Fox den.
Bai Qian woke up two days after the battle at Ruoshi river. Zhe Yan's sleeping pill allowed her shocked body a temporary respite as well as much needed sleep for the rest of the plotting crew for what was to happen in the next few days. When Bai Zhen sensed her awakening in her room, he went inside bringing a pot of fresh tea and sat on her bedside to help her sit up as the recent events once again envelope her entire body in grief. In her brother's embrace, she let all of her emotions release as wracking sobs wrenched from her small body while he moved his arms up and down her back to give her some comfort. When it seemed that her tears have dried a bit from her eyes, he pushed himself away from his sister, held her face between his hands and looked at her in the eyes.
"Xiao Wu, I know you are overwhelmed with grief right now but all is not lost. Some things happened after our battle at the Ruoshi river, one of them is Mo Yuan finally waking up. You were far too gone in your sorrow when I brought you back home so we let you sleep for a bit." Then moving his hand forward, palm facing upwards, he conjured a scroll and handed it to her, "Mo Yuan left this for you, hoping this will shed light on events from the past ninety thousand years that have led to today. Once you are finished with this letter, come out of your room. Father, Mother, Zhe Yan and I will wait so we all can talk and help you with your questions."
Bai Qian took the scroll from her Fourth brother who quietly left as he entered. She first took a sip of the tea he brought to her room, set it aside, and took a deep breath before opening the scroll to start reading.
My dearest Seventeen, Qian Qian,
First of all I would like to say thank you for sacrificing not just seventy thousand years of your life to see to my care, but for giving me your heart's blood to make sure my soul returned to a physical body. When I told you to wait for me, I did not realise that waiting would mean that you had to stab yourself over and over again to nourish my body with blood from your heart, rendering you almost imprisoned in Qing Qiu because of the my body's need. And while you have my unending gratitude for your sacrifice, I am also deeply sorry for all the things you missed because of me.
I was still a stupid and arrogant young man when I made the Bell of the East Emperor, wanting to prove to my Fuxi that I was capable and powerful enough to take over the protection of the realms when the time came. When I presented it to him, he was very angry because I did not realise the karmic effect of making something so destructive that I had to pay for it with my life. Once I understood the ramifications of what I had done, Fuxi helped me find a way to not just pay the price but to ensure that I had the ability to return. My Fuxi had used an ancient spell that took a piece of my soul from my core and transferred it, along with half of his cultivation, to the to golden lotus. This soul piece would be the anchor soul that would call on the rest of my soul pieces back should the time come when I have to pay my karmic debt to destroy the bell. The soul piece that was removed also contained my strongest emotions, and being separated from it allowed me to be more objective and focused in protecting the realms for a very long time. That was until you came to Kunlun to be my disciple.
When Zhe Yan brought you to me to be trained, I already knew you were Bai Zhi's only daughter. Also being friends with your father and Zhe Yan, I have heard of the challenges they faced in raising you. I never would have accepted you as a disciple of Kunlun since it was a school to train men out of boys had the Fan of Kunlun not chosen you to be its new master. It was then I realised that fate may have something in store for you so I decided to take you in. Training in Kunlun would also give me assurance that Qing Qiu's future queen would be more than capable of leading the fox clan and I had a hand in raising her even if it was forced upon me.
Your coming to the mountain and training with me proved to be my most challenging times because you have awakened feelings that have become dormant over the years, only I could not express them fully because of the soul anchor that housed my strongest emotions were separated from me. While strong feelings escaped me, the golden lotus sparked life when it was near you. It has never come alive unless you were present, and it was then I knew that when the time came for all of my soul pieces to reunite, I would come back to you not wanting to only be your Shifu.
Bai Qian paused from her reading. It turned out that her Shifu was not as omniscient as she thought him to be. He also made mistakes in his youth and felt the arrogance of one being born of privilege, being the only son of Fuxi and Mother. And for the golden lotus to be part of her Shifu was something else she did not expect. No wonder she felt such a strong connection to it. As the only girl in disguise living in mountain full of boys, her only outlet was talking to that golden lotus. It knew all of her deepest fears, joys, complains, and sorrows while living as the youngest disciple of Kunlun. Also for her Shifu to have known all along that she was a girl was something she did not expect. Turns out Zhe Yan's spell was not as strong as they hoped for it to be and the memory of her complaining about letting Xuan Nu bunk with her during her stay with them because she was a girl and Shifu just raised his eyebrow now made sense. Taking another sip of her tea, she continued reading.
When I sacrificed my soul to the Bell of the East Emperor, the magic inside the golden lotus was activated. It had to look for a host and as fate would have it, Consort Le Xu of the Nine Heavens was at Kunlun and touched the golden lotus, attaching itself to her in order to continue to survive before it withered into nothingness. That golden lotus became Crown Prince Ye Hua of the Nine Heavens. He did not tell you this but in his sleep, he went to the Chaos to help me assemble my scattered soul pieces because he was the anchor soul that had the only ability to put myself back together again.
Bai Qian stopped for a moment, her wide doe eyes not believing the next few sentences she just read from the letter. How can this be? Her Shifu and Ye Hua are the one and the same person, or rather, Ye Hua was a part of her Shifu?! Closing her eyes, she debated on whether she wanted to read the letter further or just throw it at the far end of the room. Living in an immortal world as a descendants of the original nine-tailed fox meant that they had more magical capabilities compared to other immortals of their world, but this story is getting to be more and more fantastical. While Shifu was the only son of Fuxi and Mother, his ability to cast ancient spells that she was sure not even Di Jun was aware of was scary and if she were to think harder... awesome. Shaking her head, she decided to read on.
