Chapter 33
Later that evening, I found myself standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom, taking in my appearance. I was wearing a black sweatshirt and a pair of light blue jeans. I had also styled my hair up in a quiff because I thought I might as well put a little effort into my looks when I would meet the boys, especially Harry.
Pursing my lips, I turned around to look at my back, deciding that it would have to do. I then went downstairs, noticing that Clifford was lying in his bed on my way to the hallway, his head perking up as I walked by him. "I'll be home soon. I promise, Cliff," I said, sending him a smile before continuing to the hallway.
Once I had shrugged on my red Adidas jacket and my black Vans, I headed outside. Unfortunately, it was raining, so I sprinted to my car and quickly got into my black Audi after locking the front door behind me. I was aware that I would probably drink alcohol tonight, so I would have to leave my car at Liam's place, but I was positive he wouldn't mind.
The drive to his place didn't take too long. It was located pretty close to my and Harry's old house, the one he still lived in, so it only lasted for about twenty minutes. Once I was outside his gate, I punched in the code he had told me when he moved here before parking my car in his driveway.
I wasn't sure if Harry and Niall had taken a cab or if Harry had walked the small distance, but their cars were nowhere to be seen. I could also be the first to arrive, but I was running a bit late, so I was pretty sure that wasn't the case.
Getting out of the car, I jogged over to the front door of Liam's white house, which was almost as big as mine. I rang the bell once before opening the door, not bothering to wait for him to open it for me. "Hello?" I called out once I was inside, taking off my jacket.
A few seconds later, Liam showed up, wearing a white button-up and a pair of black dress pants. His lips twitched as he caught sight of me, and he didn't hesitate to walk over and bring me into a hug, squeezing me tightly against his frame. "It's so nice to see you again, Tommo," he greeted once he had pulled away, his brown eyes twinkling from the lights in the room.
"You too, Liam. How have you been?" I asked, toeing off my Vans. It was then I noticed two other pairs of shoes I was pretty confident weren't Liam's, so Niall and Harry must already be here.
"I've been great, thanks. What about you? How's the show going?" He wondered, looking at me curiously.
Grimacing, I thought of what happened last weekend. "I lost one of the groups last week, but other than that, it's been great. They're all very motivated, which makes it easy to work with them," I explained.
He nodded. "Yeah, I saw that. It's a piss-take that they had to leave, but I'm sure you'll keep the other two groups in the competition for a while. They're amazing, and they were already from the beginning."
"I hope so," I smiled, suddenly hearing a loud bark of laughter coming from the living room. I had heard it so many times in the past that it was easy for me to tell it belonged to Niall. You could never not identify his laugh.
Raising my eyebrows at Liam, I let out a chuckle. "Sounds like someone's having a laugh. How long have they been here?"
A small, knowing smile formed on Liam's lips, probably thinking about the curly-haired one and not the one who had just laughed. "Only for about ten minutes. We're just chatting. It's been a while, yeah?"
"Yeah," I agreed, taking a step further into the house. "Let's join them then."
His living room was located close to the hallway, so we entered the room in a matter of seconds, and my eyes instantly fell on the two figures on the large, grey couch. Niall was sprawled across one part of it, laying on his side and facing us while Harry was sitting up, his elbows on his thighs as he shook his head, probably to something Niall had just said.
The second they noticed us walking in, Harry looked up, his green eyes finding mine. A small smile formed on his pink lips, stretching across his face. He was wearing a red, short-sleeved button-up and a pair of black skinny jeans. It was an outfit I hadn't seen him wear in years, and he looked good. Extremely good, and his beautiful smile only added to it.
"Hey, guys," I greeted, my eyes lingering on Harry's figure. I couldn't make myself look away from him.
"Hi, Tommo," Niall replied, lightening up at my arrival. "Welcome to the party."
It wasn't until then I noticed the beer bottles on the coffee table. There were some shot glasses as well, so I assumed vodka and maybe Jägermeister were in the game too. Aside from the alcohol, Liam had placed a bowl of popcorn on the table, but one-third of it was already gone, and I was positive Niall was the reason behind it.
