"Do you have a flight tomorrow?" tanong ni Hope sa'kin. Saglit ko lang siyang tinapunan ng tamad na tingin bago binalik ang mga mata sa phone.
"Meron," I said coldly and scrolled down my Facebook newsfeed. Until I came across into a shared post article about Selene Ricci's statement regarding the bashing and accusations of her being a mistress that circulated all over the news and even tabloids.
I clicked the article to read her statement.
'Selene Ricci fired back at bashers.'
"Never ever judge the book just because you have read its blurb," basa ko sa panimula niya through my mind. "With all complete honesty, I was the first one who have developed feelings with the great Hope Syrlou Suldico. It started as a sudden infatuation way back when I was in college and he's already a CEO. It started with stealing glances moments that grew deeper until it was too late for me to realize that I fell hard enough I couldn't help but get drowned. I didn't do anything to kill the love but rather, I watered it every day through seeing him, visiting his place, and even his company."
Huminto ako at pumunta sa kusina upang doon tapusin ang pagbabasa. Hindi kasi ako makapag-concentrate sa sala dahil ramdam ko ang mga titig ni Hope sa'kin.
Kumuha muna ako ng malamig na tubig sa fridge bago umupo sa dining chair.
"I am not a mistress and I will never be one. Syr and his wife was already on the process of legal separation before we happened. Yes, we have an intimate relationship. Their marriage got ruined the moment his wife lost the baby and she learned something 'bout Syr that she couldn't accept. Syr, being the great husband that he is, tried to pursue and understand the mourning of his wife, but Lorah, being the grudge bearer couldn't withstand Syr's presence. She kept on pushing him away until Syr lost hope and got into a heavy accident. He got depressed, too and Ate Sayr (Syr's sister) decided to have him treated in America. I was his psychiatrist and there, we've built an intimate relationship. Syr told me everything on how devastated he felt about Lorah. And as someone who've been there for him (and has a hidden love towards him) within those span of time did everything to make him cope with the pain.
"Syr, was overwhelmed and that he admitted his feelings over me. At first, I never wanted to believe in him, even if I have a deep-rooted feelings over him, he still has unresolved issues with his wife. But he told me he never wanted her anymore. And that the only feelings that left for her was pain and pity. I knew I was too soft to be easily touched with his words but my heart melts when he told me that he loved and that only matters. He didn't care about what other people would say. As someone who was pining for that moment grabbed the opportunity because why not? As his psychiatrist who knows everything and his thoughts, I knew it was a half-baked feelings but it's still baked anyway. I am not someone who will assume things before me if Syr didn't made me feel like assuming that there was an 'us'. So, I'm gonna leave it here. I never wanted to be a mistress and I am not a home wrecker. So, fuck off, pipz. Stop meddling with people who only wanted the happiness that they deserved."
I scoffed a bitter laugh after reading it. Really?! Tumayo ako at bumalik kay Hope. Humarap naman siya sa'kin nang nakita ako sa tapat niya.
"I think you should go..." I said coldly it made him frown.
"I'll sleep here, love."
"Umalis ka na, Hope. Maaga pa ako bukas." Nang hindi siya tumayo ay hinila ko ang t-shirt niya.
"What the—?" Nagpatangay pa rin naman siya.
"Huwag ka munang magpakita sa'kin ng ilang araw. Let me think clear," I said before I closed the door. I never felt down like this.
Pinatay ko na lahat ng ilaw saka umakyat sa 'taas. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin fully buo ang tiwala ko kay Hope. And I needed to think clear because my mind was running wild again with all those words that Selene said.
Ayokong pabigla-bigla dahil lang sa nararamdaman ko. I had to muse around and think. Dahil gusto ko naman talaga bigyan ng chance ang marriage namin, pero kinakain ako ng anxiety at mga tanong. I didn't know I was an over thinker until Hope happened...
Maaga ako sa airport kinabukasan. Parang hindi naman kasi ako nakatulog. Alam mo 'yong tulog ang katawan mo, nakapikit ang mga mata, pero 'yong isip ay active? Ganoon ang pakiramdan kaya parang puyat ako sa paggising. Sa Hong Kong ang unang destination first flight in the morning tapos sa Singapore bago uuwi pabalik sa Pilipinas. Buong araw iyon.
We're halfway on our flight going back to the Philippines when the pilot made an warning announcement to us crew.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Are you all sleepy?Easy victor..." kalmanteng anunsyo ni Captain Johnson sa huling dalawang salita. Kami naman ay kalmanteng sumunod. It was a warning for us crew to evacuate without alarming the pax.
Kanina ko pa napansin na mayroong mali sa plane. But I needed to keep calm.
