I compiled two chapters in one to compensate for the long wait. Here's a long ass chapter. Enjoy! 😘
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The salty wind of the afternoon blew in front of the beach as I hugged my knees while sitting on the sand. Lennox sat beside me without uttering any words while he let me be at peace but deep inside, my mind is in deep chaos.
"What happened after?" I mumbled, words slipping out of my mouth.
I felt him look at me with those brown orbs that has always been calming— at least for me.
"I was... rushed at the hospital." he shortly said.
My heart broke for unknown reasons. I can imagine him lying in a stretcher while the ambulance took him to the nearest hospital— I was there probably, shocked and was unable to speak.
"What was I like?... I mean, that summer?" I can't help but ask. There's this hole inside that tells me that something is still missing.
Unlike what my parents anticipated, I was able to talk now after knowing the complete truth but still... questions after questions are sprouting like weeds.
"You were... very active, I must say." he started and as I looked at him, I noticed that he's looking at the sea. "I remember you going to that house just so you can enjoy the beach."
"But I bet my parents wouldn't even allow me to take a step outside of the mansion." I butted in and he smiled, a half hearted one.
"They were. They were very strict but... I somehow managed to appease their worries when we were together. They trusted me." he shrugged his shoulders before looking at me. "I'm sorry if you had a shock remembering everything. I-I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm your friend and even though you can't remember that summer, you are still my friend now."
I bit my lip as I nod my head. That's true. Nothing has changed. I just regained my long lost memories but maybe it's just normal that everything is still vague at this moment. Maybe it's normal to still have questions inside me.
But maybe I should also stop asking for now. I was not alone when the incident happened. I was with Nox and I bet it's been too traumatizing for him too as it was, or is, for me.
I don't know how long we stayed in front of the beach. I didn't feel the scorching heat from the sun nor the sun burn that I can get from sitting there.
All I know is in the middle of my dilemma, my phone rang and it displayed Mom's number. She must be searching for me now.
I took a deep breath as I answered her call. Nox never looked at me after he talked for a while. He looks torn but I understand because he's the one who got shot in my place. I was also curious about the scar that the bullet left but it would be too insensitive for me to ask.
"Mom," I started as I answered her call.
"Where are you? I heard you're with Lennox." there she goes again.
"Yes, I-I'm with him." I looked down at the sand on my feet. "Mom... can we talk when I get home?" that's the first thing that came to mind when I thought of my parents. "I just... have to say something."
I heard her deep sigh before she answered, "Sure thing Eero. Be careful on your way home. Are your bodyguards around?"
"Probably." I mumbled and I can imagine her nodding.
"I see. I have another call. I'll wait for you." she shortly said before ending the call.
I bitterly smiled as I realized that nothing much have changed as years went by. I am still that same person who was chained like a prisoner but also heavily guarded like a precious gem. I guess I can understand where all of this protection is for but what I will never understand is the fact that my parents are doing these things not just for me but for themselves as well.
The trip back home was rather quiet than usual. Lennox was never the type to shut up when we're inside his car. He always has something to say and that's something that I adore. He likes to speak his mind while here I am, sitting in his car, debating if I should just throw questions after question and just let myself be on a rampage once I get home.
His car stopped in front of our double doors and as I looked at Nox, I saw his eyes fixated in a different direction. He can't look at me. He can't even... smile at me.
"I'll go ahead." I said, hoping for any reaction but all I got is a nod. "T-Thank you for enlightening me Nox. It means a lot." I added and finally, his head turned to me and I saw a different emotion in his eyes.
Sadness? Guilt? I can't name it. Something in him is not right.
"Is there something wrong?" I can't help but ask. "Are you okay?"
"I-I just don't know if what I did today was right." he flashed a nervous smile as he bit his lip. "I don't know what effect will those information and earned back memories will cause you."
"Nox I'm fine." I assured him as I placed my hand on his arm. "Thank you. Everyone has been lying to me and I understand that but still... lying from someone isn't something everyone should do nor think."
"I know." he weakly said as he took a deep breath. "I-I also forgot to say something Eero." he opened up a new topic and I noticed how his grip on the steering wheel tightened. "I'll be on a trip tomorrow."