As the soul anchor that contained my emotions,Ye Hua grew up as a lively boy in the Nine Heavens until his grandfather decided to take over his Crown Prince training. Since the Skylord meted out rather severe punishments for even the slightest mistakes, Ye Hua learned to reign in his emotions and became someone like me on the outside even if he was feeling deeply inside.
Qian Qian, when I was your Shifu, I tried my best to always be honest with you, and I do not want to start lying now that I have returned. The Ye Hua you remember meeting for the first time at the Eastern Sea kings banquet was the immortal that you fell in love with, married and had a child with during your mortal trial. You rescued him in his dragon form thinking he was a snake in the cave near Mount Junji after with his fight with the golden lion beast, he felt stirrings of emotions that were connected to his time from the golden lotus. It was that connection that prompted him to pretend to be a wounded soldier so that he can stay with you at the hut at Mount Junji. Because Qing Cang had suppressed your immortality along with your memories, you had no name and was living a solitary life undergoing your mortal trial. Your time with Ye Hua at the mountain saw you both fall in love with each other which lead to you taking your marriage vows. Because Ye Hua did not disclose his full identity as the Crown Prince of Nine Heavens, your mortal life was put in jeopardy when you left the mountains in search of your missing husband whom you thought was in trouble. You were pregnant with A Li when the Nine Heavens detected his immortal energy and you were brought up to live as his concubine. But being mortal, you suffered in the hands of the Celestials, particularly Ye Hua's former Consort, Su Jin. Ye Hua tried to protect you but his powers were limited until he was officially crowned prince so you had to suffer having your eyes taken after Su Jin falsely accused you of pushing her at Zhu Xian Terrace which not only warranted a death punishment via lightning strikes, but also for your eyes to be taken as payment for her lost ones. Ye Hua took the lightning punishment to save you and your baby, but had no choice but to take your eyes for Su Jin. And because Ye Hua could not show freely express his emotions in the Nine Heavens, you were also led to believe that he no longer loved you. So after you gave your son whom you named A Li, you jumped at Zhu Xian Terrace thinking you could go back to the mortal realm as Su Jin tricked you to believe. Ye Hua jumped in after you but was pulled back by Skylord. He then slept for sixty years, refusing to wake up and wanting to be with you in death and only woke up for the sake of your son. You, on the other hand, ascended to High Goddess, with your jump to Zhu Xian Terrace signaling the end of your mortal trial. You woke up a the Peach Grove where Zhe Yan tended to your wounds and gave you the amnesia potion that you asked for to forget your harsh mortal trial.
Qian Qian, you might have had your reasons for choosing to forget, but in order for us to move forward, I do not want any skeletons hiding in the closet that will come out surprising either of us. While your mortal trial was terribly difficult, you also know that only the strongest and most resilient immortals will ascend to High God status. That you are the world's only High Goddess says a lot about your courage and resilience to face difficulty so I have retold your trial because rather than forget, there should have been lessons learned in order to move forward in our long lives as better immortals. Your time as the powerless and lonely mortal Su Su was the exact opposite of your protected and pampered life as Qing Qiu's Bai Qian and knowing how the exact opposite of your upbringing live their lives have given you a better grasp at leading your people and helping those who are powerless.
You already know that Su Jin was punished for the transgressions you knew when Ye Hua underwent his mortal trial. What you did not know was that Ye Hua had also taken back your eyes and with Zhe Yan's help, returned them to you when they told you they found a cure for your inborn eye disease.
When the Bell of the East Emperor began to ring again, it was fate that made you share the spell with Ye Hua so you can fight Qing Cang. He bound you and sacrificed himself because it was his fate- and mine- to pay the karmic debt of destroying the bell I arrogantly made in my youth. His death was the catalyst to my return, with all of my spirit finally whole.
After living my life with you, first as your Shifu, then as your mortal husband, and until recently your Immortal fiancé, I have finally come full circle.
My Seventeen, my Qian Qian, I love you. Fiercely, irrevocably, eternally. That you gave seventy thousand years of your time and your heart's blood only strengthens the bond of love that I felt for you as Ye Hua, for while I am not him, he was a part of me and his feelings are mine regardless. Our love was able to produced a miracle named A Li and it is my fervent hope, with this letter that bares it all, that we will continue to grow our love until time calls us into nothingness.
Forever only yours,
Mo Yuan
As silent tears stream down Bai Qian's face, a myriad of emotions that were far to overwhelming engulfed her. The mind shattering revelations of her mortal trial and the heartbreak of discovering what she has decided to forget upon her return to immortality. She as a mortal abandoned her new born son, and while the powerless Su Su thought it best to leave her child behind with her father, Bai Qian should have claimed him after she ascended. She would never have wanted A Li to live the life Ye Hua did! She felt... so many different emotions at once that it was akin to losing one's senses and going berserk. She wanted to drown everything in wine but there was only tea, so for a while she allowed herself to feel it all while sober.
Once she regained some semblance of calmness, she looked back at the letter to re-read its contents, this time trying to see from Mo Yuan's point of view as he shared his story that started with the creation of the bell. As she went through the words, she imagined how he felt when he wrote it for her, knowing how she would have reacted while hoping that she at the end will see through it all the love he felt for her- now in tact and able to express itself fully without any fear of danger in the horizon. She knows that he awaits her answer after his confession.
Resolved to end this chapter so a new one can begin, she stood up to meet her family waiting outside her bedroom door.