Two days later, Alina found a letter on her desk.
Alina let her wavy white locks fall to her waist as she got to her feet, yawning. She wasn't used to having such early nights - she had become accustomed to the Slat's brawls, the laughter that floated up from downstairs, and the music that made her want to get up from her bed and dance.
Here, in Ravka, she was only met with the rustle of trees and the sound of birdsong. It was a different kind of comfort, but welcome nonetheless.
Padding over to her desk, Alina didn't even bother to sit in her chair as she opened the letter with the letter opener. Maps were sprawled over her desk from last night, from Ravka to Kerch, and one map of the Slat. She'd have to hide that one from Jesper and Inej at some point.
Taking the letter in her hands and opening it, Alina began to read.
Wylan,
Or should I even call you that anymore? I have no idea.
I've looked at your records. There was no Wylan Starev in your unit. You have three days to tell me your real name.
Come back to the Slat soon. There are things that need doing.
Kaz
Alina stared at the first part of the letter.
Or should I even call you that anymore?
"No," she whispered. "No, no, no!"
Kaz had told her himself he hadn't looked at her records. Why had he-?
Get a grip Alina. It's Kaz. He always lies.
Alina gripped the desk, suddenly angry. There was no way she could get back to Kerch in three days. Kaz was just rubbing her lie in her face.
Pursuing her lips, Alina shook her head and went to the bathroom. After she'd brushed her teeth, washed her face and moisturised, Alina sat down to write her letter.
Kaz,
It takes me a week to get back from Ravka. Do not expect me to come back in three days.
Alina thought of something to add, and chewed her lip. Is that the right thing to-oh screw it.
She picked up her pen and added her addition to the letter.
I am Wylan Starev. Check my name again. You must have checked the wrong unit.
Wylan
After getting changed, Alina raced down the corridor and out of the Little Palace, towards the docks. She delivered the letter to the post office, then walked back, basking in the spring warmth.
This is nice, Alina thought. I haven't seen the sun in some time.
When Alina got back, Jesper and Inej were in normal clothes, talking to Genya and David. Alina hummed a tune as she walked past. In the hallway, Tamar touched her arm. Alina looked at her.
"I'm going to start training Inej and Jesper in weaponry today. I think they'll like it - Inej especially. Are you alright with that?"
"Of course," Alina smiled.
"Sol Koroleva," Tamar murmured, putting a fist to her heart. Alina bowed her head before turning back to go to her room. She had to work.
Sol Koroleva. Alina hadn't heard someone say that word in a long time.
As she thought of the word whilst walking back to her room, Alina felt something within her - something familiar, yet just out of reach - if she reached far enough, it would flow through her veins. Her blood thrummed, and Alina felt lively - too lively. Like something had awakened inside her, and wanted to come out.
Alina didn't know what it was, so she ran the rest of the way and burst into her room, grabbing her maps and walking out into the corridor, trying to ignore the weird feeling.
"Mapmaker," Inej beamed. "You're early, for once."
Alina stuck her tongue out at Inej as she sat down. She felt unable to relax as she laid the maps out in front of her on the table. How had Kaz seen through her facade? She'd kept it up until now, and now something wanted to burst out of her. Alina didn't know what it was, and she tried not to care about how her fingers felt like they were crackling with energy on thinking of what the source of the weird feeling could be.
"So," Jesper said. "What are these maps for?"
"The Ravkan Intelligence," Leoni answered. She pointed to the sea. "That was where the Fold was. Rumour has it that something is underneath the sea, something that could help Ravka to become better."
"But we're not going to drill it out," Zoya said, coming down the stairs, dressed fabulously as always. "That would be stupid. We're going to ask someone to part the sea for us."
"An Inferni?" Alina suggested.
"I...don't know." Zoya sighed. "It'll be hard to find someone as close to us after Harsh..."she trailed off.
There was an uncomfortable silence. Then, Jesper broke it, and everything went back to normal. Somewhat.
By the time it was evening, Alina had retired to her room. She stared out the window, thinking of Harshaw. She missed him so much, now that Zoya had mentioned him. She missed his fire tricks and his chaotic energy and the way he smiled. Alina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then opened them again.
Suddenly, Alina heard a meow. Alina looked down, surprised by Oncat's presence. She picked the animal up and placed her on her lap.
"I'm sorry Oncat," she said, tears filling her eyes.
That night, all Alina could do was cry.
