Like I mentioned earlier... one roller-coaster of emotions....
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The diner filled a little as the evening progressed, but every time Jimin made a move to stand to help Min-Woo, the other boy shot him a dark, threatening look that had Jimin sit down again. It almost felt like he really was on an evening out with friends. They ordered some more food, messed around, were loud and didn't care whether it bothered the other customers.
They played several games too, from word games, to drinking games (Jimin and Yoongi keeping to the harmless stuff) to ridiculous games like Cham Cham Cham and Muk Jji Ppa. Several times he found himself almost falling out his chair from laughing so hard and he could have sworn each time, Min-Woo's eyes had widened, like he never thought Jimin could enjoy himself so much.
Half an hour before the diner closed, Jimin insisted on at least helping with the cleaning up. Min-Woo refused. And then Jimin chided him so loudly, the other boy seemed to shrink in on himself.
That was until Jimin had finished his reprimanding, chest heaving and glowering and him.
Min-Woo whistled low under his breath and then winked at Jimin. "Well, well, look who finally grew a pair!" he only said, then bowed low and gestured to the kitchen door in a wide swing.
"After you, my lord!"
The boys, who had been watching the exchange laughed while Jimin rolled his eyes and while walking away he shouted: "You're ridiculous!"
He finished in record time, the kitchen blinking spot-clean as he left for the dining room again. Min-Woo was talking with the boys again and when they said their goodbyes, the boy ruffled his hair one last time and told him to sleep well.
He left the diner with a massive smile which didn't drop while Yoongi drove them back to his house.
They sang along loudly and Jimin had to hold his ears shut when Namjoon joined in in, trying to hit the high notes, but sounding like a dying animal. He really was terrible at singing! But when a rap song came on, Jimin was gaping, then cheering him on as he spit syllable after syllable perfectly. Who knew Namjoon had such a savage side?
When they arrived, they insisted to bring him to the door which Jimin found silly but he still smiled warmly at seeing them care so much.
He was just about to insert the key, thinking of inviting them upstairs, knowing none of them would judge him for how run down it was, when the door swung inward.
"Oh," Jimin let out, staring at Misses Yang in her nightgown.
She looked at him. And then slowly lifted her eyes to the five boys behind him.
All of them smiled, bowed and almost simultaneously let out: "Hello Misses Yang!"
"Oh... Oh my!" the old woman exclaimed, a hand landing over her heart like she was having a heart attack and she leaned into the doorframe like a swooning woman again. He rolled his eyes.
"I'm in heaven. Jimin! You want me to die, don't you? How could you not warn me you were bringing all of he F-squat with you! They are absolutely gorgeous! Have you come to take me to your castles my sweet, handsome princes?"
Jimin groaned while the other's chuckled. Tae had loudly and in great extend told the other's about his little abbreviation, leading to more laughter and Jimin didn't even mind that it was on his extent.
"You live only to embarrass me, don't you?"
"Well, even an old lady like me needs her hobbies."
Jimin shook his head but smiled softly. He did adore that woman, ridiculous and dramatic and all that.
"What are you doing up so late anyway?" he then asked. She was usually asleep by the time he returned from his shifts.
Her smiled fell a little and worry spread in his heart when he saw her swallow uncertainly. Misses Yang was many things, but never uncertain.
"Well," she started and glanced from the boys to Jimin, then let out a little sigh and continued in a low, cautious voice: "Jungkook is here."
The boys sucked in a startled gasp while everything inside Jimin froze.
Jungkook's name echoed through his head like a pebble stone hitting a cave wall.
Jungkook... Jungkook was here....
"I let him into your rooms. He..." she searched for the words and that was reason enough for Jimin to sallow thickly and expect the worst. The wrinkled woman sighed again. "He seemed pretty drunk. But not like 'I'm having a great time' drunk. More like he lay in his bed crying and went to get a bottle to drown his sorrows away. That kind of drunk."
"Great," Namjoon sighed and from the corner of his eyes, he saw the boy rub his head as if it hurt.
A thousand things should be running through his mind right now. Like how to get a drunk boy out of his room. How to deal with the fact that Jungkook had no doubt been drinking because of him. How he could possibly get to sleep tonight. What he could say to make the boys understand why Jungkook had been drinking.
But none of that mattered in the least.
"We should go get him before he falls asleep, if he doesn't already have," Jin let out and stepped forward.
"No."
It was barely more than a whisper but Jin stopped in his tracks. All of them eyed him with wide eyes.
And then, with more conviction than he felt, he added: "I can handle Jungkook. You guys should go home and get some sleep."
Silence.
And then Yoongi:" You sure, Jimin? You never had to deal with a drunk person. And especially not a drunk person that is Jungkook."
"Yeah," Hoseok added, scratching his head with an anxious expression. "He can be... a lot."
