You close the door behind you and walk to the closet to change into something comfortable. You wear the shorts nat gave with a plain black hoodie that was already there. The hoodie itself was so big you didn't even see the shorts. It felt so good like it belongs to someone close to you. Like it indirectly belonged to you. You walked over to your bed and took off the chain that Bucky gave you and set it on the nightstand and lay on your bed. You looked at the ceiling thinking about Bucky and how his eyes used to look into your, how your hands fit perfectly into his. How he held you close, how his touch felt, and drifted off to sleep.
"You are the reason why I am dead. You know that, right?" Bucky stood there, blood dripping down his face, and completely covered with the thick carmine fluid. "You are the reason why your mother is dead. You couldn't even save your own family, how are you supposed to save the nine realms?" He walked towards you as he left a trail of bloody footsteps. "Look at you! You're pathetic, weak, and don't deserve to ever be loved again." You start crying as images of your mother get stabbed and Bucky falling off the train.
You screamed and tossed around in your bed, waking everyone up. As they rushed into your room, Steve saw you curled up and crying.
"Hey! Y/N!" Steve ran to you as you continued to cry and scream, "I didn't do it" and "I am sorry".
"Hey, hey, Y/N, you have to look at me, come on." Steve held you close. "It's okay, it's gonna be fine" You wake and see Steve around you. You hugged him tight and sobbed into his neck. "It's okay, don't worry. I am here for you," He gently stroked your hair and pushed it off your face.
You didn't let off his shirt as you looked up at him, helpless and weak. "I didn't mean to, I just couldn't do anything that day. He died because of me. I loved him Steve, more than anything in the world. We were doing to tell you about us after the mission. But I lost him, I lost the only thing I ever loved." You said buried your face into his chest. As confused as he was at the information, Steve looked up at the other and signed them not to worry and to go back to bed.
"Hey, look at me," Steve said picking your face up. His huge hands squished your face and as your tear wet his palms. "That's not true. You tried to help him as much as you can. You can't keep blaming yourself for something that wasn't in your control." His voice helped you calm down. You still laid there curled up into him, your hands around his waist and your face sank into his chest. You sat there in stillness as his heartbeat helped you calm down.
You looked up at his face again. His slightly pink cheekbones, his chiseled jawline, his pale blue eyes, his pointed nose, his rose-pink lips. Something about him resembled Bucky. Something in you snapped making you lean up to a kiss as if his lips were a magnet. Your hands in his hair pulling him closer as his hands sat on your waist. You twisted your legs around him, pulling him even closer. Your mouth let his tongue invade it. He gently leaned into you, pushing you onto your bed. He was on top with his hands around your waist, as he pulled away from the kiss.
"We can't do this Y/N, I am so sorry," He said as he slowly stood up and pulled you up. You sat up in confusion, then realized that you just kissed your best friend.
"What is wrong with me! I didn't mean to, Steve," Tears trickled down your face, "I am sorry," Your head is now in your hands.
"Hey, no don't say that. I just-" he pulled you closer and wrapped his hands around you as you hugged his waist and tuck your head into his abs.
"I don't know what is happening to me," You cried, soaking his shirt.
"No, Y/N that's not why I-" he pushed away for a second. "Bucky," He looked down at you. You faced falls as he said his name.
"Bucky is still alive."
Your arms detach from around him. You sit there in the corner of your bed. It felt like the air around left, your heart dropped. You looked up at Steve again "What are you talking about? Steve don't fuck with me." You said standing up. "Is this some sick joke, because it is not funny." You walk towards him as he backed away. "I watched him die that day. I saw him fall off the train, what do mean he is alive?" You fell to your knees thinking about what happened a cloud of purple started to form around you, your heart already ached from the nightmares, and now actually admitting that he was dead made it even worst.
"Y/N you have to listen to me. You have to calm down. I will explain everything to you, but you have to stay calm" Steve carefully stepped closer into the clouds and bear-hugged you. "Can you promise me that?" He looked at you. You nod at him as the clouds slowly fade away.
"How is he still alive Steve? Where is he now? What happened?" A million questions popped into your head. You looked at Steve with puffy eyes and swollen cheeks.
"Why don't you rest? I will explain everything first thing in the morning okay?" He said as he lifted you and placed you on the bed. Before he walked away you held his hand.
"Can you please stay with me? I can't be alone, I don't know what I will do." You said sliding off to the other side of the bed. Steve looked at you for a moment before slipping into the bed with you he sat there as you laid on his lap. He gently stroked your hair as you fell asleep. He slowly put you on your side of the bed and laid back down on the bed. Within seconds you turned back towards and wrapped your hands around him as you laid your head on his chest. You both drifted off.
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