Leoni threw open the curtains.
"Rise and shine!" she said cheerily.
Alina threw the quilt over her. "Nooooo," Alina whined. "No I don't want tooooo."
Through the covers, Alina saw Leoni put her hands on her hips.
"Wylan! Come on, it's a nice day!"
"Noooo. I want to sleeeeeep."
Alina heard Leoni huff. Then, she felt Leoni grab her ankles. She yelped.
"Leoni!" she exclaimed.
"Get uuuuup. I want someone to walk with me in the gardens and no one else will." When Alina didn't respond, Leoni whined, "Wylaaaaaan."
"Nooooooo."
"Pleaaaase? We can get cupcakes from the kitchens for breakfast."
On hearing the mention of cupcakes, Alina poked her head out of the covers. "I'm listening."
"We can eat cupcakes outside and walk in the gardens! You can choose your cupcakes."
"Hmm." Alina stroked her chin in thought, pretending like she hadn't already decided. Then, she beamed.
"I'm joining you!"
"Yay!"
Alina leapt out of bed. "Let's go get cupcakes!" Just then, she stubbed her toe on the side of the bed. Leoni winced.
This was not going to be as good a day as she thought.
_
"I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm fine."
Leoni looked at her, eating a cupcake. Alina had chosen an orange cupcake and a blue one: one for Oncat, and one that reminded her of Mal's eyes. However, she wasn't eating them.
"Are you sure you're fine?" Leoni asked. The two sat down on a bench in the gardens, surrounded by flowers, and Alina nodded.
"Yes."
"Your toe is still throbbing isn't it?"
"Yep."
Leoni finished her second cupcake and started on her third. "You've rubbed it. I'm sure it'll be okay."
"Thanks Leoni. It will." Alina looked at the cupcakes. "I should eat these before they get too hard to hold anymore." The sun was already making the icing melt, with blue frosting already covering her fingers.
Alina began to eat the blue cupcake. She felt Leoni lean her head on her shoulder and smiled, enjoying the feeling of the sun on her face. She finished the first cupcake, ate the orange one, then just sat there, digging a tissue out of her pocket and wiping the blue frosting off her fingers.
"Oh! I didn't tell you," Alina said. "I got this letter."
Leoni raised her head as Alina got out the letter Kaz had sent her. When Leoni had finished reading it, her eyebrows furrowed.
"Oh no. That isn't good." She looked at Alina. "Did you send a reply?"
"I did. It was formal."
"Good," Leoni said, folding the letter and putting it into her pocket. "We need to be formal. It's the best way to keep a distance from him."
Formal. Had she been formal with Inej and Jesper? It felt like she hadn't. They were her friends now, but there were always consequences to having friends in such a tense political climate. Alina knew firsthand.
"It is," Alina agreed with Leoni. She looked at her commander. She didn't look as happy as she had before. "What's wrong?"
"If Kaz catches onto this..." Leoni shook her head. "We'll be at war with Kerch."
"Aren't we at war already?"
"No, but if Kaz finds out who you are, he will link you to us, and then there will be war. I'm glad the Suli have reclaimed their land. But Kerch..." Leoni sighed. "Kerch feels like Ravka before Zoya became Queen. Everything tense, everyone hurting everyone else - or at least, that is what Adrik told me."
Alina stared into the distance. "They were so young," she whispered. Leoni looked at her.
"Who?"
"Ana Kuya. Michael. Dobrev. Harshaw." Alina gulped at the last name. "They didn't deserve to die. But they did because..." she blinked back tears. She looked at her friend.
"I'm scared," Alina confessed. "I'm scared everything's going to fall apart."
Leoni squeezed her hand. Alina squeezed back. She smiled at Leoni, but Leoni wasn't smiling now. She was staring at the horizon.
"Have I been a good commander?"
Alina blinked in surprise. "Of course you have!"
"Have I, Alina? I'm scared I haven't. I don't know - all this is getting too much. I keep thinking of home. I want to go back there someday - permanently. I keep thinking of what would have happened if Nikolai had become Ravka's ruler. The weapons. The warmongering. The colonising." Leoni shuddered. She turned to Alina. "Thank you for disbanding the armies, truly. We would be in a far worse place if you hadn't."
Alina leant her head on Leoni's shoulder, squeezing her hand once again. "It was a good choice." It was the ONLY choice.
