my teacher's. Once John found out we were Yokela’s, he grew fretful. Then he looked us over and relented. He said he’d let us stay, and would help find a doctor. I wondered who needed a doctor, until I fell face first on the concrete.
*
I was lying on a bed in a dark room. There was little noise but a far away dripping and breathing. Troye sat at my bedside, smiling down at me. His presence didn’t surprise me for some reason - the bounds around my wrists did. I pushed against them, hoping they'd weaken. But they didn’t loosen. I let out a groan of frustration, falling back down onto the bed with a thump.
He laughed softly at my struggle. "Baby it’s okay. They’ll understand what you did eventually.”
“What did I do?” I asked, ignoring how abnormal his words were.
“You killed someone. And that’s okay. After all, I’d always expected it from my little monster.”
“You think I’m a monster?”
“Well of course! We’re all monsters here.”
I didn’t know where here was, but I got that it wasn’t the safe house. The walls had messages written on, in blood that dripped down to the floor. I couldn’t distinguish any words, but got the sense that I didn’t want to know.
“I’ll make you forget, if you want me too.”
“How?”
He stood up, before straddling me unexpectedly. I wasn't sure what was going on, until his darkened eyes locked onto mine. I studied him as he took off his shirt in a way that would’ve been normal if it wasn’t for him biting his lip and touching himself a little too much. I felt myself growing lustful beneath him. Somehow sensing my desire, he slammed his lips aggressively against mine. His hands seemed to everywhere all at once, ensnaring me. I gasped at his cold touch, pushing against the bounds - too get away or to get closer to him, I couldn't tell. It felt so weird, but I didn’t want it to end. No smoke was rising, unlike every other time we touched. I should’ve found it odd but I couldn’t. I was enjoying the feel of his lips too much. He pulled away with a soft kiss, leaving me wanting more. I kept my eyes open, watching him pull off my clothes in rushed movements.
Lying almost completely naked beneath him, he stopped what he was doing. He got off me and backed far away. With a sneer he said “No one loves a monster.”
My desire vanished, leaving me frozen to the bone. As he disappeared into the shadows, I called out, wanting him to stay with me. “But I’m not a monster!”
“Oh really?” Another voice said, from the other side of the room. Out of the shadows emerged a horrific face belonging to Korey. Bloodshot eyes were sunken deep into his sallow face, staring out at me. Down his right cheek were three scratches, made by Monty each time he tried to get out of training. They were vibrant, as if recent.
But that wasn't possible - they were both dead.
“Besties forever, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?” He screeched like a banshee, a whirlwind of black mist spilling from his hands. I recognised it from the illegal enchantment lessons Monty had given us. The darkness hurtled towards me at a frightening pace. It clamped down on my legs, quick to envelop my whole body. It was colder than death itself. A blood curdling scream escaped my mouth for a second before it reached my mouth. It choked me.
His face loomed over me. He smiled, broken teeth and bleeding gum coming into view. “It’s time to wake up little b-”
I shot up from my bed. I choked on oxygen, relishing the feeling of an easy breath. Sweat covered my body. The bedsheets were damp too. I blinked once - twice. Reality settled down around me. I was grateful to find the room a complete contrast to the one in the dream. The were no words on the room, no bounds, no Troye, no Korey. Everything was serene, as reality was meant to be.
Mom stood besides me, besides another woman. Both stared at me in horror.
“Well I never...” said mom eventually.
“What?”
Mom shook her head, turning away. The other woman took it as her time to introduce herself. “Tyler, I’m Doctor Glozell Green. Is you okay?”
“Why-why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been out of it for a day, screamed in your sleep, cast some spell that is positively not normal and now your veins are black. Are you sure you feeling okay?”
I scanned the room for the spell I had cast. In my hazy vision I saw a ball of fire and water spinning on its own invisible axis above me. I didn’t think it that unusual. Troye and I had cast spells like that all the time.
It dawned on me then that Troye wasn’t there. I had done it all by myself - in my sleep.
I glanced down at the veins in my arms. There were like soot, black intensifying with every breath. I'd had black hands, but this took strangeness to a whole other level.