"Damn, look at that," I chuckled, walking over to sit down between Niall's feet and Harry's tall figure. There was no longer a reason for me to sit on the other side of the couch, and I was not going to miss out on a chance to sit next to Harry if I didn't have to.
Liam sat down on Harry's other side, the spot where the couch changed direction so that he could see all of us. Meanwhile, I reached out to open a beer bottle and bring it to my lips to take a swig of it. I could feel Harry's gaze on me the entire time, so I turned to wiggle my eyebrows at him, which he rolled his eyes at.
Liam noticed our interaction, and the smile that broke out on his face was impossible to miss. "I'm so glad that you all could come tonight. It was a lot of fun in Ibiza, although there were a few complications, so I have a feeling tonight's going to be even better," he said, taking a swig of his own beer.
"Oh, yeah," Niall interposed, reaching out to grab a handful of popcorn. "Now that Harry and Louis aren't fighting anymore, nothing can really go wrong."
I let out a huff. "Thanks a lot, Niall. I appreciate your straightforwardness," I snorted, making him turn to look at me with a wide smile.
"Anytime, Lou."
I rolled my eyes and turned back to Liam, who had a look of amusement on his face. "What Niall means is now that we're all on good terms, the atmosphere is going to be even better between us. Just like old times," he smiled, tilting his head to the side.
Harry pursed his lips, furrowing his brows. "Come on, Liam, we didn't ruin that much. And I'm sorry to say this, but without Zayn, I'm sure it won't really feel like old times," he grimaced.
My heart suddenly felt heavy in my chest, and I had to swallow hard. He was right. Even if we stayed together for ten months after he left, it never felt the same without him, which wasn't hard to believe. He was one of us since the start after all.
After a while of silence, Niall spoke up hesitantly. "Speaking of Zayn, have any of you been in contact with him lately?" He asked, and I could suddenly feel everyone's gazes on me.
"Why are you looking at me?" I muttered, furrowing my brows. "You guys already know we haven't said a word to each other since he left."
Liam let out a sigh. "Because you were the closest to him. Everyone knows that. You'd think after three years you've worked out whatever happened between you, but you haven't," he said, pouting his lips.
I shook my head, my brows still in a frown. "Things can't start working out if neither of us has even tried to contact the other. I'm pretty sure he's still pissed at me for our fight when he left, so I don't see things changing anytime soon."
"You can't know if you haven't tried," Harry pointed out, taking me by surprise. I wasn't expecting him to comment on this since we hadn't spoken about Zayn since before our breakup.
I nodded, averting my gaze to my lap. "True. I just... I'm not a person who likes to deal with stuff like that. I usually wait for the other person to make the first move..." I trailed off, biting my lip.
Liam let out a light chuckle. "Oh, yeah. We already know that," he said, and when I looked up, I could see him glancing at Harry pointedly. Thankfully, Harry didn't notice since he was too busy looking at me.
I turned to meet his green eyes, feeling my features instantly relax and turn into a smile as I saw the sympathetic look on his face. "If you want things to change between you, I'd say you should at least try. He's never been one to hold grudges," he added, making me let out a sigh. He was right again.
"I know. I'll think about it. I mean, it's not like I don't miss him," I mumbled.
"I'm pretty sure we all do," Niall said with a sigh, getting up in a sitting position. "But he did what was best for him, and no one should blame him for that, even if he left in the middle of the tour without warning."
That was pretty much what our fight had been about, other than the fact that he was actually leaving us. He was my best friend, the one person I had trusted the most besides Harry and my family, yet he went behind my back and just left without a single word. It hurt, and I was sad and disappointed at the time, but Niall was right. No one should blame him for wanting to leave for the sake of his health, and I was over what happened a long time ago now.
Harry nodded his head. "It wasn't the best way to leave, but I feel like I'm speaking for us all when I say that we've put that behind us. I haven't talked to him since he left either, but I wouldn't mind doing it if we crossed paths. We share a lot of memories with him after all."
