Didn't expect him back so soon, did you?
But you'll REALLY need him to cleanse your soul for this...
⋙ʝ⋘
"You're freaking out again."
"No I'm not."
"I think you are," Jungkook replied and Jimin looked to the floor to hide his blushing face.
The evening had changed once Jungkook arrived. But not like the younger had feared. And to everyone's surprise, even Jimin's, there had been even more laughing. Jungkook was teased as much as he teased the other's, their relationship with the youngest a perfect mix of adoring and brotherly bantering. Jimin hadn't started stuttering again. At least not until he caught Jungkook's intense stares every once in a while. Okay, perhaps more than that. But if the other's noticed, they didn't comment on it.
The had played some more soccer and Jungkook faced off against Jin, Hoseok and Taehyung and still won. Jimin had sat in the grass and simply allowed himself to admire him for a moment. He rarely had a moment where Jungkook was not looking back at him. He'd noticed the way he smiled a little differently when he joked with his Hyungs and they way he never put his full force into the kicks, like he knew his strength and didn't want to hurt them.
When the sun had completely disappeared and night set in, they had turned up he music, made a little fire and Jin had gotten some beer from the car and they'd just talked, messed around and had fun.
Jungkook had ever so slowly inched closer to Jimin, beginning from sitting across from him to ending with Jimin almost in his lap.
And that, the other's had definitely noticed, even though they still didn't comment. And to his own bewilderment... he hadn't backed away. Maybe he'd even inched closer too, although he was not ready to admit that yet. Or the feeling that sitting so close to Jungkook had somehow made him able to relax him even more.
He felt none of that relaxation now.
It had felt naturally for Jungkook to offer to drive him home. And since he'd come to the lake with his own car, Jimin had little excuse to decline.
And now here they were.
Alone.
In his little attic flat, close to mid-night.
"I'm fine." Jimin defended, then quickly turned around, searching for something- anything to say.
"Y-you want something to drink? I mean.. I only have water, so..."
And he was back to his old, stuttering self. Great!
Jungkook didn't say anything.
"Or... something to eat? T-there was barely anything left when you came. I-I can't cook much but-"
"I'm not hungry," Jungkook whispered and Jimin shivered. That voice...
His breathing quickened only hearing that silky, dark voice.
"At least not for food."
Oh sweet Maria in heaven. He shivered, but still didn't turn, knowing that if he did, he would already be lost.
Only Jungkook's steps were audible in the close-spaced room and then he felt the warmth of his body behind him, wrapping around him and sending his senses into overdrive.
He was a mess! Jungkook wasn't even touching him yet! Yet... and that was the thing making it so much worse. He wanted him too, as much as it scared him. Scared of falling so hard for someone he wouldn't know how to pick himself up after they were gone. Not again.
"Jimin," Jungkook whispered and he felt his breath tickling his neck.
His voice, though low, sounded strained while Jimin didn't move a single muscles. There was only the heavy heaving of his chest as he kept his gaze on the little make-shift kitchen in front of him. He was glad he hadn't turned in the direction of the bed, because he was already close to loosing his friggin mind.
"Jimin," Jungkook repeated and it felt like he had leaned down a little, his voice closer to his ear.
"Tell me you wont freak out if I touch you."
He almost let a little helpless laugh escape him, because Jungkook wasn't even doing anything and he was freaking out already.
There was a deep sigh from the boy behind him.
"Then tell me to leave and I will."
"Don't."
Those were the things that left his mouth when he wasn't thinking. And the things which always got him in situation where he had no fucking idea what to do next. Tell him to stay? Offer him stupid water again?
"Then what do you want me to do?"
"I... I don't know," he finally admitted after a long silence, his voice trembling with too many emotions running through him simultaneously.
Jungkook took half a step closer and the ghost of the touch of his broad chest against his back had him gasp. He was so damn tall!
His lips must be directly below his ear now, his next words a rumble and damn him because he wasn't able to hold in that small second gasp.
"Then let me show you. One word, Jimin. One word from you and I'll stop, I promise."
