18+ speaks of sexual assault
I had no time to think about what went down yesterday, all I've been thinking is the court day I have today. I was worried, worried that my rapist would be able to be free and roam this earth to look for more naive girls. I wasn't sure if Rhett would meet us at the courthouse or just vanish into thin air, I wouldn't blame him if he did just disappear out of my life.
I didn't even care to do my makeup knowing that I'd probably ruin it with tears, I dressed in a sage green pantsuit. I made my way downstairs, every step I took I had to remind myself to inhale and exhale.
"You ready?" My dad asked.
I gulped, was I? No, I wasn't but I have to be. I nodded my head, my mom smiled as she pulled me into a tight, loving hug. We all walked outside to the car, we all decided to drive there together. My heart was beating so hard against my chest that it physically hurt, I didn't want to see him it hurts to bad.
When I left to Paris, my first couple months were horrible. I fell into a dark depression, I had really bad ptsd. Most of my days were followed by fear and anger, everyday I thought I was being followed home. I knew he was locked up but I still had nightmares of him walking through my door and abusing me all over again, it's the worse feeling in the world. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Finally we arrived at the courthouse, it was becoming way to real for me.
We got down and made our way inside, we had to go through security checks before getting to the hallway where my lawyer was waiting for me. When we walked inside the hallway I spotted Rhett leaning against the wall talking to my lawyer, I was shocked to see that he actually showed up. He caught whiff of us arriving and patted my lawyer on the shoulder before walking over to us. He kissed my mom on the cheek and gave my dad a stern handshake before stepping closer to me, I glanced down at my fiddling thumbs.
"You got this, okay." He whispers before kissing my forehead, it didn't feel the same.
The kiss felt like a friend giving me a peck before leaving my home, I smiled.
"Thank you for coming." I said.
"We both don't know where we stand with each other but that doesn't mean I stop loving you, Adora." He says.
I nodded my head, he was a good man I couldn't deny that but he just wasn't the right man for me.
We all proceeded to walk inside the court room, painful shivers crawled up my back once I spotted Victoria and Faust sitting together in the far left corner.
She looked different, way different. Her once black hair was now light brown, her style changed to a more bright color scheme, I could see the tattoos she had on her hands that weren't there before, she looked way more healthier and gained a few healthy pounds.
I haven't spoken to her since I first left, my eyes locked to the person next to her. Faust, the man who I have completely fallen in love with.
Rhett saw how distracted I was that he glanced back and saw what I was seeing, his jaw tighten as his hand lowered down my back while we walked passed the crowd.
My lawyer and I sat upfront, my hands started shaking and my breathing became heavier.
"You have your statement, correct?" My lawyer reached over to whisper inside my ear, I nodded.
The door opened, Jakob walked inside with chains hanging around his feet and wrist. His mother started sobbing about her "little boy", Jakob scanned the crowd before finding me. He gave me a harsh look that made me want to run away and hide but I wouldn't, not this time. I'm not running away from him anymore, he's nothing but a piece of garbage.
"How are they treating you, baby?" His mom shouts, so he could hear her.
"What do you fucking think? I'm not saying at a damn resort." He shouts back at his mom, that shut her up real quick.
The judge walked in quickly after Jakob did, he took his seat before pulling a bunch of papers out. My mouth was starting to get dry and my body slowly became consumed by numbness.
I slightly turned around to look at Faust, his eyes were immediately on me. He gave me a comforting nod and I sent him a sad smile. It was my way of thanking him for being here, I wanted nothing more then to be wrapped in his arms.
"This is the case of Adora Ridges vs Jakob Tuffin." Someone said, I wasn't quite sure how court works. I've always been a outstanding citizen, I've never been in trouble with the law before.
All I know is that I need to win, I need to win one last time.
"Victim needs to take stand."
I stood up, my fingers were basically digging inside the palm of my hands causing a bit of irritation. My dad reached over and kissed my forehead, I grabbed his forearm for dear life afraid I might fall.
When he pulled away the warmth from my body disappeared with him, I didn't look at Jakob as I walked to the stand next to the judge.
"What's your name?" The judge asked, his heavy eyes were directly on me.
"Adora Ridges." I spoke, my voice cracked just a tiny bit.
"I heard you prepared a letter."
"Yes, sir." I said.
I reached inside my back pocket pulling a tiny envelope out, it was pink and covered in flowers, it reminded me of that time Victoria and I spent our summer in Hawaii before all of this. Tears filled my eyes as I tried to steady my breathing, my hands were shaking around the letter.
I begin to read my letter.
"I remember that day very vividly, it was the day after I won a medal for outstanding turns in ballet. I was wearing my pink leotard with a pair of black shorts and I had my hair up in bun like I did everyday. Jakob Tuffin, you saw I was vulnerable and you took your opportunity. You invited me to that hotel room with a set motive, you lied and said my best friend, your girlfriend was there."
