Check out this amazing art by @k0ekienut on Tumblr! https://k0ekienut.tumblr.com/post/642427143714930688/little-sketch-doodles-of-varian-for-amax76s-fic
Trigger warnings: panic attacks, flashbacks (sort of), death (sort of), being restrained, strangling, mentions of past violent injuries, self-deprecation
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"Move!"
Hector's voice broke through the haze of confusion and snapped Varian to attention. He tore his gaze away from his doppelganger as his uncle grabbed him and yanked him to his feet. They started to run back down the hall. If they could get to a room, barricade themselves inside, they could take time to figure out what they were up against.
What they were up against was a massive case of irony, apparently, as Varian found his feet fixated to the floor with a strange pink goo.
He looked behind him to see Hector and Adira draw their swords and engage with their clones, as well as his. The princess and her friends had run the other way, Lance hesitating to leave but having no choice as the imposters drew ever closer.
Varian's breathing sped as he tried to pull himself free. Of course he'd find himself not only trapped but trapped with his own chemicals. Twice the reason to panic. And he knew his work too well. He wasn't getting out without that neutralizing particle.
Seeing his struggle, Ruddiger screeched and attacked the double, clawing at his belt and knocking an alchemy bomb loose, rolling it along the ground to come to a stop at Varian's feet. He snatched it up, fighting the urge to scream and throw it as far away as possible. No, this was the neutralizer. It was safe. It wouldn't hurt him. He dropped it on the trap and stepped free.
Breathing a sigh of relief, he drew his knife and spun to face the clones. Hector kicked his in the side, knocking it back, and spun on Varian 2. But his blade wavered, hesitated, and the Adira clone knocked him aside.
He flipped into a handspring and landed near Varian. Adira dropped back to join them, and they faced off against their doubles. Varian shuddered at the malicious smirk the second Varian gave him. Memories flooded his mind, days of rage and hatred and a war he never should have had to fight. A war he never should have chosen to fight.
Blue eyes, a whole two of them, with a cruel light in them—a light that masked a deep pain he was oh so familiar with. A smile, twisted and warped, no trace of happiness in it. A blue long-sleeved shirt, brown pants, boots wrapped with strips of cloth, and a leather apron. No scars, of course, but the lingering trace of a bruise on his collarbone, half-hidden by his shirt. And the crowning glory: a familiar pair of goggles perched in his raven hair.
It was him. Oh, how he wished he could say it was a distorted picture of something he had never experienced, but it was him, a year ago, two inches smaller than he was now, gaunt and pale after a month of wrongful imprisonment. This was him at his breaking point, at his darkest, when all trace of humanity or care for others had been locked away inside a box in his mind for fear that he would lose his resolve to do what he had to. What he thought he had to.
What he didn't have a choice but to do.
Or did he?
"We have to find the others," Adira broke the silence. "What's the plan?"
"End these freaks," Hector offered, lunging forward and clashing his blade against Hector 2's. Kiki followed him.
"That's not a plan!" Adira snapped as she ran forward, meeting her own clone's attack.
Varian was left with Riki and Ruddiger to face the double that slipped past them. He shuddered as Varian 2 tossed his long bangs out of his face and met his glare. "Pleased to meet you, Varian," the clone spat.
O‴O‴O‴
The Hectors bounced around the hall, springing off walls and tables, one deadly focused and the other laughing like a madman. Kiki followed them but couldn't get a hit in on the clone. "You're pathetic!" Hector 2 cackled gleefully. "So predictable. I wonder, if I did this..." He suddenly jumped between the two Varians, swinging his blade towards the real one. Hector followed, blocking the sword with his own as his nephew yelped and backed up in shock.
"Hands off," he snarled. "You'd think a clone would be a little more realistic. No one touches him."
"No one except us," the double answered. "Isn't that the rule? Us and Adira. So why shouldn't I kill him?"
"Well, that's not like us, is it? We'd never hurt him." Hector smirked. "You of all people should know that. You're me."
"Oh, we wouldn't, huh?" Hector 2 smirked. His eyes glowed red, and a voice rang through the hall, coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.
What the CRAP! You know better! I told you this was dangerous and you weren't supposed to get near it! What were you thinking? You could have killed us all! Is that what you wanted? Is it?
Hector hissed, the familiar searing rage tearing through his veins, the way it had just moments ago when the smoke overtook him. The way it had when he'd had that nightmare months ago. The way it had when he'd first saw Quirin's body. Crushing the feeling, he tackled Hector 2 again. They fell to the floor, the clone slipping away and springing to his feet. Hector followed, not letting up on his attack.
"Face it!" Hector 2 laughed. "You're weak! You've already given up on your mission for the sake of a child!"
"I didn't give up anything!" Hector snarled. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Varian and Adira chasing after their clones, who had run for the stairs. "You don't get to talk about my mission."
"Why not? I'm you!" Hector 2 stepped back, breathing heavily. "You never would have let the Sundrop past the Great Tree if Varian wasn't there. You'd've killed her or died trying. He's made you weak. Did you really think you could stay loyal to your mission and take responsibility for that brat as well?"
"Shut up!" Hector charged forward again, but Hector 2 dodged.
"I'll do you a favor," the clone said. "I'll go ahead and end him so you can get back to the important stuff. He deserves it, anyway. He killed our brother." He turned and sped away after the others.
