I felt an hollow in my chest, a hollow that no person could fill, no one's love or affection, the light I was once, was now turned to ashes as it died along with my mom.
My father's reaction was, like expected, heartbreaking, although he tried to be strong for me, he cried as well for the lost of the love of his life, while I was burried in his arms.
From my mother's funeral, I remember almost nothing, the pain was so much that deleted the all day away, maybe it was better this way, I didn't saw who came, or what happened, my mind was always in the flashes of my own mother dying in my bare arms, and I did nothing.
My father keeps telling me if I'm sure about going back to Hogwarts still with mother's so recent death, and all the time I say I'm sure.
This house holds too many memories, too many pictures, too many moments, I couldn't be better here where I face a pic of my mother every five minutes, and don't puts me thinking if there was something I could do.
But she knew, she knew all along.
She knew since summer that she would...that his would happen, now everything makes sense, everything I heard behind closed doors.
I told her I would keep smiling no matter what, but now that seemed no longer possible, because like everyone says.
My smile is like my mother's...
I'm a print of her, everytime I would look at the mirror, I would saw her, everytime I would smile, I would be her...
I felt the light I was once, now vanished in the deep ends of the painful darkness, left to die in despair and madness...
He tries to be strong, but everytime I walk near his room, I hear a sob, and I understand, he just lost the love of his life, and I have lost a mother to the age of fifteen, I understood his pain.
Didn't only my mother died that day, half of me died along with her.
I don't leave my room in any circumstance, there were too many flashes from her, too many paintings, and I couldn't bare to look at them without feeling my heart shatter in pieces like thin ice.
I always drink everything a Dreamless Sleep Potion at night, so like that my mother's flashes from her dying in my arms didn't appeared in my mind.
Although, I also take a Draught of Peace for the nerves, I feel this cold and dark feeling hunting me down like some frail prey - which at this very moment I was.
Draco sends me letters every day, I read all of them, but didn't replied, I wasn't capable to describe how I feel thought a miserable piece of old parchment, but, I was glad he kept delivering letters to me daily, I try to do what he says, give a small step bit by bit, until I reached the top of my mountain again.
But this time, the mountain had obstacles that I didn't knew how to pass throught them, and this is just the beginning.
The days grew shorter and seemed to pass too quickly, not that I cared, most of my day I was either sleeping, or embracing my knees and crying against my pillow.
I had everything packed already, I didn't wanted to let my father here alone, but he said he doesn't want me to stay just because of him, and he has friends so he would be fine, so I hope I'm making the best choice about going to Hogwarts.
As soon as I stepped inside the train, I felt Charlotte running into me, and hugging me tightly.
"Lara, my dear, I didn't expected you to come." Charlotte said softly, after pulling away.
"I can't stay in that house, there are too much memories." I said calmly, and pulled Charlotte into a empty cabin.
"I understand..." She said as we both sat down, and closed the door. "But what about your father?" She asked softly.
"He said it's fine, but I understand him, if I stayed, everytime he would look at me, he would see my mother." I said, dropping my gaze to the floor.
The trip was quiet, despite the big urge that I had to cry in Charlotte's arms, but at the same time, I wouldn't cry in a train where everybody can hear it.
When the train arrived, Charlotte never left my side, although my gaze was looking everywhere for Draco, but, there was too much people, too much crowd, I couldn't see him, he's the person I need the most now, but I could barely move along the crowd, and even worst to try to look for him.
We didn't had dinner at the Great Hall, I have had enough crowd for a day, and now I needed to rest, so I went with Charlotte towards our dorm, which I intend to stay there.
Most of time, I was layed in my bed, telling Charlotte how my mother was in the few days before she...past away.
And then, I cried, of course, I already holded myself for the whole trip, it was completely normal that I would cry now.
But she was always there for me, with her arms wrapped around me, as I cried and sobbed.
Someone knocked at our door, and I quickly stood up from my bed, and opened the door, it wasn't Draco, but Matthew.
We stared at each other for a few moments, and then he hugged me tightly, as I hugged him as well.
"Lara...I'm so so so sorry, I'm the worst person ever." Matthew said nervously. "I was speechless when I heard what happened, and I felt so bad, Merlin I'm so so sorry."
"Don't worry, it wasn't your fault." I said softly, as tears escaped my eyes.
"Please, I promise I will never leave you again, and I get it if you don't forgive me, I knew about your mother being ill, and still...Oh my god I'm the worst friend ever." He said while hugging me tightly, I could tell he was indeed, very sorry.
"No your not, you didn't knew, nobody knew, what it matters is that you're here now." I said softly, and pullef away from him.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Matthew asked softly.
"No, I speak with you better in the morning, I need to rest now." I said softly, wipping away the tears accumulated in my face.
"Are you sure?" He asked concerned.
"Yeah, don't worry." I said softly, and he hugged me one last time, before stepping away into the dark hallway.
