Kim Namjoon's pov
I woke up next morning with a slight headache. It almost felt like a hangover since I couldn't remember anything about yesterday. But after a few minutes, I recalled yesterday's happenings.
Jungkook's birthday. Party. Proposal. Rejection. Sadness. Crying. Hugging Misoo.
After that everything was blur. She put me to bed and patted me till I slept. I palmed my face. What is the mood of others outside? Is Jungkook still crying? How am I gonna face him when I am solely the reason of his tears.
No, I can't do it. I should talk to Misoo again. Even if it takes to me begging her, I will do that for her to be with him. I can't see him sad because of me.
I finished my daily necessities and came out of the room to see no one present. It was 8 in the morning. We didn't have any schedule till afternoon so everyone would be sleeping till late now.
I went towards the kitchen to make some coffee when I saw Jin hyung making breakfast for everyone. He noticed me standing and gave his beautiful smile while looking at me.
"Good morning joonie, why did you wake up so early. Go to sleep again, we don't have schedules till noon. Hyung will bring you your bed time breakfast when you wake up okay? "
"Hyung it's okay, I slept a little early yesterday, so I have completed my sleep hours. But you should sleep too hyung, it's not your responsibility to cook for us daily."
"Yahh, it's not my responsibility but I love to see you'll happy while eating the food I make. It's not for you I'm cooking, it's for satisfying myself,you know.", He winked while putting the spices in the food he was making.
I went towards him scared about what I was gonna ask him next. I knew the answer but I still wanted him to tell me.
"Hyung is Jungkook okay? Was he crying a lot yesterday." He sighed after hearing my question and went to a trance, maybe going through whatever happened yesterday. After a few seconds he turned towards me and replied.
"I wouldn't say he's okay, but he's not bad. We all think of him as a baby since he's our maknae, but he's very mature for his age. He'll understand whatever is happening and will soon move on from her. You don't have to worry about him okay.", He looked concerned while explaining it to me.
"He doesn't need to move on hyung. I'll talk to her again. We are....", I stopped after trying to explain our relationship to him."We are friends since the last three to four months so she'll listen to me and will give Jungkook a chance. Don't worry hyung. ", If how much could you hurt yourself would have been categorized as an award, I would have freaking won it every single time.
"Who are you trying to act in front of? I can see through you Namjoon. And maybe I was the first person who knew about yours and her's feelings.", I went numb after hearing his stern voice.
How did I even forget about this? He always caught me staring at her, he even saw our conversations, he even hinted he wanted to know whatever was going in my life. I should have remembered about it but I didn't. How could I?
"No hyung, that was just a mere infatuation. We actually do not have anything going on within ourselves. ", I tried to make up to him but it was more of a consolation to myself.
He sighed again after switching off the gas stove. He didn't reply anything for sometime and got busy pouring the food into utensils.
"You have brushed?", He suddenly asked.
"Yeah, just brushed now hyung."
"Then let's eat, I made your favourite breakfast toady. Eat it while it's hot."
I looked at all the meals in front of me and I heard a low grumbling from my stomach. I didn't eat anything last night so yesterday's lunch was the last meal I had.
So I quickly took a ladle and put the food on my plate.
"Umm hyung it's so tasty. How can you be talented? Dahyun is a lucky woman.", I murmured while eating continuously while Jin hyung turned red and started laughing hysterically.
"Of course, she lucky. She's dating KIM SEOKJIN. What else does she want in life.", He laughed his famous wind shield laughter and I nodded my head looking at him like this.
"I'm gonna message this to Dahyun. And then we'll see what happens.", I winked at him.
"Yah, don't you even try that okay. She'll kill me if she knows what I told."
"You love her very much right.", I couldn't help but ask him that. Whenever she was near him, his eyes shined and his face would be red. I have been the witness of them cuddling and teasing each other or their usual PDA. Looking at them made me want that type of relationship too.
I made me want to cuddle with Misoo, kiss her whenever I want, gobble her cheeks, tickle her,hug her and much more. But everyone doesn't get what he wants right. So I would be very much happy if Jungkook is the one who makes her happy.
"Namjoon, I have been calling you since a few seconds, you there?", Hyung waved his hands in front of me.
"Yeah hyung, was just thinking about today's schedule.", I murmured a lie.
"Namjoon, I know everything.", He blabbered suddenly. I froze. What does he know? He knows about my feelings? He know about my issues? What does he know about?
"I knew from before about you and Misoo so it was nothing new to hear it from him, but he told me about everything else too Namjoon. Everything that you told to him that night."
I was numb for a few seconds before understanding who he was talking about. Hoseok hyung.
"Please do not get angry on him. I literally forced him to share it with me. I made him swear on myself to spill the secrets and he said it.", By his actions, I knew he was lying about it but I didn't point a finger there.
