[Phoebe—Two days Later at School]
“Yes, Yes. That’s a wonderful painting darling. What is it”? I asked Mercedes.
“Teacher you don’t know?” She shrieked, almost appalled I would question her artistic values.
I chuckled and stared intently at it. “Okay, I really don’t know.”
“It’s a meatball teacherrrrr. See.” She pointed to big brown and pink dot, honestly I thought it was shit, or that she really just felt like drawing a pink and brown glob of a ball. How creative.
“Ohhhhh I see it now! It’s making me so hungry.” I pretended to rub my stomach, famished. I didn't know meatballs were pink, I guess it was raw.
She giggled and focused her eyes back on perfecting it I guess, I moved down the line to Johnathan and Kaitlyn.
“How’s it going?” I asked in my British accent, which Johnathan seemed to have down to a Q.
“Hi Teachaaa.” She never did pronounce the R in that word. I shook my head. “You like my picture?” She looked up expectantly at me.
“Yes, it’s pretty. Who is it?” It looked like people.
“This is meee. This is you and this is Daddy. See! Look, I tried to paint your hair curly.” She giggled and clapped her hands proudly.
Oh wow. I was just in awe. She really does love me like her mother. I could never take the place of her real mother, but somehow I felt like I had. It was such a beautiful feeling. I felt like somebody had wanted me besides August and like somebody had needed me.
“Awww sweetheart. It’s beautiful.” I stooped down beside her. “We’re going to take it home for you’re father okay.”
“Oh and a baby.” She quickly picked up the brush , dipped it in the red paint and drew a small little person. Did kaitlyn just say baby?
“A baby?” I laughed.
“Yes, baby sister.” She mumbled before she closely painted on some dots for eyes.
“A baby sister?” I asked looking at her, somewhere deep inside me, my well broke and my tears came streaming.
“Yup!” She said popping the P and she looked at me.
“Ms.Phe Phe you crying?”
“Oh N—No baby. I’m not.” I quickly took my hands patting my tears away and the melancholy atmosphere that followed me around.
“Why you cry teacheaaa?” She asked me.
“I don’t know.” I said sniffling.
“I know.” Said Johnathan, nonchalantly as he just flicked the brush on the paper, carelessly.
“’Cause teacher don’t know where babies come from.”
I chuckled; it would be him to say something like this.
“Yeah, that’s why.” I conclude nodding my head.
“Do yooou know Johnathan?” Kaitlyn asked suddenly interested.
“Mhmm.” He shrugged.
“How come you neva tell me! Tell me now.” She rested down her paint brush and pinched him really hard.
“That hurt!” He exclaimed, pulling away from her. “I gonna tell you!”
“Tell me.” She instructed, letting go of his skin.
“Everybody know, babies happen when God send down a baby from the sky, into a mommy’s belly. Duhhh. I know, my brother tell me that.”
“Johnathan you’re so smart. I thought babies come from unicorns, when they touch horns.”
“Oh God.” I closed my eyes laughing. “I thought that too baby.” I chuckled.
“Then they come outta your butt.” He added.
“Yuck!” Kaitlyn exclaimed. “Out of your butt?”
“No not my butt, your butt.”
“My Butt?” Kaitlyn asked, terrified.
“No not your butt. My butt.” I intervened.
“Out of your butt?” They both dropped they’re paint brushed in the container of water, zooming into my face. I felt like I was being interviewed.
“No—Not really your butt but….”
“I thought you said your butt. Who’s butt is it?” Kaitlyn asked digusted.
“Arrrr Nobody’s butt!” I threw my hands up laughing, I was being general.
“Look you guys don’t need to worry where babies come from until you’re 30. Now I don’t want to talk about this anymore, y’all make me queasy.” I stuck out my tongue and they laughed entertained.
“Get back to painting.” I smiled and rose from my stooping position, making my rounds to everybody’s picture.
After the day flew by, it was time to head home because school was over and since I still hadn’t gone back home to my apartment, I was still staying with August. I did go home the other night to have dinner with my mother, but I couldn’t sleep there.
I started to feel lonely and so scared, so I hopelessly went back to his house and he ignored me the whole time. I managed to climb on top of him when he was sleeping and stayed there, forcing him to hold me. I know that I may have issues and that I don’t know how to express them, but honestly the only reason I stayed with August after what he did, was because I could never find somebody else to take care of me like he does.
And I don’t mean financially. I mean the way he talks to me, how he sees things, the way he puts up with my behavioral issues. I find it, enlightening, and I couldn’t leave him if I tried. Nobody can give me what he can. I also find it comfort with him, because he doesn’t judge me, he and I both have conduct problems and I feel accepted whenever I’m with him. Because we both have problems and being in a perfect relationship really does suck.
Our relationship may not be the healthiest but it’s intoxicating and there’s no drug around, like August. He gives me this feeling, especially when he gets angry at me or especially when we make love. He fills me up with wonder and I don’t ever want to lose it. I can’t, or I’ll be the twice over broken-hearted girl, who loses everything in her life.
So I’m going to hold onto him because, I’d have to find a doppelganger to replace him, and that’s simply impossible.
He hadn’t called me for the day and I knew it was just him being stubborn, showing me that he could act just the same as me and I hate it when he does that.
I know that in my mind, I can always find a way to victimize myself, but it’s like I never allow myself to see, how hard I’m being on him. And I’m sorry; I’m making a promise that I won’t manipulate my vaginal powers anymore.
I won’t tempt him to hit me, or be angry anymore.
I won’t deliberately, get him flustered or try to push him over the edge anymore.