Oh, Jesus Christ in friggin Heaven! He was hot and cold all over, shivering like he was standing naked in the snow one second and in molten lava the next. This was taking on ridiculous proportions.
"Tell me you understand."
Jimin sucked in a sharp breath then. Because he made the realization that Jungkook really wasn't going to touch him. Not until Jimin gave him verbal permission. And that was probably the thing that shattered all his doubts and fears for a blinding moment.
"I understand," he breathed, nothing more than a whisper in the wind.
"Good," came Junkooks relieved and yet shuddery answer.
"Close your eyes, baby."
Oh...oh holy molly...
"C-close my eyes?" Jimin couldn't help but repeat in his confusion, trying not to totally loose it because Jungkook had used THAT word again.
Jungkook usually wanted him to keep his eyes up and not look away and now he was asking him to do the opposite?
"Yes. Close them. I don't want you to think. Just feel."
When Jimin just kept standing there wide eyed, Jungkook closed that last space and his lips brushed against Jimin's ear.
"Trust me, Jimin-ah. Close your eyes."
And then Jimin did. Not because of his words, but because Jungkook had taken his earlobe between his lips and then sucked, Jimin's mind going blank and his eyes fluttering shut as a surprised hiccup shot out of him.
Jungkook sucked a little harder, then drew away with a plop sound as his ear was released again.
"See? It's not that hard."
And damn him if he didn't sound like one smug bastard.
But Jimin had no time to be mad at him. Jungkook didn't allow him to keep thinking for a second more shattering his thoughts once more as he lowered his head again, this time to his neck.
But the touch of his lips didn't immediately come. Instead he hovered just over the right side of his neck, inches from his skin.
He was bombarded with the memory of how it had felt when Jungkook had kissed them there in the practice room and the shaking of his body was the anticipation to feel it again. Because there had been nothing comparable and he wanted it!
And then that little, devilishly self-satisfied bastard had the audacity to let out a chuckle, the breath on his neck like a thousand little teasing pins, making him shiver again.
"I think that's my favorite thing in the world. To know I don't even have to really touch you and you already want me."
And then he closed that horribly, teasing space and pressed his lips against his tender skin. A shuddery breath- or maybe it already counted as a moan, left him as Jungkook picked up where he had left of in the practice room; kissing him, nipping at his skin and then slightly bit the same spot, wringing out a throaty moan from Jimin once more.
He felt two strong arms come around his waist but he didn't pull him backwards and against that tall, powerful body he wanted to be closer to. Instead, his hands were almost leisurely exploring over his clothed chest and stomach while Jimin still had his eyes closed, unable to do anything but feel, just like Jungkook had told him.
There was little chance for sane thoughts anyway. Especially not when those skillful hands reached the hem of his shirt and he felt it being lifted, cool air already brazing his lower abdomen, then his belly button and then he realized Jungkook was taking his shirt of.
His eyes flew open.
"No. I told you to keep them closed!" Jungkook growled, the command so deep and low, his eyes fluttered shut again on pure instinct.
"Hands up!"
And if there was any proof Jungkook could render him absolutely unable of rational thought, he followed the command without a second of hesitation, raising his arms above his head.
Jungkook pulled up his shirt in one smooth motion and the cold air tickled over his naked skin.
He shuddered but it was not because of the cold.
It was because the second the shirt was over his head, Jungkook immediately nestled his head back into that spot on his neck like he'd laid claim to it and had no intention of ever giving it up.
"Good boy," he murmured against his skin and Jimin felt, rather than saw the smile.
Slowly, with only a feather light touch, he put his hands on Jimin's shoulders, his fingers like hot coal, not only warming the places he touched but setting his entire body on flame.
And when his hands slipped to the front over his collar bone to his chest, Jimin leaned back needing more of him.
He crashed into his chest, his head rolling back and he hadn't expected that that move would only give Jungkook more access to his neck.
And he made use of it, kissing, sucking his skin and letting his teeth graze over afterwards.
And those hands...those bloody, forbidden hands finding their way to his nipples.