My forehead creased at his sudden confession.
"Okay, until when?" I inquired. "If it's for a vacation then go ahead. You deserve it."
He shook his head as he looked at our house.
"It's not a vacation." he replied. "My Dad wants to stay in Madrid for good."
Something in me broke. The familiar feeling of losing someone, like what I'm experiencing for the past days, has been very vivid in just a drop of a hat.
I looked at him for any trace of humor but there was none. He's serious.
"So what's your plan? How about your business here?"
He shook his head. "Dad knows that I don't want to manage his company. He knows my love for music. He knows how I dreamed of performing in front of a huge crowd as I played classical music. He knows how I want to be the best pianist in the world and... and maybe he noticed that putting me inside his building is not something that would make me grow." he shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sorry if I said this. I-I wasn't really planning to but... I thought you deserve to know since I've been your friend for the longest time."
I slowly nod my head, trying to accept every fact he spat but truth be told, I don't have the ability to do that yet. Having a break down and a huge flash back of my memory is already draining my entire soul; what more if I should process this kind of information from him?
"You should go." I tried to sound supportive and I guess I succeeded when he smiled at me. "I mean, that's your dream after all and I bet your dad has plans for you and his company as well." I took a deep breath before slapping the sad idea of my crush leaving the Philippines. "I just hope you would give me your autograph and take a picture with me once you become famous." I even managed to crack a joke and let out a little laugh before nodding his head.
"How would I forget the silly goose whose been bothering me for years?" he pouted before disheveling my hair.
Silence enveloped us once again. If there's one thing I hate about life, it's probably separation from your love ones. I mean, who loves saying goodbye? Bitch not me!
"So this is goodbye?" I finally spilled the words and he just smiled at me before shaking his head.
"This is just farewell, Eero. We'll probably see each other again."
I took a deep breath when I felt tears brimming at the corner of my eyes. I'm tired of crying all day. I don't want this... temporary farewell to be hard for the both of us. We're basically each other's comfort zones.
"Well... I wish you all the best Mister Lennox." I'm too good at pretending and keeping my voice cheerful.
"Thank you Eero." he replied as he spread his arms wide open. "Can I get a hug?"
Oh boy, even a French kiss if you want!
Eero! You stupid fuck!
I gave in and quickly pulled him in for a hug. He smells nice. His familiar scent laced with sweat lingered in my system as I took everything I could before breaking the hug.
He looked at me with wary eyes but I didn't mind it anymore. It's a good thing that he'll go there to do the thing that he wants. He finally succeed in breaking boundaries and now... he's free! He's free from being an heir of his family as the first born son!
I didn't hold him longer anymore than I should have. I got off his car and thanked him for basically everything. I thanked him for being my friend, for being the older brother that I never had and for being my long time happy crush that made me feel special as if I'm in a relationship when the truth is I'm really not.
I was kind of happy but sad at the same time. The hollow feeling inside my chest grew as time goes by but I guess that's just how everything works and how everyone should feel when being separated from the people they value and cherish.
The huge hallways of our mansion welcomed me as I walked through the marble floors. I immediately searched for my mom. If there's one thing I want to do right now, that's to talk to her or to the both of them as soon as possible.
My parents are not in the kitchen nor in the living room and so I decided to bravely check inside their room. They are probably discussing about business again or worse, me.
I was about to turn to the left wing of the house when I noticed the office of My dad's door is open. There I heard their voices and mom instantly shrieked for whatever reason.
"You now what!?" I heard her said.
"Lennox told everything." Dad said in a plain tone.
"W-What... why!? I-I mean why L-Lennox!?" mom sounded so disappointed and in shock.
"Why not?"
I didn't wait for another chaos from them and decided to just push the door wide open. Their eyes immediately looked at me. Mom's eyes were worried while my Dad looks completely normal.
For the past years, I noticed how my Dad changed. He's still the compassionate and giving father but his words are now more absolute than ever. He's strict when it comes to me and our family's safety. Now I understand why. I understand everything that he has done but still, the feeling of betrayal directly coming from him is something that I haven't actually anticipated in this life.
"Yes Lennox told me everything." I started and my mom ran her hands through her hair.
