The smile didn't leave my face during my trip back to the compound. My face was starting to hurt from smiling so much, something I hadn't done in a long, long , time. My life consisted of missions, therapy, and training, there wasn't much else to be in a good mood about, now there was Jade.
And she liked me.
I could tell from the way that she blushed around me, the way she smiled and flirted. When she had put her hand on my chest I had sworn that she was going to kiss me. I had to admit I was disappointed when I didn't.
I made it back to the compound quicker than I expected, lost in my thoughts, my time with Jade replaying over and over in my head. Steve was waiting for me the moment I stepped off the elevator, making the smile leave my face.
He straightened from where he stood leaning against the wall right next to my room. How long had he been standing there?
"Well?"
I could practically see the excitement and anxiety coursing through him, his blue eyes wide with expectation and impatience.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Not long," I could tell he was lying from the way his eyes squinted just a bit. He was a terrible liar. He always had been. "I wanted to make sure things went okay. So?"
Natasha came walking out of the kitchen, holding two steaming mugs. Coffee. They'd both been waiting it seemed. She smiled at me. "How was the date, Barnes?"
I rolled my eyes at the both of them. I willfully ignored them and went into my bedroom without a word. They followed to my irritation. I sat on the edge of my bed, shedding my jacket and beginning to unlace my boots. I could feel them watching me, both standing in front of me impatiently.
"So?" Steve repeated crossing his arms.
"So what?" I asked with a frown.
Natasha and Steve shared an irritated glance. "You know what! Tell us about the date!"
"It wasn't a date."
Steve visibly deflated. His eyes shined with sympathy. "She wouldn't go out with you? Aw Buck, I'm sorry. You were gone for so long I thought things had gone well-."
"We went out to eat. It just wasn't a date," I clarified.
Steve's smile returned, big and proud, like I was his son and I had successfully gone on my first date due to his fatherly advice. "See! I told you," he turned to Natasha triumphantly. "You owe Sam $20."
Natasha rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee.
I scowled at the both of them. "You bet on whether or not she would go eat with me?"
"I didn't," Steve pointed to Natasha. "She did. With Sam. Clint. Tony...."
My scowl deepened. "Glad to see that you get so much enjoyment and profit out of my attempt at a relationship."
"So there is a relationship?" Natasha probed with an arched eyebrow.
I hesitated. "We went to eat and we had a good time. But we're going to be... friends."
"Friends?" Natasha and Steve said simultaneously.
"Yes, friends. And that's probably for the best."
Steve was frowning and Natasha was still gazing at me with that calculated look, like I was giving her important intel on a mission.
"Well at least you put yourself out there and you had a nice night with her and it's a start. You dipped your feet in," Steve said determinedly, always trying to see the positive in all situations.
"Do you like her?" Natasha questioned. "Because if you like her and the not-date went well this could progress to something more."
"We had a good time. We talked a lot. She gave me her number and then she kissed me."
"Doesn't sound like friends to me," Natasha smirked.
"It was on the cheek."
"Still a kiss," Steve reasoned.
My enthusiasm over the date was waning the more that I thought about it and what a future with her could possibly look like. I couldn't risk telling her who I was, which would put her in danger, and if I dated her, she'd be in danger. What if she got hurt because of me? Hydra had nearly taken everything from me and there was no guarantee that they wouldn't come to do it again. Liking her made me vulnerable and made her a target. And if I were to let her be 'just a friend' she would still be in danger, just by proximity.
Those thoughts dragged me kicking and screaming right back into my normal bad mood.
"What's on your mind, Buck?" Steve asked with a pointed look.
"I should never have let you talk me into taking her out. It's too dangerous," I sighed pulling off my boot and tossing it aside. "I shouldn't risk her like that. I can't put her at risk."
Steve and Natasha shared another look, Steve turning his gaze back on me, his face set in that 'you're about to get a speech' look. "Bucky, you deserve to live your life, after everything that Hydra has done to you-."
"Which is exactly why I should stay away from her, because of everything Hydra has and can do to me. They're still a threat. And I don't want to risk it. So it was nice while it lasted, but it's done," I said definitively. I had made up my mind. I wouldn't put her in that kind of danger. I wouldn't let her get hurt because of me. "Thanks for the encouragement. Now will ya' get out of here so I can shower?"
Steve frowned at me, but nodded after a long look following Natasha to the door. I was surprised that he had given up so easily, he was normally much more annoyingly persistent.
He paused at the door after Natasha stepped out, looking back at me with a slight frown. "I think you should reconsider. Hydra could be coming for you, yeah, but you should get to live in the meantime. And what if they never do? Then you might miss out on something great."
And there it was. That annoying persistence.
"Shut the door for me will ya?" I asked.
He sighed and stepped through, closing it behind him.
***
I anxiously awaited Bucky's text. I checked my phone far more often than usual, feeling my heart stutter whenever I received a notification and being ashamed at how disappointed I was when I realized it wasn't him.
