CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE ─── ❛ arguments and confessions ❜
∘☽༓☾∘
𝖂hen Kaz returned to the room hours later, it was quiet. The hallway was dark, most of the bedroom doors closed off. Kaz had a feeling that Stasiaj would still be awake, knowing how irregular her sleep schedule, and sure enough, she sat at the dining room table, twirling a fang around her finger.
"I was waiting for you to get back," She mused, tilting her head to look at him and Kaz paused momentarily. Instead of the smooth skin, Stasiaj's face was marred by scars. Rope burns twisted around her neck, slowly fading to white. A jagged scar, much like she had been swiped with a claw, ran along her jawline, still angry red, whilst a final one curled around her eyes.
"Stasiaj..." Kaz trailed off, unsure of what to say. The girl shook her head, absentmindedly reaching up to scratch the scar on her jaw.
"I told you. Men get angry when they don't get their way," She shrugged, before taking another sip of the water in front of her. "How was the meeting?"
"Who did this?" Kaz ignored her question, sitting in front of her, his eyebrows furrowed.
"They're long dead, Kaz," She shook her head. "Can we just not talk about this? How was the meeting?"
"It was good," Kaz leant back in his seat, resting the crow cane on the table as Stasiaj nodded. "Sturmhond agreed to the terms."
"So, we're good to go ahead?"
"Not quite," Kaz licked his lips, wanting to reach for Stasiaj's hand. She seemed off, like something had changed and he regretted that he even had to tell her the next thing. "He wants to speak with you. The Grisha, they worked out you were Anastasiaj, and he heard and wants to talk to you."
"And you said no, right?" Stasiaj asked, looking at him through narrow eyes. "You said no, because that's my decision to make?"
"Well..."
"Kaz Brekker, you better have said no to that term," Stasiaj growled, sitting up straighter as the scars seemed to writhe with displeasure. "I'm trusting that you said no to that term."
"No," The boy mumbled, as Stasiaj's face fell into one of utter betrayal.
"I'm going to kill you," Kaz jumped from his seat to the other side of the table, as Stasiaj pulled her fangs free from her hair. "You better run, Bastard, because I'm going to murder you. How dare you?"
"Stasiaj, let's talk about it,"
"Oh no, it's Anastasiaj to you, Bastard," Stasiaj spat, her entire form trembling with rage. "I'm so patient with all of your trauma and about Jordie and then you go and pull shit like this! Since when did my past become a bargaining chip?"
"Don't pull that card, Yahontov," Kaz growled, pointing a finger at her. "All of us are wanted criminals and I'm trying to get us the money that they owe us. I'm trying to get you out of trouble! Can you not see that?"
"By using my trauma?"
"If that's the way, then yes! I will use your trauma to make sure that we can still live in the city that we grew up in. That we can be safe in the city that we grew up in!" Kaz cried. "Can you not see that I'm trying to get the best possible outcome here or are your feelings clouding your judgement? You're thinking like Stasiaj, not as Snake."
"I'm thinking like a human being, Bastard," Stasiaj glared, and Kaz felt something wither inside of him at the term. "Screw you."
"Stasiaj..." She brushed past him, grabbing her coat in the process. "Stasiaj, stop it. Now!"
"No!" The girl turned around, storming towards him, her eyes wild with anger. "I have never, never, used Jordie against you or as a bargaining chip, Kaz and I trusted you. I trusted you with that information about me! It was mine to reveal in my own time. If I had wanted to speak to them about it, don't you think I would have said so? But I didn't, so you shouldn't have said yes on my behalf!"
"Stasiaj, if you would just..."
"No, no more," She hissed, stepping away from him. "No more of this, Kaz. I can't do this with you if you're going to abuse my trust. I'll talk to him, but I don't want to see you again. Don't come to my house. Don't ask for information. Don't you ever talk to me again."
"Stasiaj, stop this," He growled, following after her. "You can't do this."
"Watch me. Keep your Crows away from my house, I no longer want to associate with you or anyone who'd be willing to send information back to you," She spat. Her eyes were no longer the warm blue that Kaz was used to, instead hard slats of ice as her entire posture changed into that of Snake. "Malkus, come on. We're leaving."
"Ma?" Malkus stood in the doorway, looking in between Kaz and Stasiaj with wide eyes.
"We're going," Stasiaj replied, before turning for the door. Kaz felt his heart sink and he reached out, grabbing onto her coat sleeve and stopping her.
"Please, don't do this, Stasiaj,"
"It's Snake," She glared.
"Stasiaj, stop this. I had no other choice, how else was I supposed to get this deal to work? We needed this deal to keep everyone here and safe. To keep your vipers safe as well," He stumbled over his words, trying to get them out. "He's your brother, you were going to have to talk to him at one point anyway."
"So you monopolized on my trauma? That makes it all better then," She put her fangs away, spinning to glare at him. "Real classy, Kaz!"
"I didn't have a choice. The deal had to go through so we could all get our money!"
"Saints, I can't believe that I fell for you!" Stasiaj cried, as Kaz dropped her hand. "I should have known how this was going to end. I'm such a fool for ever believing that you could have loved me back enough not to pull a stunt like this. I'm so stupid."
She wiped tears from her eyes, glaring at him.
"You love me?"
"Loved, past tense," Stasiaj snapped. "But your black heart wouldn't know that emotion even if it came up to slap you in the face. Come on, Malkus, we're going!"
She turned, storming out of the room as Kaz struggled to get his feelings and words back in order. She loved him? Stasiaj loved him? He didn't know what to do, he just wanted to run after her, to kiss her and tell her that he loved her back. That he had always, deep down in his heart, loved her back ever since he first saw her.
But it was too late. It was too late for him to run after her and tell her that he loved her with every inch of himself. How he loved it when she teased him and he loved it when she smiled and when she laughed and when she cooked or sang or giggled. Saints, he even loved her when she was yelling at him in anger but how he could tell her? How could he tell her when he screwed everything up so royally?
"Da?" Malkus was lingering in the doorway, looking between them. "What do I do?"
"Go home, Malkus," He replied, dropping Kaz Rietveld and pulling his façade of Dirtyhands back on, ignoring the pain in his heart. "Follow Snake."
"Da?" Malkus' voice trembled and Kaz almost turned back towards him, but he continued down the corridor and away from the boy. "Da, please. Please, don't go. Please, da, please don't do this!"
∘☽༓☾∘
Hiya,
Uh, this wasn't actually going to go this way, but then I got to writing it and this is the outcome. So, Stasiaj and Kaz have technically confessed their feelings for each other, but she no longer wants anything to do with him. Who was in the right with this argument?
Let me know what you think (I am sorry),
Love Li xx