diary of judy carver (DO NOT READ)
love is a garden, and we are its keepers
love waters and it grows,
and i graciously accept the fruits of our own labor
we only just planted ferns
and they have turned into redwoods
new york city is loud.
it's crowded and chaotic. when you walk down the street, you feel as if you're a sardine in a tin box -
and yet, you're the loneliest you've ever been.
however, that isn't the case for that weird little record store on 9th street.
indy's is like a warm little pocket in a cold, cold desert. fairy lights are hung carefully over the windows, giving the store a soft glow. there's always music playing - but only the B sides. these are where secrets are told. incense is always burning, and candles are always lit. it feels like a home - and is nurtured like one.
the couple that runs the store are pretty cute, too.
"okay, and that brings your total to $10.50," andy said after ringing up one of the few customers in the store.
the customer put a $20 bill on the counter and smiled. "keep the change," he said.
andy returned the smile. "we really appreciate it."
"y'all take it easy, now!" said judy from behind a shelf. the customer gave a curt wave before leaving, the door bell sounding a beautiful chime.
as soon as the door closed, the doorbell rang once more. in stepped bea, her face bright as always. "bonsoir, mes amis! i come with news!"
judy slowly meandered to the front of the store to give bea a hug. "you gonna tell us or just leave us in suspense?" she asked.
"i was getting to that," said bea, winking. andy went to the door after it shut to put up the CLOSED sign - it was 8, anyways. "so apparently august knows a guy who plays drums for this local band who's actually kind of popular? i can't say i've ever heard of 'required reading' before but-"
"you're going on a tangent~" andy warned in a sing-song voice, leaning against the counter next to judy.
bea sent him a playful glare. "anyways, required reading's doing a show at this underground venue tonight, and eddie's going too, i think. y'all wanna come with?" she asked.
judy bit her lip and looked at andy. "we'd love to, bea, but indy just sent us a bunch of shit to add to inventory," she said sadly.
"and if we don't do it tonight, we'll probably never get it done," andy added.
bea scoffed. "you guys are so painfully domestic."
"painfully?" andy asked.
"i said what i said." bea smirked. "all jokes aside, we'll miss you at the show," she said, her smirk turning into more of a pout.
judy smiled sympathetically. "we'll definitely try to make it to the next one," she assured. "you guys have fun though!"
"will do," bea said affirmatively. she hugged judy and andy goodbye before leaving the store as quickly as she entered.
"that girl will do anything but call us," judy sighed, tugging on andy's sleeve.
"she's definitely odd," said andy.
judy looked up at him with a playful smile. "and we're not?"
andy chuckled. "heaven forbid we were ever normal."
"so," judy inhaled sharply, eyeing the pile of large boxes in the back. "you ready to tackle this, sugar?" she asked.
"let's do it."
in a matter of minutes, they had the boxes open and in the center of the floor, pillows scattered around for them to sit in. andy put on the beatles' rubber soul on the record player and judy poured two glasses of wine. because they're classy.
"okay, alphabetical or by genre?" judy asked as they sat down. before her boyfriend could even answer, she raised an eyebrow. "don't say dewey decimal system-"
"it would be so efficient!" andy stressed.
"how would that even work in a record store?!"
"well, you'd just - wait, that does make things a lot harder," said andy, a concentrated frown on his face.
judy chuckled and rubbed andy's arm. "it's okay, we can do it by genre to be fancy and subjective," she said comfortingly. "would you like that?"
andy turned his head to look at her through his eyelashes. it wasn't long before he broke out of his intense stare to laugh, judy following in suit. these were judy's favorite moments with andy; when their banter reaches a head and all either of them can do is laugh until their sides hurt. those moments remind her why she decided to let andrew become a part of her summer. moreover, they remind her why she left virginia in the first place. those moments make it worth it.
soon, judy and andy are interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing, even though the store's closing time had come and gone.
"we're closed, i'm afraid," andy called from their spots on the ground.
"oh that's alright, i'm just looking for someone. do you think you could help me out?"
that voice. it rang through judy's ears like a bell she'd heard countless times before.
"wait," judy whispered, her pupils moving around rapidly in thought. andy glanced at her in concern. without speaking, judy stood and finally faced the man in the doorway.
the man looked at her, and it all clicked.
"judes," he sighed. "you sure know how to make a guy worry."
"mikey," judy whispered. slowly, she met her brother at the glass door, andy watching from the shelves.
judy stopped when she was right in front of mikey, her eyes already welling up in tears.
"how you doing, kid?" mikey asked, a gentle smile on his face.
judy could say nothing, but instead pulled him into a desperate hug, gripping the back of his leather jacket. "mikey, oh my god," she said. "i'm completely floored right now... how did you even find me?"
mikey hummed uncertainly. "can we talk outside?"
judy's eyebrows furrowed, confused. "uh... yeah, we can do that," she said. quickly, she made a gesture towards andy, telling him that she was going outside. andy nodded.
once she and mikey were on the sidewalk, and as soon as the door closed, judy folded her arms. "so... is that the guy you were talking about?" mikey asked.
"yeah, we've actually been together for a month or so," she answered. "you didn't answer my question," she said accusingly. "i would've thought that after the last phone call with mom and dad..."
"about that," mikey started. he put his hands on judy's arms, judy looking at him in a confused manner. "come back."
"...what?" judy scoffed. "you're serious?"
"yeah! i think ma and pa are ready to, you know... hear you out?"
"you say that-"
"because it's true!"
"mikey, they disowned me!" judy exclaimed, pulling herself away from her brother's arms. "that's not just something you can come back from!"
"you walked out first, so..."