Hector roared in rage and followed, slashing at the creature. Hector 2 continued to dodge and strike back, every bit of Hector's speed and skill at his disposal. The warrior gritted his teeth. They were perfectly matched, neither being able to get an advantage. He suspected that was why the clone kept up his incessant chatter. To try to distract him or make him mad enough to slip up and make a mistake.
Thinking quickly, Hector sheathed his sword, crossed his arms behind his back, and blocked Hector 2's blade with his foot, twisting his leg and slamming the blade to the ground. Then he spun and slammed his other foot against the clone's face. He unsheathed his sword again and swung it down in an arc. The clone's eyes widened, and he wavered for a moment before dissipating into smoke.
Hector whirled around. Where had it gone? Was this some new trick, that it could disappear and reappear at will? He missed the good old days, when whacking someone with a sword meant they stayed down.
Seeing Adira and Varian, along with Riki and Ruddiger, at the end of the hall, he sighed in relief. At a glance, he saw it was his Varian. "Did you see where the thing went?" he demanded.
"It's dead, I think," Varian assured him. "Same thing happened when Aunt Adira hit hers. Mine went after the others. We can't find him." The boy was shaking slightly, hovering close to Adira and holding his arms. Ruddiger sat on his shoulders, curled around his neck and purring comfortingly.
Hector joined them and wrapped Varian in a hug. "You okay, Var?"
"Fine, fine... No. I—" He leaned into Hector's hug. "I'm not."
Hector hissed quietly. "I'm sorry, kiddo." Straightening up, he cracked his neck. "'Kay, stay here. I'll kill the other one."
"No!" Varian pulled away and set his jaw. "I can do this. Besides, I think I know what these things are."
"Uh, evil clones?"
"Not quite. Remember what Mr. Matthews said earlier? Mirrors show the darkness we'd rather ignore, the choices we've made. I think these clones are the embodiment of our worst selves. That's why mine... that's why he's me from a year ago. He's me at my worst, when I chose to attack an entire blasted kingdom."
"Chose?!" Hector snapped. "They didn't really give you a choice. What were your other options? Die?"
Varian shrugged. "I'm not saying I had good options. But I wasn't innocent. And he's the... not innocent side of me."
"Okay, but what about us?" Adira asked. "They looked identical."
"What did your clone say?" Hector asked.
"Something about killing you two to get the Sundrop to the Dark Kingdom. But I wouldn't do something like that, so how is that my worst self?"
"I think it's what we could become. What we could possibly do if we made the wrong choices." Hector toyed with one of his braids. "You could choose to get the Sundrop to the Moonstone, no matter the cost. Even if the cost is us."
"What did yours do?"
His chest tightened as he struggled to pull in breath. "It's the side of me that wants to protect the Moonstone above everything. The side that doesn't care who gets in the way of the mission. It... it tried to kill Varian."
O‴O‴O‴
To say that Adira was shocked by the statement would be an understatement. It took Varian and Hector both to calm her down before she stabbed someone.
Varian was less shocked. He knew Hector would never hurt him, but he remembered well the day not long ago that Hector had lost control and snapped at him. He didn't fear him now, not at all, but as Hector quickly explained the clone's words, he couldn't stop the sliver of doubt that crept into his mind.
Would Hector choose the Moonstone over him if it came down to it? He'd seemed pretty willing to throw aside his entire mission to save Varian a few months ago, but would he regret that? Would he decide that was a mistake? He'd only known Varian six months as opposed to the decades he'd spent guarding the Moonstone.
No! Varian dispelled the thought. Hector had proven himself time and time again. He would never do anything to hurt him. But Varian had been a bit of a liability lately... Maybe he should work on being a bit more independent? Training harder, acting less like a scared child around the Sundrop and her entourage. Prove he was worthy of being a successor of his father's title. Worthy of being a member of the Brotherhood.
The three, plus their animals, kept going. Hector had tried to order him to stay behind until they could deal with the doubles and come get him, but Adira reminded him it would be safer with them than on his own. The house seemed a lot bigger than it had a few hours ago, and soon Varian had no idea where they were. Occasionally the sound of shouting would guide them in another direction.
Varian ran alongside his aunt and uncle, the warriors going slower than normal so Varian could keep up on his short legs. He gritted his teeth and tried to run faster. He wouldn't slow them down.
Movement out of the corner of his eye drew his attention. He skidded to a stop and glared down a side hall at his clone, who still hadn't lost his infuriating smirk. The clone motioned for him to follow then turned and disappeared around a corner.
Varian hesitated. He turned to call to Hector and Adira, but he stopped. They hadn't noticed that he wasn't with him, and this could be his chance... If he dealt with Varian 2 himself, maybe they'd see he wasn't a weak link. He followed the clone.
The blasted thing seemed to be taunting him, waiting at the edge of every corner to make sure Varian was following him. He readied his knife. He wasn't as familiar with that form of combat, since Hector had him training with a staff and a training sword, but he knew enough to fight an untrained doppelganger. Maybe. If he avoided the goo bombs and whatever else his clone had.
He came to a stop in the doorway of a circular room. The clone stood in the middle, his back to Varian. The warrior in training took a stabilizing breath and crept forward on bare feet. Closer, closer, his dagger ready, if he could just be quick enough...
Then what? Varian's blood ran cold. This was a clone, a mirror of his darkness, but could he strike it down? It wasn't an animal he was hunting for food. If he killed this... this thing, was it the same as killing a human? If he were to become a knight, he'd have to eventually, right? But could he?
"What's the matter?" Varian 2's voice taunted. "It's not like you had a problem trying to kill before, right?"
