NOTE: Trigger warning for this chapter. If need be, message me and I can summarize the chapter for you. Remember that you're all amazing and you're all worth it.
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SIXTEEN
DARKENED THOUGHTS
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It was nighttime when they were finally let off the bus again, but they still weren't home. Instead, word of the storm raging outside had become so dangerous, Coach Finstock was forced to take precautionary measures. Unfortunately, that meant spending the night at a dilapidated looking motel.
The sign flickered out in front, the two E's woven into the words Motel Glen Capri threatening to go out any second. Students groans got even louder as they piled off the bus but ever the optimist, Scott McCall shrugged at his friends.
"I've seen worse," he stated, causing Stiles Stilinski and Carson Bradley to stare at him wide eyed.
"Where have you seen worse?" Stiles questioned.
"Are you high?" slipped from Carson's mouth at the exact same time.
The three fell in line with the rest of the students, Danny and Ethan to the side of Stiles and Isaac and Boyd at Carson's. Scott was in the middle, with Lydia and Allison just over his shoulder. Everyone else was spread out amongst them as they all stood in front of Finstock, who brought the whistle to his mouth.
Carson gritted her teeth when he blew into it, wondering if it was actually possible to burn a hole in her business teacher if she glared hard enough.
"Listen up!" he yelled, gaining any and all attention. "The meets been pushed to tomorrow. This is the closest motel with the most vacancies and least amount of good judgment when it comes to accepting a bunch of degenerates like yourself."
"Why don't you tell us how you really feel, Coach?" Carson muttered under her breath, causing Isaac to chuckle lowly beside her. She gulped as she stole a glance at him.
"Alright, you're pairing up. Choose wisely," Coach continued, not having heard the young werewolf's sassy comment. He held out a handful of keys with room number tags dangling off the ends of them. "And I'll have no sexual perversions by any of little deviants. You got that? Keep your dirty little hands to your dirty little selves."
Almost every student rolled their eyes at him, before groups of twos and threes began going up and plucking a key from Finstock's hand. Scott and Stiles had already grabbed one and were headed off, while Carson stayed behind as her mind was pretty much in a stressed out mode. If things were still the same, she would have been off with Stiles and Scott within seconds, the three not unused to sleeping in the same room at once. But now things were definitely different and as much as she and Stiles were trying to make even a friendship work, she wouldn't be comfortable with it.
She turned on her heel, hoping to catch Lydia and Allison and room with them. But before she could utter a word to either of them, a hand had circled around her wrist and began dragging her towards the sad excuse for a motel.
Carson looked up, realizing it was Isaac who was pulling off towards the Glen Capri. Boyd was on his other side and neither one bother to explain as she stumbled in line next to them. Isaac was twirling the key around his finger, the plastic red tag displaying the number 108.
"Can someone explain to me why you're dragging me off? Because usually when pretty girls get dragged off, it's into the woods so that someone can kill them and I don't really feel like dying at a seedy motel."
"You're rooming with us," Isaac said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. There was a grin to his face and a skip to his step as he managed to keep a nonchalant tone.
Carson stared at him wildly, unaware of how he could manage to act so calm after what had happened earlier on the bus. He had almost kissed her, for Christ's sake and yet, he wasn't freaking out as much as she was.
Her brain had been pretty much sent into overdrive when he leaned in towards her lips and the entire system had come crashing down when she pulled away. It was all too much at once, a flood of adrenaline and desire having washed over her. And it was terrifying that in just a short few seconds, he could have altered everything between them with just one subtle swipe of his lips.
And although she wanted it in that moment, she didn't know what she wanted when she tried to think rationally. She didn't know how she really felt about Isaac, didn't know if their friendship was worth sacrificing over one kiss. She didn't know how she could date someone who wasn't Stiles, didn't know if the risk of this going up in flames would be worth it. She didn't know.
But she wished she did.
She wished she'd grow some metaphorical balls and tell him that she wanted him to kiss her, because all her baser urges were telling her that she needed to feel Isaac Lahey's lips on hers. She wished she could just get over everything that had happened to her in under a month, kick Boyd out of the room the three were apparently sharing, and just freaking make out with Isaac. She wished she could just someone else.
Anyone else would be better than who she was now.
Because anyone else wouldn't be freaking out about the consequences. Anyone else wouldn't keep replaying the amount of pain they felt when their last boyfriend left them. But that was kind of hard for Carson to do. Because Stiles leaving her left a scar on her heart. And that scar was joined by many others, all of the other people who had left her, and ultimately, had broken her.
Her issues with abandonment weren't always something that she liked to think about. So much so that she was slightly confused as to why she was doing it now. But it was like a tidal wave of emotion was attempting to crash over her, like she was a wall that which the sea could break against.