"No hyung, at some time, you would have known it anyhow. So it is better you got to know about it from him. I didn't have the courage to share it again. Maybe I'll soon share it with everyone else too. I don't want you to think that I don't trust you and that's why I didn't share it. I was just scared and worried."He scouted near me and caressed my shoulders.
"You are the one who have suffered all of these Namjoon. I should be apologizing to you for not knowing it beforehand and helping you. You shouldn't be sorry about it. Please forgive your hyung."
"Hyung, please. Why are you saying sorry? It isn't your fault that I didn't want to share it with you. How would you know about it."
"But now I know everything, so you don't need to hide anything from me now on. Whenever you feel sad or uneasy,you are straight coming to my room okay?"
"Yeah hyung, thank you for understanding me and coping with my mental sickness.", I suddenly felt him slapping my forehead hard.
"Of course you have mental sickness of degrading yourself in front of everyone. You don't have any right to talk about my brother like that okay. Or else I'm gonna slap you hard. "
I giggled listening to him scolding me. He looks cute whenever he blabbered like that.
We had our breakfast. He helped me divert my mind from all the chaos happening. We went towards our studio and I helped him with the recent song he was making.
The music was really peacefully, so my mind turned calm too. After making some good notes we took a break.
"Hyung,the lyrics are so beautiful. What do you want to give as a title for this song?"
"Abyss. How's it?"
"Abyss. Sounds awesome to me. Since it's completed almost, when are you gonna release it?"
"I'm thinking about releasing it on my birthday. Army always sends me gifts on my birthday so I think I have to give them something in return this year. So is the song worth it?"
"Are you kidding me hyung? This song is awesome. It's so enchanting and catchy. Army are gonna love this. I bet."
"Thank you.", He didn't say anything else since he became shy of the compliments.
"Will you do something if hyung asks you?", He suddenly turned serious and looked at me.
"Yeah hyung, tell me. You never ask for anything. I'll try to do whatever you ask me to do."
"First if all, I ask for your help every single time. I'm now in your studio because you were helping me for my song. "
"Tell me hyung, what you wanted to ask? You turned serious all of a sudden."
"Namjoon, please talk to Misoo once. It's so clear. You like her and she likes you. Why are you complicating things for yourself and her. You both are sad because of this. Don't think about Jungkook for once, he is gonna move on, you have to be with the one you love."
I lowered my eyes and heard him. I knew it was correct. We shouldn't mess it up so much. But I cannot do that to Jungkook. I have promised him. I cannot break that promise. He would never trust me again.
"Hyung, please ask me any other thing than this. I really do not think Misoo was destined for me. She's so beautiful, caring, understanding, even if I am behaving rudely to her, she's giving me space but not leaving me alone. I do not deserve such a good girl hyung, even if it's not Jungkook, she's gonna get a lot better man than me."
He tried to make me understand again but I had to avoid this conversation. It was almost the lunch time so I asked him to go back to the dorm since we would go for our recordings after that.
After entering the dorm, I saw almost everyone in the living room while Yoongi hyung was cooking for everyone and Hoseok hyung was giving him a helping hand.
"Yoongi, you should have called me. I would have helped making the lunch.", He quickly went towards the kitchen to help them.
"You have already made us breakfast hyung, I can manage the lunch. You should go and get ready."
Jin hyung went to his room to get ready. I cautiously went towards the living room to see Jungkook's mood right now.
He looked normal, quarreling with Taehyung as usual about something. I went and sat beside Jimin on the couch. As soon I sat down, Jimin kept his head on my shoulders.
"Good afternoon hyung, you're looking so handsome today.", I felt stunned by the sudden compliment.
"Do you need something from me Jimin? What's with these sudden compliments."
"No hyung, I just wanted to tell you that you look handsome. Nothing else.", He gave me his eye smile.
I saw Tae and Jungkook stopped talking. When I looked at Jungkook, he suddenly looked somewhere else to avoid looking at me.
We all talked for sometime, but for some reason I felt like the center of attention.
Jimin would put his head on my shoulder, Tae came and laid on my lap while playing games on his phone. Hoseok hyung came and ruffled my hair. Yoongi hyung said he cooked my favourite steak today. Jin hyung made my favourite breakfast.
It made me confused as well as blush over all the attention.
Soon we all went to our room to get ready and came back. We just had to record the dance routine and we would be done for today. But recordings means makeup. And makeup meant stylists which meant
Misoo.
After all the chaos tomorrow how am I even going to face her?
I came out of my room a little late and I thought everyone would have left but everyone stood near the dorm door talking to each other.
When I went near them, they said they were waiting for me to go together and then we locked the dorm and went towards the dancing studio together.