"Oh my God... A-Are you okay?" she asked, stuttering.
I took a deep breath before slowly nodding my head. I'm honestly not okay but I just want them to be at ease.
"I'm good." I threw a white lie before looking at my Dad. "Is that why you lied all these years, Dad?" I decided to confront him.
I never saw him that angry and anxious. He's been too nice to me but now that everything is revealed, I understood why he has to form an army of bodyguards and be strict with me at all times.
"What exactly did Lennox tell you?" Mom asked and I shrugged my shoulders before speaking.
"Everything Mom. Everything that I should know." I gave her a weak smile before looking at my Dad. "So please, don't blame the guy for being a good friend. He just wants me to heal."
I saw how my dad took a deep breath before nodding his head. He played with his pen as he looked at me with those gentle but hooded eyes— still not saying anything.
I know it's been hard for them too. They're my parents. They know what I've been through and I also realized that my pain is also their pain.
"Let's see the doctor tomorrow, Eero. We have to at least get you checked." Mom suggested but I shook my head.
I don't want another session with a doctor. I want to figure everything out on my own. I want to remember everything. I want to remember the feelings that I felt. I want to remember the happiness that I felt that summer, even if it means feeling pain along the way.
Because even after all the revelations and anxiety attacks that I've experienced today... something is still missing.
There's this hollowness inside me that I want to explore— a feeling of longing for something. The familiarity of losing something or... maybe someone. The gap that I have to at least fill on my own.
"All is good mom. I can handle this." I gave her a timid smile. "I should go back to my room. I have class tomorrow." I said with finality.
Mom nods her head in defeat while my father gave me a gentle nod as well. They were both very quiet as I took my exit and honestly, I know there's still something hidden within them. I know they are still hiding something from me but... I'm just tired of asking. I'm tired of throwing questions when I know they will just give me vague answers that even normal people wouldn't understand.
All of the things that I heard today was the truth but I know, I just know, that it isn't the complete truth.
A missing link is still there.
I sat on my balcony as the wind of the night sky blew on my face. The sound of the crickets enveloped my ears as I gazed at the starry night sky of Cebu. It's too quiet— too peaceful. The silence that enveloped the deep night never calmed the chaos inside me.
I puffed the smoke from my cigarette as I looked at my phone. No one knows that I smoke. Maybe this is the only thing that can calm me for now.
Earlier, I saw Nox's stories in Instagram about his flight. The ticket, passport and his luggage are all ready.
I swiped more through my phone and saw Luis' stories with his girlfriend. They looked so happy and I must admit that his girlfriend is also pretty.
Good for him, I guess? At least his heart is happy.
Well, to be fair, I've also had a fair share of my flings and suitors in college. Though I don't really plan on being in a relationship right now.
The LGBT community here in the Philippines is slowly growing to be a norm. Slowly, everyone is accepting the gay community and gay relationships but still, we can't please everyone. There are still Karens and Marites around us who think being gay is a sin.
"If you don't have any more questions, please don't forget your case studies for tomorrow, okay? Class dismissed." said our professor after our three hour class with him.
My head fell on the arm chair as I closed my eyes to at least give it a rest.
I haven't had a decent sleep for days now. I thought after I gain my memories back, I would be so much better compared to when I knew that everybody was lying to me but... the opposite happened.
Questions after questions kept on sprouting out of my head like wild weeds. The curiosity for that certain tragedy never left my soul even for a minute as the hand of clock goes by. There are still plenty of questions that I don't have an answer with.
Like... the familiar name in my head. The name that suddenly made my head hurt and—
Wait! I remember now what happened after I faint! What the fuck!
I hurriedly got my phone and started typing on my notes for the important details.
Tall guy, expensive scent, a deep baritone voice and Kiel...
Why is that name so familiar?
As I was thinking hard about this particular name, my phone chimed, bringing me out of my deep thoughts and as I looked at it, I saw a notification email from Armani Exchange.
My curiosity heightened at the sight of its name! A month ago, I have signed up for the pre-order of the release of their new shoes.
It might not be one of the most expensive shoe brands out there but the comfort their shoes give me is something I would never trade for a lacoste— not even a high end shoes in Nike.