And so she forced it down, all those immeasurably painful thoughts, especially the ones that hadn't even happened yet. Because when storms brew and crash against walls, something always cracks. And there were already so many cracks in the heart of Carson Bradley that she wasn't sure if she'd ever recover from any more.
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Throwing herself back on one of the twin beds, Carson called out, "Dibs."
Isaac rolled his eyes, setting his belongings down onto the adjoining beds, "What are you, five?"
"Actually, I'm secretly three. Sorry for the disappointment," Carson called back sarcastically, before something caught her attention. Or rather, the lack of someone. "Where's Boyd?"
Isaac's blue eyes widened slightly, a hand reaching up to scratch his neck awkwardly. "Um, he may have wanted to get another room because he saw what happened on the bus."
Teeth pulled the bottom lip between them as a light heat rose to Carson's cheeks. "Oh."
"Yeah . . . "
The two of them stared awkwardly at each other, the full affects of Isaac's earlier actions finally hitting them at full force. It had been one thing that it had gone down and hadn't been mentioned since. But the fact that Boyd caught them . . . it sort of seemed to haul all that desire back around. They were both aware of what had happened, because seriously it was blatantly obvious. There was a sense of want running through the room, potent enough that both wolves could smell it. It was a rabid desire, falling over them like an uncomfortable blanket.
Carson gulped, not used to these feelings coming so hard and so fast. And that what was weird about this whole Isaac thing to her. She had gained feelings for him so quickly, so fast that she didn't even know if these feelings were real. Everything in her head said that she wasn't ready for attachment and that everything she felt for Isaac was purely based on lust, which wasn't too hard to believe; Isaac was hot.
But then there were the small moments where she felt something more for him than just the desire to rip his clothes off, the moments where he made her heart flutter, bringing back the warm feelings she thought she'd never have again.
She wasn't sure what she felt for Isaac, but she knew what she was feeling right in that second. Whether to act on it at this point in time, after everything that had occurred last night was the question.
Although, unbeknownst to Carson, Isaac seemed to have an answer.
"I'm sorry about earlier, I should ㅡ "
"No!" Carson yelled out, sitting up in the bed quickly. Isaac looked at her in confusion and she coughed as her cheeks continued to burn. Quieter, she continued. "No, I mean it wasn't your fault. It's okay."
He furrowed his brow before shaking his head with a small laugh. At this point, he had dropped his bag on his bed and was making his way over to where she sat. Settling down on the ed beside her, he placed one large hand over her much smaller one. "Oh, I'm not apologizing for attempting to kiss you. I'm sorry for not actually going through with it."
"Oh," she responded, a squeak to her tone.
Isaac bent his head down slightly, his tone softening. "Not gonna make that mistake again."
Isaac could hear her heart rate pick up, his enhanced hearing making it sound almost like a sledgehammer hitting a wall. Her breath quickened as his ducked down beside her own. Her eyes had already fluttered shut, eyelashes brushing against the very tops of her cheekbones. It was almost like a total replay of what had occurred on the bus, déjà vu falling over both of them.
But as Isaac said before, he wasn't going to make the same mistake again. And he followed through with his promise, doing the one thing he had wanted to do for years: kiss Carson Bradley.
Their lips met softly in the middle, holding steady for a few seconds. It was a foreign feeling to both of them and they sat there, eyes shut, holding onto their breath. It was hard to say who made the first move but eventually, lips began tentatively moving against the other pair. They were slow, slower than either of them had ever really experienced. It was more like they were testing the water, seeing if this was actually what both truly wanted.
And then almost like someone flicked a switch, their kiss began to come alive. Isaac's hands reached up to cup right under Carson's jaw, holding his face as close to hers as possible. The brunette girl began wiggling her arms through the minimal space between them to hook around his neck as her lips began moving a tad quicker against his.
Kissing Isaac was . . . different, to say the least. She had become so accustomed to Stiles and his patterns, what he liked and what could make him come undone within seconds. She didn't know Isaac's buttons, the territory all too unknown. But she liked kissing him, that much she knew.
A spark seemed to go off between them as their lips picked up speed. Isaac tilted his head to get a better angle and his lips parted against hers; a subtle swipe of his tongue against her lips caused her eyes to flutter open for a second. She pulled back with a light gulp, causing blue eyes to pop open.
"What? Was it too much?"
Carson bit back a response of not enough, choosing to bite her lip as she thought everything through. She was kissing Isaac Lahey. A boy she once wanted nothing more than to punch in the face was beginning to make her weak at the knees just by beckoning her lips open with his tongue. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her breath was coming out in pants despite not really having exerted much energy into that kiss.