A rough moan slipped out of him. He should be embarrassed by how loud it was, but he was beyond that. All he could do was experience the feel of Jungkook playing with the hardened knobs like they were his favorite toys, his thumbs rolling over them, then a little pinch as he pulled at them with his index and middle finger. Jimin was only half aware that he was rubbing against Jungkook's chest, wriggling like he was an animal in a cage.
"I love how sensitive you are there. And those sounds... want me to make it feel even better?"
Better? There was something that could possibly feel better?
And then Jungkook moved.
He had barely time to let out a surprised gasp. His eyes flew open but he only saw a blurry world before Jungkook had turned him, walking him backwards while grabbing his waist hard and then lifted him easily off his feet.
His breath whooshed out of him as Jungkook sat him down on top of the kitchen counter, spread his legs and then stepped between them in a move that looked like he had done it a thousand times. Or maybe imagined it a thousand times. He hoped it was the latter.
With both hands gripping his thighs, Jimin sat there, unable to do anything but stare wide eyed at Jungkook.
The taller's expression looked wild and dark and endless, his lips drawn up in a wicked half-smile.
"What did I tell you, baby?"
What? What did he tell him? Oh...right. He was supposed to keep his eyes closed.
He shut them so quickly, pressing them together tightly, that Jungkook let out a deep rumble of laughter.
"God, you're so unbelievably cute!"
"I'm not! It's just that you are- oh..."
His sentence ended in a moan, then a whimper. He needed a second to even comprehend the reason for the pleasure zapping through his body. The reason his back had arched and his breathing turned ragged.
Something hot and wet had replaced where Jungkook's hands had been not a few seconds ago and oh... there really was something that felt better.
His head fell back and hit the crooked hanging cupboard as he felt the wet lick of Jungkook's tongue over his nipple, then the slight pain of his teeth grazing over them, taking the hardened knob between them and pulling. Weirdly the pain only made it so much more unbearable and Jimin couldn't care less about the moaning mess he became under Jungkook's sweet torture. He changed to his other side and Jimin gripped the counter hard as he continued to become undone. This was too much and not enough.
"Jungkook!" he moaned, his name on Jimin's lips nothing more than a rough breath lazed with the pleasure and the desire for more.
"Yes, baby?" Jungkook answered and he had the weird feeling he was grinning again despite the absolutely indecent place his lips were currently pressed against. Or maybe precisely because of it.
He shot out his tongue again, then sucked so hard, Jimin shuddered all over.
This time he didn't stop the sound of anger leaving him as Jungkook pulled away.
He opened his eyes again, only to find a massive grin on Jungkook's lips. Swollen, glazy lips. Jimin swallowed hard, staring at them.
"You need something from me?" Jungkook asked, feigning innocence. Smug bastard! He knew exactly what Jimin wanted. More!
But the other boy simply kept a tight grip on his thighs and tilted his head to the side in question.
"Well?"
He leaned forward, only stopping mere inches from Jimin's face, his breath tickling his lips and god's have mercy, he shivered again.
"What do you need from me Jimin? Say it, and I'll give it to you."
A thousand things shot into his head all at once. A thousand places he wanted to feel those lips on. But what finally left his mouth was: "I.. I want to t-touch you too."
"You do?" Jungkook asked and this time there was honest surprise in his gaze.
Jimin nodded.
Surprise turned into wonder, wonder into something hot and wild and unstoppable.
Slowly he smiled. Slowly he let go of Jimin's thighs and let his hands come to rest on the rim of his black shirt. And then slowly, he raised it over his head.
Jimin sat there, unable to look away, unable to say or do anything. His mouth turned dry as Jungkook pulled the fabric over his head, his black hair getting messed up a little and then Jimin's breathing ragged for a completely different reason. Jungkook was absolutely, unbelievably beautiful. Undoubtedly the most stunning thing he had ever seen. With only the ruffled hair, the small cheeky grin and his blazing, dark eyes Jimin would have melted for him right then and there. But seeing his body- seeing the tanned skin, the lean and yet powerful build of his chest, the narrow waist, his broad shoulders and those toned abs...