Varian gasped as a voice rang through the room, the way it had with Hector earlier.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH UNTIL YOU'VE ENDURED THE SAME AMOUNT OF PAIN AND AGONY I HAVE!
Screaming. Cries of pain. Two people held in the grip of his machine, the life draining from them, an uncaring monster ready to kill...
Varian fell to his knees, his hands clamped over his ears and dagger falling to the ground. The noise rattled through his mind, defying his efforts to block it out. It was inside him, in his very being, a part of him he could never deny or cast aside, the part of him that tried to murder two people.
"You really think you're anything more than this?" Varian 2 hissed. "You're a murderer. If Rapunzel hadn't stopped you, you would've killed Cassandra. You would've killed the queen. This is who you are." He scoffed. "What makes you think you deserve those warriors' attention? You're nothing but a traitor and a monster. You need to accept that. Embrace the truth. Adira and Hector know that. That's why Hector doesn't trust you." He smiled cruelly. "But I can help. I can tell you how to make them care about you."
He looked up, tears starting to form in his eyes.
"Own who you are. We're the same. Let me help you. You betrayed the Sundrop once. We can do it again. Fulfill Hector's mission and kill the princess. Don't let her take the Moonstone."
"But Aunt Adira—"
"Adira will understand when her eyes are no longer blinded by the Sun's light. All she can see is what everyone else sees. The perfect Sundrop, full of goodness and light and wonder. We're one of the only people who sees Rapunzel for what she is. Her true evil. You can end her and save the world from her false hope. Save Adira from her. Put the cost aside and save your family. You want to prove you're worthy to be in the Brotherhood, right? Protect the stone." He tapped the knife on the ground. "Look at yourself. See what she did to you. It's her fault."
Varian looked down at the dagger. Slowly, he picked it up and examined the blade, tilting it to see the reflection of his scarred face.
She had done this, with her fake promises and hollow speeches. With the attention she had given, just enough to give him hope, withdrawing it as soon as he was used up and empty and worthless. As soon as he needed something in return. Her words were beautiful, hiding the deadly poison underneath. She may not have raised a hand to him personally, rocks not included, but she had broken the only promise she made him, denied him the only thing he asked. She'd gotten what she wanted and left him to the mercy of beasts.
He lifted the dagger, balancing it in his hand, tightening his grip around the hilt. In front of him, Varian 2 smiled cruelly.
He was still smiling when Varian drove the dagger into his heart.
The smile faded, replaced with an expression of horror. "No," the original Varian murmured. "I'm not you. Not anymore. I'll decide who I am."
"T—the pri..."
"She hurt me, yes. But I hurt her, too. I can't change who she is. I'm only responsible for who I am."
Varian 2 smiled weakly. Not a cruel smile this time. "Y-you rea-really grew up." Then he faded away.
The dagger slipped from Varian's hands again, clattering against the tile floor.
"How did you do that?"
He looked up to see the princess standing in a doorway at the opposite side of the room from where he'd entered. "I didn't see. How did you kill it?"
"He's my worst self," Varian rasped, fixing her with a solemn gaze. She was probably the real one—the clone would have probably attacked him already. "The embodiment of my darkest moments. I killed him because he's something I've had to kill before. I have to kill that part of me every time that doubt starts creeping back in. I have to kill that part of me every time I look at you and start thinking of everything that happened a year ago."
She took a step back. Varian stood and pushed his hair out of his face. "Let's go. How many are left?"
"I'm... not sure. We got separated."
"'Kay. Come on. Let's hope they're having better luck."
O‴O‴O‴
The others were not having better luck. Hector slammed his fist against a wall in rage. This place seemed to be shifting, changing, warping itself into a convoluted maze that spun and twisted and stole his sense of direction away. Stole his nephew away. Even now, Varian was probably lost somewhere in this labyrinth of pink and white, at the mercy of a long-buried version of himself. Hector had no way to reach him, no way to help him, no way of even knowing where he was or even if he was okay.
"How did I lose him?!" he snarled. "He was right behind me!"
"Because you don't have eyes in the back of your head," Adira offered unhelpfully.
"Thank you, sister," he spat back sarcastically. "How did I ever survive without you for a quarter of a century?"
"I have no idea."
Ruddiger facepalmed, and Hector gestured to him. "See, even the rat thinks you're being unhelpful. Now if you could get a grip for five seconds, my nephew is missing somewhere in this blasted house with an evil doppelganger of himself on the loose!"
"Our nephew," Adira reminded him sternly, eyes narrowed in a pained expression. "I know I haven't known him as long as you have, but that doesn't mean I don't love him and I'm not worried about him. And if you have an actual plan besides breaking down a wall with your bare fists, I'll gladly hear it."
Hector growled and rubbed his forehead. "What would Varian do?"
"What could Varian do in a magical house that's moving? If we assume that either Matthews or the house itself is intentionally keeping us from where we want to go, what could any of us do to get around this type of magic?"
He thought for a minute. "I don't know," he huffed in vexation. "If it's keeping us from where we want to go..." He frowned. "Hold on. What... what if we're not trying to go anywhere?"
"What?"
"There's eight humans and four animals trying to get out of here and escape from evil clones. That's got to be taxing the house to its limits, right?"
"We don't know its limits."
"What if we're not trying to get to Varian? Or get out, or anything? What if we don't have a plan, and we're just walking randomly?"
"Isn't that what we've been doing?"
