Nagising ako sa biglaang tunog ng cellphone ko. I was up late last night trying to edit a vlog, pero nakatulog ako bago pa ako natapos.
"Hello?"
"Hello! Kagigising mo lang ba?" tanong ni Alon sa kabilang dulo. "I was just so excited! Sorry! Pero may lunch ka with my boyfriend tomorrow, ha. I can't make it, eh. May shoot ako."
Tinignan ko ang kalendaryo sa cellphone ko. Friday na pala ngayon. How did the week pass by so quickly?
"Yeah, sige. Lunch?"
"Yup! I'll text you the details right now. Bumangon ka na!"
Tumawa ako at binaba ang tawag bago tuluyan na bumangon. I fixed my bed and went outside after doing my devotion. Mukhang may naka-handang breakfast na kaya kumain muna ako bago maligo.
Buong araw, nag-edit lang ako ng vlogs at nakipag-meeting rin ako para sa next brand na ipopromote ko sa social media. Umuwi rin ako kaagad, pero medyo gabi na nang makauwi ako kaya pasara na yung shop at nasa taas na sina Papa.
Yung bahay namin, nasa ibabaw lang nung shop at iisang floor lang. Sakto ang dalawang kwarto, sala, at kusina para sa amin ni Papa. We stayed here ever since they bought the place. Kaya naman sobrang excited kong magpa-tayo ng bahay para kay Papa sa Baguio.
"Hi, Pa!"
"Oh, ang aga mo ata makauwi," aniya habang ngumunguya.
Looks like he and Zach already started eating dinner. Mabuti na rin 'yon para hindi late uminom ng gamot si Papa.
"Hey," I smiled at Zach. "May backjob ba? May sasakyan pa naman sa baba."
Tumango si Zach. "Inaayos ni Kuya Lito."
I nodded and sat down. Naka-handa na rin naman ang isang plato para sa akin. I closed my eyes and prayed before placing some rice on my plate.
"Galing ako sa meeting." I smiled. "More blessings!"
"Nice one." Tumawa si Zach. "Dami ring customer kanina. More blessings."
Ngumiti ako, pero alam kong pagod na pagod silang dalawa. May workers naman kami, pero mostly, si Zach at si Papa talaga ang hands-on. Papa doesn't trust the workers enough to handle it. Matigas rin ulo ni Papa, e. Ayan tuloy, silang dalawa ang pagod na pagod. At si Zach ang lugi, kasi siya mostly ang labor.
Maaga akong nagising kahit na Sabado dahil medyo malayo pa yung lugar kung saan ko imimeet yung architect na boyfriend ni Alon. Alon and I became fast friends since she's from Baguio, too. Natuwa nga ako nung nalaman kong doon pala siya nag-high school!
"Christopher Nolasco." I stated to myself as I sat down. Nandito na ako sa restaurant, pero wala pa namang lalaki na Christopher Nolasco ang pangalan.
Why is that name so familiar? Nakita ko na ba sa news? Sikat ba yun?
"Hi, miss, may nakaupo?"
Kunot noo kong tinignan ang lalaking nag-salita. He had pushed back hair, a dark blue polo, and formal pants. Nanlaki naman ang mata ko nang makita ang pamilyar niyang mukha. I haven't seen him.. in six years.
"Chino?!" I laughed. "Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
"I can tell that my girlfriend definitely kept my identity a secret."
"Girlfriend? What.." Nawala ang kunot sa noo ko nang mapagtanto na si Alon ang girlfriend niya!
"Seryoso ka ba?!"
He nodded. "Can I sit?"
"Sure, sure!" I laughed. "Oo nga pala, ano? Architecture ka pala. Ikaw lang yung hindi kaklase nina Ezra noon. Kamusta pala siya?" I cleared my throat. "I mean.. kamusta kayo?"
Ngumiti siya. "Nag-order ka na ba?"
Umiling ako. "Halos kararating ko rin lang.."
He nodded and raised his hand to call a waiter. Nag-order kami ng pagkain at mabilis rin naman 'yon na dumating.
"So you're planning on building a house?" Ngumiti si Chino. "Wow."
Tumango ako. "Alon tells me you're the best architect for the job."
"She's exaggerating," Tumawa siya. "I usually don't design houses anymore.."
"Oh," I nodded. "That's fine.."
"No, no! I would love to be your architect. Actually, I told a friend of mine to meet me here, too. To discuss the plans and all. Engineer siya."
Lumunok ako. "Huh? Design lang naman muna! Excited ka, ha."
Tumawa siya. "He's running a bit late, actually. I thought he'd get here before me. Alon specifically asked for the best.. so I contacted the best, too."
"Sino 'yan? Co-worker mo sa firm? Architectural firm ba kayo or buong package na, gano'n?"
"He's.. here. You can ask him yourself."
I don't know what happened. It was as if my stomach turned and my lungs were out of air. He was wearing a white polo with khaki pants. Like Chino, his sleeves were folded up to his elbow. At mukhang nakakita siya ng multo.
"Bro! Tagal mo naman."
Tumikhim ako at ngumiti. "Hi."
He nodded and looked at Chino immediately, barely acknowledging that I was there. I licked my lips and looked away.
Hindi ko alam kung paano, pero parang mas gumwapo pa siya ngayon. He looks.. mature. And happy. I've seen his pictures on facebook. Though, wala na siyang ibang pictures na pinopost. Most of them are just tagged by his friends and family members.
Tumikhim siya at tinignan ang hawak niyang cellphone. "May emergency pala sa isang site."
"Anong emergency? Saang site?"
"Ako na bahala," ani Ezra. "Una na 'ko."
Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay nag-paalam na agad si Ezra at umalis.
And it felt like a slap to my face.
Siyempre.
Wala nga pala ako sa kaniya. He does not care about me. He didn't care enough to stay at a freaking hospital for me, lunch pa kaya ngayon?
"I guess you met one of our engineers." Chino awkwardly laughed as we both looked at Ezra who was walking away.
Lumunok ako at nagpilit ng ngiti. It's all so different now. It's been six years, and still, he acts like we've never even knew each other.
It sucks to feel like a stranger to someone you love. It sucks to be treated like one, too.
"So the location.." Ngumiti si Chino. "Baguio?"
Tumango ako. We started talking about what we really came for, and our lunch was cut short since he had somewhere else to be. Napag-usapan naman na rin namin lahat ng kailangang pag-usapan para sa bahay, at nakapag-kwentuhan na rin kami tungkol sa mga buhay namin.
Alon's a Christian, too, so it was nice to know that Chino goes to Church na rin. I can see it, too. The difference in the way he talks, the way he acts. I mean, of course, he was already a decent guy before. Pero ibang iba talaga siya sa Chino na nakilala ko noong parte pa sila ng Alpha.
"Do you have a ride?"
Umiling ako. "Hindi ko dala yung sasakyan ngayon. Alam kong matraffic." I laughed. "I'll just book a cab. Mauna ka na!"
Chino still waited with me until I rode a cab. Umuwi kaagad ako para marami pa akong magawa bago kumain ng dinner. After editing some stuff, tumawag bigla si Raffy sa messenger at agad ko rin naman 'yon sinagot.
"Hello!" She smiled. "Busy ka?"
"Hindi naman," I smiled back at my phone. "Ano, excited na ba ang soon to be husband and wife?"
"Hindi." Claude answered. "Ena, kunin mo na 'tong kaibigan mo."
"Pangit ng ugali!" Tumawa si Raffy. "Huy, nagkita na kayo ni Vale? Nakauwi na siya nung kailan, eh."
"Kita ko nga! Bwisit 'yon, di nagpaparamdam, huh."
"Busy naman kasi yung artistahin nating kaibigan!" Raffy said. "Ikaw ba? How are you?"
"I'm good." I nodded and smiled. "I.. saw Ezra today."
"Oh? Kamusta naman siya?" tanong ni Claude.
"Babe, chismoso?!" Tumawa si Raffy at tinapon ang isang unan sa kaniya. "Oh eh kamusta nga si Ezra?"
"Ewan ko. We didn't talk. We just saw each other.. dapat nga ata, kayo tinatanong ko kung kamusta siya."
"Kaka-chat lang niya sa group chat ng pamilya namin, oh. Speaking of." Tumawa si Claude. "May date naman ata siya."
"Babe." Sinamaan ng tingin ni Raffy si Claude. "Ena, mag-aaway muna kami, ah! Call ulit kita."
Tumawa ako at tumango bago binaba ni Raffy yung tawag. I sighed and leaned back against my chair. I don't know why, but I find it hard to believe that time heals everything. Because it's been six years—and it still hurts.
Alalang alala ko pa noon, hindi ko alam kung ano ang uunahin kong iisipin. I didn't know which problem to face. The disappointment of other people, the loss of someone that I've never held, the loss of someone that I've always held, and possibly the loss of myself. Hindi ko alam kung paano babangon no'n. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin yung mga problemang pinasok ko, dahil ako naman ang nag-desisyon doon. Ako naman ang nagpumilit na sumakay sa sasakyan niya. Ako naman ang nag-decide.
I was so scared of disappointing Raffy, so I just never told her. Ang alam niya lang, nagkaroon ng something sa amin ni Ezra, pero 'yun lang. I remember seeing Vale's face that day in Mage's condo, when we found out I was pregnant. He looked so disappointed. He looked sad. And I thought I was going to lose him.
"Okay ka lang?" tanong ni Zach sa akin habang nagsasaing ako.
I blinked a few times and nodded. "Tapos na kayo? Wala nang customers?"
"Done na." He smiled and placed some food that he bought on a plate. "Bumili nalang ako dinner."
Tumango ako. He stayed beside me and bumped me with his elbow. Malayong mas matangkad si Zach kaysa sa'kin. Siguro ay hanggang balikat niya lang ang height ko, and I'm possibly even smaller. Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya at ngumiti.
"Ano ba, mamaw." I laughed and pressed the button on the rice cooker.
Bahagya siyang tumawa at pinitik ang ulo ko. Umupo ako malapit sa table at tinignan siya nang maigi. He's tall, chinito, kind. I guess he's the ideal type of almost all girls that I know. Marami pa ngang nagtatanong bakit daw hindi namin bigyan ng chance.
I wish I could say that I tried. But honestly, after Ezra, I never really found myself opening up to anyone else except Zach. And because of that, he became one of the people that I can't imagine my life without.
I guess I'd rather have him as a friend forever than lose him like how I lost Ezra.
"Naligo ka na?" tanong niya sa akin. "Dami mo ata pinuntahan kanina, eh."
"Lunch lang," I said. "Pero liligo na nga ako! Eto na."
"Baho!" Pahabol niya bago ako pumasok sa kwarto ko.
Ngumiti ako, ngunit agad 'yon nawala nang maalala ko ang mga nangyari kanina. Ezra saw me. He saw me, and barely even acknowledged me.
And remembering what we lost almost always feels like my heart is getting shredded, shattered to pieces. Gusto ko siyang kamustahin. Gusto kong lapitan. Gusto kong ibalik yung dati..
Pero wala na, eh.
Ayaw na niya.