Jungkook was perfection.
"Go ahead. Or do you want me to close my eyes too?"
And then Jungkook, still smiling, slowly lowered his eyes until they fell shut.
He waited. And Jimin stared for a while longer.
His hands were shaking violently as he finally raised them and placed them on his chest, his heart a thunderstorm in his head.
And then everything fell away. Not just because his skin and muscles felt glorious beneath his touch, but because of Jungkook's reaction. His mouth parted, a tremble shaking his entire body as he leaned forward into his touch and released a breath which he seemed to have been holding for forever.
Somewhere deep in his mind, buried under the heat and desire and want, he knew this was more dangerous than Jungkook touching him. Because seeing the way the younger could barely manage to hold still as Jimin allowed his hands to travel over his body, feeling the way he shuddered beneath his caress and felt the muscles flex where his finger's slid over him, did things to his heart he wasn't ready for. Something he promised himself he would never allow himself to feel for anyone again after his heart had been broken into a million pieces by the two people he had loved the most in this world.
But none of that mattered right now. Every resolution he had ever decided on simply ceased to exist. There was only Jungkook and the way he looked so utterly lost in pleasure, his eyes still closed, head bend forward so his hair fell in thick waves into his face.
Such beauty...
And seeing him so utterly and completely giving in to what Jimin wanted- it made him feel bold.
Bold enough to forget all the reasons why he shouldn't as he leaned forward and added his lips to his still roaming hands.
A hot, rumbling moan shuddered out of him and Jimin felt the vibration against his lips- and smiled.
While his fingers glided over the ripples of his abs, his mouth found that delicious-looking nipple and a wicked thought crossed his mind. Let's see how much Jungkook liked it.
Jungkook's reaction was immediate.
He let out a curse, growled deep in his throat and a hand buried itself in his white hair, gripping tight but pushing him closer- harder, against him. Jimin complied-gladly so.
"Shit," he hissed when Jimin bit him- and not all that gentle, his body curving, shortly followed by a moan of pleasure.
He wanted to do it again but never got the chance. It seemed that was all Jungkook could bear.
The hand in his hair suddenly pulled, ripping his face away from him and then Jungkook kissed him. There was nothing gentle about that either as he invaded Jimin's mouth. Jimin was lost, moaning into Jungkook's mouth freely while Jungkook finally- finally- pulled him closer. Their bodies met, skin against skin and he caught fire as he completely gave himself over to it. To him. His arms came around Jungkook's neck, pulling him closer while Jungkook still kept one hand buried in his hair, controlling the kiss with it and the other had wrapped around his lower back, squeezing so tight it got hard to breath. But he didn't need breath. He need more of him.
And then Jungkook took a step back and took Jimin with him. His legs came around Jungkook's waist, interlocking at his lower back as he walked them across the room. They didn't stop their kiss- their devouring, Jimin clinging to him like his life depended on it.
Jungkook stopped just in front of his old, worn down bed, then turned and sat, taking Jimin down with him so he ended up straddling him. His body shook like the epicenter of an earthquakes and he sucked in a sharp breath. Because in this position he could feel all of Jungkook. ALL of him, but especially something hard pressing against his hip-bone. Something demanding and long and oh God's Jungkook was huge!
His head emptied out more than it already had.
Just the thought of it made him kiss Jungkook hungrier. He imagined what it would feel like to feel the taller inside of him. To have that length sliding into him and moving inside him...
And Jungkook would be good. Jungkook would fuck him so hard, Jimin would not be able to remember his own name, that the was sure of. And he wanted that. He'd never waned anything more in his life. There was no fear and no consequences in this moment.
And that's why he was not the least bit ashamed when he started to move his hips on top of his lap.
Jungkook stopped kissing him, but kept his mouth aligned with his, speaking directly into him.
"Jimin. God's you... you wreck me." And with the way he said it, so completely lost, Jimin believed him.