The first thing my eyes searched when I entered the room was Misoo. After searching for a few seconds I saw her standing in the corner talking to one of the other stylists. I felt a little relieved after looking at her.
We went towards our place and sat down. I knew since she was closure to Jungkook, she went towards him to do his makeup first but still it felt sad to see her choosing him over me even in a simple thing like doing makeup.
But I didn't want to complaint since I was the one who pushed her first. I glanced at them once in a while to see them extremely quiet. They were always chaotic making noises and fun of each other but today it was totally the opposite.
I saw Jungkook whispering some words to Misoo to which she smiled and nodded her head in a no. Other than that they didn't have any conversation.
After completing his makeup, she came towards me. I suddenly felt nervous.
After she came and stood by me, she wished a good afternoon with her beautiful smile. And at that time I looked at her closely.
Her eyes were red and she had dark circles. Her usual glowing skin was gone and she looked pale. Her lips carried that beautiful smile she always gave but the only difference was the smile was not reaching her eyes.
At that moment I realised, I forced her to be me. I made her so vulnerable that she had to fake smile. The person who always had the eye smiles was faking a smile because of me.
She started doing my makeup, but my eyes were stuck on her. It felt like she didn't get an ounce of sleep yesterday. Her eyes were so red, it felt like she cried all night.
What had I done to this person?
I didn't know what happened to me, but I stood up and left her hanging. She had almost completed the makeup so it wasn't looking anything bad but I couldn't stand looking at her so vulnerable.
I wanted to be the reason of her giggling, her laughs but I chose to be the cause of her tears.
We were asked to stand on our assigned places for the performance to start. Like a reflex, I looked at Misoo before starting the performance. She looked shocked at first but then gave her beautiful smile and thumbs up to tell me to do all the best.
I have been hurting her so much and still she's giving me her best wishes. That hurt me more. I turned without saying anything and looked at the camera to start the dance.
Kim Misoo's pov
I came inside the dance studio with all my equipments and a throbbing headache. After all the events happened last night, I couldn't sleep an ounce and my eyes didn't let me stop crying about him.
All the events of yesterday flashed out in front of me. I really didn't wanna think about it and cry but I couldn't help my emotions.
I went to the corner and started keeping all the equipments outside. Other unnies were talking by themselves and they tried to talk to me and ask me about my health but I politely declined them and told it was a mere headache.
By the time I realized bts were already there inside, I turned and saw everyone sitting on their seat already. I took a glance on Namjoon who sat far away not even looking at me once. Then I turned my head and saw Jungkook stating at me straight near me.
So I walked to Jungkook since he was nearer.
"Good afternoon Noona."
"Good afternoon Jungkook."
I really didn't have any energy to talk to anyone right now. I just wanted to complete everything as soon as possible and return back to the dorm to go sleep.
"Noona, you are too silent today."
"It's nothing like that", I gave a simple answer.
"Are you angry on me?"
"No Jungkook.", I nodded a no.
I knew it was rude to talk to him like that but I wasn't in a mood for long talks.
He too got the clue and then he remained silent after that for which I was grateful.
Soon I completed his hair and makeup and went towards Namjoon. He wasn't even looking at me since the time he entered the room.
I tried to put up my best smile that I could possibly pull over and wished him a good afternoon.
He looked at me for a while and then didn't wish back and turned towards the mirror. To be honest, this didn't hurt anymore since I have seen worse than this for now.
So I started doing his makeup. I noticed that he was looking at me through the mirror but I didn't look back at him. This went for some moments. I almost completed his makeup and I just had to add the lip balm but before I could complete the makeup and proceed towards his hairstyle, he stomped off his chair and went towards the centre of the room.
I bit my bottom lip to hold in my emotions. Now he didn't even want me to do his makeup anymore? Do I disgust him now?
All these thoughts were swarming up in my mind. Slowly everyone stood up in their assigned places. I couldn't look at anyone else but Namjoon at that moment.
And it felt shocking when he looked back at me. I didn't know what to do with that eyelock but I nervously showed him thumps up and smiled to tell him all the best. But again he turned around with a poker face.
That did hurt, but I smiled.
I stood there looking at them performing their new dance choreography. They really looked good. Their choreographies, they stage presence, everything was at its best.
They were really good. Army were going to love it. Soon the song finished and the cameras were switched off.
The first one to leave the room was Namjoon. He didn't even turn and look at me before going. Maybe he was speaking the truth when he said he would never talk to me again.
Almost every one had left the room. I too was packing my stuff, when I felt someone standing behind me. I turned around to find Taehyung standing.
"Noona.", He greeted with a small bow while I did the same.
He looked a little nervous and I knew what topic he was gonna talk about.
"Noona, I'm really sorry about yesterday.", He mumbled slowly while looking at his foot.
