Clutter filled walls and rooms but the cameras turned their backs on them as lights flashed and people prepared to mic up. Delilah stood, wearing a mustard top, a low neckline was visible and her black trousers were looser but professional. Mustard heels were word and jewellery hung from her ears, neck and wrist as she watched the mic clip into place.
A table was seen and a few familiar faces were recognised as Delilah was handed cards, cards she had written the majority of. The group around the table were laughing and as soon as she joined them, she joined in on the conversation. Making her smile as well. That was until the cameras started and Damien introduced the video. "What's up guys, today we are playing a fun game. That is, WTFUsay? In this game, Lemon here has come along and she has picked some of her favourite British slang and we have to try and guess what it means. And at the end, if we have time, she is going to give us a sentence or two in another language. She doesn't know about that yet but now he does. And why the F would we not pick our resident British polyglot to host this?" Damien reminded the viewers to like and subscribe violently before the cameras cut and they prepared for the rest of the video.
The cameras came back to and the first round began. Whiteboards at the ready. Courtney and Ian jokingly competing against each other as Shayne and Damien jokingly knocked the boards and pens from one another. Keith and Ify trying to stay out of trouble while Kimmy was stuck between the squabbling pairs, not sure what to do. "Okay guys, the first WTFUsay is relatively easy." Delilah began and she made sure to emphasise the last word. "Natter." The timer started and pens met boards as they started to write down what they believed it was. Everyone had managed to guess that it meant to talk to others casually.
"I'm gonna win. Easy." Courtney bragged but Kimmy puckered her lips.
"I don't know. Damien talks to Delilah the most and these are phrases she uses." Kimmy's suggestion caused daggers to be joyfully sent to Damien as Courtney pretended to threaten him.
"If you win, I will fuck you up."
"I think that you are just a bad loser." Damien's cool boy voice had surfaced and Shayne quietly laughed as he watched the pair butt heads.
"Next word...s," Delilah mused as she hoped to redirect the video. "Chin wag." The words caused uncomfortable laughs as they tried to guess what it meant. "Damien, I literally said this today. Like, five minutes ago because I forgot I was saying it in this video." Damien squashed his lips against one another as he heard her admit that while the others waited for any help he could give.
"I am sure you did but you use so many British terms that I just block it all out." Delilah's smile grew into something Damien hadn't seen before. He couldn't be sure of what it meant.
"Maybe that is why we get along so well, I speak and you don't listen." Damien nodded to her and Delilah shook her head slowly before she urged them to write. They eventually did just that until the timer rang through the room. Courtney would go first.
"So, I would first like to say that I am loving your look. And those heels are gorgeous." Delilah's eyes glanced around the room before she realised that she was the only one wearing heels.
"If you are trying to suck up, it isn't going to work. I hate heels and only wear them if I have to go to court. Like I was this morning. So, what does chin wag mean?" Courtney quietly swore before smiling again and glancing at Ian.
"I answered it with another British slang word." Delilah's eyes widened and her lips twitched up at the corners, looking hopeful. "Elevenses. I have heard you say it before and I thought that it might be right." Deliah shook her head as she saw the board and almost laughed.
"Okay, Ian what did you think?" By the time the answers got to Damien, Delilah held out no hope. Ian had guessed it to be a sexual position and Shayne thought it might have been a gag.
"So, you know how dogs don't sweat." Delilah shook her head and Damien stopped talking.
"No. Ify, your turn."
"Wait, I could be right." Delilah shook her head again.
"Dogs cannot do this. It is impossible for dogs." By the time the round ended Delilah tried not to mock them as recalled that they knew very little about the British slang. "Courtney, you were on the right track. Chin wag and natter are the same. It means to have a chat. Elevenses is a snack you have after breakfast and before lunch, at eleven." The boards were wiped and the next round began. "I think that I should start using the words or phrases in context. So, the next term is 'leg it' and in a sentence, it could be, 'after checking the clock, Courtney decided it would be best to leg it,' and that is all I am telling you." Pens quickly moved and everyone was ready as the timer ran through the room.
"I will go first, I know this one. It means, to talk to other people." Shayne turned his board and Delilah blinked slowly.
"No." The others had managed to guess the real answer as 'run' and so the next card was read. "This is a 'yes' or 'no' card. The phrase, 'Bob's your uncle' can be used after giving someone directions." Whiteboards screeched with pens as faces contorted and then eyes met Delilah's direction.
"I am not sure about this one," Kimmy admitted as Keith still repeated the phrase to himself, multiple times.
"Turn in 1...2...3..." Boards turned and Delilah smiled at the mix of answers. "So, you can use the phrase in this situation. The definition for this is tough and online it is so confusing. It is a bit like, 'and then you have what you wanted'. Like, if you turn left and right you are home. Or you could say, turn left, then right, and Bob's your uncle. When someone says the phrase, it suggests that the task is easy." Oohs and aahs vaguely filled the room as boards were wiped and then Delilah turned the next card over.
"British people are weird," Ify muttered as he and Keith moved to let Kimmy scoot in, trying to avoid the two pairs who were throwing things.
"Next word," Kimmy called from the back and Delilah looked up from the card in front of her.
Delilah sighed out and then watched the room with interest for a second. "Chav. In a sentence, you could say 'she looks like a right chav,'."
"Right chav?" Keith questioned before the timer could start.
"Yep, guess them both." The timer rang and pens were eventually dropped and Keith readied up first.
"She looks like a very beautiful person." Similar ideas were shared by the group.
