(A/N: Chapter art done by Halkuonn/TarberryMentats on commission. https://twitter.com/halkuonn_ )
The light tickle of MacCready's goatee teased me awake, along with his sleepy nuzzling kiss into the hollow of my ear. We were still lying on our sides, spooned warmly against each other.
"Well, that's a pleasant way to wake up," I yawned, turning and reaching to pull his arms more tightly around me. He was warm but not fevered, and his color was back to normal. I ducked my head under his chin, resting my cheek against his collarbone.
He spopped his tongue against his lips a few times before replying. "Pleasant for you, but all I got was a mouthful of hair. I'm still amazed you cut it."
"All for you, my dear sniper," I teased him, smiling. "Feeling better today? Still in pain?"
He nodded, then shook his head, the motions accompanied by a sigh. "Better. No pain to speak of, but still tired and weak. I've never felt so helpless in my life, not counting the time I was nearly crushed by a cave-in as a kid." He stiffened in remembrance, and I guessed that he was also thinking of when he lost his wife, but didn't press him.
"I'm supposed to give you one more booster. After that, let's see how you feel." I twisted around to pluck the last of the syringes from the bedside table, fumbling for the cannula in his arm. Injecting the final anti-venom dose into the line was difficult lying down, but I wasn't about to spoil our warm cuddle.
MacCready held still, but hissed as the medicine dissipated into his system. "Damn that hurts," he complained, his brows furrowing. "Why can't doctors add a painkiller to it? That's the last one?"
"As far as I know, yes. I guess if you start running a fever again we'll have to get Dr. Sun back." I deeply hoped that wasn't necessary. The cannula was convenient, but I thought having something like that inserted into a vein too long led to problems. I didn't know. "Hey," I asked my partner. "You know how to remove these things?"
He peered down at the small tubing attachment. "I think..." he began tentatively, "I think you just... pull it out slowly. Treat it like any other wound, you know- put pressure on it and stuff. I can help if you want."
"Please."
Removing the IV cannula was simplicity itself. MacCready barely even complained, and "helpfully" pressed my cloth-wrapped thumb to the injection site. While waiting for the bleeding to stop, I said, "I've been thinking about what you said last night..."
"Oh?" His voice was carefully neutral, and when I looked up, he met my eyes with a wary expression. "I don't quite remember all of it, but I hope I didn't make too much of a fool of myself?"
I shook my head. "Not at all." I felt him relax. "I think what you had to say was probably the most important thing I needed to hear, honestly."
"Well, that's a nice boost to my ego," he deflected with a little chuckle. "So..."
"I'm staying." I announced, interrupting his further attempts at humor, not knowing how else to get to the point. I didn't want to drag things out.
MacCready's mouth dropped open in complete dumbfounded shock. His eyebrows rose, eyes widening in astonishment. The hand pressing my thumb against his arm started to tremble. His mouth closed with a snap and he blinked rapidly.
"Are you insane?" His voice rose angrily with each word, letting go of me and sitting upright. "How the hell did you come to that decision?" he demanded. "What about your home? Your family? Are you giving up on them?"
"No." After the tender, honest words last night, his reaction startled me. I stared deeply into his eyes, willing him to feel the sincerity of my choice. "I'm not giving up, RJ. I'm making my own damn decisions." The blue depths were a swirl of emotion. "I may have been brought here against my will, but it's my choice to stay, and I've made my decision."
"And what about your family? I know you lived most of your life alone, but they're important to you, aren't they?" He looked so torn, confused and disbelieving, angry and heartrendingly hopeful all at the same time.
"Family is important," I agreed. "But let me just point out another view. Friends are the family you choose. Little Lamplight was your family growing up, but you weren't blood related."
He blinked in surprise, peering at me suspiciously from the corner of his eye. "Go on."
"And, at some point in time, a person breaks away from their family unit to live their own life. I did it when I left for Basic Training. You did that at the tender age of sixteen when you emerged into the Capital Wasteland."
"Hardly tender." He snorted bitterly, "...and you see how well that turned out. I can't even be a father to my own son."