"Yes, but with intent to get somewhere." He grinned. "That's it! We don't need a plan. We just need to keep going so the house doesn't know what to do with us while it's distracted keeping everyone else separated."
"I really do think that's a terrible idea."
"It is an idea, though. One that's not punching walls."
"Touché. Lead the way, Your Randomness."
O‴O‴O‴
As they ran, Varian realized in surprise this was the first time he'd been alone with her since that day in the vault. Ever since then, she had either been ignoring him or treating him like the scum of the earth within full view and hearing of someone else. He gritted his teeth and shoved the dark emotions that sprang up into a little corner in his mind to deal with later. Healthy suppression, Uncle Hector called it. Put it away and deal with it later when your life isn't at risk. If the mirror creatures wanted to stir up discord, then it was his responsibility to not let them win, to channel his emotions properly and at the right time. Not now.
The house was near impossible to navigate, and Varian growled as they passed a familiar-looking table. "Okay, I know for a fact we've been here. We're going in circles."
"How?" the princess panted. "We couldn't have been."
"It's the house. It's trying to turn us around. It's herding us."
"To where?"
"I don't know. But I'd bet my boots we won't like it."
"Okay." She stopped and turned to face him. "Then we need a plan. What if we tried checking every door?"
"Yeah, and we'd be here till the skies fall." He kept walking.
"Okay, Mr. Strategy, what do you suggest?" She crossed her arms. "Throwing goo bombs at the walls to make them stay in place? Maybe, I don't know, kidnapping Mr. Matthews' mother to blackmail him into showing us the way?"
Varian whirled on her. "That's it!" he snarled. "I've had it with you. You're petty, selfish, cruel, immature, and nearly as unfit to rule a kingdom as your father; and I say nearly, because he knew about the problems and chose not to do anything, and you just couldn't be bothered to find out what was wrong in the first place. So if you want to stand there and make snippy comments, find someone else to listen to you—if you can find them, of course. But some of us are actually interested in getting back to the people who don't treat us like the dirt on the bottom of their pedicured little foot." He turned and started to storm off.
"Can you blame me?" she snapped back. "You attacked my kingdom! You hurt my mom! You've been nothing but a thorn in my side for a year now."
He turned back to her. "Thorn in your side for a year. That's funny. I seem to recall you having nothing to do with me for a month until I forced you to, then we spoke once or twice, and then you left for that year you claim I was a thorn and ignored me. Tell me, princess, did you ever once think about the kid you left behind at the mercy of a tyrant? Did you ever think that maybe leaving the man who hated me in charge of getting me 'help' was a bad idea?"
"Don't talk about my father that way!" She straightened and towered over him, but he didn't flinch.
"If the fancy royal boot fits," he hissed. "But we're getting distracted. The last thing either of us wants is to be trapped with each other for eternity, so we really do need to find a way out of here. So with all due respect, which isn't a lot, I'll admit, grow up."
He turned to go, but her cold voice stopped him in his tracks. "I did think of you once. Just a few months ago. And you know what I remembered? I remembered you were a threat."
He scoffed. "Princess, if you could've seen me a few months ago, I promise you wouldn't have seen me as a threat. Prison does a number on a kid, and I got six months of it I had to recover from. I'm still recovering." He clenched his left arm in a painful grip. "And some things I can't recover from. But you know what? Every time I thought of you for a year, I had two thoughts. Regret, regret for what I'd done, for hurting you, for listening to you and believing your lies. And fear. Fear you'd hurt me or send me back to prison or sway me with more lies and I'd fall down at your feet and beg you to let me be your footstool." He gave her a pointed glare. "But I'm not afraid anymore. I see you for what you are. A coward who hides behind magic hair and yells at children who don't obey her. I see you as someone who would rather shuffle her responsibility onto me and then get mad when I can't bear the burden. I see you as a princess who talks of friendship but who uses and abuses her power to get what she wants. Just because you're the Sundrop doesn't mean you're the sun, and the world doesn't revolve around you. So I'll say it again; grow up."
He repressed a shiver at the sight of the hatred emanating off her features, a hatred he'd only ever seen from her directed at him. "You talk big when Hector's not here for you to hide behind," she hissed.
He scoffed. "Just the fact that I feel the need to hide should tell you everything you need to know."
"Oh, it does. It tells me you can't face the consequences of your actions."
"Then you're even dumber than I thought. It should tell you you're a bigger threat to me than I am to you. What do you expect me to do? I don't have alchemy. I don't even have vision in one eye. If you wanted to hurt me, all I have is a dagger, and that's nothing against your hair." He stepped closer, waving his arms. "So tell me, princess. If you really hate me this much, why haven't you attacked me already? Go ahead. I'm at your mercy, what little there is."
"You want me to hurt you?"
"Why not? You hurting me here is better than sending me back to prison, which is what I know you want to do. Oh, I know why you won't hurt me yourself. Because you don't want to get your own hands dirty. Know how I know?" he stood on his tiptoes to get closer to her face. "Because you're just like your father." She started to interrupt, but he held up his hand. "You'd rather get someone else to do your dirty work. That's why you let Cassandra treat me the way she does, so you don't have to feel guilty."
She shook her head. "That's enough, Varian," she growled. "You don't get to play the victim. After what you did, you have no right to act like you're some innocent little kid who had all this bad stuff happen to him. You started this mess; you don't get to blame me."