I shouted the last piece, my body was visibly shaking. I still didn't look at Jakob, I kept my eyes on the ink that was against the piece of paper.
"When your eyes shifted to a dark shade of brown I knew right away I was in trouble, I wish I was wasted that night so I wouldn't remember the stuff you did to me."
I wiped my tears away as I held my finger underneath my nose. The memories of that night stormed through my mind like a hurricane, my stomach felt so empty that it was starting to make me sick.
"I cried, I cried all night for you to stop but you didn't. You looked at me in my bloody leotard and you laughed, you forcibly took my pride and my innocence."
"The morning after, I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't feel anything below my waist. I threw up that morning, that night and through out that entire year. I punched my stomach everyday for the past month in a half to make sure I wasn't caring your fetus."
"I will no longer be your victim, I will no longer be blamed for a crime you've committed, and I will no longer search for non-existing answers on why you've done what you've done to me. You deserve to rot in that cell forever and while your in there, I'll be out here living my best life like I am today."
My mouth was shaking viciously, it was brutal and disgusting but it was the truth. I folded my letter before shutting my eyes gently, I finally finished my statement, my truth. I grabbed the cup of water that was in front of me and drank some, hydrating my dry mouth. My dried tears stained my cheeks as I glanced up to look at the huge audience I had in front of me, I felt so tiny and fragile right now, I hated that feeling.
Jakob had an angry glare to him, he knew he was getting more time, he knew that he was finally going to pay.
"Thank you, Miss Ridges. You may go back to your seat." The judge told me, my head nodded slowly. I tucked my letter back inside my pocket before getting up, I wanted to make a run for it, from it all but I couldn't because he needed to pay.
I sat right back next to my lawyer, my lawyer leaned over to tell me what a good job I did but the words felt like they were drowning and the people felt like they were fading.
It continued for another 2 hours before everything started to come together. At one point his mother took the stand and made a great speech about how amazing her son is, how many awards he's gotten in school, how many people warship him, how he would spend ever Christmas with his grandparents in big bear with his little sister, how he would scare all the little boys away from his sister because that proves that he didn't rape me, that it wasn't his fault but mine.
It was all bullshit
Everyone knows how much he hated his little sister, how much he threatened his grandparents with violence he even did it to his own mother. His mother left out the part where he would hit on her, where her husband and son are both abusers.
Finally the judge came to a conclusion, everyone was standing up. My heart was racing in my chest, beads of sweat collected around my forehead.
"With all the evidence I collected today, I sentence Jakob Tuffin to maximum time for his crime." The judge spoke, my stomach dropped in relief.
Tears filled my eyes as I listened carefully to each word the judge said, my lawyer dropped her papers to hug me. Everything felt so surreal, I broke down in happy tears while hugging her back. I wasn't just happy for myself, I was happy for all the girls that had survive his abuse and the future women who would have fallen into his wrath.
My mom and dad were broken down in tears, they both were hugging each other for dear life. While walking pass Jakob and his family, I stopped and looked at him like really looked at him. I wasn't afraid of him anymore and that was the best feeling ever.
"I won and you lost, remember that." I told him with a happy glint to my eyes.
I watched as the officers took him away, it felt like a brick was lifted off my shoulder. They took him through those doors, and I'll never have to worry about seeing him for a very very long time. I turned to walk away but stopped when I saw Victoria standing near the huge doors with her purse hanging off her fingers, and mascara running down her cheeks.
I walked closer to her, we both stood apart as we stared at each other.
"I'm so sorry, god I'm sorry." She says, I could hear her clearly.
"I know." I said.
She grabs the handle to the door and glanced at me one last time.
"Bye, party animal."
"Bye, Tori." I whispered.
She opened the doors and walked out, I watched as the doors closed behind her. Friendship isn't forever and I now know that, she wasn't leaving because she blamed me or was mad at me, there was nothing here for her anymore. Justice was served and that's what she waited for, now she needs to open a new chapter in her life and find a guy who truly deserves her. We're just two very different people who grew apart, she'd never be able to understand the pain I've endured and I'll never be able to understand her pain, I've accepted that and clearly so has she.
My dad interrupted my thoughts with a tight hug, he lifted me off the ground and spun me around softly. When my dad released me I immediately went on my tippy toes to try and search for Faust but he was no where to be found, did he suddenly have the same mindset as Victoria?
"We need to celebrate." My dad says to everyone.
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this chapter was extremely hard to write especially as a woman. Women don't get justice, they get judged, it's upsetting and disgusting that our justice systems are so screwed up.
I love you guys<3