I found myself staring at my reflection I'm the bathroom mirror.
Is this what a mother looked like?
If I was pregnant, would I ever be a good parent? I was already fucked up as it is and the last thing I want is to fuck up my own child.
I've always wanted to be a mother but after Fredrick I just found the thought borderline ridiculous.
Can you imagine me? A mother? Get outta here.
"T, you've got to take the test," Jessie gently put her hand on my shoulder. I turned to her with a small nod.
I know I haven't been open with my friends since the end of my failed marriage but the moment I felt different I couldn't help but call them.
Ten minutes later they arrived at my house with pregnancy tests and my favourite ice cream flavour, vanilla.
I called in sick at the station because there's no way I can possibly work when the thought of me being pregnant keeps running through my mind.
"Yeah, you're right," I let out a hasty breath.
I looked down at the pregnancy test in its box on the granite bathroom counter and grabbed it in my shaky hands.
Why was I so nervous? Pregnant or not it's not the end of the world. Right?
Two soft hands grabbed ahold of either shoulders to support me. Both Jessie and Larissa's soft hands gently squeezed my shoulders to show that they were here for me.
I cleared my throat and took the stick out of the box reading the instructions on how to use it. "Can you guys please give me a minute," I requested and was left with a last gentle squeeze to my shoulders before I was I was alone in the bathroom.
I stared down at the stick like it held my whole world in it. It probably did. What would become of my career if I was pregnant? Would the father of this infant be present in our lives?
To make it all worse, I don't even know Bryan all that well. Imagine a one-nightstand resurfacing with such news? I'd want to run if I was him.
Growing the courage to stop pussy-footing around this whole thing, I sat on the toilet and peed on the right end of the stick.
After flushing and washing my hands I opened the bathroom door and huffed out a breath looking at my two best friends. "Three minutes," I said.
We sat on the small couch in the bathroom waiting patiently for my fate to be determined. Three minutes have never felt so long but eventually it did end and the results appeared.
Jessie was the first to take a look. The huge smile on her face shoved panic up my throat. Usually when your friends smile at a pregnancy test it's because it's positive.
"Negative," Jessie turned to me with a big smile. "Good news, right?" I gave a tight nod.
It was good news but I just felt so bumped that the test was negative.
Why am I even upset? A pregnancy right now would just change my life too much. It probably won't even be for the better.
I tried painting on a relieved smile but Larissa's eyes told me that she saw passed my fake smile.
"Let's pop some champagne and celebrate, T," Jess said as she started to the kitchen with determination.
As I was about to follow Jess, Larissa stopped me. "It's okay to feel disappointed," her voice was gentle without a sign of judgement.
"It's ridiculous, I know," I said and she shook her head in disagreement as she pulled me into a warm hug. "It's not. You're a woman, T, it's only fair that you be upset whether or not you wanted the baby. It's natural."
For the first time in a long time I felt a knew kind of heartache. My throat felt dry and tight as tears welled up in my eyes threatening to spill out.
"I don't why, but the thought of a baby somewhat scared and excited me at the same time," my voice cracked as I confessed. Risa rubbed my back in comfort as the tears spilled out like they'd threatened.
"Maybe we should go out again this weekend to cele–" Jess stopped mid sentence, "Are we crying? I thought were celebrating," she said and I pulled from Larissa's comforting hug whipping my eyes with the back of my hands.
"No, we're not crying," I lied. "Clearly we are Tommy, I haven't seen you cry since the day you and Fred finalised the divorce," her face was a little colder than necessary, "I thought this was great news, Tommy. Do you serious want to be pregnant right now? With no man, an insanely jacked up schedule and not to mention your unavailable emotional state?"
Her words were knives. Each blunt stabbing deeper than the previous.
"Okay that's enough, Jessica," Larissa warned. "No," Jess protested, "you know damn well that all that I'm saying is nothing but the truth. How the hell is she she going to raise a child when she can barely smile at her own mother? She may be financially fit but she's most definitely emotionally and mentally unfit to be a mother," her words were hurtful but they somewhat felt true.
"Oh screw you, Jessica. Tommy has been through too fucking much to just suddenly wake and be her old self. And as her fucking friend you're supposed to support her! We're supposed to help her rebuild rather than break down what's left of her," Larissa defended.
"Wake up and smell the fresh coffee, Larissa! Tommy will be an unfit mother, there's no need to raise an infant to such unfortunate circumstances."
"What the fuck, Jess–" Larissa started but I interrupted her, now feeling like I've been disrespected enough, "I'm so sorry that my fucked up personality is too much for you to handle but no matter how broken I am, I'd still do everything in my power to try and not screw up my baby."
"Why the fuck are we even fighting over this because you're not even pregnant?" Jess hit the final in.
"Get out," I seethed. "Oh so now you're kicking me out?" She retorted. "Get out, Jessica!" I yelled this time.
"Fine. I'll leave your little mansion that shows just how lonely you are because you couldn't even keep your man," with that Jessie left banging the front door behind her.
"Gosh she's such a bitch though," Larissa whispered under her breath but I heard her. "I'm sorry about that, I know she can be much at times but that behaviour was uncalled for," Larissa tried to reason but all of Jessica's words were already embedded in my mind.
Larissa's pager interrupts us and she frowns as she reads the reason for her summoning.
"Tommy, I'm sorry to have to leave at such a time but the hospital needs me. Apparently there's an accident involving a bus and the nurses are short staffed," she tried explaining but I shook my head understanding that she had to leave.
"No need to explain, thanks for sticking up for me," I gave her a final hug before she left.
And suddenly I was left with the silence of my house and the loudness of my thoughts.
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Hey guys! Sorry I took so long to update. I've really been contemplating whether I wanted to continue writing this story but I decided to continue because I kind of like the turn Tommy's story is going to take.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter💖
Please do vote and comment, I love reading comments (as long as they aren't rude)
Till next time...