Posting two chapters because the last one was a big downer. -kittyhawk
I couldn't put into words what made me take the portkey to France that night. The hospital had told me not to return for my emergency room shift while they managed the pixie infestation, so I had nothing else to do. Maybe it was also a bit of loneliness. My heart was still racing a little from my argument with Len.
Regardless of reason, I found myself in the dark foyer of the Chateau at 11 PM on the night of the full moon. It was storming in France, and rain was hitting the windows of the Chateau with furious little tapping sounds that ebbed into sloshing waves. Other than that, the home was quiet.
Draco's working right now, I reminded myself. And Astoria is probably sleeping at this hour. I made my way to the nursery to see if Scorpius was awake.
"M-Miss Erica!" Paisley the House Elf was surprised to see me, especially because I was wearing a long coat, chiffon blouse and pants instead of my healer robes. "Miss Erica was not expected tonight. Should Paisley wake the Madam?"
"No, Paisley, let her sleep," I said quietly. "I... I will be sleeping in the guest room tonight. If that's alright."
"Of course!" Paisley affirmed. "The room is Miss Erica's whenever she wants it."
Luckily, Scorpius was awake, and very excited to see me. The little boy was just coming up on his three month mark. He had grown exponentially and put on quite a bit of cute baby chunk, likely because the House Elves constantly doted upon him. Draco was also warming up to his son, and had new questions for me about him every day. Holding Scorpius was still a challenge for Draco, but when the two of them were together, it was like seeing double.
I took Scorpius into my arms, cradling his head in the nook of my elbow. "Miss Erica is welcome to take Scorpius for a walk around the Chateau," Paisley said to me. "A walk seems to get the little master back to sleep."
"What do you think, Scor?" I cooed to the baby. "A little stroll sounds good, doesn't it?" Scorpius uttered some unintelligible noise in response.
As I walked through the darkened halls of the Chateau, I talked to Scorpius, but mostly to myself. There's something about babies; they're very good listeners.
"It's amazing how you hardly ever cry, Scorpius. So far you've been one of the calmest babies I've ever met." I passed by a rain-splattered window. "Have you ever been outside this house? No, maybe you're too young for that..."
The storm clouds parted momentarily to reveal the glowing full moon. I paused by the window to stare.
"Maybe when you're older, you can see what's outside this house. And when you're eleven, you can go to Hogwarts.... oh."
Wait.
If Draco is banished, does that also apply to his son?
I looked down at Scorpius, who was smiling up at me, entirely unaware of what I was saying. It was a naive smile. One that would vanish as soon as he knew what Death Eaters were, and what his father had done. I could clearly picture Scorpius in a few years pointing to Draco's arm and asking him what his Dark Mark meant.
What will Draco say to him?
"You shouldn't worry," I said to Scorpius, but also to myself. "Even when you're old enough to learn the truth, you'll know that your father is a good man."
I continued walking in silence, meandering towards the west wing. I knew I shouldn't go snooping around Draco's personal study, but he was gone slaying werewolves tonight, and I likely wouldn't have another chance to get a glimpse into his private world. I couldn't resist.
Baby in arm, I opened the study door. The wall lamps flickered on and shed dim golden light on the dark paneled study. The stately wooden desk in the middle of the room looked strange without Draco behind it.
I slowly made my way behind the desk, hearing the pattering of rain against the window on the far wall. Draco always had a penchant for organized minimalism, so it came as no surprise that his desk was cleared of all paperwork, and the only items in sight were a jade ashtray and a few glass tumblers for whiskey.
About a week and a half ago, I walked in on Draco, and he hurriedly shoved something away into his desk drawer....
I carefully balanced a sleeping Scorpius in one arm as I opened the top desk drawer, and immediately closed it. "Ugh. Cigarettes and booze."
I opened the second drawer and knew I had found what I was looking for- but I had no idea what it was. A crystal orb the size of a baseball was stowed there, giving off a sinister red light.
"What on earth..." I had no idea what this crystal orb was, or what purpose it served Draco. Mist swirled under the glassy surface like the ball was filled with some kind of scarlet vapor that was fighting to get out.
Slowly, I reached out and touched it.
Scorpius remained secure in my arms in the study- but my mind was transported to another place. Touching the red orb felt like sticking my head into a fishbowl that contained another dimension. It was suddenly so bright, and I could feel the sensation of a cold wind blowing at my cheeks. When my eyes fluttered open, I was looking out at the shimmering Black Lake at Hogwarts.
"Just how long do you see us lasting, Draco?"
I was shocked to hear my own voice. I turned and saw that I was staring right at myself- a 16 year old Erica, in her Slytherin robes.
I heard Draco's voice next. "What possessed you to ask that?"
Oh, no, I thought gravely to myself. I'm inside Draco's memory. That glowing red orb- it was a pensieve!
I saw the 16 year old me sadden, and wrap her cloak around herself tightly to keep warm. "You must have thought about it. I'm a half-Squib, and you're a Death Eater. Malachi can only play father for so long before someone is bound to find out, or I slip-up. I don't understand why you're bothering going to all these lengths to defend a castle made of sand."
I felt my heart sink. Back then, my biggest fear in the world was losing him because of the secrets we were hiding from the world. The issues we faced seemed insurmountable. I remember feeling very scared in that moment.
I saw Draco kiss me.