"It's okay Taehyung.", I genuinely meant that.
"No Noona. It isn't. Yesterday the whole day I was with Jungkook who was excited about proposing you. But then the thing happened and he cried in his room in front of me. I really didn't see anything else other than his tears and that time. I wanted to search you and ask you to give him another chance but then I saw you with Namjoon hyung, hugging him while he was crying his heart out. Seeing two members cry just made me too much overwhelming Noona. And in both of the situations you were there, so without thinking anything else I put it up on you and told so many bad things. I was also about to shame you but fortunately Jin hyung bought me out if the trance. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I would have used that word on you. Please Noona, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. ", He ended up with tears in his face.
"Believe me Taehyung, it's really okay. I really didn't take any of your words to my heart. I know you would never say those words to anyone, so I knew that was just some angry words that came out of your mouth. So you don't have to worry about it okay?", I smiled at him while he looked at me in disbelief.
"Noona, how can you forgive me so easily? You should get angry on me, it's okay if you shout and me or scold me,you can even hit me if you want. Just don't slap me on my face, or everyone will know about it.", Tae told while pouting and looking down.
I couldn't control my smile and I smiled genuinely after two to three days.
"Thank you so much Tae, I really was having a little hard time but you made me smile with your cute tactics. And I am truly saying, I didn't take your words to my heart. So you really don't have to worry about it okay? You should go now, you did a hectic choreography, take rest okay?", I too packed my equipments and left the room to go to my dorm.
I went towards the dorm and slept to reduce my headache. Today I slept almost all day trying to forget all the daggers that was stuck in my heart at that time.
The next seven days, we weren't assigned the duty for their makeup. Since they had to learn the choreography and practice the new songs.
I knew, it's was okay for me to visit the dressing room or the dance studio. Possibly I could have met them here and there if I wandered off in the building. But I chose these seven days to heal myself.
I looked at my phone and opened the message box of Namjoon. Even looking at it made me emotional. He was clearly ignoring me.
2nd September
Hey Namjoon, today you performance was very good. Take rest today.
Good night.
11:30Pm
3rd September
Good morning Namjoon, hope you have a nice practice today. Do not get hurt while practicing.Fighting.
07:11Am
Good Night Namjoon. You might be tired after your practice.
12:03Am
4th September
Good morning Namjoon, rise and shine. Practice your dance hard. Cannot wait for the new comeback.
06:52Am
Mira unnie said, your new choreography looks awesome. I cannot wait to see it as an army myself. All the best.Good night.
12:56Am
5th September
Good morning, Have a nice day. You are doing your very best. I know it even if I am not seeing the performance, I know you would be shining in the performance as always.
07:31Am
Good night Namjoon. You must be tired of all the tight schedules, have a good night.
01:19Am
6th September
Good Morning. Wake up with a smile today, so that it brightens up your whole day.
05:47 Am
I hope you aren't feeling any muscle cramps. Have some painkillers if you have body pain. Good night
11:48Pm
7th September
Good morning Namjoon. Be hydrated all day along. All the best for today.
07:55Am
Hope you listened to my advice and stayed hydrated. Good night.
12:07Am
8th September
Good Morning Namjoon. Rise and shine. I saw the new run episode today. It was so funny. Thank you for making me laugh like that.
07:11Am
It's been a while, I didn't meet you. I don't know if you would be thinking about me, but I do miss our late night conversations. Good night.
02:43Am
9th September
Good morning Namjoon. Rise and Shine.
06:01Am
Good Night Namjoon. Stay hydrated.
11:29 Pm
10th September
Good morning.
05:50Am
Good night.
12:43Am
11th September
Good morning Namjoon.
06:29 Am
Hey Namjoon, manager asked me to do your and Jungkook's hair color change for the new comeback. Do you want to do any particular hair color, or should I go in with my own vibe?
09:46Am
READ
He read every single message I wrote to him, but he didn't reply to any one of them. It did hurt a lot. To get ignored by the person who you really like a lot.
I confessed my feelings to him that night. But all he did was throw me back to the situation where I had to choose his friendship or my feelings. And I have no regrets in choosing what I did. Even if I would have the same situation and I need to choose again, I would do the same. I wiped off the tears that betrayed me again.
I messaged Jungkook to ask him to come to the dressing room, since Namjoon wasn't replying to the texts. I should start by doing his hair color.
With all the equipments needed, I went towards the dressing room to see Jungkook already standing near the door.
"Oh Jungkook, you are here early?" I was genuinely surprised he was here before me.
"Yeah Noona, it's been seven days since I- we have met you,so we missed you a lot. You didn't come while we were rehearsing. Every other Noona came once in a while."
"How were your rehearsals though? Totally prepared for the new comeback?", I avoided replying to why I didn't came to visit them.