We all nodded, falling into silence. That was until Liam's lips twitched, and a burst of laughter escaped his mouth, making us all look at him in confusion. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "All this just made me think of that time when he and Louis pranked us with Nickelodeon, and you fell for it so badly, Harry. You refused to leave the pregnant woman's side," he laughed while looking at Harry.
The curly-haired man's lips formed a pout as Niall burst into laughter as well, and I couldn't blame them. I remembered how much fun it had been to prank them at the time, especially Harry, since he was too much of a gentleman not to help the best he could in a situation like that. Therefore, I couldn't stop my lips from twitching as well.
"Shut up, Liam," he huffed. "It wasn't even that funny. Besides, it was years ago."
Liam raised his hands in surrender, his laughter dying out. "Sorry, H. But it was kinda funny, though."
Harry just shot him a playful glare before reaching out to grab his beer. Niall, on the other hand, hadn't finished laughing and was now clutching his stomach. "It's not even the most awkward thing you've done. Do you remember that awful fall you did on stage? Like, it was so bad that Ellen had it on repeat," he laughed, and I couldn't hide the smile that was taking over my features anymore.
Harry let out a loud groan, running his hands over his face. "Guys, stop mocking me. You've done plenty of awkward things as well," he reminded us, taking a swig of his beer. "You literally ran right into a sign while we were doing an interview, Niall. Do you remember that?"
Niall didn't stop laughing as he nodded. "Of course. That was hilarious. I have no idea what I was thinking if I'm honest. Wonder what I had consumed that day."
I shook my head in amusement, remembering how I had lost my train of thought while looking at Harry and then had to point at the camera to tear his eyes away from me in that same interview. It was beside the point, but it was a memory that still lived in my mind.
"Well, if we're talking about awkward moments, shouldn't we bring up all the times Harry and Louis practically made everything awkward? Like the interview when we were in the Go-cart arena, for instance? You were asked about who's in front and who's behind when you play Mario, not when it comes to your sex life, Jesus Christ," Liam laughed, and Niall instantly joined him.
I could feel my cheeks heat up, remembering that interview like it was yesterday. I wouldn't mind talking about it if it weren't for the fact that Harry was sitting right next to me, and we clearly weren't ready to speak about it yet. If ever.
I could see Harry shift in his seat through the corner of my eye, and I could tell he was having similar thoughts to mine.
"Oh, and what about when we were all late to that interview in Germany just because they were having sex in the dressing room? As if it wasn't already obvious that Louis was a sweaty mess, Harry started talking about losing his trousers while Liam talked about his curls. I mean, how could people not realize what had been going on?" Niall continued, and I was sure I was bright red by now.
"Niall, we're sitting right here," I reminded him, raising my eyebrows at him pointedly.
He raised his hands, still chuckling. "I'm sorry, guys. It was hilarious, though. I miss those days a lot. We didn't go a day without laughing at something."
Liam nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and it was mostly thanks to Tommo. He was an expert at causing trouble," he smiled, turning his gaze to look at me.
I could feel my lips curl at his compliment. "Thanks, Payno. I tried my best," I teased.
Through the corner of my eye, I could see Harry intertwining his fingers on his lap. "Can we stop talking about awkward situations now and bring up good ones instead?" He inquired, making it obvious he didn't appreciate the topic Niall and Liam had been talking about either.
Niall brightened up at his words, not seeming to take the words to heart. "Of course. My favorite memory is probably our concert in Milan, the one that was recorded. It was just mindblowing to see when they used those colored papers to create what they did. I felt like we had really succeeded then, that we had accomplished something huge."
"Oh, yeah, definitely," Liam agreed. "It's one of my favorite memories as well, although I can't put anything above the day we were told we were through to the live shows. Since I never made it through Judges' houses the first time I auditioned, it's always been a special moment for me," he explained.
"Mine's probably the day we released 'What Makes You Beautiful'," Harry said, his lips curling. "That was when I realized we were actually about to become something big. I've probably never felt as high on life as I did that day."