“If anyone saw this they’d think you’d been marked by satan,” the doctor commented. I scoffed. Seeing as my father was practically the devil, I wouldn’t have been surprised to be marked by him.
Without warning she shoved a thermometer in my mouth. After a few seconds she took it out, and made a low whistling noise. “I’ve never known a Fire to be so cold.”
“What’s happening to me?”
“It’s hard to tell…”
Mom became hysterical. “You’re a doctor! You’re meant to know these things!”
“Well, you see, I’m not actually a doctor. I failed med school. But I know everything there is to know. I will figure out what’s wrong, don’t you worry.”
As time wore on I became weaker and weaker. No matter how many ointments the doctor gave me, my condition grew worse. At night, when it got too dark, I could no longer illuminate the room with fire. I had to lie in the dark abyss, waiting for daybreak. Every noise sent me into panic, and I lay with my eyes shut tightly, hoping no ghost would attack me.
Mom sat with me on the third day, watching over me as she had when I was younger. "You know, if you're not careful, you might end up like you-know-who."
"You do realise Voldemort isn't real? My nose seems fine too, even if my nostrils aren’t the same size."
For a moment she smiled, but fear still encircled her eyes. "I meant the other you-know-who." She kissed my forehead, as if I was a child again. "I don't want you turning into him. I'm not losing two sons."
"You're not going to.”
As dawn shone through the blinds, she left me once more. I lay there, my remaining energy seeping out of me. A pool of amber liquid surrounded me as I became more and more drained. I was motionless, unable to get out of the mess. With little hope in my life, I pulled out my phone. I had to hear his voice, one more time.
It rang for a lifetime. I began to loose faith. The ringing stop. I held my breath.
“Hello?” He whispered, setting my heart at ease.
“Hi.”
“Tyler? Oh my god is that you? Holy... I can’t believe- wait. What’s wrong? You sound ill. You’re not dying are you? Don’t die on me please”
“Calm down,” I laughed, having a coughing fit midway through.
“Are you okay?” He asked, seemingly afraid of my answer.
“I-I’m better now I can hear you.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said, not wanting to scare him with the answer. “How are you?"
“I’m nineteen?”
I guessed the signal must’ve been bad. “I said how are you you dum-dum! Like, are you okay?”
“Um, not really… I miss you.”
I wanted to tell him I felt the same way. I wanted to tell him I felt more than that - that I had for a long time. As the words edged past my lips, darkness overtook me. The phone fell from my hands.
I never heard it land.
I woke up a while later, to find a congregation of people surrounding me. Every face seemed to bare some hope. I looked at every face, hoping one would be Troye. But why would he have been? I'd left him.
Doctor Green was nearest me, taking my temperature once again. This time she smiled at the number. "Your temperatures gone down a couple degrees, and there's colour in your cheeks."
"It looks like the treatment is actually working... for once." Mom said, but everyone could see the gratitude in her eyes.
The doctor clasped her hands together. "I think we should celebrate. John, do you have any cinnamon?"
The group left without another word, seemingly pleased with my state. I tried to get up and follow them, but I couldn't manage it. A dizziness rode through my mind, preventing me from moving too much. Mom looked back over her shoulder, and smiled sympathetically. She came back to my bedside. We talked quietly, planning out a future I didn't want.
My phone started to vibrate. I looked down at the name, meaning to cancel it, before I saw it was Troye. Why was he calling? I silently asked mom if I could pick it up. She nodded and I accepted the call. I put the phone to my ear. I couldn’t even say hello before he started talking.
“Tyler, I need to tell you something. Something huge.”
I was going to make a joke, but his voice was shaky, and i knew it wasn't the time. “What’s wrong?”
“It was Connor. It was always Connor. Every little thing makes sense now- It’s hard to explain. I wasn’t sure at first, but it makes sense. He’s always been there, saying all this stuff that seemed weird but now… I just know he’s the one.”
“The one?”
I could hear the muffled sound of traffic around him and a sharp uneasy breath. “Ty, bare with me. Just promise me you'll hear me-”
The sentence was left unfinished. An engine roared before I was left with silence.
I lowered my phone. My mom stared at my pale face with a newfound fear. “What’s wrong?”