She knew that everything was bound to change with that one kiss. Everything about her relationship with him, everything that was happening with Stiles, everything that regarded her own need to mend her heart back together. Everything changed with a single kiss. And she almost terrified herself when the thought of not giving a damn came to her mind.
This was what she wanted after all, wasn't it? She wanted to kiss Isaac, even if she wouldn't admit it out loud. And whether it was because she actually had true feelings for him or she was just needing an intimate moment with someone, anyone, shouldn't matter. Because she knew life shouldn't be about the ifs and the buts.
It should be about the now.
And right now, Carson Bradley wanted to kiss Isaac Lahey.
She leaned into him quickly, scooting across the bed until she was practically in his lap. Knotting her hands into his curls, she clambered onto his thighs in a straddle position. Not wasting another breath, she placed her lips on hers.
This kiss started off much more fiery than the first, literally almost knocking the wind out of Isaac. This time it was her tongue to sweep across his lips, which he immediately opened to. Tongues collided as the two engaged in their first French kiss, one that both teens knew would probably be one of many.
Hands began frantically roaming over each other, Carson sliding her hands down Isaac's chest and his own fingers reaching behind to cup her ass.
She gasped lightly into his mouth, which soon detached from hers to trail kisses down her jaw.
"So beautiful," he murmured as he peppered kisses along the bone, stopping until he got to her throat.
He began sucking on the delicate skin, first gently and then gradually more harsh. She knew he was attempting to leave a hickey, although the purple bruise would vanish within seconds thanks to her new lifestyle. As predicted, just as his lips pulled away, the reddish purple tint to her skin began swirling away, left yet again with her milky pale skin.
"Too bad," Isaac muttered, a slight seductive tone rising in his voice. "You'd look nice with a hickey."
"Dork," she muttered, before tugging at the sweatshirt he wore. "Off."
"Oh really?" he questioned with a laugh, the familiar Lahey smirk settling on his lips. But he complied nonetheless, yanking off the sweatshirt, which was then soon followed by the thin tee shirt he wore under it. "Your turn, babe."
"Trying to get me naked, Lahey?" she snorted, playing with the hem of her tee shirt.
A light blush rose to his cheeks almost instantly. "Just take off the damn shirt."
She bit her lip momentarily, before sitting back on his thighs and complying. His eyes were trained on her own the entire time, although when the piece of blue fabric hit the bed, they seemed to go a tad lower. She felt a little odd. Although he was shirtless too, she felt slightly more exposed. Only one other person had seen her in her bra and it was a tad nerve wracking.
"You're gorgeous," Isaac muttered after a moment, his eyes raking up and down her torso before settling back on her eyes. "Absolutely fucking gorgeous."
His lips connected back to her own and he laid back, her small frame resting on top. His hands palmed at her back, although one reached around the front and settled unabashed on her left breast. He smirked into the kiss as she mentally rolled her eyes. She tried to ignore the tingling feelings at the bottom of her stomach, choosing just to live in the kiss.
Because frankly, in a town like Beacon Hills, it was very rare that you got to live in the moment.
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Carson wasn't sure how long she actually just laid there with Isaac, kissing and groping; although the majority of the groping was on his part. They hadn't gone very far, the most that happened being his zipper coming undone and one of her bra straps falling off her shoulder. It had been a mutual decision to cut off right where they were, although both knew their minds were enveloped with the idea of pinning the other to the bed and never letting them leave.
Although, that last part might just have been Isaac.
So now Carson found herself pressed up against the wall of the shower as she let every memory of her first kiss with Isaac play through her head. The curly haired boy was in the other room, the locked door separating them in that moment. She could hear the hum of the TV over the sound of the shower head, every channel Isaac trying coming in as static.
She felt flushed as she leaned against the cool tiles, the low pressure of the water barely hitting the top of her head. Which she thought was completely sad, considering she barely cleared five feet.
But it didn't matter to her, considering she was too wrapped up in the thoughts of Isaac's lips trailing over her neck, her lips, her collarbones. The feel of his hands running down her sides and over the cups of her bra. Hell, she was one more dirty thought away from being a prepubescent boy having a wet dream.
She was smiling though, more than she had in ages. And that's all that really mattered to her in the moment. Because when her relationship had hit a giant brick wall, she had been terrified. Terrified that she was never going to be able to feel again. And then Isaac dropped into the picture, completely shattering her fears and bringing in things that she thought were completely impossible with a broken heart.
Yet here she was, the pieces of her heart barely sewn together, and she was riding off the sense of euphoria that kissing someone who wasn't Stiles brought her. Her and Isaac hadn't even been close to having sex, yet she was smiling like someone who had just been granted the world's most Earth shattering orgasm.
She was happy. She was finally happy.