It was one of my favorite moments as well because, as he said, that was when we started realizing that we weren't just going to be forgotten by everyone, but rather the opposite. "What about when we were put together in the band?" I questioned, flicking my gaze between all of them until I stopped at Harry. "Neither of us would be where we are today if it weren't for that moment."
Harry sent me a smile. "True. I guess it's everyone's favorite moment if you think about it since none of the other moments would exist if it weren't for it. And there are even more great situations than the ones we've brought up now. Sometimes I have a hard time believing that we achieved all the things we did together. It's just mindblowing," he said in awe, the smile growing more prominent on his face.
"Yeah, it definitely is," Niall agreed. "I find myself thinking about it too sometimes, and it makes me want to go back in time and relive it all. But above everything else, I'm so proud of what we managed to do together. You're some of the best people I've ever met, and I could never ask to be in a band with anyone else."
I turned to him, an amused smile forming on my lips. "Aw, Niall's going all sappy on us. We love you too, mate," I promised, patting him on the shoulder.
He just rolled his eyes while reaching out to grab another handful of popcorn. "Just telling the truth is all," he shrugged, and when I turned to look at Liam, I could see the adoration on his face. He had always been the father of the group, the one who had basically taken care of us when needed.
"Maybe we should stop this until we all start crying," I chuckled, taking a swig of my beer.
"I don't mind," Liam smiled, but I could tell that he agreed.
Harry and Niall did as well, and we started talking about our present lives instead. This went on for the next couple of hours until it started getting dark outside. No one was ready to leave yet, though, considering we hadn't had this much fun in years. It was like we were back in time, making fun of each other and just having a great laugh together.
But it had been a few hours since I arrived, and I was starting to get desperate to have a smoke, so I got up from my seat and excused myself. After slipping my feet into my Vans and shrugging on my jacket, I exited the house and didn't waste more than a second to reach into the pocket of my jacket for my cigarette pack. I fished up a stick and put it between my lips before lightening it up. I then inhaled a deep puff of smoke, letting it fill my lungs.
After a couple of drags, I leaned down to rest my forearms on the railing of Liam's porch, looking out into the dark night. My head was spinning a bit from the alcohol I had consumed the last few hours, but it was nothing compared to how drunk I was that night at the pub. This was a lot more bearable in comparison.
My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening behind me. I turned around in surprise, feeling my heart pick up its pace at the sight of Harry coming into view, his dark curls looking perfect as he shrugged on his black coat. "It's getting quite cold outside, isn't it?" He commented, making my lips twitch.
Instead of answering his question, I tilted my head to the side. "So, is this becoming a tradition then? That you're following me out when I'm having a smoke?"
A light chuckle escaped his lips as he walked over to stand beside me. "Who knows? Maybe I'm just very interested in trying out myself," he teased, making me roll my eyes.
"I have a strong feeling you only did that to piss me off, though. Everything to make me not recognize you, right?" I said knowingly, and he had to look away to hide his face since it was most likely giving him away. "That's what I thought."
He turned to look at me then, amusement evident in his features. "Oh, please. I did a great job. You totally believed me."
"As if," I said, rolling my eyes. "I would never think you'd willingly started smoking. You've always hated that I do, so I could never fall for it."
He let out a huff, sticking his hands into the pockets of his coat. "Fine, you win."
"Don't I always?" I grinned, nudging him in the side with my hip playfully.
He just smiled while shaking his head, going silent. I did too, letting myself enjoy the peaceful night and his presence. It was more comfortable than it probably should be, but I enjoyed it. It was one of the first times in years it didn't feel awkward when we were surrounded by silence.
"So, now that we're talking about this... is there anything else I should know that you've done to keep me away from you?" I asked after a while, biting my lip.
He turned to me hesitantly, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "Apart from the obvious, I am pretty sure there's only one thing," he admitted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
Suddenly feeling nervous, I swallowed. "Which is...?"
He averted his gaze, fiddling with the rings on his fingers. "I may have tried to date Leah because of it?" He said. It almost came out as a question instead of a statement.
