We return to the film that evening. Mum, Mummy, Luke and Mr Jackson continued trying to work on Mr Smith, but he's not responding.
'Did you ever find those binoculars for the look-outs?' Will asks Charles as Will and my on-screen counterpart walk up to the edge of the Bridge.
'Haven't seen them since Southampton,' Charles says.
'I hope we find them soon,' my on-screen counterpart says. 'They can't see far without them.'
'I'm sure there won't be a problem, Murdy two.'
'Oh, don't start!'
'Well, Murdy, Murdy two, I'll be on my rounds. Cheerio.'
'We need to get him to stop calling us Murdy,' Will groans. 'I bet if we end up having a kid, he'll call them Murdy three.'
'Yeah, we can't let that happen.'
'That did happen,' Anna says. 'Even Sky hated the nickname! It seems like hating the nickname "Murdy" runs in the family—other than the fact Emma married into it, but—'
'Can we please continue watching?' Maria asks.
'I'm throwing in some historical facts! And also, Will and Charles are wearing the wrong uniforms.'
'But they were the first and second officers. They're wearing the right uniforms.'
'They were meant to be the chief and first officers before the switch. Henry Wilde came on board, David Blair left, and both Will and Charles were bumped down. It was only for the maiden voyage, and there was no time to get new uniforms.' Anna eventually concedes to Maria's wishes, and Maria continues playing the film.
It's not long before Jack and Rose arrive on the forward well deck, distracting Will and my on-screen counterpart. Jack and Rose start kissing, and Will and I turn away to give them some privacy. 'They're probably warmer than we are,' he says.
'We can warm up later. Now, we've got a watch to do.'
'More like I've got a watch to do; you can do whatever you like.'
'I'd rather stay here with you than talk to those arrogant first-class toffs.'
'You're one of them.'
'And I hate that.' The two start kissing, and the perspective changes to Fleet and Lee in the Crow's Nest.
'Emma was on watch at that time, too,' Anna sighs. 'She was seventh officer, something James Cameron loves to ignore.'
'Oh, bugger me!' Fleet's yell and the sound of the bell are enough to pull us out of our thoughts. The bell is also enough for Will and Emma to stop kissing, and they stare out into the darkness. Fleet grabs the phone and calls the Bridge, which James answers.
What happens in the film next is utter chaos. The officers rush around, trying to avoid the iceberg, and I'm trying to help them. It then cuts to the engine and boiler rooms as they react to the full astern order. Add on top of that the other queens yelling, 'Miss the bloody thing this time!' and that's what we had in our living room.
At least until the iceberg hits.
The queens start shrieking at the top of their lungs. We hear a terrible screeching noise as ice and steel collide. 'Hard to port!' Anna yells. 'Murdy, give the order!'
'Hard to port!' William finally yells, and the stern of the ship misses the iceberg. He then closes the watertight doors, and panic ensues in the boiler rooms.
We all cry out in anger when Lovejoy places the diamond in Jack's coat pocket, and he is arrested. We all fall silent when we hear what Mr Andrews says. We're all expecting it, but it fills us with dread nonetheless. We watch intently as the sinking continues.
'Lower away, left and right together!' Will yells. We look inside the boat, and my on-screen self is sitting in the boat. However, she quickly jumps up and clings onto the deck just as the boat slants. The occupants of the boat scream. 'Hold the left side! Right side only! Right side only, hold the left side.' Once the boat is stable, Will helps my on-screen self onto the deck and lowers the lifeboat to the water. A rocket fires up, and it lights up the night sky and the occupants of the ship. The scene then cuts back to the starboard side. 'Emma, get into the next boat.'
'No, I'm not leaving you!'
Will sighs. 'If you won't get into a boat, then you help bring the women and children forward.' My on-screen self smiles and nods. Will still looks troubled as she hurries into the crowd.
Why did James Cameron set the story around Jack and Rose? It's irritating whenever we cut back to them while the ship is sinking. The queens look rather angry at the screen, too.
