"Mina," The green-haired boy sighed.
"Izuku," She whispered. A sudden lump in her throat formed when she said his name. It was swelling.
"Hey," He smiled awkwardly at the pink-haired girl.
"Hey," She managed.
The wind gently carried snowflakes throughout the night and flew past his hair lightly. His nose was a little red, and his eyes had a tired glow to them. Nonetheless, he was outside with her instead of being with Ochaco.
She hated the side of herself that perked up that the freckled boy was spending the latter half of the evening with her. She had to keep her distance.
She hated it. She hated how Izuku could be all over her and then come crawling to Mina. It wasn't fair to both of them.
"Can I sit here?" He finally said. His words snapped Mina away from her negative thoughts. She wanted to smile. She wanted to say, "of course, Izuku."
"Mmm," She managed. She moved over and allowed Izuku to sit next to her. She missed it. This proximity, she would be lying if she said she missed it. How their knees touched, cheeky glances, laughter coming from the living room, she closed her eyes and let herself relive better days.
His knee nudged into hers, and for a second, she let herself daydream about what it would be like if Izuku missed this proximity too.
"Your hot cocoa mix is good. Even my mom approves. " She started. It was random, but it came to mind. Small talk was a good way of stalling. Mina wasn't going to sit and act dumb. She knew the real reason he was out here.
"I'm glad," A faint smile played on his lips.
"Your hoodie's comfy," At this point, she was talking to talk. She swung her legs forward and back, watching them disappear under the bench.
"I'm glad you think so," His lips lifted a bit before he sighed again. There was no helping the silence.
Stalling wasn't working.
It was coming.
"Mina, I'm sorry," He rubbed his hands and exhaled a small breath before stuffing them inside his jacket. "Can we talk?"
It came, and with that, the weight on her chest increased.
"I mean, we're talking right now, Midori," She added a teasing tone and his renowned nickname to lift his spirits.
He didn't even glance at her. Ouch.
"You know what I mean, Mina," His words fell flat on his voice. He sounded tired, annoyed.
"Go for it," is all she could say, no more stalling.
"Why'd you lie about the party?" He started. "I knew you were tired, we all were, but you told me you didn't want to go."
"Did I?"
"Yeah, when I asked about it over break and-"
"Oh," She yawned. "I guess I did."
"It's just a lie, Izuku. A tiny one too. Why does it matter? Just let it go," She waved her hand in dismissal for him to drop the topic. Midoriya flinched at the tone of annoyance in her voice. A little hurt.
Why am I doing this? She pinched the side of her jeans. This attitude wasn't her, this tone wasn't her. It's not fair to him. Midoriya wants answers.
In all truth, she didn't feel like telling people why she skipped. She wasn't obligated to answer.
"Okay," he started. "Why'd you lie about Misha then?"
Damn it. Mina should have known. When Izuku shot her a look back then, that was a sign. He pays attention to the small things.
"You told me she had a game this week. She's not even here." He gestured to the empty parking lot.
"She's coming," Mina mumbled, turning her head away from her friend.
"Mina," His voice was frail. She could turn her head around. She could. Cry into his arms and confess some stupid lie, and everything would be okay.
"Is she? We can get a ride together if you don't have one. I don't mind," He rested his hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze.
His hand, was on her shoulder, squeezing her to make her feel better. For a second, she let her head lay against his hand. Screw keeping your distance from your friends. It never works out anyways.
For a moment, time stopped. The wind died down, and the snowflakes rested gently at their feet. The restaurant and Mina's friends faded away from memory. It was quiet, too quiet, so she focused on her breathing and the slow rise of Izuku's chest.
Did he mind this?
Does he miss this?
You are not supposed to.
You are in the wrong.
Think of Ochaco.
It was that thought that made her head lift and turn to stare at the freckled boy. She moved a bit farther away from him and cleared her throat. Her boots had become the most intriguing thing in the world.
