hot chicks
talia: iris, what's going on?x
talia: not replied to my message in a couple of days
freya: me neither :( iris? are you okay?
gee: i've been trying to call, she's just ignoring me
from tobi
want to get a nandos?
from cal
is everything okay?
tried to ask harry what's gone on but no luck
from talia
are you okay? not spoke to you in a while x
iris? x
from ethan
hey, want a drink or something later?
iris?
that is not even half of the messages my friends have been sending me. okay, maybe i have been cooped up in my flat, the sun beaming through the large windows, the blue sky shining bright and it is evidently warm out, but i would rather be inside, watching shitty television, ignoring my phone and throwing my diet away. no gym, no walks, no nothing. i am trying to get over what happened, excuse it as a 'friends with benefits' gone wrong, even if we were not friends. but something about harry etches onto my mind in ways no other guy has before and i hate it. it is unexplainable and frustrating, i just want to forget that anything happened between us, but i cannot.
with harry's messages sat in my notifications, unread, left on delivered, it is baffling. i thought he would be happy to end things and allow us to drift, but he cannot seem to leave me alone, there is even a random missed call from him which i watched ring over and over again. with how much distaste he shows towards me, should he not just find a new fuck by now? instead he is trying to tell me we need to talk, but i have nothing else to say.
from harry
i want to talk, we can't just end things
like that
iris talk to me
just stop ignoring me, i'm trying to
fix things
cal says you're not replying to him either
iris, you know i'm sorry
staring blankly at the tv in front of me, i am completely zoned out, the sound is going through one ear and out of the other, the images on the screen not even processing in my brain. i think
to myself that maybe i should just come clean about everything that happened between harry and i, explain that we both made a mistake and i simply need to go back to hating him, like old times, but my heart will not let me.
my phone repeatedly vibrates against the sofa and i instantly groan, "just fuck off!" i huff, before glancing at the screen and noticing it is gee. guilt instantly consumes me, i can tell she is worried by how many times she has been ringing me and maybe i should not be ignoring my girls, but i do not feel like talking to anyone at all. i stare at the bright screen blaring in my face, slowly reaching my hand out towards the phone and finally answering it.
"iris?" gee exclaims, "is everything okay?"
"everything is fine." i exhale, "don't worry."
"but i am worried, you've not been replying to anyone or picking up my calls." gee expresses, the relieved tone still evident through her voice that i picked up the phone, "have you even left your flat?"
"erm, maybe not." i mumble, "listen, i'm fine, it's -"
gee instantly cuts me off, "no, it's not fine! i'm coming round."
"no, honestly, you don't have -"
"i'm setting off." she says and it's true, i can hear rustling through the speaker and the jumbling of keys, "see you soon."
i sigh, "bye." and end the call, letting out, yet again, another groan. i glance around my flat, empty packets and boxes everywhere, plastic bottles and empty cans dotted around the room and it takes a lot of energy to pull my body off the sofa to tidy up.
after waiting for some time for gee's arrival, internally debating with myself as to what my excuse is for being so distant or if i should be upfront about everything, my thoughts are disrupted when i hear a knock on my door. dragging my feet towards it, i am greeted by a grinning gee, handing me a cup. "i got you a iced latte with oat milk and a shot of caramel," she then gestures to the paper bag in her hand, "and i got us both some lunch."
"oh, thank you." i smile softly, holding the cold beverage, "you really didn't have to."
gee shushes me and i beckon her inside, both of us instantly heading towards the comfort of my sofa, "here you go." she hands me over a baguette which i take a quick glance at.
"my favourite," i chuckle, "thanks gee."
we are in complete silence when we dig into our food, only a small amount of sound emits from the tv in front of us, but it feels good to have someone in my company for once. i am so used to spending time with my friends, that i am not lying when i have said i have felt lonely. back home, i was isolated from everyone which harry seemed to use against me, but having a fresh start in london gave me the opportunity to find people who are genuine and want to be in my company. so whether it be gee, cal, tobi - anyone for that matter - it always feels good to have someone's presence in the room.
"so," gee brushes the crumbs off her body, settling her rubbish down onto the coffee table, "are you going to tell me what's going on?" her brows are raised, she is waiting for me and i have no idea what to tell her.