"Yeah, I think so. I hope Army are gonna love this album too like they loved our previous album."
"Of course,we are gonna love it. And let me tell you a secret within army. We have already made a list about what records we have to make and how much we are going to stream.", I giggled while telling him.
"Really? The comeback is like after a month. You guys are planning it since now?"
"We already plan this things when your schedule comes about the comeback. We do not have to worry how the song is going to be, since we know bts songs would never disappoint us."
He looked at me again. This time his eyes carried some emotions. I for once forgot he has feelings for me. So I gave a quick smile and spoke to bring him out of his trance.
"Should we go inside the room?", I asked him opening the door of the dressing room.
"Yeah Noona", he entered the room after me.
"Do you want to give any suggestions on which color you want your hair next? "
"No Noona, I don't have any specific chosen color. You can do whatever it think it would look good at me."
I had my mind settled on what color I wanted for him, but still it was my duty to ask him his suggestion too.
"Okay then, lay down here. Let me start with washing your hair."
He laid down and I started to rinse his hair. He visually calmed down when I was massaging his hair with
shampoo.
There were moments when I knew how intensely he was staring at me, but I chose to avoid it. I didn't want him to get any other second thoughts about my feelings.
I knew he wanted to talk to me, maybe ask me many things too, but I don't think I was in a state to reply anymore.
"Noona, can I ask you something?", He at last reluctantly asked me.
"Yes Jungkook.", I replied while coloring his hair.
"I know you don't have feelings for me and that's why you rejected me. But you do have feelings for someone else right?"I looked at him in shock to meet his vulnerable eyes.
I felt much more guilty to be the reason of the sadness in his eyes. I didn't know what to reply. I heard him chuckling.
"Please do not think so much before replying Noona. I feel like I cannot be your friend anymore too.",
"I do like someone else, but that is really not the reason why I said no to you Jungkook, even if I had no one in my life before, I would have still chose to be your best friend rather than girl friend. I know I don't have any right to tell you this, but there is a much more beautiful,a much more deserving girl out there, waiting for you. So search for her, because she's your meant to be."
By the time, I stopped I had already completed his hair.
"You are looking very handsome Jungkook. This really suits you.", I smiled at him while he smiled back at me.
"Thanks Noona, I like blonde on myself too."
"I should go to my dorm now, thank you so much Noona. I really hope we can be friends even after all this happened." He was going outside.
"Jungkook." I called him.
"Could you please ask Namjoon to come to the dressing room now. I need to do his hair too but", I bit my lips thinking about all the ignorance I was getting from him since the last seven days,"Actually his phone is not reachable. So I cannot contact him.", I tried to give a smile to him while he looked sad as well.
"Yeah, I'll ask him Noona.", He smiled and left too.
I slumped down on the chair. What am I really doing here? In this rate, I feel like I would slip into depression. Before I used to laugh at any thing that I found funny but nowadays I feel like nothing is funny anymore. Nothing makes me smile. All I can think about is dull gloomy thoughts.
I cannot let myself slip into depression. I am a happy going bubbly girl. It would be injustice to me. I wouldn't let anyone else let me change myself. I am not going to cry over any boy, even if it's Namjoon. I wouldn't do that to myself.
I sat straight with confidence and determination about not crying over anything, but it all shattered when the door opened and he entered the room.
I saw him after eight days. He looked handsome as usual. He came towards me and stood in front of me avoiding his gaze towards myself.
"Good morning Namjoon.", I felt a lump gathered in my throat.
"Good morning.", Even hearing his voice after eight days was too much endearing for me.He sat down on the chair.
"Do you have any recommendations on which color you want for yourself."
"No." I went towards the bag and took out the color I wanted to use on him. Since he was a little far away, I broke into sob while hiding myself.
He was clearly ignoring me. But why is it hurting so much. Why every guy I like has to turn to be so rude to me. What did I even do to deserve all of these.
I went back to him with the things and started mixing it. I knew he wasn't even looking at me, so I let some silent tears flow away to let myself clear.
No Misoo, you have promised yourself, do not cry over someone who doesn't care about you. Infact he is one of the people who have taught you to love yourself. So you need to prioritize your feelings over everything.
I started shampooing him too. I knew I had nothing to talk to him anymore. So I stayed silent. But then he spoke this time.
"This is hectic for you right? Working for two people at a time.", His tone sounded overwhelming which confused me.
"No sir, it's not.", I spoke with a monotone.
"Don't worry Misoo. I had asked manager to find a new stylist as soon as possible. And he has already searched a new stylist for me. Now you don't have to worry about doing my makeup. Just focus on Jungkook from now on."