The brunette bit her tongue lightly as she laughed, reaching over to grab hold of the handle and turn the water off. It shut off with a wet creak, the water turning into a dribbling stream before slowing into drips. The flimsy shower curtain was pushed back and she carefully stepped into the rest of the motel's bathroom, plucking a towel off the shelf next to the sink.
The strong scent of nicotine invaded her sense of smell almost instantly as she pressed it to her face to pat the skin dry. The scent was powerful so much so, that she failed to notice the purple powder that she had just inhaled.
"So much for non smoking room," she chided, before taking the towel and wrapping it around her.
Carson knotted it at the top, under her arm before padding across the dingy tiled floor to the mirror. It was cracked and dusty, like almost everything at Glen Capri but she paid no mind to it as she wiped away the build up of condensation off the mirror.
Her hair fell limply, dripping onto her shoulders. Her cheeks were flushed but her eyes were bright and happy.
But because it was Beacon Hills, the light in her eyes had to fade at some point. Every good moment had to be coupled with a bad, although what was to occur that night was to be catastrophic.
She had glanced down at the sink counter for only a moment, but when she looked back up, she was no longer staring at her own reflection. The steam on the mirror was there again, the streaks of her hands replaced with think lines connected to form words.
No one needs you.
"What the hell?" Carson muttered, the words on the mirror causing her eyebrows to furrow in confusion.
"It's right, Carson, no one needs you," a voice called from behind, causing her to jump.
She whirled around instantly, an all too familiar face staring back at her. She hadn't seen this face in years, albeit what had occurred at Lydia's party last spring. Once again, Elizabeth Bradley stood before the daughter she abandoned, a hateful expression plastered on her once loving face.
"Why do you think everyone leaves you, Carson? No one cares. You're simply the girl that's a placeholder. Lydia replaced you with Allison, Stiles chose Heather. Even Scott's abandoned you for more important things. You waste all this time thinking that you're worth something. Well guess what? You're not. No one loves you Carson, get it through your head. They don't need you, they never needed you.
"I left, your father left, all of your friends are slowly drifting away. And it's all your fault. You want to know why I left? Because I spent every day dreading the moment when you'd wake up and I'd have to face the little bitch who ruined my life. I never wanted kids, you were a mistake. No one wanted you, no one will ever want you. Your father can't even look you in the eyes, but you try to convince yourself it's because you look like me? Oh sweetheart, it's because he sees the same thing that I see: a worthless excuse for life."
"Shut up," Carson interjected, her hands gripping the sink behind her. Her eyes had screwed shut at this point. She knew it wasn't real, it couldn't be real. It was like last time, a figment of her imagination. "Shut up!"
The room went silent after that, only the droplets of water crashing against the fiberglass tub filling the void. Her eyes hesitantly fluttered open, but she soon wished she had chosen against that.
No one needs you was scribbled across the bathroom wall almost hundred times, staring her back in the face.
"Worthless."
No one was in the room but voices began swirling around her head as she stared at the wall.
"Useless."
"Not important."
Her grip on the sink loosened as everything that she was hearing began making sense. She slid down against the sink, her hands balling into fists at the thoughts. Her eyes were flashing yellow, the werewolf side threatening to come through as she teetered along the line of tears and anger.
"No one needs you."
The voices were right. Her mother was right.
"No ones needs you."
"Your parents left you."
Everything she had ever thought was right.
"Stiles left you."
It had to be, it was the only reasonable answer. Carson Bradley didn't matter in the scheme of things. That's why everyone left her. She didn't matter. She was a waste of space. She tried to hard to be important but it would never work in the end. She was worthless and she was nobody.
"Scott left you."
"Allison left. Lydia left."
"Isaac's only using you."
"No one needs you."
She didn't care how irrationally she was thinking or how quickly these thoughts had fallen upon her. She no longer questioned why she saw her mother, only registering that everything that was said made sense in her mind. Something in her had finally snapped, everything finally getting to her. They said that everyone had their breaking points and it seemed as if Carson was finally hitting hers.
"Maybe everything would be better off if you didn't exist."
Her face paled and her eyes darkened, the chocolate brown color finally ceasing to flicker gold as a void of emotion was set upon her heart.
She didn't feel anything, because she wasn't worth it.
She knew that everything would be better off if she didn't exist.
Her thoughts had darkened and suddenly, the events of tonight were set into motion.
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author's note: BRAHEY DID NOT HAVE SEX! I REPEAT, BRAHEY DID NOT HAVE SEX. They took their shirts off and made out, but that is it. I get comments 24/7 on this and later chapters yelling about Carson losing her virginity to Isaac when she should have lost it to Stiles (which is extremely messed up, by the way, she can lose it to whoever she wants, whenever she wants as long as it's consensual and makes her happy) and it gets irritating after a while. Carson is still very much a virgin.