It's a look patients get in their eyes. There is a scent. The smell of death. Some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. What's the one thing you've always dreamed of doing before you die? Okay, hello? Clearly not my dream. See? I warned you, not my dream.
My alarm goes off and I groan, per usual. I hate waking up early. I hate mornings in general. But when I wake up I have a pit in my stomach, a really really bad feeling. A feeling like I might even die. Usually I'm right about these kinds of instincts, so I almost didn't even go to work today, but I got myself out of bed and got ready for the day. I was nervous the whole way driving to the hospital. Something bad is going to happen today, I just know it.
I get to the hospital and Meredith tells me that she has the same feeling I have, good to know I'm not the only one here. That leads me to trust my gut even more. I meet Alex, George, Cristina, and Izzie in the pit while we get our yellow gowns on. So is Meredith, she's just standing a few feet behind the group of us.
"I haven't been in the OR in two days. I'm getting OR time," I argue with them. We walk over to the double doors. "We haven't had a decent resident this week."
"Oh the last two weren't that bad," Izzie says.
"Doesn't matter which resident we get. They all suck," Alex says too Izzie. I nod in agreement with him.
"They all sucked terribly," Cristina grumbles.
"Yeah," George agrees. "I miss Dr. Bailey."
We all wait outside, hoping for an ambulance to come in. "So do you want to do charts later?" Alex asks Izzie.
She shakes her head at him. "Never going to happen," she declines.
"What?" Alex asks.
"Alex, I gave you your chance. You had your chance and you slept with someone else," she argues. "I forgave you in the spirit of being a bigger person. Of rising above but these legs are closed to you now. The panties are staying on, for goof. So you and me? Never going to happen again," Izzie tells Alex. George and Cristina roll their eyes at her and I start laughing. I don't think Meredith even noticed what's going on though, she's just as nervous about today as I am.
"So you don't really want to do charts later?" Alex sarcastically asks her.
"Go stand over there," she says while gesturing for him to walk away from her.
"Can we get back to the point please?" I ask.
"You had a point?" George asks. I glare at him.
"Yeah, which surgeon we're going to have to suck up too today," I say.
"That would be me!" I hear. We all turn around and it's a very, very pregnant Dr. Bailey. She's dressed in her everyday clothing. I've never seen her in anything other than scrubs before.
"Dr. Bailey?" Cristina asks in shock.
"I've been gone 2 whole weeks. 2 weeks! And you ran off 2 residents already! I've got people phoning me at home, screaming, telling me my interns are Rosemary's babies!" she yells. We all look offended by this. I am honestly offended. I'm a good doctor, sorry I don't want stupid people making stupid decisions on patients whose lives are at stake. "Nobody wants you! Any of you! Do you think that I really have time for this right now? I am pregnant! I'm supposed to be on bed rest. I'm supposed to be growing a human being inside of me. I'm supposed to be calm and relaxed! Do I look calm and relaxed to you? Did I raise you fools to be pariahs?"
George just pushes past us and walks up to Dr. Bailey, and then hugs her. She looks angry, but we all know George is her favorite of the interns. "You're back!" he says with a smile on his face.
"I'm not back," she tells him.
"You're not?" George says while tightening his hug.
"Get off of me," Bailey orders while hitting him on his back. He gets off of her and walks back over to us. An ambulance is finally heard approaching the hospital. "Yang, Grey, Lopez, and Karev, stay here and wait for the incoming case. O'Malley page Addison Shepherd. Stevens get a wheelchair," Bailey instructs. The four of us walk over to the ambulance.
We open the ambulance doors and a young paramedic helps a screaming lady who is covered in blood out of the ambulance. Alex and Cristina pass her off to Meredith and I, so we take her into the hospital.
Meredith and I end up getting transferred to the screaming lady's husbands case, Mr. Carlson. We're prepping for the surgery and the other young paramedic still has her hand inside of Mr. Carlson's chest.
"How are you doing over there?" I ask her. She looks very nervous, I can't blame her. I would be too and I'm a surgeon.
"My hand is getting numb and I have to tell you, this whole insides is bloody and squishy thing is not good for my gag reflex. But I'm good. Is this okay? Me being in here like this?" she asks.
"Once Dr. Burke scrubs in and he'll have you remove your hand and then you can finally go. And we'll fix Mr. Carlson," Meredith tells her. The young paramedic nods.
"Good. Because I know how much medicine I know and it's just enough to never be allowed in an OR. It's only my second week here. As a paramedic. My name is Hannah by the way. I got out of school about a week ago," she tells us.
"We haven't been doing this that long either," I tell her, hoping that will make her feel a little better.
"Oh. Talk about on the job training," Hannah laughs. I chuckle out of sympathy and Meredith smiles at her.
