Dear Park Jay,
Sorry I haven't written much to you in these past few weeks. I've been busy and stressed and finding this phase of my life so unimaginable - and your mom is now helping my family to take care of me in the house.
Maybe because of your gift to us, she had return back to her old cheerful self. Sometimes, she slept in my side and is hugging me gently while whispering to me before she closes her eyes. You know what she whispers all the time?
She could feel you were there. Everywhere. You were just watching from the side.
God knows, I hope it's true. I hope you're looking out for me with a smile - that precious smile I had fallen inlove with from you in the first place. I can even already imagine you sitting with me in the bed to the times I just want to cry.
And like the scene in those movies that you find cringy, I could imagine you wanting to hug me. But because you're no more, your hands was only passing through me like the air. Just thinking about it breaks me too, so why don't we turn this letter into a much happier note?
They said in three weeks, I will be four months pregnants and my own mom is taking me to an ultrasound to find what the sex of the gender will be. I want a girl, for real but everyone we know wanted a boy. Especially our boys, the remaining Enhypen.
They all wanted the baby to be name after you and I agree. Because you really liked Jay, he will be Jay if he was a boy. For a girl? I'm not really thinking anything when all of them is already betting it was a boy.
I bet if the baby will be a boy, he will look just like you. He will have your hair, your eyes, your nose and lips that I loved to kiss along the sharp jaw that Sunghoon said it would be funny to see in a newborn. Maybe yes. Maybe not.
But it still hurts, you know. I wish I was picking baby names with you instead.
I wish the baby could feel you or dream of you. Even once.
love, Y/N