"I will love you until the stars turn cold," Draco said in a low growl. "I would not insist on going public if I thought this was something that would fizzle out in a matter of weeks. No, you're too good for that. You're a goddess among mortals. And I want you beside me, always."
Always. He said that like he really meant it, and it made my bitter, 24 year old heart break.
The memory ended, and I was back in Draco's study, his baby resting soundly in my arms.
"Oh, no..." I whispered. "I've just looked inside Draco's pensieve."
Pensieves were most often used as a memory storage device for older wizards. Occasionally at the hospital they were prescribed to wizards with traumatic memories as a way to help them cope. But I had never seen one that was this sinister shade of red before.
I wonder if this one was prescribed to Draco after the Wizarding War? It made sense; anyone who worked that closely with the Dark Lord would no doubt want to distance themselves from those memories.
I wanted to touch it again.
I wanted to see what the war was like. I read every single newspaper article that MACUSA published about it, but it was never enough information. A lot of the information regarding the war was tailored by biased reporters with political agendas, who thought that if it wasn't an American problem it wasn't a problem at all. There was so much that I missed because I left Hogwarts the year before the war started. And I had to live with this survivor's guilt for eight years. And I wanted to see what things were really like.
"Show me the war," I whispered, touching the pensieve with light fingers.
The pensieve showed me nothing.
"Why isn't it working?" I muttered. Were there no memories of the war in here after all?
I touched my finger to the pensieve, hoping it would show me another randomly selected memory, one that wasn't involving me; but I was sorely mistaken.
Every single memory stored in this pensieve included me.
I saw through Draco's eyes the first night that I healed him in the Slytherin common room. I saw the night I kissed him in the dormitory corridor when I was drunk, and then a few weeks later when I confessed my feelings to him in his bedroom. I saw us strolling around the Malfoy Manor grounds, and all the times I accompanied him to the Room of Requirement. I saw him kiss me, again and again, each time with more passion than the last.
I couldn't stand to watch the ones where we made love.
Nearly an hour passed in the study. Scorpius had long fallen asleep. My head was cloudy, and my heart ached so badly I started to wonder if there was anything in my medical bag that could alleviate the symptoms.
I still had my own memories of these moments, of course, but like any normal person I just tried not to think about them. Like a wound, my memories of Draco scabbed over until I eventually learned not to pick at it. Seeing them from Draco's perspective, and so clear, was like being stabbed again.
"I've made a mistake," I murmured to myself. "I was not meant to see this."
I decided then that I should return to New York for the night. I rose from Draco's chair with Scorpius and returned him to the nursery.
"Shhh, shhh." Scorpius was not happy to be set down, and cried in protest when I tried to leave. "You were being so good. Has the storm got you upset?" I tried to console the baby, but he cried and cried.
Paisley took over trying to soothe Scorpius, and I picked up my bag and made my way to the foyer to take the portkey back to New York.
I'll go back to my apartment tonight. It's the full moon, so Len will be at the sanctuary. I don't know what I was thinking, coming here, anyway...
Just as I reached for the Ring of Ataraxy, the front doors of the Chateau burst open. I froze in shock. I had never seen anyone come and go from these front doors before.
The howling wind whooshed against my face, making my eyes squint. Water droplets from the rainstorm outside hit my cheeks. Through the wind and water I was only able to make out the silhouette of a tall, dark figure entering the home, staggering forward.
I drew my wand. "Who are you?!" I barked, squinting.
The figure took a staggering step. With a wave of their hand, the doors shut behind them- and as the doors closed, they fell to their knees onto the marble tile.
I realized then that it was Draco.
Draco's long overcoat with silver fastenings was completely soaked. Mud caked the sides of his pant legs and the bottoms of his shoes like he had walked here from the woods. The most concerning thing of all was the way his right hand was clutching his chest.
I stepped forward. "Draco, are you hurt?"
Draco's head snapped up, surprised and furious to hear my voice.
"Why are you here?" he asked through gritted teeth. Without giving me a chance to answer, he barked, "Go home."
He fought to get to his feet, and despite my pleas for him to stay still, walked up the stairs.
"Draco, stop. You're obviously injured. I'm here, I can help you!" I followed him with my medical bag as he marched through the halls, dripping rain and mud all over his pristine carpet. For some insane reason, he ignored me.
He was slower than usual thanks to his wound. I saw my opportunity to run ahead of him and stand in this way.
"Draco Lucius Malfoy," I said in the most authoritative doctor voice I could muster. "You will stop walking this instant and let me look at your wound!"
Draco glowered at me, still clutching his chest. "I don't want you to heal me."
My heart was pounding. "I am employed by you and therefore it is my duty to heal you, whether you like it or not."
Draco was about to say something, but the words caught in his throat. He groaned and staggered, falling forward like a tree.
I caught him before he could crash to the ground. With his head draped over my shoulder, he leaned on me, knees buckled. It took my entire body weight to support him. He was so tall, and had gained muscle since we were in school together. It was like being smothered by a freezing cold wet bear.
I fought to stay on my feet. "Draco. Draco! Stand up!"
Slowly, Draco straightened. He used me as support to stand up straight again, and he did so by deliriously placing his blood-caked hands on my shoulders. I didn't care that he had gotten blood and mud on my coat and in my hair- I just needed him to sit down.
With his hands still on my shoulders for support, I looked up at Draco's pale, half-present expression. "Will you stop being a stubborn ass and let me heal you?" I pleaded angrily.
"...My study," Draco said with unsteady breaths. "Take me to my study."