"Mina," His hand reached out to where her shoulder once had been before retracting it, unsure of himself. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Her eyes were glued to the ground as she traced circles in the snow with the heel of her boot.
"Honestly, Izuku," She mustered a fake smile, "It's okay." His eyes were glossy, and he couldn't help but pout.
Fuck.
"Mina," He whispered. "Talk to me."
"We've been over this. It's okay to reach out and talk to people. You don't need to put it all on yourself." His hand caught her shoulder again.
"And I have been!" She pleaded. His touch left her shoulder. "I don't want to talk about it, Izuku. Just let it go."
The hint of annoyance in her voice was prevalent. It slipped out on accident.
"Izuku," She pressed her lips together."I didn't mean it like that." He folded his arms and retreated into himself. That was enough pushing for today.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," She whispered. A shitty attempt, but hey, it was something. "I'm sorry." She said softly.
She moved back towards him, their sides of their knees brushed against each other.
She wouldn't last much longer. It was just so, so damn tempting to tell the guy. The way he glanced at her. It left a hollow feeling inside of her, a feeling she didn't like.
"I...I took your advice," She started. "I started opening up to people, I mean." Her tone was quick and awkward, but, he grinned, and Mina assumed he got the message.
He smiled, but it fell quickly as his face went back to being burrowed in deep thought.
"It doesn't feel like you're there," He paused again. The wind whistled softly in the night. It was the only sound besides the softness of their breathing.
"Mmm," She let out.
"I don't know what's been happening to you recently, but it feels like we're not as close as we used to be."
He hit a landmine.
She understood, though. Things weren't the same. An unresolved knot of tension hung in the air whenever they met up. A knot that wouldn't go away for a while.
"Did I do something?" His voice quivered on the last words. "Did I do something wrong? I feel like you hate me, and I want to know what I did because I want to make it right and-"
"Izuku," She whispered. She wrapped her arms around him, only to be met with a warming hug as well.
This feeling is nice.
I missed this.
"Noone's at fault here," She mumbled into the crook of his neck. "So don't beat yourself up about it." His shoulders slumped a bit as she mumbled words of reassurance.
"Still," He whispered. He pulled himself away from Mina and frowned. "You're not talking to me. How can I know if things are gonna be okay if I don't know what's going on? I wanna know if I did something wrong so I can fix it."
"Mina, you're my best friend," He said softly. "My one and only. I tell you things I don't tell Ochako, or Iida, or any of them. It's you, and I don't want to lose my one and only. "
"I want my best friend back," His palm hovered over hers before grasping it. "Don't you want it to?"
"Of course I do!" She started defensively. "It's just not that simple for things to go back to the way they were!"
"You keep saying that, and yet," He carried his forehead in his hand. "You won't let me help you."
"I can't tell you, Izuku," She bit her lip. "I'm sorry,"
"Mina," He pleaded. "I've been so worried about you for a while now. The least you could do is tell me anything but that right now. "
"You act as if I don't want to!" She snapped. "Izuku, this is eating at me as much as it's hurting you! Just leave it alone! It's better this way!"
"And why is that?! Maybe it is! If you could tell me-"
When did the lump in her throat get so big? When did her palms get so small that they couldn't hide the wells of tears coming out of her eyes? When did her heart become so heavy that he could hear the pounding in her ears? Izuku, the weather, Christmas Eve, her friends, the restaurant, it's all too much.
There was nowhere left to run. The corner was small, and Mina hated small spaces.
The truth had to come out.
"Because," She said between sniffles. "Because, Izuku, I like you."
Silence
"In that way," She huffed.
"I like you," She said again." I've liked you ever since that night you caught me in the living room. This whole semester, I've been trying to distract myself from you, but It's not working, Midori. I like you too much."
"It's always been you," She started. "Not Kirishima, not Bakugou or anyone else, but you. I'm so sick and tired of lieing to myself because I'm scared of things to change. You push me to be better, to find things that I like about myself. When I'm with you, things feel so right, and it's scary because nothing ever goes right for me. I don't want to mess that up! I don't want to let that go. No, I don't want to let you go! And sometimes, I just get so stressed and caught up in my own life, and then I look, and I see you, and I just-"
You make everything easier.