He gritted his teeth, disregarding her order and ignoring the bad memories her words brought up. "Is your hair so thick that sound can't get to your ears? I told you I know I did horrible things. Trust me; that's not news to me. You don't think I still get nightmares over what I did? You don't think Uncle Hector has to talk me through panic attacks constantly because I'm drowning in the guilt of my actions? Trust me, princess, there's nothing you can tell me I did wrong that I don't already know." He pointed a finger in her face. "But you don't get to play victim, either. Not after you lied to me. Not after I had to resort to kidnapping and blackmail just to get you to try to keep a promise you never should have made. Not after you used me and threw me aside like a broken vase when I asked for the bare minimum. So I'm sorry if my existence is a bother to you. I'm sorry if it would be easier for you if I just meekly went back to that waking nightmare Uncle Hector pulled me out of. Because as long as I'm alive, I won't set a single foot back in that cell. I'd literally rather die."
A long golden whip struck him, slamming him up against a wall. Then it latched around his foot, yanking him off balance and sending him to his back on the ground. The person on the other end pulled on it, and he slid across the ground before coming to a stop at the feet of a very irate princess who glared down at him in hate.
"You talk too much," she responded.
He stared up at her in shock, looking back over his shoulder to where the other princess stood, the one he'd just been yelling at. She appeared just as shocked as he.
Well. Looks like they'd found her clone.
O‴O‴O‴
He leaped to his feet, dagger drawn, and attacked. Her hair whipped at him, looping around his arms, his chest, his legs, and she dragged him to his knees, plucking the blade from his hand. "That's better," she stated. "You've been a pain."
"Let go!" he snarled, struggling against his bonds.
"Ah, ah, ah," she chided. "Be a good boy and stay where you belong." Her hair tightened around him, and breathing became a chore. He couldn't breathe, and he was tied up, and she was going to hurt him—
He bit his lip and slowed his breathing. He could not panic now. But it wasn't his choice, and his veins throbbed with the pounding of his heart. He wrestled against his bonds, but they grew ever tighter around his struggling form until he couldn't move a muscle. "L-let me go! Please!" Tears started to gather in the corner of his eyes, and he mentally berated himself for his weakness.
A second golden whip flashed through the air, and Varian flinched; this one, however, struck the clone and sent her falling to the ground. Her hair didn't slacken, and Varian's vision was starting to blur—whether from panic or lack of oxygen, he wasn't sure. Maybe both.
"Let him go," the princess growled. Varian was sure now that it was lack of oxygen, because there was no way she was actually defending him.
The clone stood to her feet, her hands still wrapped tightly around her hair, keeping him bound. "Aww, how sweet!" she gushed. "The perfect princess coming to the rescue of her enemy. But what for? He already hates you for using him. He won't let you again. He's nothing to you."
The princess's mouth dropped. "I don't care! I'm not letting you take him."
Her doppelganger nodded. "Right. After all, you do need Hector to keep you alive until you can get to the Dark Kingdom, and that might be hard to do if you let his nephew get kidnapped. But hey, it's not like he's going to let you take the Moonstone anyway, so how about I help you? You let me have the traitor and let my siblings and I kill the knight, and I'll tell you how to get to your friends and get out of here. Deal?"
"No, princess, you can't!" Varian pleaded. The clone whipped a length of her hair around to tie across his mouth, cutting off his words. He jerked painfully as the makeshift gag made breathing that much more difficult.
"What do you want with him?" the princess growled.
"Me? Nothing. I don't care what happens to him. I'll give him to the others to take care of."
"If you don't care about him, why do you want him?"
"Because," the clone answered as she stepped closer to the princess. "I care about you. I want to see you succeed. I want to see you get everything you want, everything you deserve. Your freedom, your friends, your destiny. I'm offering to get you and your friends and the lady warrior out of the house, and I'm offering to remove the two... obstacles keeping you from success. All I want in return is for you to leave all your problems here, never to worry about again. Just forget them. It shouldn't be hard. You left him with a keeper before."
Varian managed to spit the hair out. "She's your worst self! Don't listen to her!"
The clone tightened his bonds, and he gasped in pain. "Worst self? How is anything she's done worse than you, traitor? You tried to murder people!"
"Stop it! You're hurting him!" the princess exclaimed. She whipped her hair again, but the clone dodged.
"Fine," she growled. "Since you won't take my offer, I suppose I have no choice." Her eyes glowed red, and voices started to echo through the hall, the way they had earlier with his clone. Overlapping yelling, screaming, shouting, echoing through the halls and pounding into his brain like fists, ripping inside his mind and dredging up long-buried days of bruises and blood...
"Where is it?!"
"I don't—I don't know, please! D-don't—"
CRACK!
"You can end this. Just tell us where it is!"
"S-she'll come... She's coming, and y-you'll be sor-sorry..."
"Ha! Boy, if she were coming, she'd be here. It's been, what, three weeks? She's not coming. So save us the time and effort and give us the scroll!"
Hands closed around his throat... "If he won't talk, he doesn't need to breathe."
He couldn't breathe, her hair was wrapped around his throat, choking him, his vision faded...
"You're a monster. The princess is innocent, and you had no right to expect her to care about a filthy pauper like you."
"Traitor."
"Murderer."
The cracking of a whip, tearing into his skin.
The hissing and sizzling of a hot iron.
Screaming, so much screaming, they loved it when he screamed, but they said he was bad, so they punished him for it... Tearing from his throat, shredding his voice... Salt from his tears stung the cuts on his face, and he couldn't help the muffled sobs that escaped...