Jungkook's hands had both grabbed his waist and Jimin wasn't sure if it was only him who was grinding against him so shamelessly, but whether Jungkook was helping him, moving his hips against his in circular motions. He was sure Jungkook could feel him too, even though Jimin didn't even closely have the same impressive length.
"You're not going to tell me to stop, are you?" Jungkook asked hoarsely and Jimin had the feeling Jungkook was a moment away from throwing him down on the bed and rip his remaining clothes of. Excitement and anticipation made him move a little faster. Yes. Yes he would like that a lot.
"I take that as a no." Jungkook growled, closely followed by a groan and then:" Fuck."
The hands moving his hips tightened and Jimin wanted to let out a shout of triumph.
And then Jungkook's features turned strained for some reason. Jimin was too lost in his frenzy of moving on him, he barely noticed until Jungkook let out another "Fuck!"
He suddenly sounded... pained. Or disappointed? He couldn't place it exactly.
"Jimin," he let out between his teeth, his name spoken like plea. What was he asking for? His verbal permission? Fine. He would say it all night if he had to.
"I wont tell you to stop," he said, not even recognizing his own voice, low and brimming with how much he wanted him. With how incapable he was of stopping any of this.
"I know... shit, I know," he ground out, his breathing as heavy as Jimin's.
Jimin saw the struggle in his eyes then and confusion spread.
A snarl suddenly ripped out of his throat and Jimin was thrown on the bed, his back hitting the mattress and his inner self cheered.
But Jungkook's body never followed.
Even more confused now, he raised himself to his elbows, glancing up.
Jungkook sat at the edge of the bed, his back the only thing he could see. And the way he was gripping the bedpost hard, his breathing still ragged but his body tense and strained like he had to physically restrain himself.
He didn't understand.
Did Jungkook not want this?
No. He knew he did. If he'd ever been sure of anything it was that Jungkook definitely wanted him.
"I didn't expect this," the younger let out in a rough, shaky voice, still not turning around.
"Didn't expect what?" he heard himself ask, coming all the way up to a sitting position, staring at the way Jungkook's back heaved and fell.
"You. This. You not stopping me."
His breath hitched. Had Jungkook wanted him to? But that didn't make sense. Unless... Unless Jungkook only wanted him because he had seemed hard to get? And now that he had made it easy for him, he no longer felt like it was a challenge? No. That didn't sound like something Jungkook would do. Although... he had only just met him. He barely knew him after all. He knew a lot about what had been said about him, with Jungkook being the talk of the school and everything, but he only recently started to get to know him. Could he have been so wrong again? Could he have let himself be so terribly fooled a second time?
" I really thought you would."
"Why?" His question was quiet and he hated the way it quivered with his uncertainty.
Slowly, Jungkook turned and he quickly decided no- Jungkook was not doing this because Jimin had made it easy.
Not with the way he was looking at him. Like he had just lost something vital. Something as vital as the air to breath.
"Because you're afraid."
Hit breath hitched again, but he quickly shook his head.
"I'm not."
The other boy let out a huff which sounded more like a groan.
"That's why I'm so confused."
Jimin only raised his eyebrows, not seeing why Jungkook would feel that way.
A low sigh escaped him and he lowered his head, shaking it simultaneously, like he had to clear and sort his thoughts.
"I thought you were afraid because you were inexperienced. But.. you're not, are you? You've been with someone before?"
His cheeks blushed at the same time as horror filled him. Horror of thinking back to a very different time. A very different him. A stupid and naïve boy who had trusted and loved without doubt or fear and it had had left him broken and alone, living in this crappy flat on the pity of an old lady.
"There. That's what I mean. That fear in you're eyes. It's not because of anything physical. Not because we went too far just now and you weren't ready. It's something else. I saw it every time I flirted with you. Or when I offered to drive you. Or when I asked you to become our friend. Tell me. Tell me what scares you so much."