"oh, no," judy said, shaking her head. "you will not put the blame for me. you sold me that van, you let me leave because i had to get out of there. and i did. i learned how to stand on my own feet, and i met this amazing guy, and i'm so grateful i have someone like him, and i'm happy," she said expressively. she pointed her finger in mikey's chest.
"are you sure that you and him are a good idea?" asked mikey.
judy shook her head, almost denying the possibility of her brother saying something like that. "... what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"i mean come on, you've not even known him two months and now you're living together?"
"are you for real?!" judy asked, raising her voice above the new york traffic. "what makes you think you have a say?! you did nothing when our parents shunned me out. you are a grown ass man and you're telling me you can't possibly speak your mind in front of them?!" she shouted. "you let me go through that alone, but andy was there. he was there, michael." she bit her lip, holding back angry tears. "i mean, come on... i've known you for nearly two decades and you didn't come correct for that?" she asked, her voice lowering to a despondent crackle.
"judy..."
not waiting for him to continue, she swung the door open, mikey following close behind. andy, who had been listening from inside, stood up. he gave judy a concerned look as she stormed inside.
"are you alright, love?"
"i'm taking a bath."
mikey shouted his sister's name as she ran up the stairs, only to be met with the sound of a door slamming shut.
"damnit," mikey cursed sharply. he turned to see andy, standing at an intimidating 6'6". "is she always like this?" he asked.
"no," andy responded quickly. he laughed, looking down. "she's actually really cheerful, you know? bubbly." mikey only nodded and looked away, leaving an empty void of a silence that andy felt obligated to fill. "i want you to know that i'm wholly dedicated to judy. it doesn't... i know that i haven't known her for long, but she helped me as much as i helped her - if not, more," he said, picking his words carefully. "we both brought each other up from the earth."
mikey looked at andy pointedly. "do you love her?"
"endlessly."
-
after mikey left, andy finished closing up the store before going upstairs to their apartment. the door to the bathroom was shut, but light was pouring through the cracks. low light though - judy loved candles. he softly knocked on the door. "judy?"
"hmm?" judy grumbled, the sound coming deep from her throat.
"can i come in?" andy asked.
"hmm." that was judy for 'yes.'
slowly, andy opened the door. judy was hugging her knees in their claw-foot bathtub, surrounded by bubbles. her eyes were downcast, fixating on the porcelain.
andy sat outside of the bathtub and began to stroke judy's arm in comfort.
"are you alright?"
judy turned her head to face the wall directly in front of her. "i'm okay." she then rested her head on her arm, looking up at andy. "remember when we didn't have running water?"
andy smiled. "and we'd sneak into someone's garden to hose each other off," he reminisced.
judy dryly chuckled. "i don't know how we lived like that," she said. "then again, i don't know how i lived the way i did before i met you."
"me either," said andy. he gave judy a pointed look - but in a gentle way; the way only andy could look at only judy.
judy looked back up at him. "do you think i overreacted?" she asked, her anxiety getting the best of her.
"no, no, you didn't," andy told her reassuringly. "you were hurt, and you reacted like a person who was hurt." judy didn't respond, letting andy's words sit. "how can i help you feel better?" he asked.
judy shook her head. "i... i don't know." tears that had been growing since mikey walked in finally began to fall as judy hiccuped through her cries.
andy gently ushered judy into the crook of his shoulder and kissed her temple, shushing her. "why don't we start with getting you into some clean clothes, hm?"
judy nodded silently, letting andy help her out of the tub and into a bath towel. by the time she got into her pajamas, (which were really just a pair of underwear and one of andy's flannels) she still hadn't said anything. it was as if her argument with mikey hung over her like a storm cloud, keeping her occupied.
"judy," he sighed. they stood by their bed, only inches apart. andy held judy's face, searching her eyes for something; anything.
"i feel like it's illegal to be this... angry," judy confessed. "like i'm not supposed to feel this way."
"anything you feel is valid, judy," andy said. he sat down on the foot of the bed, guiding judy to straddle his waist. he looked up at her reverently. "it's painful, i know, but it's also proof that you're human."
judy's bottom lip quivered as she took in his words. inwardly, she felt lucky that andy was so devoted to her — if he decided to leave after so effortlessly getting under her skin, she'd be done for.
judy only ever opened up to mikey, and even then it was sparse. but it was something about andy; the way he'd gently touch the hair at the nape of her neck, the way his green-ish eyes would scan her, looking right through her; it was like she was a lock and he knew the combination without even trying.
andy watched as judy's tears returned. finally, she crumbled, resting her head on his shoulder. he ran his hands up and down her back, which racked with quiet sobs.
"it's so painful," judy choked.
"i know, my love, i know," andy said. he began to sway from side to side in an attempt to calm judy down. "sit in it for a while."
judy sniffled and looked up, rubbing her eye.
"i'm so-"
andy cut her off with a quick but fervent kiss. "don't apologize," he said lowly.
judy looked at him with wide eyes that were still glimmering with tears. she let out a small and choppy laugh. "i'm a mess," she said half-jokingly.
"yeah, but that's okay."
her lips upturned slightly. andy felt a sense of accomplishment - and a bit of relief. he loved seeing her smile.
judy leaned down to kiss andy's forehead, closing her eyes for just a moment. slowly, she got off of his lap and crawled into bed. it wasn't long before andy did the same, returning to judy's side and resting his arm over her stomach. judy turned her head to face andy. "i love you."
"and i, you." he leaned over and pressed a feather light kiss to the skin below her eye, where a few tears had dried. "now get some sleep."
-
a/n
BRO I WROTE LIKE HALF OF THIS A MONTH AGO AND CAME BACK TO FINISH IT AND I WAS LIKE DAMN WHO WROTE THIS AND WHY AM I FEELING THINGS anyways enjoy