Your caring attitude.
Your belief in others.
Your attention to detail.
The millions of freckles that scatter across your body.
The gentle eyes that look at me with so much awe.
Everything else I love about you,
It's all too much.
She couldn't finish her confession. Izuku could do nothing but look at his dear friend in pity as she wailed to him.
"Mina-"
"I like you so much, and it's so scary. I hate it!" She sobbed. "I never wanted to tell you any of this. I never wanted you to see me like this! I'm so pathetic, and I hate it!"
She stuttered a bit. "I thought distancing myself would be the best thing to do for all of us so you could have Ochaco, and I wouldn't have to hurt whenever I see you. It just made everything worse, though. I fucked up our friendship, and it still hurts to see you" She rubbed her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket.
"I'm sorry, Izuku," She mumbled. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I've probably made it worse again by saying all this shit, didn't I?"
It wasn't the silence he gave her that hurt the most. What hurt was that he wouldn't even look at her anymore.
Mina rose from the bench, eager to get out of the embarrassing scene. "I should get going."
"Mina, wait-" He finally spoke up. He grabbed her hand, making her whip around quickly before realizing it. "Just, stay."
Hesitantly, she sat down with him. His gaze lingered on his fidgeting hands. If you squinted, you could see the slightest shade of red on his face. The night wind had died down, and the restaurant and her friends were gone again. It was just the two of them.
"I never wanted to hurt you, Mina,"
The words send a chilling shiver down her spine. The reassurance was a small comfort.
"I'm sorry if I've been confusing you or hurting you with how I acted recently," He licked his bottom lip and bit it. "I was just trying to get closer to you since I felt like we're drifting."
"Mmm," She hummed, her hands resting on her jacket. She only took them out to clear her unclear vision. "I'm sorry too. I kept telling myself that staying away from you would be the best thing for everyone."
"I can't even keep myself from you," She said with a grin. "I owe you an apology. I'm sorry."
He nodded.
"You mean a lot to me," He whispered. There was an emphasis on "a lot," The words felt empty, though.
She could already envision where the conversation would go. Silently, she prayed that Deku wouldn't utter those words from his lips.
"I know," She said between quiet sniffles. "I don't deserve you."
"I...I'm sorry, though."
Here it comes. The lump in Ashido's throat was present again, and her vision was misty.
"I still have feelings for Uraraka, Mina," He mumbled. His cheeks heated up at the mere mention of her name, and Mina's heart sank.
"Thought so," She sighed. "It's alright, though," She struggled to wipe the tears falling down her face. Izuku's hand reached out to cup her face before realizing what he was doing. He pulled it back.
"Jesus, I'm a mess," She covered her eyes with her hands and laughed about how much she cried. For once, Izuku didn't pull them away from her. He waited. "I'm alright, though."
"Are," He continued. "Are we okay?"
"I want it to be," She hummed. "I do, Izuku. Things won't just go back to normal, though. I mean, look."
"Yeah," He deflated. The knot of tension in the air hung solemnly. The wind died down, and the restaurant and everything else faded from view.
"I need some time. I want to process some things," Mina bit her lip.
"No, no, of course. It's fine." He continued. "I'm glad you're telling me."
"Thank you," She mouthed. The heavyweight resting on her chest was still there but not as noticeable. She could allow herself to move on, to heal. She gave Izuku one last hug before God knows when.
It's not that she didn't want his hugs and affection. It would only egg her on. It was the best thing to do for now.
"I'll miss this," He hummed. Mina did too, the feeling of him being so close, his head resting by hers. "And so much more,"
"Me too, Deku," She sighed. It should be around Christmas time now. She hadn't a clue where her friends were, but to be frank she didn't care. She wanted to spend these moments basking in Izuku's presence on an early Christmas morning before she had to let go. "Merry Christmas, Izuku,"
---