Burke finally makes it to the OR and scrubs in. Meredith and I are assisting. He's finally about to start the surgery. "Okay everyone. I'm going to do a thoracotomy and Hannah is going to pull her hand out when I instruct her to do so. Dr. Grey and Dr. Lopez are going to clamp the bleeder when we have more exposure," he tells us. "Ready?" he asks Hannah.
"More than ready," Hannah smiles. A scrub nurse hands Burke the scalpel. As the scalpel is just about to cut Mr. Carlson's skin, Alex runs into the OR. His face is really red and he's breathing heavily.
"Dr. Burke? I need to speak with you now," Alex tells him. Everyone looks at him, confused.
"I am in surgery Karev," Burke huffs.
"You definitely want to talk to me Sir," Alex says , consistent with this argument. I mouth at him 'What's going on?' but he gestures for me to keep working. I turn back around and look at Meredith. She looks just as confused as I imagine I do. Burke hands the scalpel back to the scrub nurse and he walks over to the doorway to talk to Alex. We all look over at them.
"Karev, if you interrupt me in my OR it better be for a pretty damn good reason," Burke tells him.
"Was it through and through?" Alex asks, interrupting Burke.
"What?" Burke asks.
"The wound on James Carlson. Was it through and through?" Alex asks.
"No, it was just an injury. No exit. Why?" Burke asks him. Alex's eyes widened.
"He's cute? Is he single?" Hannah asks Meredith and I. We ignore her and stare at Burke and Alex, they're whispering now, so I can't hear anything they're saying to each other. I see Alex halfway close the door, but he's still watching us as we stand around the table. Burke walks back into the OR.
"Hannah," Burke says, with a serious look on his face.
"Yes Dr. Burke?" she asks.
"Is your hand touching anything hard by any chance?"
"Hard?" I ask. Meredith still looks very confused, so am I.
"Like metal?" Burke asks Hannah.
"Um, I don't know," Hannah says. Hannah tries to move her hand to feel for something.
"Don't move your hand please. Just tell me what you feel inside," Burke instructs her.
"Uh Dr. Burke, what's going on here?" Meredith asks.
"Um, my fingertips are touching something... kind of hard. Yeah, yeah definitely," she nods. "What? Why? What's wrong?" she asks, her voice is shaky.
"Hannah, I do not want you moving a muscle. Not your hand, not one ounce of your body. Not even an inch," Burke instructs her.
"Okay you should know you're starting to scare me a bit," she tells him.
"Don't be scared Hannah. Everything is going to be fine. Dr. Lopez could you uh..." he says before motioning me to walk over to him. "I want you to walk out of this room. Walk slowly, do not run or jog. Go and tell the charge nurse that we have a code black in here," he whispers to me.
"I'm sorry, a code black?" I ask him.
"Code black. Tell him that I'm sure of it. And then tell him to call the bomb squad right away," Burke orders. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I grab my stomach, I feel sick. I walk out and deliver the horrifying news.
I go back to the OR and now only Burke, Hannah, and Dr. Milton are in there. Alex, Meredith, and I stand outside of the door.
"Can you even imagine? What did she stick her hand in there for anyway?" Alex asks.
"She was trying to save his life," I explained to him.
"And now she might die because of it," Alex tells me. I frown before Burke walks out.
"What do we do now?" Meredith asks Burke.
"I go back in and wait for the bomb squad to arrive. You will leave. You all leave now," he instructs us. Most of the people start leaving but Meredith and I stay put outside of the OR door.
"Mer, Rach, are you girls coming?" Alex asks. We stay put and shake our heads. "It's your funeral then," Alex shrugs before walking away from us. I frown at him.
"You need a surgical team," Meredith tells Burke. Hopefully he lets us stay with him, I can't leave that young girl in there alone.
"All I need is Dr. Milton to keep him under. I can do the rest myself," Burke argues. Me, Meredith, and three other people from the OR team still don't move or leave. "Fine. But you wait by the elevator. I don't want anybody that doesn't need to be in here to be in this OR. When the bomb squad arrives we'll take it from there. Until then Milton and I are doing this alone. Now go." We all walked away to stand by the elevator.
The bomb squad is coming off of the elevator. "You're the surgical team?" one guy asks.
"Yes," Meredith answers.
"Dylan Young, bomb squad," he introduces himself. "All right, spread out and check the area and then we'll secure the patient," he instructed his team.
"Dr. Burke has them in there," I tell him, pointing to the OR down the hall.
"Right, the rest of the floor has been evacuated?" he asked me.
"It has. Yes," I tell him.
"Okay, all of you stay right here. Nobody moves unless I say so," he orders. A bomb squad member calls out that they found people. "I thought you said the floor had been evacuated."