A strangled scream, muffled behind his teeth, clamped onto his lip. Tears breaking past his eyelids and dripping down his face to the floor, some falling on golden hair.
"ENOUGH!"
He forced his gaze over to the princess, who knelt on the ground, hands over her ears in a useless attempt to keep out the tormented sounds, the sounds that had haunted his every waking moment for six months and his nightmares for six months after that. His sounds. His screams. How long had that infernal noise been ringing through the barren halls? A few seconds? Minutes? It felt like six months to him.
"Please!" the princess gasped, looking up at the clone with streaks across her skin from where she'd been crying. "Make it stop! I accept!"
The screaming cut off abruptly, with an air of finality that felt too much like death. The clone pointed to a door, her hair loosening from around Varian's throat enough to allow him to breathe. "You'll find your friends through there," she stated cheerily as if she hadn't just summoned Varian's most torturous moments from the darkness of his sordid past. "After that, it's the third door on the left." She smiled, a kind smile that belied her actions. "You're doing the right thing. Just forget about this. It's what you do best. Go get your destiny."
The princess stood on shaky legs and started for the door. Varian's eyes widened. She was leaving him here at the mercy of this... this thing? "Pr—pri—" His voice refused to cooperate despite the removal of the golden collar.
She turned to look at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I have to go. I don't have a choice."
Varian's heart dropped to his stomach. He should have known better than to expect her to save him. She never had in the past. She didn't care. Maybe Uncle Hector and Aunt Adira would find him in time. Or maybe he could wait until the clone's guard was down, try to attack when she wasn't looking. Either way, he wasn't going down without a fight. He eyed the dagger. If he could reach it...
He'd what? His body felt like anvils had been tied to it. His head still rang with the sound of the agonized screams he'd given during his worst months. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball, go to sleep, and hope Hector would find him soon. But Hector wasn't here. And it was Varian's fault.
He refused to turn his head and watch the princess abandon him. Again. At least this time he wasn't surprised; he knew she'd never stay to help him. He was on his own, the way he'd always been when it came to her—
The clone yelped as the princess's hair wrapped around her ankle, yanking her off her feet the way she'd done with Varian. With a tug, the original dragged her doppelganger across the hall, smacking her in the face with her ever-present frying pan. Then she opened the door, bracing herself against the frame as a fierce suction pulled at them, hauling them towards the door and the endless black void beyond.
What the CRAP was wrong with this house?
Varian came loose from the doppelganger's hair as she lost her balance, his aching body hitting the ground and lighting up with pain like fire. The princess grabbed the dazed clone and tossed her through the door. She reached over to close it, and Varian sighed with relief.
It was short-lived, however, as the double's hair lashed out and wrapped around the princess's waist, yanking her through the door with her.
Varian moved reflexively, crossing the hall at impossible speed and grabbing her wrist. She latched on to him as he held onto the doorframe, the void attempting to pull him in as well. His muscles strained at the exertion, and his fingers clinging to the door grew numb. Her nails dug into his gloves as she hung on for dear life.
The clone, having recovered her senses, growled and started to climb the length of hair towards them. Varian tried to call out to warn the princess, but no sound passed his throat. She noticed, however, and let go with one hand to try to pull the hair away from her waist. When that didn't work, she turned to Varian, her green eyes clouded with fear.
Varian looked around. There had to be something he could do! But he couldn't let go of her. His eyes landed on the dagger, lying uselessly on the ground. Nodding to it, he rasped, "Pr-pri—t-the dag—"
She gasped as she saw his meaning. Grabbing a handful of her own hair, she threw it, letting it wrap around the handle of the dagger and dragging it back towards her. She flung her hair backwards, and the dagger whizzed past them and flew at the clone, who shrieked and dissipated as it struck her.
Without the added weight, Varian pulled on the princess's arm until she could reach the doorframe and pull herself back into the hall. She grabbed the door, and he helped her wrestle it closed. They placed their backs against it and slid to the floor, panting heavily as the ferocious howling of the wind died away.
"Wow!" the princess exclaimed. "That was... interesting."
Varian rolled his eyes. "Wh-wha—" He fell into another coughing spell, hands hovering over his aching throat helplessly. His unwilling companion grabbed his bag and pulled out a canteen of water for him, which he took with a nod of thanks. The cool water soothed his aching, and he sighed. "How d-did you—why did you save me?"
She shrugged. "I wasn't going to let her have you."
"Why not?"
She blinked. "I—what do you mean? You thought I'd leave you for her to hurt or kill?"
"Yes. You did before."
"Varian." Her face fell. "That screaming..."
"Was me. Ba-back then"
She paled. "I was afraid of that. So then... oh." She put a hand to her mouth. "I... the thing she said... about not being able to use you, about leaving you the way I did before..." She put her head in her hands. "That's stuff you were telling me."
"Yeah."
"They... they tortured you."
"Yeah."
"Before you even stole the flower... they beat you."
"Yeah." He rubbed his forehead but didn't interrupt.
"And you... you waited on me to come. And I didn't... I didn't come for you." She shook her head. "Oh. Oh, Varian, I..."
A myriad of expressions crossed her face; confusion, sadness, frustration, anger. Varian pitied her. He'd gone through the exact same thing, unable to admit his own faults and clinging desperately to the idea that she had hurt him so badly that he had no choice. He'd been that way for about a week, languishing in a cell with nothing to do but think. By the time he'd come to terms with what had happened, the king had decided to allow the guards to use him as a canvas to paint their rage and cruelty on, and he'd started to forget that he wasn't the only one at fault.