I looked up, a tear coursing down my cheek. “I-I don’t know. It sounded bad. A car. I don’t… I can’t-”
Mom wrapped her arms around me. She hushed me, telling me not to worry. I couldn't not worry. What had happened to him? i tried to call him again with my trembling fingers. It didn’t work. It didn’t even ring.
“Mom… what if he’s dead?”
“He can’t be dead. He’s probably just dropped his phone or something.”
“Or something sounds right. He might be injured, or ill, or-”
“Panicking won't solve anything."
“I need to see him.”
“Not in this state you can’t. You’re too ill.”
“In a day then. Please mom. If something's happened to him-”
“We’ll see.”
Two days passed. I kept trying to call him to no avail. Mom wouldn’t let me leave, telling me I needed to rest. I lay awake terrified about what'd happened.
In the middle of the night. There was a knock on the door. Carefully I got up and opened it. John stood there. I opened my mouth to ask a question, but he shook his head. He pushed something into my hand, and gestured me to follow him. I glanced down at what he’d given me. It was car keys.
I trailed behind him, moving through the silent house. He opened the garage door for me. I headed towards a nondescript car, belonging to John. Inside were supplies, which I found out his wife had bought specifically for me, despite never meeting me.
He opened up a map, and pointed at different roads. “I would say go through the cities, as that’s most straightforward, but with the police out, you don’t want to risk it. Last time I visited my brother I got put in custody for five years. Really ruined thanksgiving for us. He works in your area actually, as a chemistry teacher.” My eyes widened, when I realised he was in fact Mr Green’s brother. I didn’t get a chance to tell him his brother had taught me before he continued. “The best route is down the 56, then go through Ennerville. You should be there within three days.”
“Why are you doing all this for me?”
“Because I don’t like watching a heart break. I heard you with your mother, saying you were worried about someone. You should see them, just in case. Go now, before your mother realises you’ve gone.”
*
Three days later, I arrived in my old neighbourhood. I travelled to Troye’s house, hoping he’d be in. I remained terrified when I saw there were no cars in the drive. The house was dark, with only the front room lit up. I ran up the path to the house, hoping with all my heart he would be there.
I knocked on the door, trying to calm myself incase someone else answered. On the other side I could hear some shuffling. The door opened, revealing a sleep deprived Sage. I opened my mouth but she put up her hand. “Troye’s not here.”
“Where is he?” I asked, not wanting to sound too deflated.
“Dormont Hospital.”
I became numb, almost falling over. Dormont Hospital was specifically for severe cases.
“They think he was attacked by someone, but Troye doesn’t remember. It was bad though. Sprained arm, lots of blood… Really horrible.”
“Are the other’s with him?”
She nodded. “I was told to wait at home in case someone came asking where everyone was. I think we’d all secretly been hoping you’d come. Where did you go?”
“It’s a long story.”
“You can tell me it on the drive to the hospital then.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “What makes you think I’m going to take you?”
“I know where he is and you don’t. Besides, if I’m alone for a moment longer I think I’ll kill the dog.”
“Come on then,” I said with a sigh. She grinned and grabbed a jacket from the coat rack. I was actually relieved she was coming with me. It meant I could distract myself from the ever present unease in my heartbeat.
In the car she asked me a little about what had happened to me. Fortunately she didn’t push it too much, acknowledging my privacy. Most of the journey was spent playing eye-spy, successfully making aware of the road and pushing Troye out of the forefront of my mind. He was still there, and doom still overshadowed me, but I ignored it as best I could.
Once I’d parked the car, we rushed through the sterile corridors to find him. I slipped twice, causing elderly patients to cry out in concern. I ignored it, jogging behind Sage as she located her family.
“Mum!” Sage yelped, running into her mother's arms. Laurelle looked unsure, as did the other Mellet's, at her surprise appearance.
“What are you doing here? I told you to- Tyler?”
“Hello,” I said quietly.
“I thought Troye said- never mind. I'm glad you came.”
“How is he?” I asked.
“He’s in a bad way, but they reckon he can leave in the next few days.”
“Can I go in and see him?”
“Go ahead. He's sleeping at the moment but he should wake up soon enough.”
In ways I was hoping he wouldn't wake, in case I found I couldn't leave him a second time. Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the door.