"I thought it had been. I'm not in charge here or anything," I tell him. It's Cristina yelling at a bomb squad member not to enter the OR she's in. She's blocking the door with her body.
"Cristina!" Meredith yells.
"Back up!" Cristina yells at the bomb squad guy.
"Oh no, she will hurt him," Meredith tells Dylan.
"What's going on?" Cristina asks.
"Bomb in a body cavity," I tell her.
"Man. All I got is Bailey's husband's open brain," Cristina huffs.
"What procedure is it?" Meredith asks her.
"Craniotomy with Shepherd," Cristina says.
"Shepherd's got Bailey's husband on the table?" I ask her. When did that even happen?
"Excuse me. Excuse me you three! Stop talking!" Dylan yells. The three of us all give him a dirty look. Meredith and I walk away from Cristina.
Cristina, Meredith, and I are now standing in the OR hallway watching Dylan and Burke talk in the x-ray room. "So how are they going to remove that ammo without killing Hannah and James?" Meredith asks. Cristina walks up to the window outside of the OR. "Cristina! The bomb squad guy said you're not supposed to go in there!" Meredith yells. We both walk up to her.
"Is it me or is she shaking? Heavily shaking?" Cristina asks while peeking through the window on the door.
We all look in and Hannah is squeezing the ampoule bag with her free hand while her other hand is still on the bomb. That's supposed to be Dr. Milton's job, not hers. "Is she squeezing that ambu bag by herself?" I ask.
"Where is Dr. Milton?" Cristina asks. We open the door slowly and Hannah is standing there, holding the ambu bag all by herself. She looks pale and teary-eyed. She's also shaking very badly.
"Hannah? Where's the anesthesiologist? Where did he go? Did he say where?" I ask her.
"He um... he left to go home. He told me he didn't want to die," she mumbles. She struggles not to cry and starts breathing really heavily.
"Hannah," Meredith whispers.
"I think I'm going to have to take my hand out now," Hannah says.
"Hey, somebody help us! Help here!" Cristina yells, hoping to get Burke's attention. Him and Dylan sprint into the room. Cristina is now pumping the ambu bag and Meredith and I are trying to comfort Hannah.
"I think I'm going to take my hand out of here now," Hannah cries.
"Okay we're almost to the finish line Hannah. You can do this," I assure her.
"No, no. No, I just want to take it out and be done with at this point," she says, still heavily crying and breathing.
"Hannah. It really won't be that much longer. Remember you're keeping him from bleeding out on the table," Burke tells her.
"No!" she gasps. "I am 22 years old! I should not even be here! I'm young, I haven't even lived life yet. I've only every been in school! This is some kind of mistake!"
"She's panicking. We need to clear the room immediately," Burke orders.
"I'm not leaving," Meredith argues.
"Grey and Lopez, leave the room now!" Burke yells.
"I'm not leaving her either," I tell him. I put my hand on Hannah's shoulder that is inside of James. Everyone starts talking at the same time.
"No, this has to come out! It needs to come out now!" Hannah yells at Burke.
"Yang, go with Dylan!" Burke orders. Cristina is still pumping the ambu bag.
"You go with Dylan," Cristina tells Burke.
"It's alright Hannah, look at me," Meredith quietly says to her.
"No! It has to come out. No, no!" Hannah yells while shaking her head.
"Hannah, you really need to calm down. You just need to relax. Everything is going to be just fine here," Dylan tells her.
"No!" Hannah cries, still shaking her head.
"No, you keep your hand in there. Just a little while longer to go," Burke instructs her.
"I have to! I have to!" Hannah yells out. She pulls her hand out quickly from his chest and everyone ducks and falls onto the floor. My first reaction was to stick my hand in and grab the bomb so it wouldn't explode, I'm actually an idiot. Everyone stands up slowly and sees my hand inside of Mr. Carlson's chest. Hannah's bloody handprint is on the wall after she ran out of the room, haunting me as I stare at it in shock and disbelief.
"Rachel," Meredith and Cristina both whisper at me, looking shocked. I look at them with a scared face, but I try not to shake in fear or cry.
"What did I just do to myself. Oh my god," I whisper to myself.
Dylan slowly stands up from the floor. "Just stay right where you are Rachel. Nobody moves a muscle. Stay exactly where you are," he instructs. I slowly nod. I take in a slow deep breath.
"What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?" I whisper to myself.
A/N!! Part 1 to this chapter is finally up!! This next chapter might take a while since I have a busy schedule this weekend so please stay patient with me! Also, I'm not trying to have Rachel replace Meredith in this story, I just thought this would be an interesting storyline for Rachel's character development in the future. Keep voting and commenting suggestions you might have for this story, it literally means the whole world to me. Comments are motivation <3 (2907)