I quickly tapped on the notification and I hurriedly read the email they sent.
Greetings Mr. Eero!
We would like to inform you that your pre-ordered Armani's sneakers with iredescent inserts is now available in our physical store here in Cebu.
Start of release for the pre-ordered products is at 2 PM until 3 PM only. Unclaimed orders shall then be distributed to the ones who are interested in buying the shoes.
Failure to claim the product will result into a canceled order and your deposit shall be refunded to your account.
Thank you for shopping with us!
Armani Exchange
I immediately checked on the time and it says, 2:15! Did they just send this email or is my phone late in receiving this shit!
Adrenaline flowed through my veins as I hurriedly packed my things so I can go now. I got my phone resting on the table as I put my bag on my shoulder.
This is just irritating! I don't like short deadlines let alone a time limit for shopping! Moreover, I don't remember going in a shop with a huge crowd all because of a pair of shoes!
"Hey Eero, want to grab something to eat?" Luis said as I was about to sprint out of the room.
"No thanks I'm in a hurry man." I shortly said before leaving him there.
I don't know if my phone is shaking or my hand is when I tried to dial my bodyguards' number. Damn it! Am I really doing this for an Armani!?
"Yes sir?" Hector's voice, my driver, finally answered.
"I'm going to Ayala Malls. I'm sure the bodyguards are here somewhere. Tell them to follow us. Meet me in front of the building in two minutes!"
"Right away sir." he shortly said before ending the call.
I hurriedly pressed the button for the elevator and I don't know if it's just me or the lift here is this slow ever since!
Why is everything slow when you need it fast!
When the door of the lift finally opened, I got in and pressed the ground button like that's going to resolve my problem!
Ugh! I hate this! I swear if I don't get that shoes, I'm buying a pair in Louis Vuitton! I don't care if mom yells at me when I get home!
When I reached the exit of the college building, I saw my car in right in front. I immediately hopped in and settled my things inside.
"Hector, I need you to drive as fast as you can to get to Ayala Malls before 3PM. Much better if we can be there a quarter to 3. You hear me?"
"Yes sir." he replied and in just a snap of a finger, I found our car zooming in the busy streets of Cebu City.
I looked at my phone and it's already 2:30! Damn it! Am I going to make it in time? I waited for that shoes for a month and I'll just give it to some random person because I got late!?
I ran my fingers through my hair and what I thought is a very exhausting day, still had to level up when the car stopped and I saw a traffic jam ahead of us.
Damn this government! Can't they make more flyover for my car to pass through!?
My phone rang that put my irritable thoughts into a hault. I saw Luis' name and I immediately picked it up.
"What Luis?"
"Woah chill! Why are you so agitated?" if there's one thing I don't want to hear right now, that's probably his voice.
"I have to go to the mall to pick up my shoes!"
"And?" ugh! Estupido!
"And I'm late! The cut off time is at 3pm and I'm stuck here in traffic!"
"Dang... too bad for you boy."
"Yeah but it will be worse if I don't get that shoes because I'll probably throw a tantrum and make my bodyguards take all the plants I gave to your mother secretly!"
"Hey! You don't take back what you gave!"
"Then help me think of a way to get out of this traffic jam!" I demanded in gritted teeth.
I even heard him chuckle!
"Fuck you, Luisito!"
"Fine Claveero Quiterio! I'll book you a motorcycle so you can finally get out of that traffic."
"W-What!?"
"Where are you exactly?"
"Luis, you listen to me— I don't have time to wait for a motorcycle and risk my life just for a pair of shoe!"
"So you would much rather be stuck in that traffic jam and sulk all day because someone probably got the shoes that you wanted?" damn this guy! He knows my evil side too well! "You know if you had agreed minutes ago, I could have booked you your ride and it's probably on its way by now."
"You— ugh! Fine! Book me a motorcycle! If they have a chopper then much better! Now I'm questioning why my Dad wants to stay here in the Philippines when the traffic is so... unreal!"
He didn't reply after that and just dropped the call. I sent him my exact location and in just a few seconds, he sent me the details and the location of the motorcycle.
This better be a good bike or I'm slitting his throat!
"Sir where are you going?" Hector said and I almost forgot that I have a driver.