I won’t bring up the event that happened that night anymore. No matter how hard I try, I always see that night somehow in my dreams, and it has been haunting, but the only way to let go of a tale, is to cut it off.
And that’s what I’m doing. When August goes on tour in a few weeks, I will see a psychiatrist who will help me be a better person and woman to him, to myself.
I haven’t told anyone yet, but I’m going to ask My mother about my biological mom, I know I said I didn’t want to know her, or that I was afraid she wouldn’t want to meet me, but I need to know her . I need to know why she just left me in the hands of other people.
If I’m ever going to be right again, I need to know.
“Come on Kaitlyn lets go.”
“Wait, I have to look for my painting,I can’t find it.”
“Didn’t you wrap it up in the closet with the others?”
“Mhmm, I go look.”
“Okay hurry, I want to make your father dinner. He’s mad at me. “ I mumbled to myself and sighed sitting on the edge of my desk, with my bag over my shoulder waiting on little missy.
“Oh Mistress Mine.” My head shot up towards the door and it was Malcolm. I quickly hopped off the table, looking at my watch.
“I’m leaving, please exit my classroom.”
“Feisty today?” He smiled, and stuck his hands into his pressed trousers.
I ignored him and started gathering my bags and folders.
“So you’re going to ignore my presence?” He asked and he walked right over to me.
“Please. Just leave me the hell alone. I don’t want you!” I snarled between clenched teeth.
“Because you don’t know what you want. You haven’t had me yet.” He smiled and touched my cheek.
“Stop it.” I mumbled jerking my head away from him, fumbling on my heels. I wished I hadn’t made August so angry with me last night that he would’ve been here waiting on me at 3.
“I haven’t even started.” He grinned. “Oh baby, what I could do to this body, you wouldn’t be able to walk for days.” He held my waist.
“What form of stop it, don’t you understand?” I pulled my hips away from him, eyeing the closet hoping he would leave before Kaitlyn came out.
“Leave.” Instructed. Why couldn’t Principal Mcarthur, just walk in and see him harassing me. Nobody seemed to ever be around when he was.
“You know at first, I thought you’d be easy.”
“Look, just get the fuck out of here. This is why I’m getting that restraining order for your crazy ass.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Restraining order?”
“Yes. R-e-s-t-r-a-….” Before I could continue my taunting sass, he grabbed me by the throat and I felt my legs dangle in the air, as my papers fell to the floor.
“Yo--youu know , hmm you just like Justine. Restraining order? She did that too. But she got something coming to her.” His grip around my neck tightened and my feet kicked, as I gasped for air. My fists came plundering down onto his forearms, trying to get him to release me.
“I—I can’t breathe.” I whimpered, with my eyes threatening to roll to the back of my head.
“See these.” He pulled out my same knickers from the Christmas party, out of his pocket and brought them a whisper away from my flushed face.
“Mouth watering.” He smiled and I continued hitting his arms, but my pace grew slower and slower as he choked me to death.
“You will wear these for me one night.” He chuckled, tucking them back into his pocket.
“Teachaaa I find it.” My eyes caught a view of Kaitlyn standing there with her painting in her hand.
“What you doing to my Teachaa!” She screamed and my body came crashing down onto the floors, as he released my neck. My body erupted in wheezing and coughing , as Kaitlyn rushed over to me.
“Ms.Phe Phe!”
My eyes searched for him, but he was already gone, he scurried away so quickly. “Teacha?” She held my face in her tiny frame kneeling down next to me.
“Y—Yes baby. I’m ok—kay. I’m fine.” I said as my breathing hitched and my heart raced.
“Teacha why he do that to you?” She asked me completely baffled.
“H—He’s a very angry man Kaitlyn. Listen to me.” I sat up holding her body in my arms.
“Y—You can’t tell Daddy what you saw this time okay? Daddy is a very angry man too, and he must not know about this. Okay?”
“Why not?”
“Because Ms.Phe Phe loves your Daddy and she doesn’t want him to anything stupid. Do we understand?”
She looked at me like she was terrified for a bit, “Yes. Okay.”
I couldn’t take that chance of explaining to August that Malcolm had just tried to choke me to death in my own classroom, because I don’t want him going out killing people. He’s too good for that. I don’t want him ruining his celebrity status, or cause him to get dropped from his label.
I warned him about us getting involved from the beginning, because of Malcolm; I had to figure things out on my own.
“Good girl. We have to get out of here. Come on.”
See I keep teeling y'all the more you comment, the more i'll Update. 100+ comments makes me happy and in the updating mood. :) How nice of me. And The answer to the trivia question was Inhale. I said Coincidentally. In the song inhale, literally he is teaching a girl to smoke which is Phoebe but figuarativly, he's talking about oral sex. Which Phoebe has never done to him, nor has he to her. The song he was singing in the chapter had nothing to do with the question, The winner was @camrynjanae because She was the first to comment that answer. Don't kill me people, I'm only human, alot of you got it correct, but she was the first. Look I'll just end up following all of you to keep everybody happy. lol
Excuse my errors, Remember to vote and comment and don't shoot the messenger. Oh and lastly, alot of you think that Phoebe is over the top, bipolar and that she is irritating. She has never met her biological parents seeing they abandoned her at birth, she miscarried with her first baby, she was "raped", her still in love with her ex boyfriend is hooked on crack cocaine and she is being sexually harrassed at her job, by a 40 somthing year old man. Think about it., how would you behave? She does not know how to love, though she may say I love you to August, read between the lines. Be patient with my Phoebe, in this book, August will show what is love, y'all gotta give her some time.
I may update again tonight.....But if you didn't vote on the last chapter go back and do so. I know where you live.