Nagpakiramdaman kaming mga crew habang hindi pinapahalata sa mga passenger ang nangyari. Nagkaroon ng engine failure ang plane hanggang sa kailangan nang i-announce ang nangyari. As expected ay nagpanic ang iilan. But mostly, they remained calm. Mga negosyante nga sila. Calm under pressure.
By now ay dapat naka-landing na kami. Pero dahil nga may engine failure ay nanatili pa kami sa ere ng ilang minuto. The aircraft needed to be forced landing.
Nag-anunsyo ang piloto sa dapat naming gawin habang naghahanap ng malapit na landing area na pwedeng babaan.
Bahagyang nauga ang plane kaya nag-panic ang ibang pax. Kami naman ay pilit silang pinapakalma. The pilot blinked the 'No Smoking Sign'. Ibig-sabihin ay nakahanap na ng aerodrome at mag-la-land na kami.
We only had 90 seconds to evacuate the plane after landing. Kaya naman nang nag-landing ang eroplano ay agad naming in-assist ang mga passengers na bumaba kahit na nabagok pa ang ulo ko sa bakal pagkalapag.
Nagkatulakan ang iba at kaming mga flight attendants ay naipit. Binuksan ang emergency exit door at inalalayan namin ang mga tao at hindi na inisip ang mga sarili namin.
"Flight attendants, evacuate the area. Now."
The fire alarm was now blinking. And usually, kapag ganito na ay posibleng may pagsabog na magaganap.
"Hillorah, let's go!"
Kabado ako pero kailangan naming kumalma. Mabuti na lang at immune na ako sa takot kay Hope. Basic na lang ito sa akin.
Nang pababa na ako ay biglang mayroon akong narinig na iyak ng bata.
"Mommy!"
Huminto ako at lumingon upang lalong marinig ang boses.
"Hillorah, let's go!" anyaya sa'kin ng mga kasama ko pero wala sa kanila ang aking isip. Nasa iyak ng batang babae.
"Hillorah!" they called me when I went back inside. Lahat sila ay nag-alala na sa'kin. But I couldn't go down knowing that there was someone trapped inside. Especially if that someone was a child!
"Mommy!"
Hinanap ko ang pinanggalingan ng boses at nakita ang batang babae na umiiyak habang yakap ang mommy niyang walang malay at may sugat sa noo.
Agad akong dumalo at pinulsuhan ang ginang. Thank God she still had the pulse. Nahimatay lang siguro dahil sa pagbagok. Umiiyak pa rin ang bata at hindi ako makakakilos nang maayos kapag ganitong hati ang akinv isipan. Sa pagtulong sa ginang at sa pag-alo sa bata.
"What's your name?"
"I'm Jia," sagot niya habang umiiyak yakap ang teddy bear. I smiled at her.
"Look at me in the eyes, Jia. Listen." Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang pisngi upang maintindihan niya ang sasabihin ko. "You go trail down the aisle and leave the aircraft, okay?"
"How about mommy?" Her face wrinkled while pouting.
"Don't worry. I will save her, alright?" I assured her. "Everything will be fine. You've gotta help yourself so we could be saved. Alright?"
Tumango siya habang sumisinghot. Ang lalaki ng mga luha niyang naglandas sa pinkish niyang pisngi. Pinunasan ko naman iyon gamit ang aking pisngi.
"Good girl."
"Please, save my mommy," bilin niya pa bago naglakad paalis.
Hinarap ko naman ang mommy ng bata nang nasiguro na nakaalis na si Jia. Tinanggal ko ang seatbelt niya at bahagyang tinapik ang pisngi. The aircraft was now fully alarmed and blinking. And any minute, handa itong sumabog.
"Ma'am? Ma'am? Do you hear me?" Kumislot ang kaniyang kilay kaya alam kong nagkakamalay na siya. "Ma'am—"
She gasped. "'Yong baby ko!"
Ngumiti ako. "Nakalabas na po siya. We need to hurry up now."
Inalalayan ko siyang makatayo saka kami naglakad palabas. I heard the ticking sound of the alarm while we're walking down the aisle.
As a flight attendant, it's our duty to keep the passenger's safety first hand. Bago kami ay sila muna. That's why we served with excellence.
Sakto lang talaga pagkalabas namin ay sumabog ang tail ng aircraft. Gumawa iyon ng malaking apoy at ilaw.
I was beyond relieved that no one died in the incident. Gabi pa naman. Ilang oras kaming naghintay ng emergency rescue habang kami ay inaalam at pilit pinapakalma ang mga tao.
It took us three hours there before we saw a chopper landed in the area.