"I booked a motorcycle. You tell the bodyguards to follow me."
"But sir—"
"If I don't get that shoes today, I'm replacing you." I joked but I'm afraid I'll make it happen if I really don't get my shoes.
I sprint out of the car with just my wallet and phone on hand as I searched for the motorcycle. According to Luis' screenshot, it was parked in the nearby 7-11.
I walked straight to the first 7-11 I saw and eyed every motorcycle I see until my eyes landed on a David Harrison motorcycle.
Wow. That's quite a big bike to book.
Now you're complaining Eero!?
I am not!
I immediately walked towards the guy riding that bike and got the spare helmet resting on the seat.
"Hey mister." I said as I wear the helmet. "I need you to drive fast and arrive at the mall in 10 minutes. You hear me?"
The man looked at me but I can't see his face that much because his helmet comes with a pair of... goggles? Or is that a thing when you're a rider of big bikes?
The fuck am I babbling about!?
I hopped at the back of his big bike and tapped on his shoulder. He looked at me one more time and I just raised my eyebrows at him.
"Are we waiting for Christ to return? We need to go!"
Oh Lord forgive me. I am not really this rude but whoever invented shoes, I hope he's happy because his invention is giving me a vertigo!
The man started the ignition and we immediately zoomed out of the place. I held onto his shoulder and I smelled a mixed of expensive perfume and a familiar scent of powder.
His big bike went through small gaps in between the vehicles and I'm amazed at how skillful this man is. The way he maneuvers his bike is just really incredible.
The scorching heat of the sun placed a few kisses on my skin but I didn't mind it. I just need to end this transaction and I'm done!
I'll really stop listening to my mom about getting the shoes in a physical store all because the delivery fee from abroad to our house is expensive.
Expensive my ass! You eat lobsters and steak and caviar three times a week!
The big bike finally parked in front of the entrance of the mall and I immediately got off of it. I got my wallet and gave the man a thousand peso bill as I returned his helmet before sprinting towards the mall's entrance.
I'm like in a reality show where I have to reach a certain goal just to win a game! I never dreamed of joining the amazing race for goodness sake!
I disregarded every prying eyes directed towards me and just focused on reaching that goddamn Armani Exchange shop!
I made a turn and there I saw how many people are lining up because of a limiters edition shoes. Damn it!
I was walking when my phone rang and it displayed Luis' name.
"What now?"
"Where are you? The motorcycle was waiting for you! He canceled it already!"
"Oh? Isn't that the one you booked?"
"What do you mean?"
"Forget it. I have to go." I ended the call when I saw how the crowd is getting wild for the shoes.
"Excuse me!" I said as I zoomed to the front and showed the man the email. "I'm here for my shoes. I'm claiming it."
He looked at my phone before looking at me and spoke, "I'm sorry sir but it's already past 10 minutes since the cut off time. We will now open the store for the people who wants to buy the unclaimed shoes. I advise you to just fall in line and maybe you can have one but given our limited stocks, your chance is slim."
"W-What? N-No! I pre-ordered the shoes a month ago! I need that!"
"I'm sorry sir now if you'll excuse me." the man said as he released the barricade that has been holding the long queue for God knows how long now.
"Wait let me get my shoes first—"
"Dude fall in line!" a guy said and I was about to talk back when the huge crowd suddenly went inside the shop and I was pushed back until I fell on the floor.
I looked up and saw nothing but people hovering over me as they go inside the shop. Everything was in chaos and in just a drop of a hat, I felt my lungs contracting for whatever reason. I felt suffocated as the same scenario of what I remembered a few days ago, flowed into my system.
The crowd kept on increasing in numbers and I was mobbed out while still sitting on the cold floor. My body started to shake and it was like my feet was glued on the floor.
I can't move. I wanted to but I can't. My body wouldn't cooperate.
The trembling of my nerves began to resonate more when my heart trembled with so much fear— a familiar fear of getting hit.
"No..." I whispered as I shielded myself from everyone.
Voices of the people around me filled my ears as I tried to block them but it won't stop.
Everything felt... loud. Everything felt very chaotic and... bloody.
