I gave Elian turn-by-turn directions until we were on the old highway that led out of town. We rolled down the windows to enjoy the breeze. I breathed deeply to fill my lungs with the clean air. For some reason, the area around the trailer park had a rubbery stench that never went away. The air out here was untainted, pure.
I prayed for a thunderstorm to come rolling in. There was nothing quite like the sweet scent of the desert before or after the rain. It was my favorite smell. Elian had quickly climbed the ranks to become a very close second.
"Where are we going?" Elian asked curiously. He glanced over with a smirk. "Vegas?"
"Vegas is the other way."
I kept my eyes peeled for familiar landmarks. The mountains in the distance were just dark blots against the starry sky.
"Slow down," I said. "We're close."
I pointed out the spot to turn off. It wasn't exactly a road. More of a long parking spot that I'd created over the years. "Keep going until you see the charred tree."
The headlight washed over the tree that had been struck by lightning during a summer storm two years ago. The brakes squealed as he stopped. While he got the shifter into park and cut the engine, I got out to remove the soft top.
"Turn the lights off," I said, climbing back in.
He did as I said. With only a sliver of moon out, the sky would be filled with stars tonight.
I reclined my seat back as far as it would go. He did the same.
After a few minutes, my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The few stars I saw became a million tiny sparks that lit the sky overhead.
"Oh, my God!" Elian said.
I smiled. "I know, right?"
I felt his hand groping around in the darkness before he found mine, weaving our fingers together.
"This is beautiful. I mean, I knew it would be, but, like... wow!"
"It's my favorite place."
"I understand why."
I rolled my head to the side. I could barely make out his profile in the dark, but knowing he was there gave me comfort.
"Thank you," I whispered. It felt wrong to speak at a normal volume out here among all this solitude.
He matched my tone when he asked, "For what?"
"For being here. For always making me feel safe, and like you care about me."
"I do care about you." He spoke a bit louder, sounding slightly surprised. "I thought you knew that already."
"I guess I did. But it's nice to hear."
The leather seat creaked as he shifted his weight. His other hand touched my chest, sliding up to my neck, coming to rest on my cheek. He moved in to kiss me softly.
When he pulled away, I said, "I hope you know how much I care about you, too. I don't want this to be a one-sided thing where I gush about all my problems and never let you talk about yours."
"I never thought it was like that," he said. His thumb stroked my cheekbone. "But thank you for saying that."
"So, got any problems you wanna talk about?" I wasn't exactly sure how to navigate being selfless. Maybe this wasn't the best way.
Elian laughed. "I'm good for now." His nose brushed against mine right before he kissed me again.
We stayed out in the desert for over an hour, just staring silently at the sky, holding hands. As much as I enjoyed the other stuff that we'd done, the serenity of that time made me feel more connected to him. I didn't understand the reason, but it felt like an important moment for us.