"I'm gonna be fine."
When they didn't look convinced, he fully turned to them and held their eyes.
"I can handle Jungkook."
It was Namjoon again, who nodded first then came forward and held out his palm. "Okay. But give me your phone so I can give you my number. If you need us, we'll be here."
Jimin gulped hard as the emotions he felt earlier rose to the surface again. They really would drop everything to help him out.
With shaking hands, he fished it out of his pocket, not the least bit embarrassed that it was an old model with a cracked screen and handed it to him. Namjoon made quick work of typing in several numbers while Jimin stood there with a tapping foot. He was nervous. And Anxious. And absolutely had to go up there and see Jungkook. His own fears didn't matter. He had to make sure the other boy was all right.
"Here you go. You can call any of us at any time, Okay?"
He nodded, taking his phone back but Namjoon didn't immediately leave, still looking worried.
He was about to repeat himself when the older finally nodded, more to himself it seemed and then turned to walk back to where the other's stood. None of them looked happy to leave, but they eventually did.
He didn't even wait until they started the car before he turned on his heels, ignoring Misses Yang and took two steps at a time.
He reached the door, turned the key- and stopped.
He was afraid again. But not because the things from his past.
He was afraid what kind of Jungkook would wait for him behind that door. Would he be angry? Shout at him and call him pathetic and weak to send him away?
Jimin wouldn't blame him. He had been all that and more.
Would he get that glazed look in his face and kiss him until Jimin forgot everything and just wanted him to continue?
He let out a long breath and decided it was little help to stand there and ponder about it. It felt like a world-changing decision as he finally pushed the door inward...
...and was greeted by darkness.
Either Misses Yang had left Jimin alone in the dark, or the boy had turned the light off again. He stepped inside, his steps the only sound as he tried to see something.
A little gasp fled him when he made out the shape of a large body on the edge of his bed, hunched over and his head bend so low that his black hair covered all of his face.
Jimin would have guessed he was a statue if not for the slow heave and fall of his chest.
He closed the door with a silent click, put the keys on the counter, then took off his shoes and came over to him on silent steps.
Jungkook said nothing. He didn't even raise his head or made any other sign he had heard Jimin.
The bed creaked as he sat next to him.
His heart hurt. Hurt more than he thought it could after it had been so thoroughly broken.
But seeing him like this... so defeated...
"Jungkook," he breathed into the silent, dark room and finally there was a reaction. It was only a heavy sigh and his head lowering even more, but at least it meant he had heard him.
He sat there, no idea what to do. Should he reach out? Should he say something? But what? What could he say to make him feel better? All he knew was that sitting there and doing nothing wasn't helping Jungkook.
A sniffing sound filled the room and then his heart twisted with absolute horror. Was Jungkook crying?
Before he even had time to think it over, he had grabbed Jungkook's large shoulders and pushed him up, then lifted his chin with trembling hands, the way he had so many times now.
And what he saw-
"No.. no, please don't cry Jungkook-ie. Please."
Though his eyes were a little unfocused and his cheeks red, his expression looked devastated, tears soaking his lovely face and he must have been crying for a while if his puffy eyes were any indication. Jimin couldn't bare it. Not one second longer. A ruck went through his body as he fell forward around his neck, his legs coming around his lap and straddling him, much like he had the other day, but for a completely different reason.
And then, in the silence of the night, he hugged him closely to his chest, burying his head in his hair and his arms tightly locked around his back.
"Please don't cry Jungkook." he repeated, letting his fingers slips into the softness of the hair at his nape, trying to comfort him with slow, circling touches.
"Jimin," Jungkook shuddered out and it trembled through his whole body while Jimin clung to him.
He felt strong arms come around his back, a sigh against his shoulder where Jungkook's head rested and he was hugged back, Jungkook's body shaking as he did so.
They sat like that for a long time, the only sound their breathing.
"I shouldn't have come." Jungkook finally mumbled out, his words a little slurred but he still held on to Jimin's body.
"I.. I think I'm a little drunk."
He said it like it was something he just realized and Jimin slowly pulled away.
His hands slipped away from his neck and to his strong jaw, his hands tiny against his face as he held him in place so Jimin could look at him.
The taller stared back, lips parted and cheeks still red.
"You think?" Jimin asked with a little smile he only faked for Jungkook's sake. He had stopped crying, but still looked heartbrokenly sad.
"Hmm," he mumbled in agreement. "I found those Soju bottles in my fridge. And I thought they might help me forget you."
His eyes unfocused, his expression seemingly far away before refocusing on him, a frown replacing the sadness.
"I don't think it helped. You're still here..."
"Actually, you're at my place," he replied, his thumbs stroking gently over his cheeks, wishing he had never cause the tears running over them.