I gasped for air like a fish caught from a net. I can't breathe and everything is starting to blur. I held onto my chest as I tried to breathe in and out but nothing happened. The air feels thin. The voices relived my inner demons as they tried to consume me. The familiar feeling of being in a crowd now scares me.
"Stop... stop!" I screamed and just as I thought that everything is just pure noise, I felt someone lifting me from the ground and immediately isolating me from the crowd.
The familiar scent of the man gave me comfort but still, my trembling hands kept on shaking because of the familiar fear.
"Please stop..." I mumbled and wasn't even aware that there are now tears in my eyes.
I felt the man placing me into what felt like a bench and as I opened my eyes, I saw two brown orbs directly staring at me.
It gave me the shivers but in a good way. This man's eyes was like telling me that everything will be fine— that I don't have to worry and I'm safe.
It gave me a feeling of comfort; like the familiar feeling of... home.
"Are you okay?" he whispered and in just a snap of a finger, I felt my head fluctuating in deep pain.
"Fuck!" I hissed as I held onto my head.
"Sir Eero!" I felt Hector's voice from a far but I was in deep pain to even move.
I tried to open my eyes to see the man in front of me but all I got was those two brown orbs again.
"Sir!" Hector's voice finally reached my side and he immediately held my shoulder. "Sir are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine." I tried to sound normal as I opened my eyes but the pain was too much.
I don't know if it's just my imagination or I really saw my bodyguards pushing away the man who helped me.
It didn't take long before they guided me back to wherever they parked my car.
Now, I don't really care if I get that shoes or not. I just want to know why am I experiencing this again when it was clearly explained to me what really happened that day.
I didn't know that I fell asleep while on the trip back home. What felt like a dream finally dawned on me as I woke up and saw my Mom's worried eyes.
"Eero, how are you feeling?" she said in a soft tone and I tried to get up to face her properly.
The pain is now gone but what bothered me is that I remember every single detail before passing out unlike before that I don't have any idea why I passed out.
"I'm good now mom." I answered and took the glass of water she's holding. I was suddenly reminded by the guy who helped me, "Mom, what happened to the guy who helped me?" I asked.
"Guy? What guy?" her forehead creased.
"A guy helped me when I fell on the floor while everything and everyone feels scary to me. I-I cannot breathe that time and I was too scared to even move a muscle. I thought I'll pass out there just like the old times but a guy helped me. Mom his eyes... his eyes seems... familiar. His voice... sounded so amicable. It feels like I-I've heard his voice even before."
Mom nodded as he slowly brushed my hair with her fingers. She pulled me in for a hug as she caressed my back.
"Son that's normal. You are still regaining your memories. The doctor said you will have a strong feeling of familiarity for certain things."
I mentally shook my head as I stared out of nowhere. I don't believe that. I know what I saw and what I felt. I know that something is not right. I know that there is still a missing link even after knowing almost everything that happened that summer.
Mom told me to eat first and I did. I joined them for dinner but I refused to talk more about what I felt or who I saw. I'm afraid they will stir it up again and confuse me from what is real and what's not.
I trust them alright, but sometimes, I can't seem to turn down the fact that they did all those lies for me to forget the tragedy that happened years ago.
Still, there is something inside that tells me about a missing link. A link that would really feel this void inside me. A link that would finally put an end to all of this unexplainable questions I have that even the people I love could not answer.
It was already three in the morning and I'm still wide awake. I would probably skip class again but I don't really care anymore. The raging thoughts inside my head is something that couldn't be put on hold even if I wanted to.
I don't know what has gotten into me that I somewhat craved for the sound of the crashing waves. I suddenly had this urge to hear the crashing waves of the sea and feel the salty air it produces.
Without even giving it another thought, I went to my walk-in closet to get a pair of shorts and a hoodie to put on when I go out. I got my bag before putting my phone, wallet and extra clothes if ever I found the urge to take a dip.
I quietly snuck out of the room with my bag on my back. I opened the back door of the kitchen and quietly went on my way towards the small gate at the back of the house.
It gave me a chilling sensation of familiarity and I tried to take it in as I slowly pushed it open to get out of the mansion.
My heart is trembling for whatever reason but my head tells me to follow what I want to do.