The room was plain. A nondescript painting of melons and apples was hung up on the opposite wall. Five chairs were placed in a circle around the hospital. In the centre of the bed was a frail body, lying beneath what looked more like a shroud than a blanket. The heart monitor was quiet but steady, reassuring me it wasn’t a corpse beneath the covers.
Slowly I edged closer. On the bedside table were a string of get well soon cards. There was also a bunch of petunias - flowers that had never appealed to me, seeing as they often indicated anger and resentment. Among the drooping flower heads was note from the giver.
Get well soon Troyeboy
Lot’s of love,
Connor
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I blinked, thinking I'd read the wrong name. Why had Connor given him flowers, or even come to see him for that matter? And why did he use the nickname I gave Troye? They weren't that close.
I sat down on the chair besides his bed. His face came into view, seeming more angelic than I’d remembered. I could see bruises scattered across his neck. A few cuts littered his face, but none too major. I reached out to move his hair out his eyes, fingertips grazing his soft skin. His eyes fluttered open at my touch. The familiar blue eyes came into view, and I felt my heart grow lighter in relief.
“Hey you,” I said softly, taking his bandaged hand in mine. Lavender smoke reassured me that this was reality. I noticed his veins appeared to be frozen over, whilst mine seemed to be burnt.
He smiled up at me. As he became more awake, his eyes swelled with dread. His lips parted and his chin wavered. “What are you doing here?”
“I was worried about you. I wanted to check that you were okay.”
He shook his head frantically. “You can’t be here. Ty, you need to-”
He stopped speaking, eyes trained on the doorway. I turned to look as the door opened.
“Oh, hey Tyler. Fancy seeing you here,” said Connor, grinning at me. I felt Troye wriggle his hand out of mine. Connor walked over, putting down his cup of coffee on the bedside table, in a space perfect for his cup. Something told me he'd put his coffee there many times.
“Good to see you’re up babe,” he said to Troye.
Babe?
My confusion only grew when he kissed Troye’s cheek.
I stood up abruptly. “What’s going on here?” I asked, before I could stop myself.
“Oh you don’t know, do you?" Connor's laughter was sickeningly sweet.
"Know what?"
He smiled down at Troye with too much admiration for my liking. "Since you left, well, me and Troye found out we had a lot in common, and we’re kind of... together.”
“Are you serious?”
Troye looked up at Connor, then faced me, a shy smile on his mouth. “Yeah, he's serious. I have never felt as complete as I do with Connor.”
He’d said Connor was “the one”, but hadn’t expected him to mean it in this context. Clearly they weren’t bruises on his neck - they were hickies. My supposed best friend and my believed-to-be boyfriend - together? My mind whirled with numbness. None of it made sense. They couldn't be - could they?
"Why didn't answer my calls?"
"My phone's broken-"
"-And I've been too caught up in Troye."
“You’ve got to be kidding me. This has to be some sick joke.”
“Why would we do that?” Connor asked. I wasn't interested in him at that moment.
“But, what about us?” I implored to Troye.
His voice was now vacant of emotions. “We can’t be together... We’re too different. We were kidding ourselves, thinking it would work. There’s never been a happy ending for a Fire and Water. Why would there be? We’re nothing alike.”
I shook my head, holding back the tears. “They don’t sound like your words. You don’t think that.”
“I do think that. I didn’t know what was going on, it all happened too fast. It was fun at the time, but it’s too difficult being with someone whose the complete opposite. I belong with Connor, not you. you might not realise it now, but you will soon.”
“Troye-”
“I mean it Tyler. My mind was clouded with lust. Just like what Marcus said at the river all those months ago. I just wanted you for... you know. Nothing more.”
At the end he touched his ear.
A small gesture, unnoticed by Connor. A gesture I understood.
“Get out,” he said, turning his head away from me. Connor looked up from his phone, smiling sympathetically. I could see the malice pulling up the corners of his mouth though. I knew better than to think he was still a friend.
I stood up and left without another word.
A/N
So my wifi decided to be a little biatch these last few weeks so my sincere apologies for not replying to comments and messages and please, #prayforwifi because no wifi sucks sour lemons
Ah well, see y’all next time, ily5eva
Emma x
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