Fear was a strange thing. It was such a strong emotion, so overwhelming and all-consuming, and yet it left you paralyzed, seeping into your blood and veins and freezing them over. He sat on the bed completely still safe for his slight shaking. That was the memory of the pain and the loss and the overpowering grief which had not stopped hurting so damn much, even after all this time.
"Talk to me." Jungkook begged, leaning over and coming to kneel in front of him. He barely felt the gently touch on his cheek.
"W-why? Why do you care? I want you, okay? Why do we have to talk?" His voice was jittery and quiet, even as he tried to navigate a way out of this situation.
"And I want you too, Jimin. God, I never wanted anything more. I didn't even think someone could want something so damn much."
"That's what I'm saying. I want you and you want me. So why did you stop?"
"Because," Jungkook started and let his hand trace the shape of his lower lip, his touch still sending all those flaming jolts through him, but the look in Jungkook's eyes was different from before. Sad. Worried. Helpless.
"I don't just want your body, Jimin. I want all of you. I want to be the reason you laugh more. I want to be the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last face you see when you go to sleep. I want you to dance while thinking of me. I want to be the person you come to when you have a problem and I want you to tell me the secrets you tell no one else. I want it all. Your body. Your soul. And your heart."
And that right there was his greatest fear of all, because it was the one thing Jimin couldn't give him. Wouldn't let himself give to anyone ever again, no matter how much he might want to.
"Stop."
It was such a small word. Such a tiny, little word, slipping so easily over one's lips.
Jungkook's eyes widened, his fear palatable in the air.
"What?"
Jimin barely saw him anymore. There were other faces in front of his mind. Faces he once loved. Faces who laughed at him for it at the end.
"You said you would stop if I told you to. So I'm telling you to stop. Stop talking. Stop asking me about it."
He should have done this sooner. He should have been more persistent and told him to stay away. Maybe he should have warned him from the start. This was his fault, because he hadn't stopped this sooner. Had let himself get carried away by the way Jungkook felt and made him feel.
"Jimin-"
"I want you to go."
His voice cracked halfway through, but Jungkook had heard him.
He shook his head like he could make spoken words unheard again.
"No. I wont go like this. I can't."
"Please leave, Jungkook. Please just do as your told, this once. Don't ask me why. Please don't ask-"
"Shh. Okay. Okay. I'll go. Just please stop crying. I can't handle that. I really can't."
Only now he became aware of the hot, wet slide down his cheeks. Tears of pain. Of loss. And also of anger. Anger at himself. Because Jungkook was great and sweet and terribly indecent all at once, but Jimin couldn't forget.
Jungkook still sat in front from him, his thumb stroking over his cheek once again, this time to wipe away the tears there.
"I'll go." he repeated, his voice a quiet, sad whisper, more like an echo.
"Just tell me you'll be Okay if I do. "
He only nodded because knew if he spoke, his voice would break again and Jungkook would know it was a lie.
The mattress groaned as Jungkook's weight shifted and he slowly eased of the bed. From the corner of his eyes, he watched the taller walk over to where he had so carelessly thrown his shirt earlier, picked it up and put it over his head in one quick motion. Then he stood there for several moments, looking nowhere it seemed. Jimin was almost sure he was going to come back to the bed and beg to be allowed to say. But he didn't. He walked to the door.
And Jimin's stupid, stupid heart hurt.
He was already one step out the door before Jungkook froze, his hand on on the handle.
Slowly he turned around. The hallway was dark and the lighting in his little flat low, so his face was thrown into deep shadows.
"There is just one thing I have to ask you to do."
Jimin swallowed thickly, but nodded once again. And it had to be the lighting, because Jimin flinched at the expression now flickering over Jungkook's features. And he knew in that moment, the young boy had never truly hated Min-Woo. Not when he could look like this, wrath and death in person.
"I need you to promise to never to tell me their names. Because if I find out who hurt you like this, I'm going to fucking kill them." Jimin's heart stuttered and gave out. He couldn't... he couldn't be serious, could he? How did he even guess? Was it that obvious?
But before he had a chance to ask, Jungkook had already turned and shut the door.
The attic fell quiet.
Until his sobs started.
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