He leaned his head against the door. "I'm tired. Wake me in a bit?"
"Sure," she murmured. "I'll keep watch." She turned her face away from him, wrapping her arms around herself. Leaving his life in her hands was probably a mistake, but he needed to rest, and she needed time to herself. Maybe after that, they could talk; not peasant to princess, not villain to hero, just the two of them as themselves.
O‴O‴O‴
True to her word, she woke him an hour or two later. Keeping their silence, they wandered along until a staircase led them to the spacious foyer, where Hector, Adira, the animals, and the princess's friends were already waiting. Eugene gasped when he saw them. "Oh, thank goodness! We were about to come looking for you." Ruddiger screeched and leaped into Varian's arms.
"Varian!" Hector ran forward, scooping his nephew into a bear hug. "What the crap, kid! You can't just wander off like that! You scared me half to death." Adira joined them, placing a hand on Varian's shoulder.
"Sorry," he mumbled into his uncle's chest.
"What were you thinking?"
Varian winced. "Sorry. Please don't be mad."
"What?" Hector pulled away to look him in the eyes. "I'm not mad, just worried. Why did you do that?"
He bit his lip. "I... wanted to prove I could do it," he whispered. "That I could be like you."
Hector and Adira shared a concerned look over his head. "Varian," his aunt sighed. "You don't have to be like us. You've been doing this for, what, four months? We've been doing this for nearly four decades. Why do you think you have to be like us?"
He hugged Ruddiger close to his chest. "I wanted to show you I wasn't a liability. That you don't have to... don't have to worry about me getting in the way."
"Ah, kid," Hector grumbled, pulling him back into the hug. "Is this about what that stupid double said? Forget that freak. You're not in my way. And I already told you I ain't leaving you behind. Promise. Ah, crap, I mean—"
"It's okay." Varian hugged him tighter. "I believe you. You always keep your word."
"Ugh, stop. You're making me sentimental." Hector pressed a kiss to the top of Varian's head. "Love you, kiddo."
"Love you, too."
The warrior stepped back. "Now that the mushy junk's out of the way, don't do that again. My fragile heart can only take so much."
"Oh, you have a heart?" Varian taunted.
"Shh. Don't tell anyone. You'll ruin my reputation."
"Aww, is the great Hector a softie?" Adira smirked, leaning an elbow on her brother's shoulder. He grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back. Varian hissed and stepped back. A stricken look overcame Hector's features, and he let go of Adira.
"Sorry," he muttered. "Didn't mean to scare you."
"'S fine," Varian stated much too casually.
"Well, don't know about y'all, but I'm sick of this place. Caravan?" Hector put an arm around Varian and made for the door, the others following. Outside, the rain was cascading in solid sheets. "Crap." A collective groan went up from the assembly behind them.
"We can make it," Varian offered. He yelped as lightning struck the ground right outside the open door. "Or maybe not."
"We can stay the night," Adira offered. "Keep watch to make sure nothing comes up."
They crashed in the middle of the foyer, leaning up against the bearcats. Varian looked around. The others appeared as shaken as he—except for the old man, of course, who snoozed away against the wall. Fitzherbert's hair was in a sad state of disarray, Lance stood off by himself fiddling with a length of string and biting his lip, and Cassandra leaned against the fireplace at the base of the curving stair, gazing into the flames and... was she crying? The great Cassandra, crying? She happened to glance up, meeting his glance. Just as quickly, she looked away again, but he didn't miss the sight of guilt—horridly familiar guilt—in her eyes.
And the princess, the great Sundrop herself, sat alone on the stairs, sobbing quietly into her hair.
Varian handed Ruddiger to Hector and impetuously approached Fitzherbert. He motioned to the princess. "I-is she okay?"
The brunet shrugged. "Don't know. She wouldn't say anything, just that she needed to be alone. What happened with you two? If you said something to her..." The harsh words lacked venom. What had the man been forced to encounter in himself?
"She had to face her worst self," Varian informed him. "That's what those things were. The reflections of our inner darkness. She... I don't think she took it well."
"That explains a lot," Fitzherbert muttered. "Those mirror monsters... If I never see one again, it'll be too soon. The monsters, not mirrors. Although I think I'll try to avoid magic mirrors from now on." He crossed his arms. "Wait, but Rapunzel doesn't have a dark side."
Varian gave him a level glare. "Doesn't she?" he whispered softly. He turned away from Fitzherbert and noiselessly crossed to the stairs. The princess—his bane, his enemy, the woman he had blackmailed and lied to because he'd felt he had no choice, the woman who had saved him for the first time a few hours earlier—didn't look up as he sat next to her.
"I'm sorry," he began, tapping his fingers nervously on his leg. She gasped and turned to him, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry I lied to you. Sorry I kidnapped your mom. Sorry I committed treason and blackmailed you. Sorry—" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, technically, I'm not sorry for stealing the flower, since I didn't really have any better options at the time, but sorry I got you involved. And I'm sorry I hurt you."
"W-what?" She stared at him like his hair was made of snakes. "You're... you're apologizing to me? I thought you said—"
"I know what I said," he interrupted. "And... I don't care. I don't care if you apologize to me or not. That's not my concern. I'm not responsible for you or what you do. I'm only responsible for my actions. And I owe you an apology. So I don't expect you to ever forgive me, since what I did was horrible, but I just wanted you to know I truly am sorry."