"I am? Oh... yeah. I just started walking I think.. "
Jimin's eyes widened. He had walked all this way here? He didn't know where Jungkook lived exactly, but he doubted it was that far away from Jin's. It must have taken hours. And in his state... so much could have happened.
"Are you insane!? What if something had happened to you? Don't ever do that again!"
Jungkook smiled, his eyes disappearing and the dimples showing.
God, he looked cute when he was drunk-smiling. His heart gave a thumb and his expression softened.
"Are you chiding me? That totally turns me on. Actually," he said in a chuckle, his eyes opening the slightest bit. "Everything you do turns me on. That guy, uh.. Min-something. Min-Woo? Yes. Min-Woo. He said you were an angle. But he's wrong. So veeery wrong. You're the devil Jimin. You are a little, very nasty, very sexy, little devil."
Jimin choked, both because Jungkook still looked cute, but also because his words were anything but.
"I knew that from the first day I saw you."
Jimin was almost too afraid to ask but unbale not to do so.
"And when was that?"
"Well," Jungkook slurred and a far away expression crossed his features, like he was caught up in a dream or a memory.
"I actually saw you through the lens of my camera for the first time. To this day, it's my favorite picture of you. So cute in that purple shirt..."
"Your camera? You took a picture of me?" Since meeting Jungkook, he had barely seen the younger take photos.
Jungkook snorted, then chuckled, his eyes opening fully as he shot him another drunk smile.
"I took like a million. Why do you think I always have my camera with me?"
Jimin sat very, very still in his lap. He was sure Jungkook had to be exaggerating but still... the thought that he had secretly made photos of him was both a little disturbing but also very flattering at the same time.
"So when exactly did you take that first one?"
"Enrollment day!" He shot out like a canon ball, like he didn't even have to think about it. It was Jimin's turn to snort.
"I doubt that. Enrollment day is in two weeks, Jungkook. You couldn't-"
He grew quiet as he took in Jungkook's wide grin and the little nose scrunch.
"Wait... are you talking about last years enrollment day?"
But... that would mean Jungkook had been aware of him for over a year. Impossible. That would make absolutely no sense!
He was almost relieved when Jungkook started shaking his head violently.
But then:
"No, stupid! I mean YOUR enrollment day two years ago, of course."
Shock slithered down his spine, his body going rigid. Two years... No way. Jungkook was drunk! He was saying ridiculous things that couldn't be true.
"Mhh, definitely enrolment day. And you know what my first thought was when I saw you in that crowd of wanna-be dancers and bored faculty members?"
Jimin's breath caught. He couldn't be serious. He just couldn't.
Even though it had been a question, Jungkook didn't wait for an answer as he continued. His eyes had opened fully and the smile fell from his lips. For a moment he looked stone cold sober and serious. Jimin's lips parted in surprise, unable to stop him from sayin his next words or look away from his intense gaze.
"I thought my camera had never been able to capture anything more beautiful. I was sitting outside with the boys for lunch when we saw the freshmen's being led over the ground. Jin was making a joke, I think. I was trying to photograph the bark of a tree for an assignment, trying to catch the right lighting and then got curious about that group and zoomed in on it instead. And there you were. So small. So shy, not saying anything and standing at the very back, playing with your hands like you were nervous and insecure.
But you're eyes.. they were glowing with excitement and wonder as you looked at the university- at the group of dancers practicing outside. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had even seen. And the saddest. And I knew in that moment that the world is a terrible place for making someone so lovely so sad."
Jimin hadn't been breathing the entire time he'd spoken. He remembered that day. He'd been beyond terrified of having to go out and meet strangers. He'd felt like everyone who looked at him saw right through him and saw the splinters that were left of his heart. Knew he had not a penny on his hand and the clothes he wore were the only thing he had taken with him as he ran away from home in blinding pain.
And yet the University had taken his breath away. All those people following their dreams. All the possibilities. The massive dance rooms, the stages, the professors who had danced in front of thousands.
And Jungkook- Jungkook had known him since that day?
"B-but... If that's true.. why did you never talk to me?"
It was a valid question, and the only one his jumbled mind could think of.
Jungkook's expression turned somber once more, his eyes shining with bitterness and heaviness.
"I wanted to. But.. the more pictures I took... the more I watched you-" he let out a frustrated sigh, dropping his head forward to lean against his chest, muffling his next words against his shirt.