"erm." i gulp, reaching for my drink to take a long slurp of it and completely avoid communication whilst i try to think of the best possible answer, but i should really come clean.
gee's body is leaned forwards, deeply gazing at me as she expects me to respond, "c'mon, iris. you know you can tell me."
"i guess i haven't been completely transparent with you." i sigh out, chewing on my bottom lip which rests between my teeth.
"what do you mean?" gee asks, cocking her head, clearly confused as i always tell her everything no matter what. random guys on tinder or in bars who i have hooked up with? she knows. the ins and outs of that time of the month? she probably knows and usually relates to. the girls know everything and it is vice versa, so keeping this secret from them, especially gee, has been tough.
i take a deep breath in, "so you know mystery guy? when i'm turning up to places with love bites, you tell me i'm glowing probably because i've just had sex?" i chuckle softly and so does she, "and i always tell you that you won't know who it is."
she nods her head slowly, "hmm."
"well that might be a lie."
"huh? who is it?" narrowing her eyes, she furrows her brows at me, "is it cal? ethan?"
"nope." i shake my head slowly, "you're going to hate me."
"shush, no i won't. i won't judge, i never do."
"harry." i mutter and look down instantly at my knees, not wanting to see her reaction or facial expressions, the gasp that falls from her lips is enough to tell me that she is shocked.
"iris, what the hell?" gee exclaims and i slowly look at her, her lips parted and eyes widened, "does anyone else know?"
"cal, only because he caught us out." i swallow harshly around my tongue, "but harry doesn't know that cal knows."
her eyebrows are raised, it is obvious how shocked she is and it does not surprise me because who would have expected this? everyone despises how much harry and i bicker, the childish glares and insults are often pathetic and it always ruins plans. but somehow, harry and i got along in a much different way compared to as friends. it was bizarre, yet exciting and i stupidly miss that.
"i guess i might've caught feelings, but after vik's party i called it off."
gee cocks her head ever so slightly, almost looking sympathetic, but why? it is my own fault for falling for someone who has always shown so much hatred towards me, "i don't blame you." she sighs, somehow understanding my feelings so well.
"it was a stupid mistake," i shake my head, disappointed with myself, "he messed with my head too much, like what you guys see between us is nothing compared to how it is behind closed doors."
"what do you mean?"
"he would literally beg to stay the night, cuddle me like he cared, sometimes he would kiss me as though he meant it, it's so stupid." i mutter, "i really wanted us to get along, i'd try make conversation with him or whatever, he just wouldn't comply."
"oh, iris." gee frowns, "i'm guessing you've just been feeling shitty about all of this?" she asks, taking a sip of the coffee in front of her.
i nod my head slowly, "mhm, sorry if it seemed like i was pushing everyone away or being ignorant, i've just wanted to try get over it as easily as possible."
"iris." my name drags out on her tongue, "locking yourself up in your flat, barely streaming or uploading and barely using social media won't be helping you."
"hmm." i mumble, turning my head to gaze out of the window, "just don't want any reminders of him."
"but you'll need to see him at some point, you can't hide away because those feelings will come back when you next see him." she says and i completely ignore her, simply raising my eyebrows at her in response, "don't be stubborn."
i shake my head at her and smirk, "i'm not being stubborn, i just don't know what to do."
"i know what you can do," she giggles, "you can come out for a drink, this weekend."
"oh gee, i don't -"
"you're coming!" she exclaims, "i don't want you hiding away or ignoring anyone, you're gonna be a bad bitch this weekend, you're gonna look hot as fuck and you're going to tell that boy you didn't need him in the first place!"
i adore gee's words of encouragement and maybe i should go out this weekend, it would be weird if i did not because i usually always go out with everyone and i do not even want to think about being at home, alone, suffering with fomo. but for some bizarre reason, i do feel like i need him and is the last person i ever thought i would feel that way towards. his touch, his lips, the sound of his heartbeat drumming through my ear at 11am. i hate feeling this way, maybe i do need a new lease of life - fuck trying to be civil.
a/n
i'm sorry this has taken so long and it's just a filler! i've been with w2slut for the past week and had assignments
i'm also still trying to come to terms with the fact i met wilbur soot and tommyinnit on friday like ???? i'm still in shock