"How can you say that?" She shook her head. "I thought you hated me!"
"I did, for a while. But... I'm tired. I'm so sick and tired of hating. Of dwelling on my past. I just want to move on." He wrapped his arms around himself. "Princess, today I came face to face with the person I wish I'd never become. And... I'll never be able to get rid of him. He's a part of me I can't pretend never existed. But that's not who I am anymore. He's a part of me I had to learn from, but he doesn't define me. I get to choose who I want to be. And I'll do anything I can to keep from ever being him again. So you have every right to be skeptical of me and hold a grudge, since I did hurt you, and I understand if you want me to get what I deserve. But I paid for my actions, and all I want now is to... to let go of my past. I'm burning bridges, and I want to do it right. That's why I can tell you I'm sorry."
To his surprise, her tears started falling faster. "Why did you save me?" she whispered. "With my double. You could have let her have me, but you caught me instead. You didn't have to do that. You don't want me going to the Dark Kingdom. You don't want me dealing with the Moonstone. If you'd let me go, no one would have known. You could have told everyone else she killed me." Her emerald-green eyes stared into his, but he couldn't help but notice the way she glanced to his right and then quickly looked away.
"That's not me. Not anymore." He gave a sad smile. "Your mom showed me mercy. She saved my life. If she'd told anyone what she saw, I might not have made it out of Corona. After everything I did to her, after nearly killing her, she still chose to let me go. And I can never repay her for that. The least I can do is make sure her daughter makes it out of this stupid house alive." He nudged her arm with his elbow. "So do me a favor and don't do anything to get yourself killed, 'kay?"
He'd hoped for a laugh, maybe just a smile, even. But no, all she did was cry harder. "How can you even stand to be around me?" she choked out. "After everything I did to you! I abandoned you, broke my promise, led an army to your house, let you get arrested, and I didn't even check to make sure my dad wasn't going to have you executed or anything! I didn't even make sure he gave you a trial! And even now, I've been nothing but... but a spoiled brat this whole time! The things I said, and letting Cassandra drag you around, and—and my clone was right! All I've ever done is use you and treat you horribly, and Varian, I'm so sorry!" She buried her face in her hands. "I'm so, so sorry! I have so much to apologize for, and we'd be here all night, but if you want to hear it all, I'll say it, because I'm sorry for all of it!"
"D-don't do that," he mumbled awkwardly. "I believe you."
She stared up at him again. "Why won't you yell at me or something? Be mad at me! I deserve it!"
He laughed. "I asked Uncle Hector the same thing when I told him what I did. I guess it's hard to believe sometimes that we don't have to be who we were. I don't forgive you yet—I don't know if I ever can—but I accept your apology. Thank you. Just... don't make the same mistakes. Learn from what happened."
She nodded. "I'm an idiot," she sighed, rubbing her eyes. "This whole time, I was so certain that you were the same kid I knew back then. I wasn't willing to give you the chance to change, much less ask if you actually had."
"I did," he assured her. "Trust me, I knew what I did was wrong. It took me a few days to see it, but I had a lot of free time to think. I wanted to talk to you then, tell you how sorry I was, but when I asked if I could see you, they just told me scum like me had no place in the presence of a princess."
She shrugged. "I left the day after the battle. They didn't tell you?"
"Nah, just let me think you didn't want to see me. Which I'm sure you didn't, but still."
"When did..." She rubbed her arms anxiously. "When did they start... hurting you? After the battle?"
"About a week after my arrest, I think. Why?"
Her eyes traversed the maze of scars on his face and neck. "Six months? They did this to you for six months?"
"Seven, if we count house arrest."
She pulled her hair in front of her face. "I'm a monster," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. Ugh, I'm... I'm just as bad as... as Gothel."
"What?"
She peeked back up at him. "I used you. I didn't care about what happened to you as long as I got what I wanted. I saw you as a means to an end instead of as a person. I blamed you for everything when I did so many horrible things myself. That's stuff she did." She straightened and stared down at her feet. "She'd be proud of who I became."
Varian reached out and took one of her hands as she gasped in surprise. "Princess, believe me when I say I know what you're going through. I felt the same way when I thought I'd never be anything more than the worthless villain they told me I was doomed to be. I'll tell you what I wish I had known then. You don't have to be that person. That's what I've been trying to tell you. We get to choose who we'll be. We may not ever be able to change how people see us or make them forgive us—"
"I do forgive you!" she exclaimed much too quickly.
"Don't say that," he argued. "Don't say it, because I know you don't mean it and you're just saying it to make yourself feel better. You don't forgive me yet, and that's okay, because I don't forgive you yet either. We both need time. Is... is that okay? Can we give each other time?"
She nodded. "I think so, yeah. Does that make us bad people?"
"I think we'd be worse people if we said we forgave each other and we didn't mean it."
"Can we... can we start over? I know we can't forgive and forget, but can we maybe try again? Learn to be someone else? To do it differently this time?" She pulled her hand away. "Sorry. I suppose that's ridiculous—"
He stood, stepping away and facing her. "Hi. I'm Varian."
She laughed tearfully and stood as well. "Hi. I'm Rapunzel."
He'd give her a chance, he decided. He didn't trust her. He didn't even forgive her. But he'd been given a second chance, a chance to turn his life around. Now he would do the same for her, to give her a chance to change. So he would. Not as her subject, not as her friend, even, but he'd do it while standing on his own feet instead of kneeling. "Nice to meet you."
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As always, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Thank you and God bless!