"Hillorah!" Lucas's voice made me turn to my back. Kumaway ako nang nakita siya. Kaagad naman siyang tumakbo patungo sa gawi ko.
Lucas caught me with his arms. Kinabig niya ako at niyakap. "Are you alright? Are you in pain?" tanong niya pagkatapos yumakap.
"Okay lang ako, Luc..." I smiled at him to assure that I was fine.
"Anong okay ka lang? May sugat ka sa noo."
Hinila niya ako palapit sa medic at kumuha ng medicine kit. Pinaupo niya ako at ginamot ang sugat sa aking noo.
"Lucas... I'm fine. Gasgas lang 'yan. Maliit na bagay."
Hindi siya nakinig. He began to dab the cotton damped with a Betadine on my forehead.
"Bakit mo iniwan si Safrina?"
"Pinabantayan ko muna sa mommy niya. Nag-alala ako pagkapanood sa news. I can't stay there waiting for an update."
Napangiti ako. "Salamat, Luc..." I was thankful for his concern on me. Not only he was a good friend, for me, he's a brother and sister, too.
Overwhelmed with his worry, I felt the need to hug him. Niyakap ko siya. Never did I feel a comfort like this for a long time now.
"Lorah!"
Kumalas ako sa yakap at papalingon ako sa boses na iyon. Hope was running to me. Pagkalapit ay agad niya akong kinabig nang mahigpit na yakap.
"Thank fucking goodness!" Ramdam ko ang relieved sa boses ni Hope habang yakap pa rin ako nang mahigpit.
"Teka lang..." Kumawala ako sa yakap niya dahil hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang higpit pero hindi niya ako pinakawalan. "Hope, hindi na ako makahinga."
Hinarap niya ako at nirepaso. Tiningnan niya nang maigi ang kabuuan ko. "Are you alright? May masakit ba sa'yo?" Hope's pained eyes reflected mine.
I looked away. "Okay lang ako."
"You made me fucking worry, Lorah. I don't know what to do if something bad happened to you." Muli niya akong kinabig payakap. This time ay sakto lang iyon. I then felt his lips stuck on my forehead. "You've got me dying..."
Doon tumulo ang luha ko. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang takot. Paano pala kung sumabog ang airplane habang nandoon ako? I knew to myself that I hadn't able to make the most out of my life yet. Kaya kapag namatay ako, marami akong pagsisisihan sa mundo.
Nakauwi na kami pero hindi ko pa rin kinikibo si Hope.
"Why are you so cold to me?"
Hindi ko siya tiningnan. "Ganito naman talaga ako sa'yo," parang robot ng boses ko sa naging tugon.
Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama at mariin akonh tinitigan. "Is there something wrong that we should talk about?" malamyos ang boses niyang tanong. Even his stares were light. I didn't reply though. Hindi ko rin ako tumingin sa kaniya. Marami ang bumabagabag sa akin. Alam ko naman na nagbago na siya, eh. Hindi na siya katulad ng dati. Kaya posible rin na nagbago na rin ang nararamdaman niya.
Nagbuntong hininga ako. Ano ba itong mga iniisip ko? Was I paranoid?
"Love..."
Inabot ko ang cellphone ko at hinanap ang article. Madali lang iyon hanapin kaya binigay ko sa kaniya ang phone ko pagkahanap niyon.
"Ikaw na ang bahalang humusga."
Kinuha niya iyon at binasa. Mula sa simula hanggang sa natapos sa pagbabasa si Hope ay nakakunot ang noo niya. Humigpit din ang kaniyang panga nang natapos.
"What the fuck?!" galit niyang mura. "This is bullshit, okay? It was true that I told her everything about my thoughts because she's my fucking psychiatrist. I told her how much I fucking loved you and I will never love someone again but you all over again. But there was no fucking way I'll tell her I love her. Sa'yo ko lang sasabihin ang mga katagang 'yon hanggang sa mamatay ako, Lorah. Now, I'm gonna kill that woman."
Galit siyang tumayo at umalis. Hindi ko naman pinigilan. I knew he wouldn't do that. Selene was his brother-in-law's cousin.
Tumunog ang cellphone ko. Agad kong sinagot ang tawag nang nakita na si Atty. Alfonso iyon.
"Yes, Attorney?"
"Missis Suldico..."
"Ano pong balita?"
I heard her problematic sigh. "I'm sorry but we lose the case. Binasura ng korte ang kaso. You're still a Missis Suldico."
Iyon na yata ang natalo ko na nagustuhan ko sa buong buhay. May mga laban talaga na gugustuhin mo na lang magpatalo.
***
Last chapter and then epilogue.