People are flooding the boats, and Will and Emma have a considerable problem when Cal and Lovejoy find them. Lovejoy tells Cal to stick with Murdoch as he seems practical. 'Mr Murdoch?' Cal asks.
'Mr Hockley. You two, with me, now.' I notice Will is keeping a tight grip on Emma's hand.
'I'm a businessman, you know. I have a business proposition for you.'
'What is Cal thinking?' I ask, worried.
We don't have to wait long to find out. Will is loading up Collapsable C, and we see the wives again. Catalina, Jane, and Kitty are in the boat all ready. Anne, Anna, and Emma are standing to one side.
'Where is everyone?' Will asks one of the men with him.
'They're all still aft, sir.'
'We have an understanding then, Mr Murdoch?' Cal asks, and he stuffs a wad of notes into Will's pocket.
Was this what Mum meant?
'Any more women and children?' Will asks when I next focus on the screen.
'They're all aboard except for your wife and a couple of her friends, Mr Murdoch,' Mr Ismay says.
'Anyone else then? Anyone else?'
Cal doesn't take the chance when Will gives it to him. My on-screen self whispers something to Will, and he hugs her. 'Emma, please, get into the boat. There's space for you.'
'Will, no, please.'
'Emma, I will only worry about you if you don't leave.'
'I guess you won't be able to do your job if I stay.' Emma kisses him deeply then climbs into the boat, followed by Anne. Will looks relieved, and he passes a gold pocket watch to Emma. 'I want you to look after that. If I make it, I'll expect it back.' Emma nods and sits down in the boat. 'Prepare to lower.' Ismay climbs into the boat. 'Ready on the left?' Will glances over at Ismay, then focuses on Emma. Emma looks back at him. 'Take them down. Keep it steady.'
It's only a matter of seconds before we cut back to Jack and Rose because we so obviously meant to care for them. Okay, I care about them a little bit, but I'm watching this for historical accuracy. I tune out during that part, but it seems ages until we get back to the boat deck.
They're trying to get the last two collapsables off the top of the officers' quarters. They are placing oars under the boat to make sure it turns upright. Then, I hear Will yelling at the other men helping him to hold it. The boat crashes down onto the deck, breaking a couple of oars and one of the seats. Will jumps down from the roof and is about to hurry down one of the nearby stairs until he realises it's full of water. 'Get these davits cranked in, and get the falls hooked up!' Cal emerges on the Starboard side and hurries forward to try and get to the last boat, only for a large crowd to block him. Cal climbs on something to get a better view of what's going on but finds a little girl crying. He leaves her and heads to the front.
'Stop pushing!' We hear Will yell after we get a couple of seconds of Jack and Rose running up some stairs. Cal gets to the front and tells Will they had a deal. Will takes the money from his jacket pocket and throws it at him. 'Your money can't save you anymore than it can save me.'
'Yes, Will!' Anne cheers.
'Yeah, you tell him!' Catalina grins, and I start smiling as well.
But our joy doesn't last long.
A man tries to get into the lifeboat, but Will shoots him. Another man pushes Tommy Ryan forward, and Will shoots him. Our faces morph into horror. Will starts backing away to the edge of the ship. He looks at the faces of the different crew members, then focuses on Anna. He salutes her.
'Oh, shit,' Anne realises.
'He better not,' Jane growls.
'Turn it off, turn it off!' I cry.
'Where the hell did that remote go?' Kitty asks.
'No, Will!' Henry yells.
We hear another gunshot, and William Murdoch tumbles into the water.
Maria switches the TV off a second too late.
Why would people think my husband committed suicide? Tears sting my eyes, and I try to blink them away. I grab Mum's arm.'Please don't tell me that just happened,' I sob. I cover my hand with my mouth. 'My husband was not a murderer! He got people off the ship as it was going down! He saved many lives that night!'
'I know, Emma,' Alan agrees. 'But he was also on the Bridge at the time the iceberg hit.'