The night arrived right before my eyes, which means I would be able to find Draco now, he would be at the Astronomy Tower, he was the person I really needed now, with all his letters inside my pocket, as sometimes in the train, I would pick one and read it.
I looked over at Charlotte, and she sent me a thin smile, telling me like that, I should go, and so I did.
I never ranned so fast in my life as I went to the Astronomy Tower, already with tears accumulated in my eyes, as I climbed the stairs all the way up.
I found him, standing, pacing side to side, waiting for my arrival, and as soon as his gaze stopped at me, I ranned into him, wrapping my arms around his torso, as I sobbed into his chest.
His body was so warm, his chin, was slightly on top of my head, his big and long hands, were holding me for dear life, as I cried my eyes out.
"She-She's gone...she's gone, Draco." I said while intensely sobbing into his chest, I wanted to scream, I wanted to let it all out, his presence makes me feel like that, like to give a shit about the world, and let it all out.
"I know...It's okay, Blackwell, everything is going to be okay." He said softly, as he gently stroked my hair.
But it wasn't being okay, I felt my body shaking, and my head starting to feel dizzy, I couldn't stop crying, and couldn't stop the intense shaking as well.
"I-I don't feel so good..." I said with my voice terrible shaking pulling away from Draco's tight hug.
"Come here..." He grabbed my shaking hand carefully, and sat us in the Astronomy Tower like he used to, and he layed my head into his shoulder. "Just look at the stars okay..." He said softly, and I did as he told.
Draco was grabbing both my hands, trying to stop the shaking, but it wouldn't stop.
"Draco, she-she's not coming back, she, she-" I cut myself off with more sobbing, at this point I was struggling now.
"Blackwell calm down, please." He said pulling my body against him. "She will always be with you, look...she's a star now, she's watching you, don't let her see you like this..." Draco said softly, as he massaged the muscles of my shaking hand, trying to calm me down.
"There was too-too much memories there, too much-" I sobbed intensely.
"It's okay, Blackwell, you're here now, you're with me, please calm down, everything is going to be okay." He said softly.
I tried to do as he told, I tried to calm me down, and so I looked at the stars, the stars that once made me feel like the whole world shot down, that nothing mattered anymore, that usually made my problems vanish away.
The stars, the shinning and dazzling stars, in a dark and somber sky, never stopping to do so, I wonder how they do it, keep the light inside them even though they rested among a endless darkness, and still being the thing that most captured our attention.
Because now, no light rested in me, I felt it die away long ago, there was nothing left in my but a deep hollow, a numbness, I felt the pain and suffering swallowing me, as my mother's memories hunted me down, I was a too fragile prey.
Because the more you shine, the more quickly you waste your light.
"Draco..." I said softly, my body was starting to stop shaking, and I was beginning to come back to normal.
"Yes?" He said, turning his angel gaze to me.
"I wish I could go back to when we were eleven years, when we were just children, completely clueless, without these teenagers problems, breakdowns, anxiety, girlfriends and boyfriends, I wanna go back to when we were happy." I said softly, as my gaze kept focusing on the sky.
"You...you're not happy now?" Draco asked.
"Just look at how my life is, I lost friendships, I lost the only person that ever believed me, I want all that back, I want everything like before." I said, as I slowly stopped my sobbing.
"Everything?" Draco asked softly, but his tone told a different story.
"Well...not exactly everything, I don't want to change the day I have found this beautiful place with you on it as well...that I will keep for the rest of my life." I said softly.
His hot breath was hitting my head softly, as he turned around to see the stars with me, and his head fell to the top of mine.
"Draco can I ask you something?" I asked softly.
"Yeah of course ask away." He said.
"Don't leave me, please." I said softly, as I locked my gaze with his angelic eyes, I don't know what made me ask this, I just know I did.
"The moon promised the sun to shine on his absence, and so I make the same promise to you...I will never leave you, I promise." He said softly, and I could see how honest he was being, I could see through his grey eyes, he meant it, every word.
"Thank you..." I said, turning to watching the stars again, a beautiful painting above my eyes. "How did you know how to calm me down?" I asked softly, as I wiped some tears still in my cheeks.
"Watching the stars for me is like a...escape from reality...I helps me calming down, I thought it would do the same with you." He said softly.
"Thank you, Draco." I said softly.
I felt his warm hand softly come to cup my cheek, touching my cold skin, full of dry tears, and we stayed like that, watching the stars.
It's astonishing how simple things, like a night sky, can make our whole world and our problems vanish away, and being with Draco just made things better, I needed this after all, I needed to let out my emotions, which I did, and he didn't left my side, he stayed with me until the moon faded away in the light of the sun.
Only when the light of the stars and moon was replaced by a bigger and immense light, was when we left the Astronomy Tower, I wasn't tired, I did fall asleep during the night, Draco I don't know, but I hope he isn't tired because of me.