The two let the minutes drift by. They'd go back inside eventually, but for now they settled on watching the gardens, and watching the sun shine down on them from high in the sky.
_
It was early afternoon when Alina walked into the hall to find Inej and Tamar sparring. With Tamar's help, Inej had gotten faster; she hadn't changed any of her techniques, and Alina could guess why; if Kaz found out she'd been at the Little Palace, he'd get instantly suspicious. Instead, it seemed like Tamar had taught her little tricks that could help her in a fight.
Inej backflipped and landed on the ground perfectly. Alina wondered how on Earth Inej could fight in such a way, then remembered she was an acrobat. The former sun summoner smiled when she remembered how Inej looked when she and her parents reunited - like all was right with the world.
"Hey," Alina said. Tamar looked at her and smiled. Inej waved, and Alina waved back, walking towards them.
"Did you get the cupcakes?"
Tamar shook her head. "Nah, we missed them. Someone woke up late," she said, looking pointedly at Nadia, who was leaning against the wall, watching Tamar and Inej train.
"Hey! It's not my fault you kept us up all night!"
Alina raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Oh?"
Nadia flushed. "Not like that. Pictionary."
Alina smiled. "Pictionary?" she asked Tamar with a giggle.
"Yes. It's fun, plus it means I get to draw wacky things."
Nadia laughed. "I can't believe you drew a dinosaur crossed with a whale!"
Tamar beamed. "Well, what can I say," she responded, winking at her wife. "I'm imaginative."
Alina smiled at the three women, then turned round when someone called her by her disguise.
"Wylan!"
Jesper ran in, skidding to a halt. He nodded at Nadia, Tamar and Inej before turning to Alina. "It's Zoya. She wants to talk to you."
Something twisted in the pit of Alina's stomach. Zoya had been fine with her performance, so why did she suddenly want to talk to her?
Whatever this is, it can't be good, Alina thought.
After thanking Jesper and saying goodbye to the rest of the group, Alina made her way to the throne room. Zoya was on the throne, looking through some papers. She looked worried, then looked up at Alina, and she looked relieved.
"Wylan Starev. Come forward."
Alina did so.
"I've got intelligence from Leoni and it's not looking good," Zoya said quietly. "Kerch wants us to sell war weapons."
"What?" Alina said, alarmed. Hadn't she disbanded the First and Second armies? Why were the Kerch wanting military investments now?
"Obviously, I'll say no," Zoya said with a wave of her hand. "They know how stubborn I can be. But Wylan, you're going to have to be careful. If the Kerch gangs get a hold of this, they will try and do what it takes to rise up against the merchants."
Alina thought of Inej and the brokenness she could sometimes see in her eyes, the way Kaz stared out of his window at the ocean with loathing, how Jesper clearly hid something that ran through his veins.
"I don't think they wou-"
"Alina. Listen to me, please. When I say they are criminals, I mean it. Inej and Jesper may not have been given a choice in who they joined because the alternative was worse, but the rest of them will gladly murder a child to keep their reputation."
Alina thought of Jesper, how he missed home and had been bound to Ketterdam by the Dregs. She thought of Inej and how she had to join the gang, or go back to the Menagerie. Kaz had not freed them; he'd just placed them under different management.
"I..."
Alina hung her head. "Mapmaking is so hard. I feel like I'm not doing anything worthwhile."
"You're helping them." Zoya tapped her chin, then moved her hand in a flourish. "You're planning other people's demises."
Alina looked up. She nodded. "I am."
Zoya rubbed her forehead. "What I'm trying to say is, please be careful of everyone. Especially Brekker." The Suli Queen pursed her lips. "We don't know what he will do if he finds out who you really are."
Alina thought of telling Zoya about the thrumming in her veins, then decided against it. It wasn't important right now - she was probably just happy to come back home.
"Yes, Your Majesty." Alina bowed, and Zoya smiled.
"There will be a ball in five days' time. Please take Inej and Jesper shopping."
"You don't have to ask me twice!"
Zoya nodded her head, then smiled. "I'm sure you will have fun."
"I will."
Alina bowed again, then left.
As Alina asked Leoni to come shopping with her, she wondered what was happening back in Ketterdam, then put it out of her mind. She sighed when she went to bed that night.
Things were about to get more hectic than they already were, and Alina would have to prepare. But for now, she slid into sleep, dreaming of dancing under starlight, wearing a dress made of roses and feeling alive.