My mouth formed the shape of an 'o' as my jaw dropped. Did he just admit that he had agreed to go on a date with Leah just to keep me at a distance?
"Can you explain yourself further?" I asked, feeling a lump form in my throat.
He let out a sigh, running a hand through his dark curls. "It's selfish, stupid and heartless. I just... I just thought that since you started showing signs of wanting to talk to me, it would be easier to handle it if I was dating her because then you would stay away."
I stared at him for a long time, my mouth still agape. "Oh, God," I breathed. "I can't believe you did all that just to... Fuck, Harry, you should have just told me that you didn't want me to get close. I would have understood. I would never do anything you're uncomfortable with," I repeated from the other day.
"I know," he mumbled, looking down in shame. "I just... I didn't know what to do, and it felt like the easiest way out because talking to you wasn't really an option, but I kind of wanted things to work out between me and Leah too. It's just... I couldn't do it, which I should have known after my other failed attempts. I just thought it might be different."
Closing my eyes, I took one last drag of my cigarette before putting it out. "I understand," I mumbled, feeling my heart clench. "Do you still feel the need to, you know, do stuff like that... to keep me away?" I asked hesitantly, looking up at him.
He furrowed his brows, shaking his head. "No," he said. "I thought it was obvious after what I told you on Tuesday. When you started avoiding me, I realized that the part that wants to be around you overweighs the one that doesn't. So not talking to you isn't an option anymore. I want us to get closer, and I want to be able to trust you again, just like I told you that time in the dressing room."
I pursed my lips, averting my gaze again. "Yeah, you said that, yet you started acting weird only a day after it took place, so I thought you were backing out on everything, and that's why I started avoiding you because I thought it was what you wanted. I just... I just want you to be completely sure this is what you want so that I won't be greeted with a big surprise in a few days," I explained.
He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I only acted that way because I was pissed at myself for not being able to date Leah, and it felt like you suddenly knew too much due to that phone call. I didn't want things to go too fast, but when you started avoiding me, I realized that I'd rather we talk about things I'm uncomfortable with than having you not talk to me at all," he admitted, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip.
I shook my head, a frown forming on my lips. "Please don't say that," I whispered, feeling my heart ache in my chest. "I'd never want to put you in a situation you're uncomfortable with. I should have known by the way you got distant when we were on the phone and the way you mentioned that you didn't want to talk to me about it."
His lips curled sadly as he shook his head. "It's okay. I was being stupid anyway. I just didn't want you to find out why I tried to date her, and uh... yeah, but I should have handled the situation better," he mumbled, an apologetic look making its way to his features.
I sent him a sad smile in return. "At least I know now. I promise I will try my best not to make you uncomfortable again, but if I do, just tell me, okay? I understand that this is difficult for you, and I've already agreed that we should take things slow. I want you to be able to trust me again, probably more than you do, and maybe that's why I'm so eager to make things better between us. But just talk to me if it ever happens again, alright? I don't want you to feel like you have to distance yourself and act like someone you're not because of me," I pleaded, my eyes filled with sincerity.
His features turned soft as he nodded. "I promise, Lou," he said, his left dimple appearing as his lips curled.
"Good," I smiled, studying his beautiful features. I still couldn't believe that this man had once told me that he loved me, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. It was hard to believe that someone so lovely inside and out had wanted to be with me like that. Yet, I let go of him, and I was starting to wonder if I would ever get the chance to make things right again.
"We should probably head inside, yeah?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder.
"Yeah," I agreed reluctantly, wanting to stay here with him for the rest of the night, and preferably even longer than that.
But I guess I wasn't that lucky.
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Okay, so I know they keep on apologizing to each other, but they need to do it. There are a lot of things they have to talk about, and they have to go through them all to get anywhere. But they're getting there, and they're talking more and more which means they're getting closer. Regardless, the next chapter is going to be happier and a little bit nostalgic.
Apart from that, I hope you liked the chapter! And I want you all to know that I love Zayn. He's always going to be a part of One Direction to me no matter what. See you in the next chapter x
Edited by: butterflies151
Pauline .xx