"I was scared. I saw the way you pushed everyone away who tried to start a conversation with you. Saw how uncomfortable you were when people approached you. I didn't want to be one of them. And you inspired me. I woke up everyday, excited to see you again. To sneak photo's of you- and yes, I know that sounds creepy and stalker-ish, but I couldn't help myself. You're just so damn beautiful. And you were so in your own world all the time, you never looked. Never noticing the things happening around you. It made it easier for me but also harder to build up the courage to talk to you. I was afraid the moment I did, you would notice me looking at you. You would see how I couldn't stay away and then I would never get to capture the way you act when you think no one is watching you. You hum under your breath when you listen to songs. When you read, everything happening in the story is mirrored on your face. A small smile when it's funny or heartwarming. A sad tilt of your lips when it's sad. A scrunch of your nose when you're disgusted. You love to look out the window and watch the birds, almost like you wish you could be as free as them and fly wherever you want. You hate seeing people fight, your lips parting like you want to say something so they stop and your hand twitching like you want to interfere when it gets too heated, yet you never do. You get angry when you see injustice. You're ambitious, but you're not the jealous type, always slightly smiling when someone who deserves it gets praised. I thought it would be enough to just watch you. At least I had you in my life somehow. But then I went to that performance. I saw you dance. And Jimin.... I'd been wrong. There was something more beautiful. Something not even my camera could capture. And I knew I had to at least try. And then there was that day where you walked in front of that car. You were so in your own world again, you didn't even hear me call out a warning. I'd never been so scared in my life. And I was angry at you for not being careful, that's why I yelled at you. And then the most amazing thing happened. You looked at me. You didn't lower your eyes. Well, not until Jin and the other's showed up. But I had hope. Hope you might eventually open up to me. And I knew I couldn't go back to just watching you. I've been incapable of doing so since the moment you said your first words to me."
He was glad Jungkook had lowered his head to his chest, because there were tears running down his face. All this time... all this time he thought no one cared about him and no one ever saw him, Jungkook had been right there. He'd never been alone. Not really. He'd just never looked.
"This is why this is so fucking unfair," the younger continued, unaware of the rush of emotions slowly overwhelming him.
"I finally have you looking at me. I can finally talk to you and hear you're laughing, opening up to us. I finally get to kiss you, touch you, hold you and it's still not enough for me. I need it all, but I know you can't give me that. I don't know what to do. I don't know what YOU are doing to me. Look at me... I'm a mess."
Oh, this was hilarious. Jungkook was a mess?? Then what was he? Because the things he just said...they ripped open wounds he wanted to forget. A past he had not spoken of since the day he left it all behind. But for the first time, his fear mixed with hope. Maybe it was time. Maybe running away had not been the solution and shoving it all into a box and locking it away had proven nothing but fruitless. It had kept him from making friends and enjoy his life outside of dance.
And this boy in his arm- this drunk, mumbling boy really had no idea what he was doing to HIM.
Because he decided to break the promise he made to himself. No more hiding and cowering from the world.
He would try.
Try to be less afraid. Try trusting someone again. Try opening up to him more. Try to be brave enough to love again.
For Jungkook, but also for himself, because he deserved it.
Being so lost in his head and making this life-changing decision for himself, he hadn't notice how quiet Jungkook had been for the last minutes, his breathing calm and his arms still around Jimin in a hug.
"Jungkook?"
He only got a small, tired mumble back in reply.
And despite it all- despite Jungkook's confession and his fears and worries, he chuckled.
Slowly, he tried to ease of Jungkook, planning to make him lay down on the bed to sleep off his drunken state while he would find a blanket and sleep on the floor. But he hadn't as much as lifted one leg before Jungkook moved.
A small shout of surprise shot out of him as the younger grabbed his waist, let himself drop back on the bed, taking Jimin down with him.
He landed on the mattress with a huff and a second later, he felt a warm body drape around him, Jungkook pulling him close as he nestled his head in his favorite spot on his neck, his eyes closed and a sigh of utter relaxation leaving him.
"I know I can't have you Jimin, but can you just let me stay like this for now? Please don't ask me to leave again. I don't think I can."
And maybe it was the way the other boy looked half asleep, eyes closed with his messy, black hair falling into his face and his breathing even and calm, but he reached out and gently tugged a strand of his hair behind his ear, his fingers remaining on his cheeks a while longer.
Jungkook looked incredibly young when was asleep and he found it hard to stop staring at him.
"I wont tell you to leave, Jungkookie," he quietly whispered into the silence of the room, stroking over his bottom lip before he closed his eyes too. Jungkook's scent was everywhere in his flat, relaxing him as much as the sound of his even breathing against his neck was. He let his hand come to a rest on top of Jungkook's right chest, feeling the soft heartbeat beneath and let out a small, content breath.
Sleep was usually hard to find for Jimin, tossing and turning even when he was physically exhausted, but not today.
With Jungkook's body engulfing him, making him feel safe and comforted, sleep seemed to sweep over him in a heartbeat.
He didn't know whether it was already in his dream or whether he said it aloud, but the last thing he remembered was his own, soft voice whispering: "I never wanted you to leave at all."
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