My hands stopped washing his colored hair. It felt like a thunder hit me hard. The only time I could have been near him was during styling him. But now he was snatching it from me too.
"Why?", I could only whisper.
He turned towards me. His eyes were glossy too. But it didn't pain my already painful heart.
"Why do you dislike me so much Namjoon? Why have you been ignoring me so much. Just because I like you? Just because your friend likes me? Is it my fault that he had feelings for me, or you too think that I was playing with both of your feelings like the slut I am."
He stood up suddenly and held me by my forearms looking at me directly.
"Do not say that about about yourself Misoo. Why are you shaming yourself. Why did you use too? Did someone insulted you like that? Tell me. Please.", His eyes were filled with tears but I felt his anger rising while his hands had a firm hold on me.
"What would you do if I even tell you if someone said that to me. Believe me Namjoon that didn't hurt me an ounce of what you are hurting me right now. You have broken my heart two times right after kissing me making me think that you like me too, but your actions makes me feel like you are disgusted by me."
"No Misoo, do not think like that. How can I ever disgust you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like that but that weren't my intentions."
"So tell me Namjoon, what were your intentions when you kissed me like you loved me but then asked me to go to your friend so that he could be with me too,kiss me too? Even you thought I would be okay kissing around anyone Namjoon. Even you think I'm a sl-"
"No stop it, no. I could never think about you like that Misoo. I have never thought such ill fated things about anybody, so how could I even think about you."
I knew it too Namjoon. I knew it that you would never think about me like that. I looked at his eyes filled with vulnerability. Whenever I used to see him, all my anger and disappointment would fly away and I would think about prioritizing him over me anytime.
And I thought seeing me stay here in bighit is another misery for him too. He would always be like this ignorant if I stay here. Even Jungkook will forget me soon, if I leave this job. Even Namjoon will soon forget me and he wouldn't feel guilty about his friend.
"I will be leaving soon Namjoon." He looked numb by the sudden announcement.
"What? What are you saying Misoo? You will be leaving where?"
"I had signed a contract of six months for this job Namjoon, at the end of October it will finish too. And I am not planning to extend my contract here."
I knew what I was doing. It wasn't anything sudden. All the days I sat ideally in my bedroom, I thought about all of this. I had worked in bighit for half year, and the character certificate I would get after leaving would be decent too, so maybe I'll find another job somewhere. Where I wouldn't have to cry everytime. Where I could think about my happiness too.
"No Misoo, what are you saying. You cannot do that? You cannot leave bighit. You are just angry now and that's why you are speaking like this. Please don't pull any decisions when you are emotional. Please don't leave bighit", He pulled me closer to himself.
"It isn't a sudden decision Namjoon. I have planned everything.", I looked down.
"And don't worry, I think with the experience of working on the biggest band of the world, I would get nice jobs after this too. And then you don't have to make efforts on avoiding me every now and then.
You can just block my number from now on, sorry for spamming messages everyday. I just messaged you every morning and night because you were the first thought after I woke up and my last thought before I slept. But now I know my limits."
"Misoo, please please don't make me feel like that. I'm sorry. Forgive me please. Forgive me for whatever I have done till now. I know it isn't forgiveable but please. I'm sorry. Don't leave bighit. Don't leave me.", He blabbered repeatedly.
He hugged me tightly after saying that. I sobbed too. It felt like I was guilt tripping him. That weren't my intentions. I didn't want to make him feel guilty. I wanted to be happy for myself. And that was the only thought in my mind.
"I'm sorry Namjoon. Believe me, I swear on my parents that I wasn't trying to guilt trip you, I just want to love myself a little more now. That's what you have taught me to do. I'm just following your lessons. And I don't think I can love myself and prioritize my feelings in here because you would be always above me in my list."
He broke the hug and looked into my eyes. He then leaned forward to kiss me.
But I didn't let him do that. I backed off and he looked at me like a baby whose eyes were filled with fear and regret.
"No Namjoon, I can't let you kiss me anymore. You would kiss me and then ask me to give Jungkook another chance. That is what I have learnt after sharing both the kisses from you."
He cried keeping his head on my shoulders.I wanted to leave the room and let him stay alone but I didn't want to risk the possibility of a panic attack striking him.
I was such a bad person to let all my feelings out to him, when I knew he could get panic attacks because of me. I would never forgive myself if that happens.
So I broke the hug this time and wiped his tears while looking at him with a smile.
"Shh, now stop crying. I'm not going now. I almost have one month and few more days to leave. And till then too, you would have been assigned a new stylist, she would be more qualified than me, more amazing with her work. So I do not have to worry about leaving you in her hands at all."
"Look at the mirror. Tell me how you like your new hair color. I really love this color on you. It makes you look more mature and handsome."
"It's good.", He looked at the light blue color through the mirror and whispered.