"That's not your fault, you know," I said. "But can't you see the resemblance to your own situation? We're both away from our blood family through circumstances beyond our control. We've both made friends in our travels together. We're both here now, able to make a difference to the people of the Commonwealth, and carve out a better future for ourselves at the same time."
His expression grew thoughtfully poignant, if not any less angry. "Two sides of the same coin."
"Exactly. And we may as well face it, RJ. I might never get home at this point." At this, I swiveled to sit up completely, facing him. "I'm not going to spend the rest of my life chasing that particular mole-rat down every twisting burrow, either. It's awfully arrogant of me to ask everyone else in the Commonwealth to give up their own power just to send me home."
MacCready opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again and simply gazed at me with a haunted expression.
"Besides," I added, "There's the most important reason; I'm in love with you." I took his hand in both of mine. "I love you, and I can't imagine leaving you. Not now, not ever."
He pulled his hand away, bringing his knees up to hug against his chest. I could practically see the prickly shield, his only defense against overwhelming emotions, against the fear of loss and pain, snap into place.
"Damn it RJ, stop putting up walls to shut me out!" It was an instinctive reaction, I knew, but it still hurt. I dashed angry tears from my eyes. "Last night you were half-asleep from fever and painkillers, but completely honest when you said you needed me. I need you too. Why are you pushing me away?"
MacCready cried out, "Because I'm scared, okay? I can't help it!" He scrambled out of the bed to stand up in the center of the room. His whole body was trembling. "I love you, but what can I offer you?" he yelled. "Nothing! I have no family anymore, no plan for the future, not even a place to call my own. Hell, Sturges offered you a place, a real home in Sanctuary, and you turned him down!" He gestured violently, batting at the tears on his face.
"I don't love Sturges!" I cried, angrily. "I love you, Robert Joseph MacCready!"
"Why?!" he practically screamed. In a fit of anger, he tore off the robe, throwing it aside. The briefs were next and he stood there, naked, in the center of the dingy room. "This is what you say you fell in love with. I... I can't believe you'd give up everything you have... your family... your... your whole world... just for me." He let out a single, broken sob, his emotional outburst draining into wistful acceptance as the last tatters of the hated emotional shield came down. He held his hands out slightly, palms upturned.
"This is all I have, all I am. It's all yours if you want it."
I looked at him, standing there completely nude and unguarded. The fever had not been kind. Where before he had been lean, almost scrawny, the venom poisoning had burned away his reserves. White scars lightly dotted his body, starved to the point of whipcord over bone. I could practically count his ribs, his torso only lightly fleshed out with muscle now. His elbows and knees, collarbones, even his hipbones stood out prominently, wrapped in pale skin. And yet the look in his deep, crystal blue eyes was the same. The unbreakable spirit inside still called to me. This was the man I loved, the man who needed me as much as I needed him in this messed up, violent world.
Standing up, I shed my own robe, deliberately matching his gesture. He stared, looking me up and down as I approached slowly. Gently, tenderly, I pressed against him, and our arms went around each other in a comforting embrace as we stood there silently. I could feel the warmth of his skin, and the gentle puff of his breath against my temple. My hands slid up his back, pulling him closer. He was still trembling, and I wanted nothing more than to hold him, console him. He reached up to tuck my head under his chin in a familiar, loving gesture.
"And this is all I have to offer you," I murmured into the hollow of his chest, nuzzling his collarbone. "I love you; your passion, your fire... your incredible ability to keep fighting, keep moving forward no matter what. You're amazing." He lifted my chin with a gentle finger and trailed a series of devoted kisses across my face. "We have each other, and that's the most important thing in the world. Together we'll figure out the rest, somehow."
"I love you, too." MacCready murmured into my ear, "I won't shut you out anymore, angel. I promise." He held me close, and I could feel the sincerity of his vow and the growing desire to prove that promise on a deeper level. It was a desire I shared, my whole being yearning to reconnect with my partner, to feel the balance to my own soul.
"I don't know what the future holds, but I want it to be with you," I breathed, adding, "Whatever happens, we can take it on, together. I'm staying."