"Okay, so the word 'right' in this sentence is the start of an insult. When someone says 'she looks like a princess' it tends to mean that she looks beautiful. But, if someone says 'she looks like a right princess' that is an insult. She looks like a goody-two-shoes who acts perfectly and gets whatever she wants. And a chav is someone who is normally, if not always lower class. They tend to wear sportswear everywhere and they are quite antisocial, aggressive, and if they wear makeup, it is caked on. Inches of makeup. The cash me outside girl seems like an American equivalent. Fake nails, cheap booze. They also say things like 'innit'." Delilah's words only resulted in mayhem as everyone attempted to become a chav, Shayne trying to stand up to Rock the Shreditor but soon they were back, sat down as Delilah watched on, trying to hold her tongue.
"I might become a chav," Ian suggested and Delilah glanced him over.
"You already are." Delilah had to avoid Ian as he got up but Delilah sat down and silently told him to do so, Ian attempted not to laugh as Delilah was glad he hadn't managed to come into contact with her.
"Oh no, that piece of card is big." Delilah nodded as she saw what she had written.
"This is going to be the hardest by far. So, I am going to give you a sentence or two and you have to translate everything. Not word for word, just the general idea of it all. There are," Delilah stopped to count, "six or seven points to grab here. Instead of giving you a point for everything you get right, I'll give you all a point based on how close you are to what this means." Everyone else knew that whatever she was going to say, it wasn't going to be understandable.
"Starts rapping in Japanese," Shayne blurted as he heard her speak and the people in the room inched their pens closer to the board while laughing, Damien laughing the loudest.
"Let's start. I have a good feeling about this one." Keith spurred as he wiggled slightly, feeling excited about the round.
"So, I found this online but changed it slightly to make sense in this context. You are headed to grab some Spoons with the lads, when your lad Callum, who is an absolute legend and the archbishop of Banterbury, says 'brevs, let's have a cheeky Nandos instead' and you all go, 'top, let's smash'." The timer was announced and pens ran across the board. Faces morphing in confusion as shoulders shrugged with uncertainty.
Guesses were barely made as most people drew a spoon or a group of friends spooning one another. Making the crew laugh at the idea. Tommy had picked the moment to walk in where Ify explained that his people had socks on still, therefore it wasn't gay. Tommy quickly found a seat to watch.
"None of this makes sense. Is this supposed to be another language?" Delilah's smile didn't falter as she heard Damien speak.
"Can you explain it because I genuinely want to know what I just heard?" Kimmy suggested as she added to her little sketch.
"You are going to Wetherspoons, with your friends, when Callum, an amazing man with an even better sense of humour suggests going for an impromptu lunch at Nando's instead. Your friend group agrees that it is a good idea and you all go. Spoons is Wetherspoons ( a place to eat with lots of alcohol), lad is another word for a good friend, absolute legend means he is a great guy. The archbishop of Canterbury is a position within the Church of England, or the spiritual leader and banter is a playful way of talking and laughing, being called the archbishop of banterbury suggests that he is the funniest guy in the world. Brevs is used for a playful and relaxed way of talking and you can call your friends brevs, it is a compliment. Cheeky Nandos is where you decide last minute that you fancy Nando's (a restaurant that serves good chicken) and top let's smash means that it is an amazing idea and you are going to do it." Delilah watched their faces but couldn't tell what to do and so sat, emotionless in her chair, except for the small smile she liked to always wear.
"I need about an hour to understand that." The round was swiftly washed over as the last card had been read and Delilah readied for the outro. Just as the cameras and mics were checked, a text came through from Damien.
"Let's smash. An amazing idea, let's do it." Delilah immediately understood her mistake as her hand met her lips, trying to hide what she had just said. She had read Damien's message aloud.
"Delilah, what did you say?" Greg quizzed as he stood off to the side, listening into the mics.
"Nothing that you are going to repeat." A nod was made but cautious eyes watched her for a moment as he tried to understand what had just happened.
Lemon.
I just whispered that text and Greg heard. What has gotten into you? The ghost of someone is possessing you and I have a feeling that they only had one thing on their mind. XX
Damien's lips curled up as he read her reply but he said nothing. Just as Matt walked into the frame and whispered something to Delilah making her sit a little straighter as the cameras were focused again.
"So, we are going to do one final round. It will be in another language but I will give you a hint. I will use the word, chinchilla or chinchillas. And you also get a point if you guess the language." The room grumbled but smiles were forming as they waited for the phrase to be spoken. "चिनचिल्स वाला आदमी, मैं उसे पसंद करता हूं और चाहता हूं कि वह मुझे जीत ले।." Wide eyes met her and Delilah waited for the timer to tick and immediately, everyone began to make up random sentences with the word chinchilla in. "So, it was Hindi, which none of you guessed. Shayne, I don't speak the Star Trek language. I can't even remember what it is called. I did, however, say, 'The man with the chinchillas, I like him and want him to conquer me.' But you all got a point for guessing chinchilla." Chase had turned immediately as he heard the mumble of chinchillas.
"Hey, guys." Ian had waved him over as he then placed whatever he was holding back down to the desk he was hooked over.
"Chase is here. Didn't you want him to conquer you?" Delilah shook her head as her eyebrows knitted together.
"I have a chinchilla." Delilah tightly closed her eyes as she heard the others laugh.
The video was soon brought to a close and Delilah stood, stretching her legs and Damien waltzed over to her. His hand moving to hold her's until he stopped himself, subtly playing it off as he grabbed the cards on the desk.
"Well, let me get my mic off first." Delilah was well aware of what Damien was like and she knew that he found a thrill in whispering while others were around.