"You like it? I have thought about coloring your hair to this color since two months. Everyone will love it, you would see.", I smiled at him.
He hummed. I wiped all the left tears in his face. He really looked like a baby who lost her mother in the supermarket. He looked broke and lost. But this was all I could have done for him to make sure he doesn't have a panic attack.
"Please discuss about your past with everyone soon Namjoon. You will need their help one day or the other. Maybe you have told Jin sir and Hoseok sir about your panic attack, since they told me about it on Jungkook's birthday. So whenever you feel uneasy even for a slight bit, go to them okay. Spend time with them, try to distract all the bad thoughts that are coming to your mind and fill it up with happy thoughts."
"Why are you talking like this?", He asked. His eyes filled with sorrow.
"Talking like what?"
"Talking like you would be leaving today only."I smiled after listening to his innocent question.
"Since you are getting your new stylist, I don't think we would be meeting again now. So maybe this would be our ever long last conversation. So I just wanted to tell you what I wanted."
"Hmm.", He hugged me again. While I patted his back.
"Tell everyone how you feel. They are your family too. They will understand your feelings Namjoon. They will always be there for you okay."
"Hmm"
"You are really very very handsome Namjoon. Do not ever compare yourself with someone else. You are beautiful inside out. You are inspiration for people to love themselves so you should do that too."
"Hmm"
"Whatever happens, whenever you feel sad, tell your members about it. Do not keep it inside. That would increase the possibility of panic attacks."
"Hmm"
"Talk to your manager about that, and go consult a doctor about it. It's nothing serious but the medications will help you get the panic attacks removed permanently. Do that okay."
"Hmm."
I was saying everything I wanted him to do it. I wanted to be with him in all these steps but I couldn't ask for everything I wanted. Even if I wanted to be with him in every step of his life, because people don't always get what they want.
"Tomorrow is your birthday. You remember it right? You should celebrate it with a huge smile on your face. Don't be sulky like this, you are gonna turn 26. Celebrate it to the extent that you would not forget this birthday ever okay?"
"Hmm"
"And last, I really really like you Namjoon. I like you very much. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration for my life. You were always there for me even virtually whenever I needed you. Thank you for being an essential part of my life."
He didn't hummed this time. I felt his him tightening his hold on my waist. I felt my sleeves getting wet by his tears.
"I like you too Misoo.", He meant to spoke it to himself but it came out of his mouth as a low whisper. If he wouldn't have been hugging me and wouldn't have his head on my shoulders, I wouldn't have listened to it ever.
I heard his feelings for me for the first time, even if he didn't mean to tell it to me. That was enough for me. I didn't want anything else. I didn't want to react to it, since I knew he didn't mean it for me to listen so I didn't want him to know that I heard him.
So I broke the hug and wiped all his tears with my sleeves. I asked him to go to his room, since it was almost the lunch time and I was hungry.
He looked at me for the last time, before departing to his room while I went towards mine.
After reaching my dorm, I let my tears flow away that I kept all locked before in the dressing room.
Kim Namjoon's pov
"And last, I really do really like you Namjoon. I like you very much. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration for my life. You were always there for me even virtually whenever I needed you. Thank you for being an essential part of my life."
If everything that she said didn't make me cry, her confession did. It broke my heart. Why was I such a coward. Why couldn't I reciprocate my feelings towards her.
I like her too. I liked her to such limits that couldn't be defined. She made my life beautiful in such a short span of time. I couldn't control myself and I said my feelings out.
"I like you too Misoo.", I wanted my voice loud and clear but when the words came out,it was almost inaudible to myself. I could only wish that she would have caught it. Because I didn't have courage to say those words again.
But when she broke the hug and didn't show any other emotions, I knew she couldn't hear my feelings. And I didn't have the audacity to speak it again after making her cry so much.
She said she was hungry and since it was lunch time, so we departed to our rooms.
As soon as I entered the room, I saw almost everyone, sitting in the living room talking about something.
They looked at me with shiny eyes after looking at my hairstyle.
"Wow, I really have to appreciate Misoo. Your hair color is so unique, it matches up with your face. She really has a good choice with her colors.", Jin hyung stood from the couch and came towards me while the others agreed.
I really didn't have anything to talk to. I couldn't act in front of them. I wanted to smile and act like everything was okay but a tear slipped from my eye thinking about her leaving me.
Jin hyung came towards me and then he saw my face closely to know what my current state of mind was.
"Joonie, what happened why are you crying? Are you okay?", Hyung looked concerned and he cupped my face to held me. Everyone heard him and came towards us hurriedly to look after me.
I looked at everyone to see their eyes filled with concern for me.
"Share your feelings with them Namjoon, they will understand, they are your family."