Iris said he was probably trying to play it cool, not to worry, that he would text.
And then three days passed.
And three more.
Those three days turned into a week. Then a week and a half.
By then I knew that he wouldn't.
I felt silly for how upset I was. I had to admit to myself that I had ended up liking the mystery man after all, despite my not wanting to date and all my reservations. And here I was ghosted and disappointed in the end.
"I should have known. He barely spoke about himself and he didn't want to tell me what he did for a living," I shook my head at my own stupidity. "Here I was rambling the whole night and putting myself out there like a fool and he was probably planning to ghost me all along. No wonder he acted like he didn't know what the hell a cellphone was. He didnt want to take my number down anyway. I thought he was just being funny!"
Iris shrugged. "It happens. They can't all be winners. At least you got sex out of it?"
"Oh you mean the sex I don't remember so may as well not have happened?" I countered.
She cringed. "Right. Well you live and learn and you move onto other men. Who knows, maybe you'll pick up a hot single dad on the field trip today."
"No, no single dads, no men. I am going back to celibacy and focusing on work. If I want to be promoted to Charge Nurse I have to really prove myself before I apply for the position," I said putting my hands up. "I can't have any distractions. So it's a good thing James faded himself out."
"Fine. No distractions," Iris agreed. "Until you land that job, which you totally will, and you know it, and then we will go celebrate! And by celebrate I mean you can have casual sex again."
"You're impossible Iris," I passed her a dramatic eye roll.
I was an only child, but Iris had a brother and sister, both of whom had kids. I had grown up with Iris coming to know her family well and being considered a part of it. I had been to every birthday party for her nieces and nephews and had helped her babysit a few times in addition to seeing the kids on holidays. The kids called me Auntie Jade. Iris was a doting and loving aunt. She was taking her twin nephews and a few of their friends to a museum today, stepping in to cover the preplanned trip when her brother and his wife were unable to attend because of work. So I wasn't surprised when Iris asked me to tag along, to help keep her filter in check and wrangle the kids.
I was actually excited to go to the Smithsonian. I hadn't been in a few years and was eager to see some of the new exhibits. And I enjoyed spending time with the kids.
We were put in charge of six boys ranging from age 6-8, deciding when they all said that they wanted to see something different that splitting them up into threes might be a good idea. I took three and Iris took three, both of us agreeing to meet up after an hour. And of course the only thing that the boys wanted to really see was the Captain America exhibit. I made them save it for the last thing we would see before we had to regroup, taking them to the dinosaurs and other prehistoric exhibits, which they breezed through quite impatiently. I finally relented and said we could head to the Captain America exhibit. They took off in an excited run, leaving me to chase after them, yelling for them to 'walk!', thankful that the Smithsonian wasn't too busy that Tuesday afternoon.
I caught up to the boys just as they reached the exhibit, slowing when I heard my phone go off. I followed them, distractedly checking my messages until they stopped at the Howling Commandos display, awwing and oohing at the suited mannequins on display before dashing off to the large blank wall with a projector playing real footage of Captain America and his team. The boys took a seat on the benches, captivated by the footage, eyes wide and entranced. I took the opportunity where they weren't darting off in opposite directions to check my emails, going through and deleting the junk mail until something caught my eye that made me do a double take.
I nearly dropped my phone as I saw Bucky on the black and white projected image, standing next to Steve Rogers, smiling, laughing, his arm around Steve's shoulder. His hair was much shorter, cut close to the head, and his face was clean shaven, he looked younger than he did now, but it was him. It was definitely him. And he had both of his arms.
What the...
The image disappeared and I looked around quickly for anything else on Bucky, to confirm that I was really seeing what I was seeing and was not crazy; startling when I saw a large glass structure with Bucky's image on it and a paragraph of information, the words ' A fallen comrade ' scrawled across the top.
I walked dazedly toward it as the boys jetted off to look at a display of things that were in Captain America's tool belt, already reading the paragraph before I reached the display.
James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes
Born in 1917, Barnes grew up the oldest child of four. An excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom. Barnes enlisted in the Army shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After winter training at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin, Barnes and the rest of the 107th shipped out to the Italian front. Captured by Hydra troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, depravation, and torture. But his will was strong. In an ironic twist of fate, his prison camp was liberated by none other than his childhood friend Steve Rogers, now Captain America.
Reunited, Barnes and Rogers led Captain America's newly formed unit, The Howling Commandos. Barnes marksmanship was invaluable as Rogers and his team destroyed Hydra bases and disrupted Nazi troop movements throughout the Europe Theater.
Bucky Barnes
1917-1944
I looked up at the picture of Bucky again feeling my stomach sink.
I felt my hand cover my mouth, my eyes still wide until I heard someone approaching behind and Iris' familiar voice.
"Oh the boys dragged you here too? They've been begging to come over here since we- HOLY SHIT IS THAT MR. METAL?"
Behind us there was a chorus of gasps from small children and people, a small voice called out, "Oooooh Ms. Iris said a bad word!"