'Wrong place, wrong time! It could have been any other officer, but it was him due to the timing of his shift. There were no binoculars; there wouldn't have been any way to spot the iceberg without them easily!'
'And his body was never recovered, so—'
'Are you saying my husband committed suicide?'
'It's a possibility.'
'You didn't know him,' Anna says. 'Will was not that sort of man. Emma, I'll tell you what I told your older self. I was there when Will and James died. A wave rushed up the deck as the ship was going down and swept Collapsible A, Will, James, and the men working with them went overboard.' Anna starts crying. 'I tried to find them, I tried, but I couldn't find them. Then the funnel fell, and—you know what, to hell with James Cameron! We know the truth; we know what happened to them that night! Will and James died as brave, honest men!'
'But Anna, surely you would've got off the ship much sooner rather than wait for Collapsible A?'
'I waited for Collapsible A because I promise Emma and Anne I would look out for Will and James, and I'd try to save at least one of them. It's a shame we didn't see that in the film.'
In the film, the wives almost seem like cardboard cut-outs, background characters who are only there when they're called upon. The actors try to do the best they can with what they've got, but most of them don't even get one line. Shame on James Cameron!
Kitty takes the film out of the DVD player and smashes it. 'We're never watching that monstrosity again,' she vows. Thank goodness for that.
'Right, I'm going to check on Mr Smith, see if he's rebooted yet,' Alan says, and he leaves the rest of us in silence.
'I'm still mad at him,' Anne shakes her head.
'I think we all are,' I agree.
'Can we write a letter of complaint?' Kitty asks.
'Where would we send it?'
Jane is doing a quick search. '20th Century Fox has already apologised, but James Cameron hasn't.'
'The little—goat?' Anne finishes the insult as a question, and we all start laughing.
'That's not enough, though,' I scowl.
'I think your older self thinks similarly, but she won't talk about it for obvious reasons.'
Alan comes back down. 'Mr Smith's up and running again.'
'Brilliant,' Mum smiles. 'Thanks for your help, Alan.'
'Your welcome. If you ever need my help, you know where to find me.' Alan and Maria head back over the road as Clyde stands up.
'I better be getting back, too,' he says. 'Let's hope Mr Smith is going to be cool from now on.'
'I hope so, too,' Mummy agrees, and she goes to see Clyde out of the door.
We all head off to bed, considering how late it is, but I cannot bring myself to go to sleep. I keep my light on and go on my computer. I need to get that image of my husband shooting himself out of my head. I shake my head and try to focus on the screen.
It's easier said than done.
I end up staring at cute animals for about half an hour when Mum knocks on my door. 'Emma, I can understand why you're staying up late, but it's a school night. You need to get some sleep.'
'But what if I dream of that? Mum, I can't bear it. I don't want to think that Will committed suicide! My older self was broken by it.'
'I know,' Mum says, sitting on the bed beside me. 'I don't like thinking about it either.' She sighs. 'I was the one that convinced you to return to the sea after Sky was born. I thought it would help, but I don't think I ever realised how badly you were affected, even after all these years. Nothing has helped you yet.'
'I can understand why after seeing something like that. No wonder why my older self keeps trying to commit suicide.' I turn my phone off. 'I'm already starting to lean in that direction, and I haven't even lived through it yet.'
'Don't think like that, Emma,' Mum says fiercely. 'If you die now, so much will change.'
'I guess you're right,' I sigh. 'And I guess I have no right to feel suicidal until I live through it.'
We stay silent for a few moments. 'I guess I should get some sleep,' I say.
'If you need either Sarah or me in the night, you know where to find us.' I nod and settle down to sleep. 'Goodnight, Emma.'
'Goodnight, Mum.' Mum kisses my forehead and heads towards the doorway. She hovers there for a few moments, watching me, before switching the light off.
'Come to us if you need us.' Mum leaves the room but leaves the door slightly ajar.
I find it difficult to sleep that night, but I don't want to go through to my mums. While they will understand, I don't think they can help. It is something I will go through alone, and so I must learn how to manage.