I remembered Misoo advising me and all my act broke when Jin hyung hugged me.
"What happened Joonie? Please tell me, tell hyung, he will take care of it."
"She's leaving me hyung, she's leaving me very soon."
"Who? Namjoon, who is leaving you? ", Hoseok hyung leaned forward and caressed my back.
"Misoo is leaving me."
"What happened? Did she tell you anything? Where is she leaving?"
"She said that she isn't going to sign the new contract after six months are completed. She'll leave this job next month. She'll leave me alone hyung."
"She's leaving?", Came out a shocked voice. When I raised my head from hyung's shoulders, I saw Jungkook looking at me with shattered expressions.
It left my mind that Jungkook was standing in front of me too. Infact everyone was. They all looked at me with different emotions.
"Yeah, she told me that now only."
"She never told me that.", His eyes went glassy while thinking about her leaving.
"No Jungkook, don't cry, maybe you should ask her to stay, she'll listen to you."
"She didn't listen to you, why will she listen to me hyung", he dry chuckled.
"No Jungkook,it's nothing like that."
"I know hyung, I know about your feelings for Noona.", I felt paralysed after hearing it.
"Jungkook, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hide it from you. But she doesn't have any feelings for me so don't wor-"
"I'm sorry Hyung, please forgive me.", He came towards me while everyone backed off a little bit.
"Why are you saying sorry Jungkook?"
"Hyung, I knew about your feelings for her hyung. Way before I told you about my feelings."
"What are you saying Jungkook?", Jimin worriedly came towards him, and held his hands.
"Hyung, I knew about your feelings way before, but I was scared. You are perfect, you have everything. You are intelligent, smart, handsome, elegant. I got intimidated hyung. And that's why I told you about my feelings.
I knew you would help me with her. I got selfish hyung. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Please hyung, all of these is happening because of me.", He fell on his knees while everyone looked at him in disbelief.
"Jungkook, even after knowing you didn't tell us. We even asked you about it."Jimin looked sad as well as accusatory.
"I'm sorry Hyung, please forgive me. I'm sorry. Even Noona is sad because of me, I knew she likes you too but I still chose to be selfish enough. I thought I still had a chance so I tried to do whatever I could."
"Do not cry Jungkook, it's okay. I'm not angry on you. I understand you. You don't have to apologize to me about it. In fact it felt nice that you shared it with me.", I hugged him.
"I'm sorry Hyung,please be with her. Both you and her are in tears because of me. She likes you too hyung, I could see it in her eyes. "
"No Jungkook, I have promised you, I couldn't help you with her, but I wouldn't do that with you by being with her, that would be injustice to you"
"Hyung, and you not being happy because of me would be more hurting for me. I already hurt you enough till now hyung, please don't put me in guilt anymore. Free me from this guilt by ending up with her. Seeing you two together would be the only thing that would free me up from this guilt of making you both cry hyung."
I didn't see Jimin texting someone while I was trying to console him.
"But Jungkook, what about you? You have feelings for her too. How can I do it to you."
Jungkook tried to make me understand more. I explained him again. In some minutes, we heard a door bell ring.
Jimin went towards the door, and opened it to see Misoo standing with worry filled eyes.
"What happened Jimin? Is Namjoon okay? Did he get panic attack again.", I heard her hurried voice before she looked at me.
"Namjoon are you okay? What happened? Can you breathe normally?", She rushed towards me and asked me. I was confused.
"Misoo, I'm okay. Nothing happened to me, what are you doing here?"
"You are okay? Then why did-", she turned towards Jimin to ask the reason of his message.
"Jimin messaged me that you needed me urgently, so I came here since I thought you had a panic attack again.", She then realised what she said aloud and palmed her mouth. Everyone didn't know about my panic attack, that was why she looked shocked.
"Hyung, please.", Jimin looked at me with pleasing eyes.
Even Jungkook who stood beside me pressed my hands tightly.
"Please hyung tell her, I was the reason, you didn't confess, now let me be the reason of you both being together.", He whispered in my ears.
Misoo stood in front of me, looking confused and worried at the same time. Everyone looked at me in anticipation.
"Misoo, I need to tell you something."
"Yeah Namjoon tell, are you really okay?"
"I'm okay. I wanted to tell that please don't leave me Misoo. Please don't leave us."
"But Namjoon, that is the best option, I can think of right now.", She looked at me with sadness filled in her eyes.
"Misoo, please don't leave me alone.I like you very much."
Hello my lovelies 💜
9000+ words for the first time, my fingers are literally paining 🤣
I thought about making two chapters out of this but then posted it in a single chapter.
5 more chapters to go, will miss you guys after that.. 🥺🥺
Please comment and tell how you like the chapter, because that gives me more enthusiasm to write the next chapters.
Borahae💜