For the first time, I will defy the rules again in exchange of searching for my... sanity. If that's how I should call it.
I walked away from the mansion and with just a flashlight from my phone, I walked towards the familiar road where I remember seeing a group of tricycles lined up not that far from our place.
The wind of the deep night blew and it gave me the creep but I ignored it. I kept on walking down the road, hoping to find the tricycles and I was right when I found three remaining tricycles lined up beside a waiting shed!
"Excuse me," I started that interrupted their little chat. "Can I take a ride?" I politely asked.
"Sure sir. Where do you want to go?"
That... is the problem. I don't know the name of the place.
"Uh... sorry but I can only describe you the place." I nervously laughed and the man with sleepy my eyes smiled at me before nodding. "Uhm, the place is near the shore. It has a rusty gate and a small bungalow house covered in tall grass."
The man's forehead creased as he thinks of the place that I just described. Right, there's a lot of house around here that are near the shore.
"Is there any landmark?" the man inquired.
"Uhm..." I thought hard enough until an image crossed my mind. "It's near the market. The house has a boat before for fishing and..." wait, what? Where do all these information coming from? "They used to make danggit."
What the hell is danggit? The fuck is wrong with me!
"Ah! Right! The old house of the Aceves!"
Aceves?
"R-Right. T-That's the one." I agreed even though I'm not sure of it.
"Why are you going there? That house has been long abandoned by the family."
"Uhm... I'm a relative of the Aceves. I-I just want to take a look of the land."
"I see. Are you from Manila? I heard the Aceves have all gone to Manila while their kids study in some prestigious school." the driver of the tricycle said. "It's really surprising how they can afford to study there. Ateneo De Manila University is not somewhere a child of a gardener and a housewife would study." the man chuckled as he pointed at the side cab of his ride. "Hop in. I'll get you there." he flashed a friendly smile.
The cold wind of the night covered my entire body as the vehicle passed from one house to another.
The path that is unknown to me somewhat brought solace to me. The idea of the unknown doesn't scare me anymore— white lies and partial truths do.
It stopped in front of the rusty gate where it all started. I gave a hundred peso bill to the driver and told him to keep the change.
I pushed the gate and was surprised that it wasn't locked.
The grass was trimmed and a light just outside of the house was left on.
My heart beat started to beat fast because of the idea of someone staying here now. I thought Lennox was out of the country? Then who's staying here?
I don't know what has gotten into me that I still walked towards the house with the idea of someone staying but a sigh of relief escaped my mouth when I saw the door with a padlock on.
I guess a care taker just left a few hours ago.
I took a deep breath as I walked towards the back of the house where I saw a small bed made of bamboo. I sat on it as the wind blew colder and colder.
It's already quarter to five in the morning and I'm still awake. What felt like minutes of my travel is really an hour already.
The crashing waves of the sea called me and it's like my feet was attracted to the sound alone that it walked by themselves until I reached the shore.
I played with the water beneath my feet. It felt cold but... good. It felt new to me but still... comforting. It somewhat gave me peace. The crashing waves gave me peace.
The place where all my demons was born was the same place where I found comfort. The place where all the complications happened, is the same place that gave me hope in this process of healing. The place where everything felt entirely wrong, is the same place that gave me a glimpse of the truth.
If this journey to the unknown would lead me to a path of something great, then I would gladly take it. I would gladly take every single piece of memory until I feel satisfied— until I feel complete again.
And maybe, just maybe, the answers are not beyond the walls of the mansion anymore. Well, the answers to my desires with a childish heart has long been gone for years now.
Today, as the sun rises right in front of my eyes, I will start to dream and probably ask the most important question of my life today; what's beyond these waters?
Nevertheless, I'll still find it. I'll still search for it. I'll still look for it. I'll still crave for the truth— the missing link that I have been searching that nobody wants to tell me; the unknown.
Just as I promised years ago, I will search for that missing link and now... even after the wedding of Lennox and his... wife, I am still searching.
As the church bell rings and I drive away from that crowded place, I'm still not losing hope. I'm still on the same path; the path to the great unknown.
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I am so sorry for the long wait! I've been so busy with work! Love you bitches! Keep safe! 😘